Mom Shares How A Neighbor Rushed To Her 13-Year-Old Daughter’s Rescue When She Was Being Stalked By A Strange Man
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A Canadian radio news anchor working at CBC Montreal shared a harrowing tale on Twitter about how a strange man stalked her teenage daughter and made her burst into tears from fright. It’s every parent’s nightmare. Thankfully, Kristy Snell’s 13-year-old daughter was fine, as an everyday superhero neighbor stepped in to help, but what happened is not ok. In fact, it’s far from ok, but it’s an everyday occurrence for many women.
The man called out to the teenager, invaded her space, and scared her very much. Have a read through the story in Kristy’s own words below, Pandas, and let us know if you’ve ever been in a similar situation.
Emily May, the Co-Founder and Executive Director at ‘Hollaback!‘, told Bored Panda that parents need to find the time to speak with their children about harassment, even though it’s a very difficult topic to approach. “Most parents know they need to talk to their kids about puberty before it happens, but few take the time to talk to their kids about harassment, even though almost half will be harassed by older men by the time they turn 12. We need to equip young people with resources including: what harassment is, what it looks like, how prevalent it is, why it isn’t ok—and most importantly, that it’s never their fault,” she said.
A teenager got harassed by a stranger in her own neighborhood…
Image credits: Mary Taylor (not the actual photo)
…and her mom explained how a neighbor rushed to her rescue
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Image credits: Snellk
Image credits: Snellk
Image credits: Snellk
Image credits: Snellk
May, from ‘Hollaback!’, noted that most young women who are victims of harassment blame themselves for the experience. This, in turn, makes them hesitant to talk about what happened with their parents because they’re afraid that their parents will blame them, too. The expert told Bored Panda that they’re afraid that their family will ask them questions like, “Why were you wearing that?” or, “Why did you take that route?”
“In the same way we tell our teenage kids that if they get drunk and don’t feel safe driving home we will pick them up from wherever they are, no questions asked—we also need to tell our kids that if someone harasses them we will never, ever blame them for it or punish them for it. This is important for creating a safe space so that they have a trusted adult they can process these experiences with,” May said.
Bored Panda wanted to know how victims of harassment can regain the sense of security they used to have in certain areas like their neighborhoods. According to May, this is challenging. And, unfortunately, some people never end up regaining that sense of security.
“One thing that can help you build a sense of safety, however, is community. Take the time to get to know the good folks in your neighborhood and build positive relationships with not just your neighbors, but the people who deliver the mail, the trash folks, the guy that mows your neighbor’s lawn, etc. The more people you know, the more people will have your back if something happens again. Knowing this can increase your sense of safety and belonging in your community,” May explained how the local community is the backbone of safety.
Here’s how some Twitter users reacted to the story. Many opened up about their own experiences of being harassed
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Some Twitter users used the “not all men” argument
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Earlier, Bored Panda also spoke about ending street harassment with May, the Co-Founder and Executive Director at ‘Hollaback!’. “Street harassment is sexual, gender-based, and bias-motivated harassment that takes place in public spaces like the street, the supermarket, and the social media we use every day. At its core is a power dynamic that constantly reminds historically subordinated groups of our vulnerability to assault in public spaces,” she said.
“Street harassment can happen to anyone, but disproportionately punishes women, girls, LGBTQ+ people, and other marginalized groups for being themselves in the world,” May explained which groups of people are most at-risk.
According to her, there is an entire spectrum of gender-based violence, with stalking, following, and comments about your appearance on one side and more severe forms of street harassment like groping on the other end of the spectrum.
Street harassment is all about power, according to May. “If street harassment were about getting dates, it would be what author Marty Langelan calls a ‘spectacularly unsuccessful strategy.’ Instead, street harassment is about ‘putting people in their place,” she explained that harassers want to project their power onto their victims and make them feel weak.
“Remember that it’s not your fault. And because it’s not your fault, it’s also not your responsibility to have the perfect response to street harassment. It’s their responsibility not to harass you.”
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Also I am so sick of the "not all men" idiots. Do they really think we don't know not all men are creeps? It comes off as patronizing, mansplaining and belittling a serious issue.
Exactly. How do they not realise that we know it's 'not all men'; the problem is that women don't know WHICH men.
Thank you for expressing it this way... before I understood exactly what the issue was, I was a ‘not all men’ man, because I certainly am not like that, and didn’t like being lumped into the category of ‘predatory male’, but it was never explained to me that women do, in fact know that it’s not all men, but they just don’t know *which* men. I think this is the best way to explain it to men, especially those who know they are a good person, because I never understood how someone could see me as a threat. But it’s not about that, it’s about the fact that you just don’t know if the man passing you on the street, or who’s walking behind you, is dangerous or not. I don’t want to sound like a d**k, but I feel that if it was explained this way instead of *men* being tarred with the same brush, it might be more useful in conveying the actual sentiment of the statement.
Think about what they're saying. Not ALL men means, "Pretty much most men, yeah." But not HIM. Guys like that use these creeps as to bounce off of. The creeps keep the bar low. The creeps keep women scared.
Yeah, a lot of (not all but a lot) "not all men" dudes are also self described "nice guys" and are a major part of the problem.
Not only that. Its ALL women. I have never met a woman that didnt have experienced harasment or asault. The first time I saw a oenis I was 13 and with two freinds in a park. Why this needs to happen?
YES! I know that not all men are rapist creeps, but how am I supposed to tell who is or isn't? If a random dude comes up to me on the street I'm going to assume he has bad intentions. It's just safer.
Not all men are creeps, sure. But many, many, many are. They certainly aren't rare, and I'd say these days, very much the norm. Sad, really. The vast majority of men are definitely addicted to p*rnography. And this is the kind of s**t that happens because of it.
I don't think "the vast majority of men are addicted to porn" nor do I think it is the cause of harassment as men harassed women well before porn was even a thing and it tends to be prominent in conservative countries were porn is banned. It is about male sexual entitlement learned from the patriarchy
It's not just the creeps. Why do so many guys leap to defend the creeps?
Yeah, I think that pornography comment is widely sweeping and reductive. Have you empirical evidence to back up that claim? Would you mind if I said that the majority of women are obsessed with their looks/weight?!
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You're an idiot for thinking it is all men
I'm going to assume you are one of the "not all men" people. Samantha Lomb wasn't saying that all men are creeps, but how are we supposed to determine whether or not they are?
When I worked in downtown Seattle, walking to my car was dangerous late at night. My father made me take his portable boat horn with me. I had befriended a lot of the homeless people on the route by giving them the breads and pastries that were going to be tossed out from the bakery where I worked. One day, some creepy guy started following me to my car. I turned and saw him and he stopped for a second, then smirked and kept following me. I pulled out the boat horn and hit it. Two homeless guys emerged from doorways, saw the guy and chased him off. They got an extra helping of cookies the next night!!
I'm sorry, I know it wasn't necessary funny but still made me laugh. I think it reminded me of an old cartoon or something
I love this story! I knew someone who came in to work on weekends when panhandlers were the few people around. Friends were concerned for her safety. Wrong concern. Never a problem with the homeless. The one person who scared her was a businessman who stalked her. Bless her neighbour for chasing him off.
The homeless guys that hung out in the doorways of the shops in Seattle at night were mainly military vets that were suffering severe depression and PTSD. They were a great bunch of guys that protected people from gangs and drug dealers in downtown. I was very grateful they were there that night. For the past year I've been helping a homeless guy that looks out for the other people living on the street. He pools his money and makes sure everyone eats and everyone has a safe place to sleep. I just wish there was more I could do for them.
Thank you for recognizing their humanity. And I'm sorry that happened to you.
Good for you Carol but call 911 if no help is around before it's too late
She lost her innocence that day. F*****g men who think they can do whatever they want terrorizing girls and women.
Some of them have zero idea that women perceive this sort of thing way differently than a man. Some men have a puerile sense of humor, and think following someone, or jumping out from behind something, will be seen as just a funny “jump scare” prank—-just like their male friends would. But we’re NOT their male friends. There’s way more at stake for us, when this is done by a stranger—-or even by a friend who’s suddenly acting creepy—-and we don’t see it as just a funny joke. Even when we explain the situation to them, it still doesn’t completely sink in for the majority of them. However, seeing the realization dawn on the few who do finally get it is incredibly satisfying, though still incredibly rare.
I had a guy at work try this after I came home from Iraq. I warned him, he did it again, and I laid him flat.
good for you, Gin Marie
This comment has been deleted.
I am not sure. They are very well aware to not do this to other men. Most of these guys are very gomophobic as well. If they know how to not assault men they know how to bit assault women.
man or not, if someone startled me that way I MAY reflexively hit them- it's not funny. be careful with your pranks.
I can testify to "lost her innocence that day". I grew up at a time when rape was considered the result of a man losing control of lust. So I thought that being flat-chested at 14 would protect me. Someone lured me into a bathroom. I was able to run away before he could touch me. Never told my mother. She was really strict and she would have curtailed what little freedom I had. What helped me recover: a tipsy guy accosted me and I angrily blurted out, "I almost got raped!" Turned out he was the father of a teenage girl and was very sympathetic. It's been decades and this feels cathartic. Worse has happened to other people I know, and yet, I don't know that I should feel lucky.
Hugs. Just... hugs. Yeah.
Feel lucky if you feel it. Don't force something. Others HAVE had worse, that doesn't mean your emotions lesser or undeserving of being felt.
I genuinely don't understand. People should control their lust, and not blame others for it. The same way you control any feeling/emotion/impulse. It's not different than someone saying, oh, you made me mad, so I hit you. That's not an excuse.
Also I am so sick of the "not all men" idiots. Do they really think we don't know not all men are creeps? It comes off as patronizing, mansplaining and belittling a serious issue.
Exactly. How do they not realise that we know it's 'not all men'; the problem is that women don't know WHICH men.
Thank you for expressing it this way... before I understood exactly what the issue was, I was a ‘not all men’ man, because I certainly am not like that, and didn’t like being lumped into the category of ‘predatory male’, but it was never explained to me that women do, in fact know that it’s not all men, but they just don’t know *which* men. I think this is the best way to explain it to men, especially those who know they are a good person, because I never understood how someone could see me as a threat. But it’s not about that, it’s about the fact that you just don’t know if the man passing you on the street, or who’s walking behind you, is dangerous or not. I don’t want to sound like a d**k, but I feel that if it was explained this way instead of *men* being tarred with the same brush, it might be more useful in conveying the actual sentiment of the statement.
Think about what they're saying. Not ALL men means, "Pretty much most men, yeah." But not HIM. Guys like that use these creeps as to bounce off of. The creeps keep the bar low. The creeps keep women scared.
Yeah, a lot of (not all but a lot) "not all men" dudes are also self described "nice guys" and are a major part of the problem.
Not only that. Its ALL women. I have never met a woman that didnt have experienced harasment or asault. The first time I saw a oenis I was 13 and with two freinds in a park. Why this needs to happen?
YES! I know that not all men are rapist creeps, but how am I supposed to tell who is or isn't? If a random dude comes up to me on the street I'm going to assume he has bad intentions. It's just safer.
Not all men are creeps, sure. But many, many, many are. They certainly aren't rare, and I'd say these days, very much the norm. Sad, really. The vast majority of men are definitely addicted to p*rnography. And this is the kind of s**t that happens because of it.
I don't think "the vast majority of men are addicted to porn" nor do I think it is the cause of harassment as men harassed women well before porn was even a thing and it tends to be prominent in conservative countries were porn is banned. It is about male sexual entitlement learned from the patriarchy
It's not just the creeps. Why do so many guys leap to defend the creeps?
Yeah, I think that pornography comment is widely sweeping and reductive. Have you empirical evidence to back up that claim? Would you mind if I said that the majority of women are obsessed with their looks/weight?!
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
You're an idiot for thinking it is all men
I'm going to assume you are one of the "not all men" people. Samantha Lomb wasn't saying that all men are creeps, but how are we supposed to determine whether or not they are?
When I worked in downtown Seattle, walking to my car was dangerous late at night. My father made me take his portable boat horn with me. I had befriended a lot of the homeless people on the route by giving them the breads and pastries that were going to be tossed out from the bakery where I worked. One day, some creepy guy started following me to my car. I turned and saw him and he stopped for a second, then smirked and kept following me. I pulled out the boat horn and hit it. Two homeless guys emerged from doorways, saw the guy and chased him off. They got an extra helping of cookies the next night!!
I'm sorry, I know it wasn't necessary funny but still made me laugh. I think it reminded me of an old cartoon or something
I love this story! I knew someone who came in to work on weekends when panhandlers were the few people around. Friends were concerned for her safety. Wrong concern. Never a problem with the homeless. The one person who scared her was a businessman who stalked her. Bless her neighbour for chasing him off.
The homeless guys that hung out in the doorways of the shops in Seattle at night were mainly military vets that were suffering severe depression and PTSD. They were a great bunch of guys that protected people from gangs and drug dealers in downtown. I was very grateful they were there that night. For the past year I've been helping a homeless guy that looks out for the other people living on the street. He pools his money and makes sure everyone eats and everyone has a safe place to sleep. I just wish there was more I could do for them.
Thank you for recognizing their humanity. And I'm sorry that happened to you.
Good for you Carol but call 911 if no help is around before it's too late
She lost her innocence that day. F*****g men who think they can do whatever they want terrorizing girls and women.
Some of them have zero idea that women perceive this sort of thing way differently than a man. Some men have a puerile sense of humor, and think following someone, or jumping out from behind something, will be seen as just a funny “jump scare” prank—-just like their male friends would. But we’re NOT their male friends. There’s way more at stake for us, when this is done by a stranger—-or even by a friend who’s suddenly acting creepy—-and we don’t see it as just a funny joke. Even when we explain the situation to them, it still doesn’t completely sink in for the majority of them. However, seeing the realization dawn on the few who do finally get it is incredibly satisfying, though still incredibly rare.
I had a guy at work try this after I came home from Iraq. I warned him, he did it again, and I laid him flat.
good for you, Gin Marie
This comment has been deleted.
I am not sure. They are very well aware to not do this to other men. Most of these guys are very gomophobic as well. If they know how to not assault men they know how to bit assault women.
man or not, if someone startled me that way I MAY reflexively hit them- it's not funny. be careful with your pranks.
I can testify to "lost her innocence that day". I grew up at a time when rape was considered the result of a man losing control of lust. So I thought that being flat-chested at 14 would protect me. Someone lured me into a bathroom. I was able to run away before he could touch me. Never told my mother. She was really strict and she would have curtailed what little freedom I had. What helped me recover: a tipsy guy accosted me and I angrily blurted out, "I almost got raped!" Turned out he was the father of a teenage girl and was very sympathetic. It's been decades and this feels cathartic. Worse has happened to other people I know, and yet, I don't know that I should feel lucky.
Hugs. Just... hugs. Yeah.
Feel lucky if you feel it. Don't force something. Others HAVE had worse, that doesn't mean your emotions lesser or undeserving of being felt.
I genuinely don't understand. People should control their lust, and not blame others for it. The same way you control any feeling/emotion/impulse. It's not different than someone saying, oh, you made me mad, so I hit you. That's not an excuse.