“AITAH For Telling My Wife She Can Leave Because I’m Not Kicking My Older Kids Out?”

Update 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/ZgReLA1Ha0 Update 2: https://www.reddit.com/u/purpose_of_dune/s/O3ycVQv0yM

Nobody seems concerned about the effect this woman is having on their two small children, who appear to me to already be suffering from her toxic behavior. The kid is biting people at random and leaving deep marks? Anybody want to waste time estimating how soon before that kid is in therapy or a foster home? Good God

Those poor kids. They already had to deal with their mom prioritizing her new partner over them. The dad needs to step up here and protect them from the crazy a*s stepmom.

I need an update.

I hate to say it, and many people won't agree with me, bu thaving raised two kids, I found the best cure for biting is a quick, hard smack on the face while they are biting. When they open their mouth to scream, they let go, and it immediately stops all biting going forward. They were never smacked hard enough to cause any bruise or injury, just an immediate sharp pain. I absolutely do not advocate hitting a child under any cicumstances, other than when they are in the act of biting or causing injury to someone.

Think SERIOUSLY about whether you really can love someone else's children before you date, much less marry, someone who is a parent! I know myself: I have no kids, by choice, and damn sure do not want anyone else's. I'm widowed (2016), divorced (1996, I left him) and both men had no kids and didn't want any. These days, I would like companionship, but the man must have his own house. And if he has children, they are his responsibility alone. I seriously think most people don't do nearly enough self-reflection or give it enough time before they try to merge families. Unless children are under five, it really cannot be done well or ever.

ESH This dad is an idiot. His wife has clearly and repeatedly told him she doesn't want to live with or parent his oldest. She was barely tolerant of them visiting for his sake, but that was it. So he was a complete an utter moron for moving his older two in before that got resolved (or at least to a neutral place) and for just expecting all of this to work out instead of explode like it predictably did. He is still not listening or else he wouldn't keep asking why she doesn't like them when she has clearly articulated why. It now seems he'll lose the younger two to save the older, which is super effed up. I really can't see him trying to take custody of all four. Seems like economic devastation is in store for the lot of them, and for the younger to find and rip him a new one after they grow up.

Kate Johnson

Kate Johnson

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My sister, one of the sweetest people you'd ever meet, saw her 4 year old bite her 2 year old and lost her s**t. She ran over and bit the 4 year old and screamed, "how do you like it", and then they were all crying. Later, she couldn't even believe she'd done that. I think it was the shock of seeing the 4 year old just reach over and bite the 2 year old with no provocation. She was horrified. These girls are now in their 40's and have absolutely no memory of this occurring.

Just get rid of her already, she's abusive at best, sociopathic at worst. You say s single income household. Is she staying home with the kids? Because I've never heard of a 4 year old biting, that's just plain mean. Maybe a 4 Month to 11 month old okay, but 4 years? Maybe mommy is teaching her the through osmosis to be nasty, because she sure has a mean streak. Just dump her, and try to undo the damage she's done to the 2 little ones.

Amanda is a C**T!!! If this dude doesn't throw her a*s out for her garbage behavior, he's a a*****e..

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Devil's advocate; how are your kids from previous marriage treating y wife? You said all was well initially. Maybe you should think about that. Maybe your older kids want their mom in a better place & think all they need to do is get rid of new wife. If someone slapped my 4yo across the face it would be on. Why didn't the older tell the mom to handle situation. I think there is much more involved. Yeah you are the a*****e.

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There are a few things to consider here : If the little girl "hates that she bites people" then why does she do it ? Perhaps someone should bite her back ? Secondly, the wife sounds like she may have post natal depression or some other mental health issue. Thirdly, babies don't happen "by mistake". Finally, these "step families" seem prone to failure in most cases.