Woman Puts Secret Cameras In Ex-Husband’s Home When His New Girlfriend Moves In In Order To Protect Her Daughter
It is true that stepparents don’t always develop a strong and close relationship with their stepchildren. They might not love them as much as their own children or they may not understand all the sacrifices that the biological parents are prepared to suffer if they don’t have their own kids.
However, this man on Reddit is pretty sure that his wife had no reason to break the law. The woman felt that she needed to do it to protect her daughter from her ex-husband’s new girlfriend, but her husband is contemplating reporting her before her actions cause too many problems.
More info: Reddit
Mom wants to prevent her daughter from being hurt by her future stepmom and isn’t afraid to take illegal actions
Image credits: Kevan (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) has been married to his wife Claire for 2 years and he became her daughter’s stepfather, although she still spends time with her biological dad Adam as well because the two parents share custody.
Since Adam divorced from Claire, he had not dated and the woman was pretty content with it because she doesn’t want her daughter having a stepmother that would boss her around and possibly hurt the girl.
As the OP is 34 years old, we can assume that Claire and Adam are of a similar age, so it is natural for Adam to find someone new. He actually started seeing a woman about 8 months ago and they are planning to live together, which means Claire’s daughter will have a stepmom.
The story is told by this mom’s current husband, who has been married to Claire for 2 years
Image credits: u/SmthSmth34
Claire didn’t take it well. First of all, she thought it was too early to introduce the girlfriend and her daughter to each other. Second of all, she insisted on testing the woman to see if she would be a fitting stepmom to her daughter.
The OP wasn’t involved in it too much because he doesn’t get along with Adam and his MIL was as upset about the new girlfriend as his wife, so he left the family matters in the family’s hands.
However, he was quite disturbed to find out that when Adam and his girlfriend were out of the house, Claire went there and let herself in with the key she was given. She then proceeded to put up secret cameras through which she would observe the girlfriend’s behavior and assess if she is stepmother material.
Claire had a daughter with her previous husband and the narrator of the story is her stepfather, although the girl also spends time with her dad
Image credits: u/SmthSmth34
The man expressed that setting up cameras without permission is illegal as it is a huge breach of privacy, but Claire didn’t care as in her mind, she was protecting her child and this extreme measure was only temporary until she knew that the woman was worthy of her trust.
What was even more worrisome was that it seemed the MIL was in it too and in the comments, the OP speculated that it might have actually been her idea. Also, he was told to stay out of it as it doesn’t concern him, which the OP was thinking of doing to avoid conflict with Claire, but his sense of justice didn’t allow him to stay silent.
What makes the man think that he might possibly have been a jerk in this situation is that he was told it was not his business and he was planning on going against his wife’s wishes. While that is true, he was also the only reasonable adult out of the three.
Recently the dad invited his girlfriend of 8 months to live with him, which meant that the girl will have a stepmom from now on
Image credits: OakleyOriginals (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/SmthSmth34
People who read the story repeated multiple times that Claire’s actions are illegal and the man should definitely tell Adam, especially if he suspects that his wife might put the blame on him. Readers started speculating that Claire may not be over her ex-husband and pointed out that OP should check if their own house has cameras.
The OP mentioned that the girl actually gets along with her dad’s girlfriend and there are no signs that would indicate that the woman is a bad person. One reader suggested that it might be useful for the mom to just ask her daughter what she thinks instead of becoming a criminal.
The girl is 6 years old, so she definitely could express what she thinks with words, but the stepdad doesn’t think it would work as the girl is pretty reserved and doesn’t speak up about her issues. Which made people think that Claire is not as good of a mother as she is trying to appear.
Claire was worried that the girlfriend might boss her daughter around or even abuse her, so she installed secret cameras in her ex-husband’s home
Image credits: u/SmthSmth34
It seems that Claire is a person who wants to be in control, and we can assume that she is a pretty controlling mother and the girl is already feeling the effects of that. Parenting For Brain says that children do need control and a moderate amount of regulating, “But when the control is at a high level, the negative impact on children’s development can be long-lasting, whether it’s behavioral or psychological.”
They explain that behavioral control “refers to supervising and managing children’s behavior. These overbearing parents discipline their kids’ behavior, monitor their whereabouts, and oversee their social life” while psychological control “refers to intruding into children’s emotional and psychological development. Controlling parents are non-responsive to their children’s emotional and psychological needs.”
Her current husband was disgusted that she would go to such measures and is planning on telling Claire’s ex about it, but she tells him to stay out of it
Image credits: u/SmthSmth34
Experts believe that excessive behavioral control “undermines their children’s confidence in their abilities” and as a result “these children suffer from lower self-esteem. They are less self-regulated, higher in acting out, and lower in academic achievement.”
But psychological control may be even worse because it’s manipulative and children are obedient only because they are “driven by a desire to avoid feeling guilty or losing their parents’ love.” That leads children to be “more prone to suffer from low self-esteem and mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and antisocial behavior.”
Image credits: Blondinrikard Froberg (not the actual image)
While we can’t say for sure what kind of mother Claire is, there are some concerning signs that her current husband observed and what we can take from this short story. Do you see the red flags as well? Let us know your thoughts and reactions in the comments.
Readers agreed that what Claire did was illegal and her ex-husband has to know about this, regardless of possible ruin of relationships
Illegality blah, blah, blah. The bit I want to focus on is why Claire has a key to Adam's place at all. If most of the daughter's stuff is there, that suggests Adam has primary custody? If not, he should be seeking it. Does Claire also have the keys to any of the friends' parents houses if the daughter has a sleepover? Probably not because the daughter is not going to be allowed sleepovers. Claire is controlling. The cameras are a power move. And it was never about the girlfriend - she was too pleased that Adam wasn't dating *at all*. So it isn't even about the daughter. I don't know how OP missed all these red flags - she must have been wearing a mastful by the time they got married
Yes, she is tripping over the red flags encasing her crazy àss!!! He needs to tell her ex....like, yesterday! I'm also concerned why her six year-old daughter has trouble discussing her "issues." Has her daughter been abused and traumatized in the past?? There is so much more to this story!!
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Dude needs to tell Adam. I don't care if he likes him or not he needs to know. Then file for divorce. She has probably bugged his phone, and GPS tracks him. She is what I will call a wackadoodle.
What you call a FREE independent woman crazy! Does not matter the words "Put the lotion on the skin or gets the hose again!" Come up! When you read this!🤪
Load More Replies... Jail Time! Installing cameras on someone else's property, i.e. inside the house.
Sad part is she will use her being a Mother as an excuse and get off with it! It's not a joke! I have seen this twice in orders of protection cases. Meth Mom to worried her next fix gave kids to Dad she had legal custody (don't know why) it was winter in IL the home she was in the power was turned off because they smoked Meth and did not pay bills! So she decided to take out an order of protection against her ex who owned a home that had power and her two kid were being taken care of. I watched as a judge told a man that a home that he bought after his divorce because it had the two children that the mother had legal custody of! That he could not kick two children out on the streets in the winter so he gave the home to the Ex wife and kicked the guy out on the street! From is own home he bought and paid the bills for!
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RUN, boy, RUN! Tell Adam and run from this toxic relationship. You are treated like a NPC, like a side character. See how Claire was happy Adam remained single, but there was no problem she got in a relationship and got married? Pfff
The only reason he should stay at least for a while, that I see in this post, is for the sake of his step daughter, as a stabilizing influence, and possibly a quick report if Claire attempts to run away with the child. I seriously doubt the level of crazy Claire is showing is limited only to Adam and new girlfriend.
Load More Replies... 1. How would Claire have felt if Adam put cameras in her house when she was dating OP? 2. Adam has dated GF for 8 months. Claire should already have an idea what GF is like. 3. Is Claire a voyeur? 4. Go to a lawyer before talking to Adam to seek legal advice. 5. Divorce. Claire is untrustworthy. She will drag you down with her, as you have said.
It makes me wonder how long the cameras have been up before OP found out.
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Screw it. Call the police and report her. Maybe being arrested will provide the necessary proof that what she is doing is illegal
I agree. Though he should call Adam first as a heads up.
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Odds if it goes to court, her entire defense would be "I didn't do anything wrong. I was just protecting my daughter! Why don't you understand!?" before they halu her off foro a psych evaluation.
I hope they give her an evaluation, she clearly needs help.
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Clair doesn't sound like she's that nice to you calling you a coward. You're not a coward. You did the right thing.
Yeah, it takes more bravery to tell him than to keep it a secret.
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No one remarking about installing a camera in a minor's home? Where are the cameras? In her bedroom? That would be a hard nope! She is risking jail and at least her visitation/parental rights. And for what? This is Bad with a capital B.
1st and foremost it is wrong wrong wrong. He needs to know!!! Secondly, she is way disrespecting you by telling you that you don't care about your stepchild. She is still trying to control his life....she doesn't want him but doesn't wsnt anyone else to....is ehat my Gran would say. Does she think the ex would actually let someone hurt his child or be mean to her? She needs help. Major control freak ans if I were you, tie your shoes buddy get good traction and RUN before she is doing this crazy c**p to you.
That was my thought as well. This all about anger and control of the ex not about the daughter.
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OP your wife and her mother are abusing you and possibly your stepdaughter. Harassment and secret recording are both highly illegal. You sound like a good man and not a coward at all. Divorce that trash!
Claire is going to lose custody of her daughter. The harassment is harder to prove until it escalates to criminal behavior, but the cameras, which will be found, makes it much easier to prove unfit parent. Claire will be lucky if she gets unsupervised visits. I pray that dad's is a much better house for the daughter and that stepdad can stay in the picture for the little girl after the divorce, because even if the OP tries to stick it out, Claire is crazy and gaslighting and will either make OP's life a waking nightmare or straight up divorce him. It is very rare for her type to admit they are wrong, she will absolutely blame the OP when the cameras are found, whether he tells or not.
What do you mean "until it escalates to criminal behavior"?!?! Putting cameras in someone else's home is illegal!
Load More Replies... So what happened?? Did he tell Adam? Did she back down? Did he stay with this horrible woman? Geez
I try so hard not to do this in my own life. Claire made up an imaginary step-mother/witch character in her mind and it's completely taken over. She's no longer thinking logically about it at all. She made up her mind about Adam's girlfriend before he even had one... Not to even mention the legality of it all. I really hope to see a follow up after he tells Adam because this is surely not going to be the only crazy thing Claire does. And her own mother is fueling her fire, she obviously wasn't taught to respect privacy.
Uhhh...What makes OP think that Claire won't violate his privacy or person if she sees fit? This woman & her mum are bad news. OP's a coward by ratting Claire out?? I think not. IMO OP should run, not walk, out the door & go straight to his bank & secure his money- this relationship is doomed
Hoo boy. This feels familiar. My family had a GPS/tracker secretly and illegally installed on one of our employee's PERSONAL vehicles (the employee was my disabled dad's nighttime caregiver). My family uses it to literally spy on where the employee is, whenever they feel like checking up on him. He isn't even our employee any more (my dad died last year). I've debated whether I should tell the guy or not - I have a lot of bad blood with this employee, including the fact that he videotaped me in the shower once (my sister saw the video) and he was always trying to peep on me while naked/sleeping - and nope, my mom didn't fire him or anything, she took HIS side and told me she didn't want to hear about it any more. So I'm not sure whether I give a flip about him knowing he's STILL being tracked, a year after my dad died.
Wow! How could you forgive your mom for horrifically failing to protect you after she saw proof of how this man violated you?? Although he is, himself, a horrible human being, I would still inform him regarding the tracker. I can't believe the audacity of some people!! I hope you are in a better place now! Big hugs being sent your way!
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I think you're missing the point about how much we think Claire (the mother) is a creepy a*s, law-breaking stalkers control freak who's obsession with controlling her daughter's life. SOMETHING'S VERY WRONG HERE and it's the snooping mother Claire who's responsible.
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I thought this was gonna be about how new gf is abusive and the mom needs proof. No, this is being controlling. Nta
I don't know how to feel about this other than creeped out....Claire having a key to her ex's house should have been a red flag to OP, because that's strange. Does Adam have a key to their place? Probably not. This definitely isn't about a child's safety, it's more about gauging the new girl and her relationship with Adam. I wonder where she put the cameras....🤔
She seems a little obsessed with the ex. It seems as though she was happy while he was single but now doesn't like that there is another significant other in his ( and their daughters ) life. Jealousy? Insecurity? Or control issues? Either way she doesn't want another woman involved with the daughter or the ex. Maybe she's not over the split or maybe it's a case of "I can move on but you can't "
Hopefully the OP and Claire have no children together. Might want to rethink the relationship. Whether or not Adam and OP are on good terms, letting him and his new gf know what is up is the right thing to do.
Claire doesn't want Adam but also doesn't want anyone else to have him. This woman is unhinged. She's so controlling and frankly nutty that she doesn't seem to care that she could be in serious legal trouble and go to jail. Which wouldn't that mean the daughter would spend even more time with the girlfriend? Claire gives no damns about her husband's feelings and the life they have together. She's domineering and the OP should run for the hills. NTA if he tells the ex YTA if he doesn't tell the ex.
maybe it wasnt claire' s idea to divorce adam. if she is so crazy maybe adam divorced her and got the custody of their daughter. claire may have re-married just for the show ( she moved on, she is not desperate at all, she is capable of finding a man etc.) or she is using her new husbsnd for money, s e x, help in the household etc. she may still obsess over her ex! and she is jelaous of the new girlfriend. she does nor respect her new husband at all
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NTA. Tell Adam. Why is she worried about a future stepmum when the child already has a stepdad? Same same to me.
Wow. Setting aside that I want to know what happened next... Since most of the daughter's things are there, it sounds like Adam has primary custody. If Claire's got a key, presumably Adam still trusted her. Claire is invading their privacy, and depending where the cameras are located potentially in the daughter's bedroom (first big nope) and communal living areas, potentially capturing intimate footage between Adam and his girlfriend when the daughter is not around (second big nope). OP should have told Adam immediately, but since he didn't Adam should get a lawyer and either direct to Adam or the police to inform them, and then put some distance between himself and both Claire & MIL. Hopefully OP will be able to keep some contact with his stepdaughter if this offers the little girl some stability.
Nta. Obviously. While I'm not sure if he needs to tell Adam, the police, or get his wife to relinquish all means to spy on her ex I don't know. What I do know is that Claire is being extremely hypocritical. As a mom I TOTALLY get being concerned about who you let around your children. That being said a stepmom OR stepdad could be cause for potential concern but it apparently didn't slow her down on getting remarried herself. If you want to set up security features on your own property that's one thing, it is NUTS to think it's ok to put cameras on someone else's without their consent and knowledge. As a member of the overprotective mom club I can definitely say Claire is way out of line here.
Dude. Tell Adam, change the locks and remove the cameras. When she shows up to scream at you, call the cops, present the evidence, and have her arrested. Then RUN. You're better off without all the drama.
Did Adam have issues with you? If he didn't and accepted your role in his daughters life you owe him the same respect.
Nooooo! That camera thing is rediculous! If it's really about a potential new stepmom coming into the picture that is going to be permenant, then you can arrange a lunch with her. Thats what I did with my ex husbands fiance. We had a lunch and talked about the kiddos likes and dislikes etc and we came up with a plan and had a good relationship. I even took her daughter with us to events and just to hang out since she was an only child. Putting up cameras never crossed my mind. She betrayed her exs trust and i wont blame him for being pissed.
Don't want your ex to date because your worried that he might date a crazy woman and don't want her for your step-Mom? Maybe Mom need to look in the mirror! She is the crazy one! Keys to your Ex home!!! Glad that your ex has not moved on yet you meet someone else and your seem happy about this! Your a crazy B!!!!! Go seek mental health lady please before you hurt someone you care about! Yet this place feels domestic abuse on a man for revenge is alright! Even if the person had to go to he hospital!
Ex wife vetting perspective wife control freak much ... Mr needs to find his cojones.
Not only will your, I hope, your soon to be ex wife end up in jail, she could very easily lose custody of her child due to the harassment. Judges frown on cray cray
Tell the ex. If she keeps this up she is going to lose custody. Judges do not put up with stuff like this.
You'd think if her daughter was so important to her she would not risk significant jail time doing something like this. The reality of this is it has nothing to do with her daughter and everything to do with her anger towards her ex and jealousy towards his SO. She can't stand to think he's happy. This is some deeply sick stuff going on and I really hope he tells the guy. Sounds like that is what will happen. If that is the case then good for him.
As soon as you found out about the cameras, you were made complicit in this felonious plot. You must inform the ex husband immediately.
Hahaha the ex very pleased that her ex-hubby doesn't have a girlfriend is sooo familiar. 😂 Anyways, it's your call, OP. Everything is messed up here. Tell Adam and leave that wife before everyone points at you, worst case scenario. Crazy b***h 😂
Where I live, it is legal. They share custody and are allowed to "stalk" their children to ensure they are safe. It's the parent's responsibility to make sure their child is safe. I don't trust my ex-husband's wife, as there have been too many incidents of mistrust. For instance he was moving into a place that had a pool I asked him if there was a pool fence around the pool? The answer was "yes." I went over, and there was NO pool fence. I could have cared less what or who he was with; I walked in the unlocked back door and went to make sure my son was ok. They did not wake up while I was in the house, therefore would they have known if my son got up? I could not take my son with me sat crying on the back porch, as I did not have a car; otherwise I would have gone to jail for custodial interference. I did not have my phone on me, I walked to a pay phone and called the cops, ask them to do a well fair check they refused as the pool was grandfathered in the law. I did not care my child's safety came first; lying to me to and keeping secrets makes for lack of trust. All the cameras in the world would not have pulled him out of the pool should he have gotten up and fallen in. I do not have cameras on them they have cameras on me and law enforcement, lawyers can't do anything about it and have me constantly stalked. They have made my life hell, but lying 2 me about something so simple as a pool fence builds mistrust. Advice build trust, do minor trust test. They fail get full custody. You can not legally use the camera footage in court anyways, therefore this women has issues, but she does have a right to know her child is safe.
Way to go, Claire, if your goal is to lose all custody rights and visitation. BTW, your daughter has and will never have a stepmother UNLESS YOUR EX MARRIES HER. Is that your aim, to drive away the woman by crazy-stalking her? One doubts that will work in your favor, either, whatever it happens to be.
He's worried about Adam getting mad at him about the cameras, but Adam doesn't know WHEN the OP found out about the cameras. If I were the OP, I'd tell Adam and tell him I JUST FOUND OUT and came to you IMMEDIATELY to tell you because it's illegal and it's the right thing to do. As far as Adam knows, you could've found out 10 mins before you told him! He DOES NOT have to know that you've obviously known for AT LEAST a few days prior and was trying to decide whether to tell him or not/what to do.
For the questions about why an ex has a key, with shared custody, my ex wife had my key and I had hers for years. Neither took advantage of it, though. It was just a convenient thing for if the kid forgot something and needed to get it, until she was old enough to have her own key. That said, the thing that strikes me about this is simply that if the values of the person you're dating conflict with yours, that's generally a deal breaker. You can have different opinions, different ideas, different strengths, but values need to be in pretty close alignment for a relationship to work. Her values and reactions say she's not someone anyone reasonable should be involved with... She's WAY beyond controlling, here, and has no problem stepping right into criminal stalking.
Give her a choice - remove the cameras or go to prison. Take a photo of every illegal camera you find.
1, the poster is married to the mom and obviously for a while which brings into question how long they had been in a relationship before he met the stepdaughter and moving in and marrying. 2, Didn't the poster realise how his wife was before they married which makes me very concerned because now it sounds like she is crazy. Yes, she is entitled to be concerned about the girlfriend however cameras aren't the way to show it. For introducing new partners I say 6 months of getting to know each other before introducing to any children from previous relationships. This means in 8 months the dad has had 6 months to get to know the girlfriend but only 8 weeks for the daughter to get to know the potential stepmom before moving in together? Seems a bit fast.
She should be put in prison. As soon as this is said to be ok we are no better than china. Lock her up.
There are most certainly cameras in his own house. There is a keylogger on his computer.
On the other hand occasionally people here pull together the post facto. Which IMO is the more interesting part... Can't do that with a "fresh" post. Plus if you want fresh just go to reddit. Distilled is my preference, a million unfiltered branches of "logic" are annoying IMO. (Note that I didn't down vote ya!) :)
Load More Replies... Illegality blah, blah, blah. The bit I want to focus on is why Claire has a key to Adam's place at all. If most of the daughter's stuff is there, that suggests Adam has primary custody? If not, he should be seeking it. Does Claire also have the keys to any of the friends' parents houses if the daughter has a sleepover? Probably not because the daughter is not going to be allowed sleepovers. Claire is controlling. The cameras are a power move. And it was never about the girlfriend - she was too pleased that Adam wasn't dating *at all*. So it isn't even about the daughter. I don't know how OP missed all these red flags - she must have been wearing a mastful by the time they got married
Yes, she is tripping over the red flags encasing her crazy àss!!! He needs to tell her ex....like, yesterday! I'm also concerned why her six year-old daughter has trouble discussing her "issues." Has her daughter been abused and traumatized in the past?? There is so much more to this story!!
Load More Replies... Dude needs to tell Adam. I don't care if he likes him or not he needs to know. Then file for divorce. She has probably bugged his phone, and GPS tracks him. She is what I will call a wackadoodle.
What you call a FREE independent woman crazy! Does not matter the words "Put the lotion on the skin or gets the hose again!" Come up! When you read this!🤪
Load More Replies... Jail Time! Installing cameras on someone else's property, i.e. inside the house.
Sad part is she will use her being a Mother as an excuse and get off with it! It's not a joke! I have seen this twice in orders of protection cases. Meth Mom to worried her next fix gave kids to Dad she had legal custody (don't know why) it was winter in IL the home she was in the power was turned off because they smoked Meth and did not pay bills! So she decided to take out an order of protection against her ex who owned a home that had power and her two kid were being taken care of. I watched as a judge told a man that a home that he bought after his divorce because it had the two children that the mother had legal custody of! That he could not kick two children out on the streets in the winter so he gave the home to the Ex wife and kicked the guy out on the street! From is own home he bought and paid the bills for!
Load More Replies... RUN, boy, RUN! Tell Adam and run from this toxic relationship. You are treated like a NPC, like a side character. See how Claire was happy Adam remained single, but there was no problem she got in a relationship and got married? Pfff
The only reason he should stay at least for a while, that I see in this post, is for the sake of his step daughter, as a stabilizing influence, and possibly a quick report if Claire attempts to run away with the child. I seriously doubt the level of crazy Claire is showing is limited only to Adam and new girlfriend.
Load More Replies... 1. How would Claire have felt if Adam put cameras in her house when she was dating OP? 2. Adam has dated GF for 8 months. Claire should already have an idea what GF is like. 3. Is Claire a voyeur? 4. Go to a lawyer before talking to Adam to seek legal advice. 5. Divorce. Claire is untrustworthy. She will drag you down with her, as you have said.
It makes me wonder how long the cameras have been up before OP found out.
Load More Replies... Screw it. Call the police and report her. Maybe being arrested will provide the necessary proof that what she is doing is illegal
I agree. Though he should call Adam first as a heads up.
Load More Replies... Odds if it goes to court, her entire defense would be "I didn't do anything wrong. I was just protecting my daughter! Why don't you understand!?" before they halu her off foro a psych evaluation.
I hope they give her an evaluation, she clearly needs help.
Load More Replies... Clair doesn't sound like she's that nice to you calling you a coward. You're not a coward. You did the right thing.
Yeah, it takes more bravery to tell him than to keep it a secret.
Load More Replies... No one remarking about installing a camera in a minor's home? Where are the cameras? In her bedroom? That would be a hard nope! She is risking jail and at least her visitation/parental rights. And for what? This is Bad with a capital B.
1st and foremost it is wrong wrong wrong. He needs to know!!! Secondly, she is way disrespecting you by telling you that you don't care about your stepchild. She is still trying to control his life....she doesn't want him but doesn't wsnt anyone else to....is ehat my Gran would say. Does she think the ex would actually let someone hurt his child or be mean to her? She needs help. Major control freak ans if I were you, tie your shoes buddy get good traction and RUN before she is doing this crazy c**p to you.
That was my thought as well. This all about anger and control of the ex not about the daughter.
Load More Replies... OP your wife and her mother are abusing you and possibly your stepdaughter. Harassment and secret recording are both highly illegal. You sound like a good man and not a coward at all. Divorce that trash!
Claire is going to lose custody of her daughter. The harassment is harder to prove until it escalates to criminal behavior, but the cameras, which will be found, makes it much easier to prove unfit parent. Claire will be lucky if she gets unsupervised visits. I pray that dad's is a much better house for the daughter and that stepdad can stay in the picture for the little girl after the divorce, because even if the OP tries to stick it out, Claire is crazy and gaslighting and will either make OP's life a waking nightmare or straight up divorce him. It is very rare for her type to admit they are wrong, she will absolutely blame the OP when the cameras are found, whether he tells or not.
What do you mean "until it escalates to criminal behavior"?!?! Putting cameras in someone else's home is illegal!
Load More Replies... So what happened?? Did he tell Adam? Did she back down? Did he stay with this horrible woman? Geez
I try so hard not to do this in my own life. Claire made up an imaginary step-mother/witch character in her mind and it's completely taken over. She's no longer thinking logically about it at all. She made up her mind about Adam's girlfriend before he even had one... Not to even mention the legality of it all. I really hope to see a follow up after he tells Adam because this is surely not going to be the only crazy thing Claire does. And her own mother is fueling her fire, she obviously wasn't taught to respect privacy.
Uhhh...What makes OP think that Claire won't violate his privacy or person if she sees fit? This woman & her mum are bad news. OP's a coward by ratting Claire out?? I think not. IMO OP should run, not walk, out the door & go straight to his bank & secure his money- this relationship is doomed
Hoo boy. This feels familiar. My family had a GPS/tracker secretly and illegally installed on one of our employee's PERSONAL vehicles (the employee was my disabled dad's nighttime caregiver). My family uses it to literally spy on where the employee is, whenever they feel like checking up on him. He isn't even our employee any more (my dad died last year). I've debated whether I should tell the guy or not - I have a lot of bad blood with this employee, including the fact that he videotaped me in the shower once (my sister saw the video) and he was always trying to peep on me while naked/sleeping - and nope, my mom didn't fire him or anything, she took HIS side and told me she didn't want to hear about it any more. So I'm not sure whether I give a flip about him knowing he's STILL being tracked, a year after my dad died.
Wow! How could you forgive your mom for horrifically failing to protect you after she saw proof of how this man violated you?? Although he is, himself, a horrible human being, I would still inform him regarding the tracker. I can't believe the audacity of some people!! I hope you are in a better place now! Big hugs being sent your way!
Load More Replies... I think you're missing the point about how much we think Claire (the mother) is a creepy a*s, law-breaking stalkers control freak who's obsession with controlling her daughter's life. SOMETHING'S VERY WRONG HERE and it's the snooping mother Claire who's responsible.
Load More Replies... I thought this was gonna be about how new gf is abusive and the mom needs proof. No, this is being controlling. Nta
I don't know how to feel about this other than creeped out....Claire having a key to her ex's house should have been a red flag to OP, because that's strange. Does Adam have a key to their place? Probably not. This definitely isn't about a child's safety, it's more about gauging the new girl and her relationship with Adam. I wonder where she put the cameras....🤔
She seems a little obsessed with the ex. It seems as though she was happy while he was single but now doesn't like that there is another significant other in his ( and their daughters ) life. Jealousy? Insecurity? Or control issues? Either way she doesn't want another woman involved with the daughter or the ex. Maybe she's not over the split or maybe it's a case of "I can move on but you can't "
Hopefully the OP and Claire have no children together. Might want to rethink the relationship. Whether or not Adam and OP are on good terms, letting him and his new gf know what is up is the right thing to do.
Claire doesn't want Adam but also doesn't want anyone else to have him. This woman is unhinged. She's so controlling and frankly nutty that she doesn't seem to care that she could be in serious legal trouble and go to jail. Which wouldn't that mean the daughter would spend even more time with the girlfriend? Claire gives no damns about her husband's feelings and the life they have together. She's domineering and the OP should run for the hills. NTA if he tells the ex YTA if he doesn't tell the ex.
maybe it wasnt claire' s idea to divorce adam. if she is so crazy maybe adam divorced her and got the custody of their daughter. claire may have re-married just for the show ( she moved on, she is not desperate at all, she is capable of finding a man etc.) or she is using her new husbsnd for money, s e x, help in the household etc. she may still obsess over her ex! and she is jelaous of the new girlfriend. she does nor respect her new husband at all
Load More Replies... NTA. Tell Adam. Why is she worried about a future stepmum when the child already has a stepdad? Same same to me.
Wow. Setting aside that I want to know what happened next... Since most of the daughter's things are there, it sounds like Adam has primary custody. If Claire's got a key, presumably Adam still trusted her. Claire is invading their privacy, and depending where the cameras are located potentially in the daughter's bedroom (first big nope) and communal living areas, potentially capturing intimate footage between Adam and his girlfriend when the daughter is not around (second big nope). OP should have told Adam immediately, but since he didn't Adam should get a lawyer and either direct to Adam or the police to inform them, and then put some distance between himself and both Claire & MIL. Hopefully OP will be able to keep some contact with his stepdaughter if this offers the little girl some stability.
Nta. Obviously. While I'm not sure if he needs to tell Adam, the police, or get his wife to relinquish all means to spy on her ex I don't know. What I do know is that Claire is being extremely hypocritical. As a mom I TOTALLY get being concerned about who you let around your children. That being said a stepmom OR stepdad could be cause for potential concern but it apparently didn't slow her down on getting remarried herself. If you want to set up security features on your own property that's one thing, it is NUTS to think it's ok to put cameras on someone else's without their consent and knowledge. As a member of the overprotective mom club I can definitely say Claire is way out of line here.
Dude. Tell Adam, change the locks and remove the cameras. When she shows up to scream at you, call the cops, present the evidence, and have her arrested. Then RUN. You're better off without all the drama.
Did Adam have issues with you? If he didn't and accepted your role in his daughters life you owe him the same respect.
Nooooo! That camera thing is rediculous! If it's really about a potential new stepmom coming into the picture that is going to be permenant, then you can arrange a lunch with her. Thats what I did with my ex husbands fiance. We had a lunch and talked about the kiddos likes and dislikes etc and we came up with a plan and had a good relationship. I even took her daughter with us to events and just to hang out since she was an only child. Putting up cameras never crossed my mind. She betrayed her exs trust and i wont blame him for being pissed.
Don't want your ex to date because your worried that he might date a crazy woman and don't want her for your step-Mom? Maybe Mom need to look in the mirror! She is the crazy one! Keys to your Ex home!!! Glad that your ex has not moved on yet you meet someone else and your seem happy about this! Your a crazy B!!!!! Go seek mental health lady please before you hurt someone you care about! Yet this place feels domestic abuse on a man for revenge is alright! Even if the person had to go to he hospital!
Ex wife vetting perspective wife control freak much ... Mr needs to find his cojones.
Not only will your, I hope, your soon to be ex wife end up in jail, she could very easily lose custody of her child due to the harassment. Judges frown on cray cray
Tell the ex. If she keeps this up she is going to lose custody. Judges do not put up with stuff like this.
You'd think if her daughter was so important to her she would not risk significant jail time doing something like this. The reality of this is it has nothing to do with her daughter and everything to do with her anger towards her ex and jealousy towards his SO. She can't stand to think he's happy. This is some deeply sick stuff going on and I really hope he tells the guy. Sounds like that is what will happen. If that is the case then good for him.
As soon as you found out about the cameras, you were made complicit in this felonious plot. You must inform the ex husband immediately.
Hahaha the ex very pleased that her ex-hubby doesn't have a girlfriend is sooo familiar. 😂 Anyways, it's your call, OP. Everything is messed up here. Tell Adam and leave that wife before everyone points at you, worst case scenario. Crazy b***h 😂
Where I live, it is legal. They share custody and are allowed to "stalk" their children to ensure they are safe. It's the parent's responsibility to make sure their child is safe. I don't trust my ex-husband's wife, as there have been too many incidents of mistrust. For instance he was moving into a place that had a pool I asked him if there was a pool fence around the pool? The answer was "yes." I went over, and there was NO pool fence. I could have cared less what or who he was with; I walked in the unlocked back door and went to make sure my son was ok. They did not wake up while I was in the house, therefore would they have known if my son got up? I could not take my son with me sat crying on the back porch, as I did not have a car; otherwise I would have gone to jail for custodial interference. I did not have my phone on me, I walked to a pay phone and called the cops, ask them to do a well fair check they refused as the pool was grandfathered in the law. I did not care my child's safety came first; lying to me to and keeping secrets makes for lack of trust. All the cameras in the world would not have pulled him out of the pool should he have gotten up and fallen in. I do not have cameras on them they have cameras on me and law enforcement, lawyers can't do anything about it and have me constantly stalked. They have made my life hell, but lying 2 me about something so simple as a pool fence builds mistrust. Advice build trust, do minor trust test. They fail get full custody. You can not legally use the camera footage in court anyways, therefore this women has issues, but she does have a right to know her child is safe.
Way to go, Claire, if your goal is to lose all custody rights and visitation. BTW, your daughter has and will never have a stepmother UNLESS YOUR EX MARRIES HER. Is that your aim, to drive away the woman by crazy-stalking her? One doubts that will work in your favor, either, whatever it happens to be.
He's worried about Adam getting mad at him about the cameras, but Adam doesn't know WHEN the OP found out about the cameras. If I were the OP, I'd tell Adam and tell him I JUST FOUND OUT and came to you IMMEDIATELY to tell you because it's illegal and it's the right thing to do. As far as Adam knows, you could've found out 10 mins before you told him! He DOES NOT have to know that you've obviously known for AT LEAST a few days prior and was trying to decide whether to tell him or not/what to do.
For the questions about why an ex has a key, with shared custody, my ex wife had my key and I had hers for years. Neither took advantage of it, though. It was just a convenient thing for if the kid forgot something and needed to get it, until she was old enough to have her own key. That said, the thing that strikes me about this is simply that if the values of the person you're dating conflict with yours, that's generally a deal breaker. You can have different opinions, different ideas, different strengths, but values need to be in pretty close alignment for a relationship to work. Her values and reactions say she's not someone anyone reasonable should be involved with... She's WAY beyond controlling, here, and has no problem stepping right into criminal stalking.
Give her a choice - remove the cameras or go to prison. Take a photo of every illegal camera you find.
1, the poster is married to the mom and obviously for a while which brings into question how long they had been in a relationship before he met the stepdaughter and moving in and marrying. 2, Didn't the poster realise how his wife was before they married which makes me very concerned because now it sounds like she is crazy. Yes, she is entitled to be concerned about the girlfriend however cameras aren't the way to show it. For introducing new partners I say 6 months of getting to know each other before introducing to any children from previous relationships. This means in 8 months the dad has had 6 months to get to know the girlfriend but only 8 weeks for the daughter to get to know the potential stepmom before moving in together? Seems a bit fast.
She should be put in prison. As soon as this is said to be ok we are no better than china. Lock her up.
There are most certainly cameras in his own house. There is a keylogger on his computer.
On the other hand occasionally people here pull together the post facto. Which IMO is the more interesting part... Can't do that with a "fresh" post. Plus if you want fresh just go to reddit. Distilled is my preference, a million unfiltered branches of "logic" are annoying IMO. (Note that I didn't down vote ya!) :)
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