Husband Refuses To Go On A 10-Year-Anniversary Trip With Wife, She Goes With Another Man
Interview With Expert
Vacationing with a partner by your side is total bliss. Romantic dinners on the beach, wonderful activities, and new experiences can bring two lovers closer together. But what if one is terrified of heights and the other is crazy for bungee jumping? Or one doesn’t like Mediterranean cuisine and the other loathes spicy food? Do you stay inside all day watching soap operas and munching on tasteless salads?
Redditor Bigappleparade and her husband had a similar dilemma when deciding on a trip for their 10th anniversary. She wanted to go where it was sunny and warm, while he considered staying at his cabin in Canada. The wife still booked it to the Caribbean, which her partner completely rejected. Nevertheless, she decided to go just not with him but with another man.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation we had with marriage and family therapist Lia Huynh who kindly agreed to share her insights on couples and holidays.
Planning a vacation as a couple may cause disagreements
Image credits: Viktoria Slowikowska / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When this husband refused to go to the Caribbean with his wife, she still decided to go only with another man
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The husband edited his post to answer some questions
Image credits: anonymously83638
Reactions to his post were mixed
Not long after, the wife came forward to tell her version of the story
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: bigappleparade
Some couples may find it beneficial to travel separately
Those couples who can’t seem to agree on their vacation plans may consider taking a trip separately. For example, 32% of Canadians have indicated that they have traveled without their partner in the past, while 6% said that they do so regularly and thoroughly enjoy it. This may be surprising to some, but it shows how modern relationships are dynamically changing.
Bored Panda reached out to marriage and family therapist Lia Huynh who kindly agreed to share her insights on couples spending their holidays apart.
She told us that “There is no “should” or “shouldn’t” when it comes to separate vacations. Some couples will only take vacations together, and others may need to take them separately from time to time. I think if a majority of your vacations are separate, it is something one may want to reflect on. However, if some are separate and most are together, I think that can be fine and even healthy.”
She even shared a personal experience when choosing to go away without her husband was beneficial to their relationship.
“For example, my father lives out of state. My husband does not like to travel. One year, he was trying to hide it but you could tell he was miserable and it ended in an argument. He was a great sport but honestly, it was killing the mood, and I just felt bad for him. So we made an agreement that he would come with us once a year. The other time or two times, I will take one kid or two, or go by myself. On other trips, most of the time he will go and he does great to try to enjoy himself but if I know it’s too much I will just offer to go alone or with kids. Everyone is happy that way.”
According to Huynh holidays apart also means that there’s no arguing about which destination to go to and no resentment about using vacation time for a holiday they didn’t really want to go on. Additionally, alone time can make the heart grow fonder and both people can explore their interests without having to “worry” about the other person not enjoying themselves.
There may be various reasons why partners would choose to vacate alone. Huynh told Bored Panda “Lots of my clients take “girls trips” and “guys trips” just for a short weekend or they have kids and practically speaking, bringing them would not be feasible due to school schedule or the nature of the trip (e.g. long backpacking trips, going to see a concert somewhere, etc.).”
Furthermore, sometimes one spouse is really passionate about a destination due to a certain activity they are really interested in. The other may not want to use their precious vacation time doing something they are not particularly interested in.
It’s even possible that one party may just enjoy traveling more than the other. “There are some spouses who don’t really enjoy traveling and prefer to stay at home base. The spouse who does not enjoy traveling may join on some trips and the rest, the other spouse may go solo or take the kids.”
However, there are times when leaving your partner behind is a bad idea
However, as with most things in life, separate travel has its own disadvantages. Huynh notes that during it one partner may feel left out if the other keeps going on solo vacations. And if too many memories are made separately, this can make the couple grow apart.
Furthermore, taking a separate holiday may be a bad idea if the relationship is struggling and the partners are just looking for an escape. Huynh believes that “It could be a sign of something deeper. Vacations are usually shared with people you’re closest to and if you don’t want any of your vacations together, I’d wonder if there is something else, like not enjoying so much time together.”
Always arguing when you spend extended time together could mean there are some underlying issues and resentment that get pulled out when being together without distractions. “Or worse, maybe there are other people one might enjoy spending time more with than their spouse. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s over, but I would definitely want to do some reflection on the marriage if you realize that you don’t want to spend extended leisure time with your spouse.”
After her intervention commenters unanimously started shaming the husband
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I’ve been that “gay best friend” so many times! Before reading her reply my first thought was she’s bringing a gay coworker & most of the commenters forget we exist. A married woman traveling with a man other than her husband isn’t inappropriate. It’s the assumption that he’s straight and/or that men & women can’t have platonic relationships that’s the issue. It’s also what breeds the toxic take on marriage, fidelity or even monogamy. Speaking on the latter, the straights tend to be wildly more polyamorous than they want to admit. Weaponizing her bringing a guy that he knew was gay but didn’t include in his tirade speaks volumes about what he was trying to accomplish with the post. And those who never once questioned if the coworker was gay: ya, you’re not as free from the hetero-supremacy as you may think you are. Cos the very first question should have been, “is he straight?”
He was trying to make his wife out to be the bad guy who was possibly cheating on him for internet sympathy, along with embellishing details about how the vacation was booked. (He implied she paid for her friend to go, but in reality, the friend paid for himself because he wants to go to this place before he marries a completely different person.) Or worse, husband has completely ignored his wife whenever she talks about this friend, meaning he is even more checked out of this marriage than we thought. I agree with you though. I'm gay too and I think the thing about "men and women can't be friends" that some straight people seem to believe to be pretty toxic. Even if her work friend was straight, it wouldn't automatically be bad if they were going on vacation since her husband expressed negative infinity interest in it. It seems somewhat socially acceptable for straight people to ban their significant other from having friends of the opposite sex.
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A joke I borrowed from somewhere: "'Why aren't you listening to anything I am saying?' seems like a strange way to start a conversation, but my wife does it all the time."
The fun part is it goes both ways. I know a friend whose wife literally doesn't hear what he tells her half the time. And another where he doesn't hear what she says. And yet another where one of the partners claims to have "just told you five minutes ago" but they never did. I know they never told their partner because I've been sitting talking with their partner for the last half hour and the significant other was no even in the room.
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Interesting to see both sides of the 'discussion'. I suspect this marriage is not going to last very long. There is so little communication between them. It looks like the guy is bimbling along, thinking everything is just fine in the marriage, and the woman is getting more and more annoyed that he isn't listening, isn't engaging, doesn't communicate, and doesn't take her needs into consideration. Without this joint appeal to reddit, the guy would have been blindsided by discussion of divorce in a year or so. He would have said, "It came totally out the blue. Everything was fine, until suddenly it wasn't." She would have said, "It has been brewing for years, and year. He doesn't talk, doesn't listen, and ignores my needs."
He will still be blindsided by her filing for divorce.
Load More Replies... I’ve been that “gay best friend” so many times! Before reading her reply my first thought was she’s bringing a gay coworker & most of the commenters forget we exist. A married woman traveling with a man other than her husband isn’t inappropriate. It’s the assumption that he’s straight and/or that men & women can’t have platonic relationships that’s the issue. It’s also what breeds the toxic take on marriage, fidelity or even monogamy. Speaking on the latter, the straights tend to be wildly more polyamorous than they want to admit. Weaponizing her bringing a guy that he knew was gay but didn’t include in his tirade speaks volumes about what he was trying to accomplish with the post. And those who never once questioned if the coworker was gay: ya, you’re not as free from the hetero-supremacy as you may think you are. Cos the very first question should have been, “is he straight?”
He was trying to make his wife out to be the bad guy who was possibly cheating on him for internet sympathy, along with embellishing details about how the vacation was booked. (He implied she paid for her friend to go, but in reality, the friend paid for himself because he wants to go to this place before he marries a completely different person.) Or worse, husband has completely ignored his wife whenever she talks about this friend, meaning he is even more checked out of this marriage than we thought. I agree with you though. I'm gay too and I think the thing about "men and women can't be friends" that some straight people seem to believe to be pretty toxic. Even if her work friend was straight, it wouldn't automatically be bad if they were going on vacation since her husband expressed negative infinity interest in it. It seems somewhat socially acceptable for straight people to ban their significant other from having friends of the opposite sex.
Load More Replies... A joke I borrowed from somewhere: "'Why aren't you listening to anything I am saying?' seems like a strange way to start a conversation, but my wife does it all the time."
The fun part is it goes both ways. I know a friend whose wife literally doesn't hear what he tells her half the time. And another where he doesn't hear what she says. And yet another where one of the partners claims to have "just told you five minutes ago" but they never did. I know they never told their partner because I've been sitting talking with their partner for the last half hour and the significant other was no even in the room.
Load More Replies... Interesting to see both sides of the 'discussion'. I suspect this marriage is not going to last very long. There is so little communication between them. It looks like the guy is bimbling along, thinking everything is just fine in the marriage, and the woman is getting more and more annoyed that he isn't listening, isn't engaging, doesn't communicate, and doesn't take her needs into consideration. Without this joint appeal to reddit, the guy would have been blindsided by discussion of divorce in a year or so. He would have said, "It came totally out the blue. Everything was fine, until suddenly it wasn't." She would have said, "It has been brewing for years, and year. He doesn't talk, doesn't listen, and ignores my needs."
He will still be blindsided by her filing for divorce.
Load More Replies...
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