Trans Man’s Viral Observations Of Men’s Behavior At His New Job At A Steel Mill
Interview With Author
Learning to navigate a masculinity-filled blue-collar work environment is usually tricky as is. It’s even more challenging if you’re a woman or trans person.
But challenging doesn’t mean impossible. This TikToker, a trans man who worked in a steel mill, shares how he overcame these challenges by observing the culture around him and learning to adapt to it. Now, he’s sharing his insights, and people are loving it. Scroll down to learn all about it!
More info: TikTok
Blue-collar jobs are known to be dominated by men and have an environment that, to many outsiders, can appear quite challenging to survive in
Image credits: thegravelbro
“I was born a girl. I transitioned into a man. Put on about 200 pounds of f****** muscle mass. And then, I went to work at a steel mill”
“And everybody wants to know how did I survive.”
“So I essentially was [the] Jane Goodall of the steel mill, like, I was just observing the body language. I was observing the interactions. Here’s how you carry yourself around a group of men that feel intimidating, and uncomfortable, and unsafe to you.”
Image credits: thegravelbro
“One, go slow. Don’t care what you’re doing, how you’re doing it, go slow”
“Walking fast, fast hand movements, they just read [as] nervous, okay? Even when I do the dumbest things, I do them slow. Say I was at the supermarket, I dropped this. I would lean down very, very slowly, very casually. Like the laziest lion in the den. I’d pick it up, and I would put it back. And I would just go about my business.
“No one knows you’re f***** up. It’s all about the presentation and the perception of who you are and what you’re doing. When I drop things, do I think I’m the worst person on the planet? No, I’m just like, well, I dropped it.”
Image credits: thegravelbro
“Two: body language. Always…”
“Okay, this isn’t for like an everyday situation when you’re around like women and stuff. This is only for when you’re around all dudes. I want you to spread out as much as you can. Put your arm across the chair. Anytime I’m sitting down, and there’s a chair next to me, guess what b****? I’m pushing the chair out, putting my whole arm over like this, and I’m leaning back with my chin up, and I’m crossing my legs [and] stretching them out. Don’t do that around girls because that’s rude.”
“[There are] plenty of TED Talks and plenty of other things to show that it’s just biologically proven that being spread out is just a powerful stance, and it’ll trick your brain into calming down. Even if you’re really stressed out, assume a position that would demonstrate that you’re relaxed, and your mind will catch up. It may not be all the way, [but it] will be at least to the point where you can be in a place of neutrality, and also, everyone else watching you won’t know that you’re really nervous.”
Image credits: thegravelbro
“Number three, don’t laugh at their shitty jokes”
“If you’re with a dude, and he’s making a joke, and you don’t think it’s funny, don’t laugh, just sit there. This goes into my next point: you have to become very comfortable with silence because silence is very powerful, too. The art of not filling space also emanates confidence. You don’t have to fill the space. Sit down like I told you, spread out, and relax. That’s it. Just look at him if it was something really offensive, or if they were trying to f*** with you, all you have to say is, ‘What was that? Can you repeat that?’ And say it real loud. Watch them squirm.”
“That is how you get your energy source. When an offensive, dumb, insecure dude is running his mouth and trying to be funny, make your energy source in that interaction, making him uncomfortable. Men of this stature are incredibly insecure, [and] they are constantly seeking validation from other men. And they want it through laughter. They want it through approval of the comment. They want it through a nod of the head. Don’t give them any of it. And you don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t have to say that offended me. You literally have to sit in your own power and your own confidence, and look at them and just be like, ‘you’re a dumb motherf******.'”
“You need to practice being the observer and not the observed”
“The minute you shift that perspective, you can calm the f*** down, okay? I would walk into a room full of 30 dudes, did not know any of them, did not know squat about a steel mill. But you know what I did? I would stand, and I would put my hands on my hips [in a] power stance, and I would look at every one of them. Truly, if you’re ever in a scenario with a bunch of dudes, and they’re making you uncomfortable, watch how they interact with each other. Watch who’s doing what, watch who’s kissing a**, watch who’s demanding the a** kissing, watch how it all works, and understand the separation between you and them.”
“Both of those things will comfort you. You are making eye contact with men. Something that I do a lot is I’ll tilt my chin a little and I’ll nod. And this becomes more of my assessment of them, my evaluation of what’s being said to me. You know, turn my head, keep looking, keep nodding. Don’t be like, ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, ha ha ha.’ Don’t be doing all that, okay? Don’t be jumping to fill the space. Don’t be jumping to laugh at them. ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too, I know, I know, I know.’ Just hmm.”
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
“There’s plenty more to this”
“I have so much more to say. Please jump in the comments because I can answer them more specifically. Those are just a couple that I had off the top of my head. But at the end of the day, now, for certain, I can tell you that men don’t know what [the] f*** they’re doing! No more than anyone else. Men are just a lot better at being performative.”
“I can’t tell you how many times I stood in that steel mill with a bunch of other dudes around me, and they’re all scratching their bellies like confused orangutangs, but they’re making a s***ton of money. They probably went home and made their wives and kids feel like they were doing the most important job on the planet Earth, when in reality, they were gossiping, they were being homophobic, transphobic, [and] racist, and they were being insecure little children.”
“So just keep that in mind, okay? That helped me face my fears because I really truly thought that I was dumb. I didn’t know any better, I didn’t have the brainpower to learn a new skill. Guess what? I did! I did, I had no problem! That’s what I got for you, for now. I love y’all. I’ll be back with more, bye.”
Check out the full TikTok video:
@thegravelbro some advice from papa bear #ftm #transgender #fyp #transman #beard ♬ Chill and gentle lo-fi/10 minutes(1455687) – nightbird_bgm
This TikToker, who goes by the name thegravelbro, also known as Leo Macallan, is a model, author, actor, and trans man. Even though he joined TikTok quite recently, he already has gathered around 425,000 followers and over 8.8 million likes.
Around a year ago, the man decided to conquer his fears and insecurities by getting a blue-collar job at a steel mill, where, as he shared in his older video, the culture of the place still caught him by surprise and left him pretty shocked.
But now, roughly a year later, things seem to have taken a strong turn for the better. In one of his most recent and most popular posts, which was viewed more than 3.3 million times, Leo shared that despite all these challenges, he not only survived but also figured out all the ins and outs of the work and culture of the steel mill, and now, he has shared it with the world online.
The man’s viewers loved this content. They applauded the man for his bravery, agreed how spot-on his observations were, and said that these insights were useful not only when working a blue-collar job but in many other places in the world, too.
Inspired by the success of his video, Leo made a follow-up on how to remain calm and establish confidence in an environment present with toxic masculinity. Here, he suggested always having a book or similar activity for downtime to avoid unwanted conversation, thinking before doing something, employing meditation to calm yourself down, and teaching yourself to ignore the negative thoughts, letting them pass.
In addition to giving advice, he also clarified that not everyone he met was as terrible as the men he talked about in these videos. The man also said that what he speaks about is not supposed to incentivize acting like a jerk but rather help people combat negative behavior around them.
Image credits: Kateryna Babaieva (not the actual photo)
who was pretty honest. He told us that he wasn’t surprised by the recognition his video got. “I’ve got so many crazy stories to tell!” said the man, adding that he decided to share it because he knew it could really help some other folks in a similar position.
Leo has since quit his job at the steel mill and started pursuing content creation full-time. “That experience served a purpose, and the minute I felt that purpose had been fulfilled, I left. It was never meant to be a career choice, only a learning experience,” explained the TikToker, crediting his mindset for his ability to face this with such a positive attitude.
“The constant vigilance was very hard on my nervous system,” shared the man, opening up about how, during his time in his blue-collar job, he had to put in a tremendous amount of effort to fit in. He could never really be himself, which wasn’t enjoyable.
Having experienced what he did, Leo left us with one piece of advice. “If you don’t have to be there, leave. And if you’re in a position where you can’t leave just yet, keep following my page for more advice,” said the content creator, emphasizing that while he was on a mission to overcome a fear, it’s absolutely okay to want a safe and accepting job, as that is a truly predominant goal and everybody deserves to be accepted and happy.
It’s not difficult to see why Leo’s experience was so challenging. Most of the blue-collar jobs are still strongly dominated by cisgender men. Coincidentally, these are also work environments where toxic masculinity is observed the most.
While we can undoubtedly see that the change is happening in areas like these, it’s progressing very slowly. For example, according to Catalyst, women working in skilled trades currently comprise only around 5% in Canada, 8% in Europe, and 6.5% in the United States.
But why isn’t the progress faster? After all, as Alice Evans of Brookings writes, it’s not about physical strength since most warehouses and factories in the Western side of the world already have plenty of robots taking care of manual labor.
A part of the problem might be what affects every person in these sectors, regardless of their gender. With said robots and overall automatization, these manual-intensive occupations have a much lower demand for workers than they used to have, thus making it more difficult to get into the industry.
But still, the most important factor here remains the culture. Firstly, working-class women might naturally gravitate toward jobs in hospitality, retail, and social care because of being stereotyped as caring and agreeable their whole lives. At the same time, most people also seek peer approval, which is difficult to get in an environment that may still think less of you just because of your gender, whether current or the one you were assigned at birth.
Ultimately, there is not a lot that’s left under the table when it comes to the discussion of why there are so few women and trans people working in the blue-collar sectors. The problems are very visible to most of us, but as long as the people at the top of these industries won’t start initializing the change, the progress will be slow.
Until then, thanks to people like Leo, there are ways to learn to get around the toxicity in such environments. And who knows, maybe with time, his advice will help lead someone up the ladder who will eventually change this situation for the better.
What did you think of this story? Have you ever worked a blue-collar job and would like to share your experience? Type all of it in the comments below!
People in the comments loved the TikToker’s video, with many saying that this information is applicable more widely than just in blue-collar jobs
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I'm a cis male, and I'm jealous of that beard. But most importantly, he's right about how insecure men can act and how to best handle them by not responding to their foolishness.
Load More Replies...
I admire this man. He talks sense, he is obviously intelligent, while being sensitive enough to think about it from a "her" perspective at the same time.
I'm a cis male, and I'm jealous of that beard. But most importantly, he's right about how insecure men can act and how to best handle them by not responding to their foolishness.
Load More Replies... I admire this man. He talks sense, he is obviously intelligent, while being sensitive enough to think about it from a "her" perspective at the same time.
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