“This Is Actually So Sad”: People React To Influencer Who Says She Never Plays With Her Kids
A mother known for her self-help books came under fire after she defended her choice not to play with her children, arguing the lack of playful engagement fosters independence, as she preferred bonding through alternative activities, such as baking.
K.C. Davis, author of the popular How to Keep House While Drowning book, took to her TikTok page on Monday (March 11) to post a video where she admitted that she had never played with her kids.
In the now-viral video, which has amassed 916,100 views, K.C. revealed that she would tell her four and six-year-olds “no” over and over when they would ask to play with her.
She explained: “The reason I can go and read a book while they play, that they’re able to play independently, is because I just said no to them.”
K.C. Davis sparked controversy by defending her decision not to play with her children
Image credits: prostoleh/freepik
“Every single time they asked me to play with them for years.
“And eventually, they stopped asking and just went off and played.”
Nevertheless, K.C., who is a licensed counselor, clarified: “I’m not saying, ‘Don’t spend time with your kids.’
“I’m not saying, ‘Don’t be playful with your kids.’ I’m not saying, ‘Don’t connect with them.’
“Okay, I’m saying that I established a culture in my house that adults do not play with toys. Adults do not pretend to play.”
Image credits: domesticblisters
The advocate for mental health went on to explain that she bonded with her children in other ways, such as baking, doing art projects, and going on walks.
K.C. and her husband just put together a solar system project for the kids “because they said they were interested in planets,” she added.
She continued: “Then my husband set up a science experiment for them in the shower, and they’re now doing that by themselves.
“We just ordered some Indian food and when they get out of the shower, I’ve got to probably get in bed and read a book and eat some Indian food with their dad, and they will be expected to just play like kids.”
K.C. emphasized bonding with her children through activities like baking and science projects
Image credits: domesticblisters
The mom-of-two unveiled that alone time while children play independently was created through instances of rejection.
She said: “Nobody tells you that the way that you get there is by saying no a lot and they’re sad about it and they’re mad about it.”
K.C. continued: “I can tell you fast forward a couple of years, they are happy and creative and they have parents that are loving and responsive and they are secure enough to just go play and be kids.”
The author warned against being an “a**hole” and just saying “no” coldly, suggesting to instead use sentences like, “No thanks, sweetheart. I just want to watch you play.”
Image credits: domesticblisters
The self-help expert’s candid revelations about parenthood weren’t appreciated by all of her viewers, as a TikTok user commented: “This is actually so sad.”
Another person wrote: “Saying ‘they eventually stopped asking…’ like it was a positive thing is WILD.”
A separate individual chimed in: “I had a mom who didn’t play.
“She spent time with us ONLY in ways she enjoyed or found relevant as you mention here.
“We don’t talk now that I’m an adult.”
You can watch K.C.’s video below:
@domesticblisters Replying to @Vanessa Kay caveat: your own kids ages, unique abilities, siblings, developmental pace and personalities along with your home layout and environmental constraints will obviously come in to play when it comes to their ability to play independently. There are other factors at play but this is the factor that made the difference for us ##strugglecare##mentalhealth##ADHD##autism##independantplay##parentingtiktok ♬ original sound – Kc Davis
Parenting coach Dr. Chelsey Hauge-Zavaleta said in a response video that she saw exactly where K.C. was coming from with her lack of interest in pretend play, as per Scary Mommy.
Chelsey admitted: “The truth is, I don’t really do a lot of pretend play with my kids either. I don’t like it.
“As a matter of everyday course, I would rather spend high-quality time baking, going on a walk, going to the zoo, or doing a project.
“So, yes, play is important, but pick ways to play with your children that you also enjoy.”
According to Christina Pay, an assistant professor in family and consumer sciences at Utah State University, play is essential to a child’s healthy development, and it is so important to optimal child development that it has been recognized by the United Nations High Commission for Human Rights as a right of every child.
Christina highlighted knowledge from Dr. Michael Popkin, author of the Active Parenting series of parenting programs, which suggested that playing with your child builds the child’s self-esteem, helps the child learn about the world, provides opportunities for the child to learn new skills, and builds the bond between parent and child.
“To each their own,” a reader commented
I didn't have a lot of friends as a kid and was very lonely often, and would ask my mom to play with me so I could have some company. She almost always said no. I'm still lonely from it.
Depends on what you mean by playing with your kids. I read books to them. "Ate" the occasional cakes made in the sandpit. Played board games and went to parks, playgrounds and other stuff with them. But I also learned them that I am not the one entertaining them all the time. So, I can also read a book, whilst they are playing their games / toys. Just saying - you can do both.
That's what she's saying (at least from what I understand); that she spends time with them, but just not playing. I think it's a great idea. :)
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My heart breaks for those kids. Why have kids if you don't want to play with them? No, kids games are not as fun for adults, but that's now why you play them. Those kids have learned mom has no interest in their stuff and only wants to spend time with them when their interests intersect. It's a tough lesson to lean so young. While it's important to make sure kids are independent enough to play on their own, someone who never takes an interest in your interests, isn't someone who cares unconditionally. Even in my adult friendships and romantic relationships, if it's important to them, it's worth some of my time. It won't be my obsession, but I'll learn about sailing or theatre or woodwork, I'll attend races or shows. Kids have few interests outside of play, if you never join in, you send a signal they aren't worth it, and that your interest hinges on what they do and not who they are. Even sadder if this is true, not just a signal.
I'll add that the Mom didn't say she wouldn't take an interest if the child developed a hobby. That's different. She's just saying she's not playing with them during their normal play activities. Normal kids playing isn't an "interest". All kids play. If they're playing Barbies, or kids board games, or make-believe, these are not "interests", they're just playing. If one of them starts a serious hobby of some kind and she pays zero attention, that's a different scenario altogether. But she still does NOT have to do it with them. Nobody is required to actually do your hobby with you.
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I'm not a mom, but babysat for years. Kids absolutely loved when I would do pretend play with them! It always made me so happy with how giddy they would get. I would say about 70% of playing with kids they wanted to pretend. It helps their imagination! I can kind of see not wanting to do that everyday as a parent when you have so much going on, but to take a stance against doing it seems a little weird.
Yeah I think it's great to engage with kids and play the way they want to at least sometimes. A happy balance.
Load More Replies... Did you know that you might actually hear about any issues your kids are having while playing pretend with them. That's why social workers and child psychologists will use play therapy to question kids.
Does she need to play with her kids 24/7? Heck no! However the fact that she essentially trained her kids out of asking her to do something they enjoy doing, because she views it as "childish" is absolutely tragic. "I don't care about your feelings. I dont like it so I refuse to engage in it." That's the message her kids are getting... and I really feel for them.
I’m so confused by some of these reactions. I always pretend played with my siblings growing up. I did other things with my parents but pretend play with an adult would suck. I suppose if you’re an only child then you might rely on parents more, but my husband grew up as an only child and still pretend played on his own. Just because you don’t pretend play with your kid does NOT mean you’re not spending time with them!
It's not just about time, it's about taking an interest in their interests. It doesn't have to be all the time, just enough to make sure they know you will do things for them, even when they aren't your favourites. From their perspective, they do things all the time because the parent asks or insists. It's important to return the gesture. Never saying yes, to the point where kids don't ask anymore won't mean you can't have a relationship, but it will limit it.
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My mom never played with us. She did crafts, baked, loved on us, read to us, but I don’t remember her playing with us. We still have a great relationship to this day. As a mom now, I do the same. My boys play with each other and with friends, but play (at least pretend play) is their thing. Sure, if they bring me something they made like a pretend drink, I’ll drink it. But overall, I want my boys to learn independence. I want them to not need me to entertain them.
This is 300 kinds of screwed up! I get that she spends time with her kids in other ways but come on, you have to play with your kids! It’s a developmental thing, and also, the kid enjoys it! If you don’t, suck it up, it’ll be better for the kid in the long run and it doesn’t ruin your life, just like twenty minutes of kneeling and making trains go back and forth or playing with Lego or whatever
Adults don’t play with toys? What a sad boring life she must live. I bet she’s the kind of person who looks down on adults who play video games or watch cartoons.
My dad played with us, my mom was more like the OP. He didn't spend all the time playing, but it made such a. Impact When he did. When I was a teen my dad remarked he was so happy when we got older and playing was more interesting and I remember being surprised because he seemed like he had fun, and he said it was fun being with us, but he was so happy when we could play sports or board games. But we all go to Dad first with personal things, and we are more relaxed around him. No fear of having to earn love or need to perform like we do with my mom. The not playing could just be a symptom of why we aren't closer with my mom but she is always jealous we just hang out with dad. I just can't relax spending time with her without an activity. I guess we were too well trained.
I love my parents, but they did not play with me or my siblings very often. We had each other to play with, but I remember distinctly there being times I wished my parents would play boardgames with us or just play with us in general. It was lots of fun when they did! Everyone has a different parenting style and if it works for them, great. But just based on my own experience, I cannot imagine not playing with my own kids.
My mom "played" with me. And taught me through play, because that's how young children learn. We also cooked, baked, did crafts, read to each other, acted out scenes, danced, sang, goofed off, made up stories, investigated and researched things. And it hurts more than the worst abcessed tooth that she only exists now in a handful of pictures, memories, lessons and morals. But at least most of those memories weren't tainted by her always telling me "no, adults don't play. Go play by yourself."
This is kinda sad. While I do think that kids should make their own fun, play with your kids once in a while. It ain’t hurt you or them. Geez.
I'm in my 50s. The thought of a parent regularly playing with their child is weird to me. I did sometimes play with my son, but that was because he didn't have siblings and often didn't have friends around. KIDS are meant to play TOGETHER. There is no rule saying that parents should start playing again when they have kids. The parents job is to educate their kids. Kids need to play, so a parent should allow their kid to play. But unless the child is isolated from other children, there is zero reason an adult should have to play with their child. Many in the younger generation seems to be completely divorced from understanding humans are creatures, there there are natural things about humans and unnatural things that are sometimes thought to be "correct" due to some current trend. I feel very bad for the children of trendy parents.
Is playing not educating? When a kid makes pretend food or rocks a doll to sleep, they are learning to do things they see their parents do. In regards to the latter half of your comment; it feels wrong to not play with kids so perhaps the 'trend' of playing with kids is not a trend at all. Perhaps not playing with kids is unnatural and just a trend? While exaggerated, I hope you see my point and BTW I also feel bad for the children of trendy parents.
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Without going into whether that’s the best way to go for the kids, the simple fact is she has no idea what she has missed out on and will never be able to get back. Without question, the best times in my life were instances of playing with my daughter when she was young. Every type of game and every type of toy. It was the most fun I’ve ever had. She’s a preteen now and no longer needs me and values her privacy:/ I miss the good old days🥹 I feel sorry for the mom, she’ll never know or understand that, while it may suck for the kids, they have each other and she’ll continue to be oblivious.
I find this woman horrible and sad. All the times she will miss and never get back. I hope those memories will warm her heart when her independent children don't have time to come visit her in the nursing home -
This is like saying "I want my kid to be an independent readers so I don't read to them." Play isn't to just entertain and it doesn't make you their sole source of entertainment. It's also engaging the imagination in a way to allow them to model exploration of the world around them. It affects their language acquisition and use skills, it can be used to help teach empathy, it helps expand mindsets beyond just them in that moment. Will they survive without it? Sure. Just like ostensibly a teacher will try to carry for the fact that you never read to your kid.
I do not understand how someone could resist playing with their kid for 6 years? My niece is nearly 2 and we play duplo, have tea parties, play on the trampoline and more. She's still very good at playing by herself but playing is learning and sometimes she needs help with putting duplo blocks together or needs someone to serve wooden food to. Playing is fun and adults can have just as much fun playing, sure it usually looks different but not by much (duplo - Lego or videogames)
You shouldn’t play with your kids 24-7 but you should play with them sometimes.
Isn't this a generation thing? I'm 40, my parents didn't play with me when I was a kid, and I didn't have siblings to play with.
I'm 38 and my parents would absolutely play with me. Football with my dad outside, boardgames with my mom. It wasn't all day of course. But they played with my siblings and me for sure.
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My mom NEVER played with me and was rarely ever playful or affectionate: my dad was only interested in playing with or interacting with me if he was drinking. Till this day my parents are very critical, cold, and disinterested in my life. Being in their company is like being a dork in high school desperately trying to impress popular jerks as they laugh and drop cigarette ash on your head.
This is very like my father, needless to say we had a very toxic relationship as adults. My mother was Fantastic and we had the best relationship possible. She was absolutely wonderful, he was not. This woman is a bloody idiot
Sounds like she's actively training them to devalue their imagination and interests. No good can come of that. Imaginative play leads to more adaptive adults and is one of the few human things that won't be replaced by AI when they're an adult. She's hobbling them in multiple ways. I'm disturbed by her stance against imaginative play participation, but more disturbed that she's actively teaching kids that imagination has no place in adult life.
A lot of the comments from here make it seem like they need to have entertainment provided for them. It seems many people here, also, are young and haven't had any life experiences, good or bad. I feel bad about people who get so worked up about what some other person, a stranger, writes online about how they live their own lives. Get off social media, it will only be better for you.
Yeah, she's doing this all wrong. My kids want me to play with them all the time. I'll tell them: "I first need to fold laundry, vacuum the floor, change their bedlinen and clean the toilet. After all those chores are done, I can play with you. Before that, you can play with eachother or go to the playground". Sometimes they go to the playground. Other times they help me with my chores so we can play together sooner. What a dumb woman this is, her kids won't be helping her with s**t when they grow older.
My mom was an alcoholic (I didn't realize until I was older), but even when she wasn't "up" for playing, she would just sit and let me do her makeup and hair.
Wow look at all the downvotes for another boring giant faced TikTok post. It’s almost like…. The readers here hate them? And you should stop posting them?
Of course this is an Andréa Oldereide post. Bored Panda: scraping the bottom of the barrel for content and making stupid people famous.
I didn't have a lot of friends as a kid and was very lonely often, and would ask my mom to play with me so I could have some company. She almost always said no. I'm still lonely from it.
Depends on what you mean by playing with your kids. I read books to them. "Ate" the occasional cakes made in the sandpit. Played board games and went to parks, playgrounds and other stuff with them. But I also learned them that I am not the one entertaining them all the time. So, I can also read a book, whilst they are playing their games / toys. Just saying - you can do both.
That's what she's saying (at least from what I understand); that she spends time with them, but just not playing. I think it's a great idea. :)
Load More Replies... My heart breaks for those kids. Why have kids if you don't want to play with them? No, kids games are not as fun for adults, but that's now why you play them. Those kids have learned mom has no interest in their stuff and only wants to spend time with them when their interests intersect. It's a tough lesson to lean so young. While it's important to make sure kids are independent enough to play on their own, someone who never takes an interest in your interests, isn't someone who cares unconditionally. Even in my adult friendships and romantic relationships, if it's important to them, it's worth some of my time. It won't be my obsession, but I'll learn about sailing or theatre or woodwork, I'll attend races or shows. Kids have few interests outside of play, if you never join in, you send a signal they aren't worth it, and that your interest hinges on what they do and not who they are. Even sadder if this is true, not just a signal.
I'll add that the Mom didn't say she wouldn't take an interest if the child developed a hobby. That's different. She's just saying she's not playing with them during their normal play activities. Normal kids playing isn't an "interest". All kids play. If they're playing Barbies, or kids board games, or make-believe, these are not "interests", they're just playing. If one of them starts a serious hobby of some kind and she pays zero attention, that's a different scenario altogether. But she still does NOT have to do it with them. Nobody is required to actually do your hobby with you.
Load More Replies... I'm not a mom, but babysat for years. Kids absolutely loved when I would do pretend play with them! It always made me so happy with how giddy they would get. I would say about 70% of playing with kids they wanted to pretend. It helps their imagination! I can kind of see not wanting to do that everyday as a parent when you have so much going on, but to take a stance against doing it seems a little weird.
Yeah I think it's great to engage with kids and play the way they want to at least sometimes. A happy balance.
Load More Replies... Did you know that you might actually hear about any issues your kids are having while playing pretend with them. That's why social workers and child psychologists will use play therapy to question kids.
Does she need to play with her kids 24/7? Heck no! However the fact that she essentially trained her kids out of asking her to do something they enjoy doing, because she views it as "childish" is absolutely tragic. "I don't care about your feelings. I dont like it so I refuse to engage in it." That's the message her kids are getting... and I really feel for them.
I’m so confused by some of these reactions. I always pretend played with my siblings growing up. I did other things with my parents but pretend play with an adult would suck. I suppose if you’re an only child then you might rely on parents more, but my husband grew up as an only child and still pretend played on his own. Just because you don’t pretend play with your kid does NOT mean you’re not spending time with them!
It's not just about time, it's about taking an interest in their interests. It doesn't have to be all the time, just enough to make sure they know you will do things for them, even when they aren't your favourites. From their perspective, they do things all the time because the parent asks or insists. It's important to return the gesture. Never saying yes, to the point where kids don't ask anymore won't mean you can't have a relationship, but it will limit it.
Load More Replies... My mom never played with us. She did crafts, baked, loved on us, read to us, but I don’t remember her playing with us. We still have a great relationship to this day. As a mom now, I do the same. My boys play with each other and with friends, but play (at least pretend play) is their thing. Sure, if they bring me something they made like a pretend drink, I’ll drink it. But overall, I want my boys to learn independence. I want them to not need me to entertain them.
This is 300 kinds of screwed up! I get that she spends time with her kids in other ways but come on, you have to play with your kids! It’s a developmental thing, and also, the kid enjoys it! If you don’t, suck it up, it’ll be better for the kid in the long run and it doesn’t ruin your life, just like twenty minutes of kneeling and making trains go back and forth or playing with Lego or whatever
Adults don’t play with toys? What a sad boring life she must live. I bet she’s the kind of person who looks down on adults who play video games or watch cartoons.
My dad played with us, my mom was more like the OP. He didn't spend all the time playing, but it made such a. Impact When he did. When I was a teen my dad remarked he was so happy when we got older and playing was more interesting and I remember being surprised because he seemed like he had fun, and he said it was fun being with us, but he was so happy when we could play sports or board games. But we all go to Dad first with personal things, and we are more relaxed around him. No fear of having to earn love or need to perform like we do with my mom. The not playing could just be a symptom of why we aren't closer with my mom but she is always jealous we just hang out with dad. I just can't relax spending time with her without an activity. I guess we were too well trained.
I love my parents, but they did not play with me or my siblings very often. We had each other to play with, but I remember distinctly there being times I wished my parents would play boardgames with us or just play with us in general. It was lots of fun when they did! Everyone has a different parenting style and if it works for them, great. But just based on my own experience, I cannot imagine not playing with my own kids.
My mom "played" with me. And taught me through play, because that's how young children learn. We also cooked, baked, did crafts, read to each other, acted out scenes, danced, sang, goofed off, made up stories, investigated and researched things. And it hurts more than the worst abcessed tooth that she only exists now in a handful of pictures, memories, lessons and morals. But at least most of those memories weren't tainted by her always telling me "no, adults don't play. Go play by yourself."
This is kinda sad. While I do think that kids should make their own fun, play with your kids once in a while. It ain’t hurt you or them. Geez.
I'm in my 50s. The thought of a parent regularly playing with their child is weird to me. I did sometimes play with my son, but that was because he didn't have siblings and often didn't have friends around. KIDS are meant to play TOGETHER. There is no rule saying that parents should start playing again when they have kids. The parents job is to educate their kids. Kids need to play, so a parent should allow their kid to play. But unless the child is isolated from other children, there is zero reason an adult should have to play with their child. Many in the younger generation seems to be completely divorced from understanding humans are creatures, there there are natural things about humans and unnatural things that are sometimes thought to be "correct" due to some current trend. I feel very bad for the children of trendy parents.
Is playing not educating? When a kid makes pretend food or rocks a doll to sleep, they are learning to do things they see their parents do. In regards to the latter half of your comment; it feels wrong to not play with kids so perhaps the 'trend' of playing with kids is not a trend at all. Perhaps not playing with kids is unnatural and just a trend? While exaggerated, I hope you see my point and BTW I also feel bad for the children of trendy parents.
Load More Replies... Without going into whether that’s the best way to go for the kids, the simple fact is she has no idea what she has missed out on and will never be able to get back. Without question, the best times in my life were instances of playing with my daughter when she was young. Every type of game and every type of toy. It was the most fun I’ve ever had. She’s a preteen now and no longer needs me and values her privacy:/ I miss the good old days🥹 I feel sorry for the mom, she’ll never know or understand that, while it may suck for the kids, they have each other and she’ll continue to be oblivious.
I find this woman horrible and sad. All the times she will miss and never get back. I hope those memories will warm her heart when her independent children don't have time to come visit her in the nursing home -
This is like saying "I want my kid to be an independent readers so I don't read to them." Play isn't to just entertain and it doesn't make you their sole source of entertainment. It's also engaging the imagination in a way to allow them to model exploration of the world around them. It affects their language acquisition and use skills, it can be used to help teach empathy, it helps expand mindsets beyond just them in that moment. Will they survive without it? Sure. Just like ostensibly a teacher will try to carry for the fact that you never read to your kid.
I do not understand how someone could resist playing with their kid for 6 years? My niece is nearly 2 and we play duplo, have tea parties, play on the trampoline and more. She's still very good at playing by herself but playing is learning and sometimes she needs help with putting duplo blocks together or needs someone to serve wooden food to. Playing is fun and adults can have just as much fun playing, sure it usually looks different but not by much (duplo - Lego or videogames)
You shouldn’t play with your kids 24-7 but you should play with them sometimes.
Isn't this a generation thing? I'm 40, my parents didn't play with me when I was a kid, and I didn't have siblings to play with.
I'm 38 and my parents would absolutely play with me. Football with my dad outside, boardgames with my mom. It wasn't all day of course. But they played with my siblings and me for sure.
Load More Replies... My mom NEVER played with me and was rarely ever playful or affectionate: my dad was only interested in playing with or interacting with me if he was drinking. Till this day my parents are very critical, cold, and disinterested in my life. Being in their company is like being a dork in high school desperately trying to impress popular jerks as they laugh and drop cigarette ash on your head.
This is very like my father, needless to say we had a very toxic relationship as adults. My mother was Fantastic and we had the best relationship possible. She was absolutely wonderful, he was not. This woman is a bloody idiot
Sounds like she's actively training them to devalue their imagination and interests. No good can come of that. Imaginative play leads to more adaptive adults and is one of the few human things that won't be replaced by AI when they're an adult. She's hobbling them in multiple ways. I'm disturbed by her stance against imaginative play participation, but more disturbed that she's actively teaching kids that imagination has no place in adult life.
A lot of the comments from here make it seem like they need to have entertainment provided for them. It seems many people here, also, are young and haven't had any life experiences, good or bad. I feel bad about people who get so worked up about what some other person, a stranger, writes online about how they live their own lives. Get off social media, it will only be better for you.
Yeah, she's doing this all wrong. My kids want me to play with them all the time. I'll tell them: "I first need to fold laundry, vacuum the floor, change their bedlinen and clean the toilet. After all those chores are done, I can play with you. Before that, you can play with eachother or go to the playground". Sometimes they go to the playground. Other times they help me with my chores so we can play together sooner. What a dumb woman this is, her kids won't be helping her with s**t when they grow older.
My mom was an alcoholic (I didn't realize until I was older), but even when she wasn't "up" for playing, she would just sit and let me do her makeup and hair.
Wow look at all the downvotes for another boring giant faced TikTok post. It’s almost like…. The readers here hate them? And you should stop posting them?
Of course this is an Andréa Oldereide post. Bored Panda: scraping the bottom of the barrel for content and making stupid people famous.
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