“This Is Actually So Sad”: People React To Influencer Who Says She Never Plays With Her Kids
A mother known for her self-help books came under fire after she defended her choice not to play with her children, arguing the lack of playful engagement fosters independence, as she preferred bonding through alternative activities, such as baking.
K.C. Davis, author of the popular How to Keep House While Drowning book, took to her TikTok page on Monday (March 11) to post a video where she admitted that she had never played with her kids.
In the now-viral video, which has amassed 916,100 views, K.C. revealed that she would tell her four and six-year-olds “no” over and over when they would ask to play with her.
She explained: “The reason I can go and read a book while they play, that they’re able to play independently, is because I just said no to them.”
K.C. Davis sparked controversy by defending her decision not to play with her children
Image credits: prostoleh/freepik
“Every single time they asked me to play with them for years.
“And eventually, they stopped asking and just went off and played.”
Nevertheless, K.C., who is a licensed counselor, clarified: “I’m not saying, ‘Don’t spend time with your kids.’
“I’m not saying, ‘Don’t be playful with your kids.’ I’m not saying, ‘Don’t connect with them.’
“Okay, I’m saying that I established a culture in my house that adults do not play with toys. Adults do not pretend to play.”
Image credits: domesticblisters
The advocate for mental health went on to explain that she bonded with her children in other ways, such as baking, doing art projects, and going on walks.
K.C. and her husband just put together a solar system project for the kids “because they said they were interested in planets,” she added.
She continued: “Then my husband set up a science experiment for them in the shower, and they’re now doing that by themselves.
“We just ordered some Indian food and when they get out of the shower, I’ve got to probably get in bed and read a book and eat some Indian food with their dad, and they will be expected to just play like kids.”
K.C. emphasized bonding with her children through activities like baking and science projects
Image credits: domesticblisters
The mom-of-two unveiled that alone time while children play independently was created through instances of rejection.
She said: “Nobody tells you that the way that you get there is by saying no a lot and they’re sad about it and they’re mad about it.”
K.C. continued: “I can tell you fast forward a couple of years, they are happy and creative and they have parents that are loving and responsive and they are secure enough to just go play and be kids.”
The author warned against being an “a**hole” and just saying “no” coldly, suggesting to instead use sentences like, “No thanks, sweetheart. I just want to watch you play.”
Image credits: domesticblisters
The self-help expert’s candid revelations about parenthood weren’t appreciated by all of her viewers, as a TikTok user commented: “This is actually so sad.”
Another person wrote: “Saying ‘they eventually stopped asking…’ like it was a positive thing is WILD.”
A separate individual chimed in: “I had a mom who didn’t play.
“She spent time with us ONLY in ways she enjoyed or found relevant as you mention here.
“We don’t talk now that I’m an adult.”
You can watch K.C.’s video below:
@domesticblisters Replying to @Vanessa Kay caveat: your own kids ages, unique abilities, siblings, developmental pace and personalities along with your home layout and environmental constraints will obviously come in to play when it comes to their ability to play independently. There are other factors at play but this is the factor that made the difference for us ##strugglecare##mentalhealth##ADHD##autism##independantplay##parentingtiktok ♬ original sound – Kc Davis
Parenting coach Dr. Chelsey Hauge-Zavaleta said in a response video that she saw exactly where K.C. was coming from with her lack of interest in pretend play, as per Scary Mommy.
Chelsey admitted: “The truth is, I don’t really do a lot of pretend play with my kids either. I don’t like it.
“As a matter of everyday course, I would rather spend high-quality time baking, going on a walk, going to the zoo, or doing a project.
“So, yes, play is important, but pick ways to play with your children that you also enjoy.”
According to Christina Pay, an assistant professor in family and consumer sciences at Utah State University, play is essential to a child’s healthy development, and it is so important to optimal child development that it has been recognized by the United Nations High Commission for Human Rights as a right of every child.
Christina highlighted knowledge from Dr. Michael Popkin, author of the Active Parenting series of parenting programs, which suggested that playing with your child builds the child’s self-esteem, helps the child learn about the world, provides opportunities for the child to learn new skills, and builds the bond between parent and child.
“To each their own,” a reader commented
I didn't have a lot of friends as a kid and was very lonely often, and would ask my mom to play with me so I could have some company. She almost always said no. I'm still lonely from it.
Depends on what you mean by playing with your kids. I read books to them. "Ate" the occasional cakes made in the sandpit. Played board games and went to parks, playgrounds and other stuff with them. But I also learned them that I am not the one entertaining them all the time. So, I can also read a book, whilst they are playing their games / toys. Just saying - you can do both.
That's what she's saying (at least from what I understand); that she spends time with them, but just not playing. I think it's a great idea. :)
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My heart breaks for those kids. Why have kids if you don't want to play with them? No, kids games are not as fun for adults, but that's now why you play them. Those kids have learned mom has no interest in their stuff and only wants to spend time with them when their interests intersect. It's a tough lesson to lean so young. While it's important to make sure kids are independent enough to play on their own, someone who never takes an interest in your interests, isn't someone who cares unconditionally. Even in my adult friendships and romantic relationships, if it's important to them, it's worth some of my time. It won't be my obsession, but I'll learn about sailing or theatre or woodwork, I'll attend races or shows. Kids have few interests outside of play, if you never join in, you send a signal they aren't worth it, and that your interest hinges on what they do and not who they are. Even sadder if this is true, not just a signal.
I'll add that the Mom didn't say she wouldn't take an interest if the child developed a hobby. That's different. She's just saying she's not playing with them during their normal play activities. Normal kids playing isn't an "interest". All kids play. If they're playing Barbies, or kids board games, or make-believe, these are not "interests", they're just playing. If one of them starts a serious hobby of some kind and she pays zero attention, that's a different scenario altogether. But she still does NOT have to do it with them. Nobody is required to actually do your hobby with you.
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I didn't have a lot of friends as a kid and was very lonely often, and would ask my mom to play with me so I could have some company. She almost always said no. I'm still lonely from it.
Depends on what you mean by playing with your kids. I read books to them. "Ate" the occasional cakes made in the sandpit. Played board games and went to parks, playgrounds and other stuff with them. But I also learned them that I am not the one entertaining them all the time. So, I can also read a book, whilst they are playing their games / toys. Just saying - you can do both.
That's what she's saying (at least from what I understand); that she spends time with them, but just not playing. I think it's a great idea. :)
Load More Replies... My heart breaks for those kids. Why have kids if you don't want to play with them? No, kids games are not as fun for adults, but that's now why you play them. Those kids have learned mom has no interest in their stuff and only wants to spend time with them when their interests intersect. It's a tough lesson to lean so young. While it's important to make sure kids are independent enough to play on their own, someone who never takes an interest in your interests, isn't someone who cares unconditionally. Even in my adult friendships and romantic relationships, if it's important to them, it's worth some of my time. It won't be my obsession, but I'll learn about sailing or theatre or woodwork, I'll attend races or shows. Kids have few interests outside of play, if you never join in, you send a signal they aren't worth it, and that your interest hinges on what they do and not who they are. Even sadder if this is true, not just a signal.
I'll add that the Mom didn't say she wouldn't take an interest if the child developed a hobby. That's different. She's just saying she's not playing with them during their normal play activities. Normal kids playing isn't an "interest". All kids play. If they're playing Barbies, or kids board games, or make-believe, these are not "interests", they're just playing. If one of them starts a serious hobby of some kind and she pays zero attention, that's a different scenario altogether. But she still does NOT have to do it with them. Nobody is required to actually do your hobby with you.
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