Friend’s Brother Gets Livid Over This 19 Y.O. Throwing Away His Pricey Lingerie Birthday Gift
According to legend, in the old days, if a ruler wanted to ruin a courtier who had fallen out of favor, they were given some outwardly very honorable and prestigious gift, but incredibly expensive in content, and which was impossible to get rid of – because it was a gift from the monarch. Centuries and centuries have passed since then, but stories with awkward gifts still appear.
For example, this one in the AITA Reddit community, from a young woman to whom the older brother of her roommate and best friend gave an expensive, but rather ambiguous gift – and thereby provoked some real drama. As always, you can read all the details below.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post is a 19-year-old woman living together with her bosom friend
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)
The friend has an elder brother who used to babysit them both sometimes when they were kids
Image credits: throwaway_42353
Recently the author had her birthday and the guy bought her some expensive lingerie
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwaway_42353
However, the woman considered it pretty weird and threw it in the trash, not even trying to wear it
Image credits: Gabriel Dias (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwaway_42353
The friend, however, let it slip to her brother and the guy got mad at the author, saying it seems like she sees him as a perv
So, the Original Poster (OP) is a 19-year-old woman living with her one year older friend. This friend has a 26-year-old older brother, whom the author has known since her childhood – when he babysat them from time to time or drove them places. But years have passed – yesterday’s kids have grown up, and relationships have changed.
About a month ago, it was the OP’s birthday, and among the gifts she received from her friends was some very expensive lingerie from this friend’s brother. Well, the girl thought this gift was quite weird, per se, and first put it in her drawer, but after some time, she completely threw it into the trash – after all, she had no intention of wearing it anyway.
Every secret sooner or later becomes apparent – and at the most inopportune moment, as often happens in sitcoms. One day the friends were chatting together, and the friend’s bro asked how she liked the gift. The girl was going to lie something like “thank you, I really liked it” and thereby close the issue forever, but a friend intervened…
Yes, living with a roommate can sometimes be not that convenient. Of course, the friend saw this underwear, and saw it in the trash – so she, obviously, without any thinking, immediately blurted out that the author had thrown out her brother’s gift. The guy got mad, saying that the underwear cost a damn ton of money, and that it felt like total disrespect.
It all ended in a scandal – the man accused the OP of thinking he’s some kinda pervert, and the original poster ran to her room in tears. The friend, in turn, claims now that she clearly overreacted, and that her brother ‘was only trying to be nice.’ So the girl decided to ask for advice online – whether she was right or not.
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
“Personally, I see several red flags here. Starting with the fact that giving underwear to a person with whom you are not in a relationship seems weird and inappropriate,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment here. “Even if you’ve been friends for years, it’s too intimate for a ‘just a gift,’ unless you’re expecting something more.”
“If it was such an unsuccessful attempt to start a relationship, then obviously it failed. But the further reaction from the man is also rather ugly. Okay, it’s a gift, it’s an expensive gift – but it’s a weird gift as well, and after it’s given – it’s no longer your business how the new owner will dispose of it, right?”
“However, for some reason, it seems to me that this man’s sister was also involved here – at least she could have told him her friend’s exact size. Then her attempt to shield him becomes more clear. Be that as it may, this looks like a violation of personal boundaries and it seems to me that it is worth discussing this case in detail again for the friends – so that this doesn’t happen again,” Irina ponders.
Commenters on the original post also believe that the author’s friend and her brother both acted wrongly, to say the least. “First of all, it was an inappropriate gift. Second, he verbally abused you. Third, your friend threw you under the bus,” one of the commenters wrote. “Your friend underreacted to this whole thing – her brother’s a perv,” another person added.
Either way, people in the comments do think the original poster did exactly the right thing. “That’s a weirdly intimate gift to give someone you aren’t in a relationship with,” one of the commenters is almost sure. “And to follow up by asking if you’ve worn it? He is a creep. He yelled at you because he’s a creep. Keep an eye on him when he visits you and his sister.”
Well, as we can see, the overwhelming majority of people are sure that the author did the right thing here, and her friend and brother, on the contrary, were wrong. But to finally bring this story to a close, we need one more thing. Your point of view. So please feel free to discuss this particular situation in the comments below the post and let’s make it 100% clear.
However, people in the comments unanimously sided with the author, and slated the guy and his sister as well
Image credits: Janaina Lourenço (not the actual photo)
The fact that he bought it meant he was picturing her in it. He'll probably be posting on an InCel thread about what a great catch he is, and "WhY cAnT aNy OnE gIvE mE a ChAnCe?!"
The creep factor here is off the charts. My spidey sense was going off just reading it, so I feel really bad for OP in the case. If its not clear- you should *NEVER* buy lingerie for someone you are *not* in a sexual relation with. (Hell I find it even weird when woman buy lingerie for their friends as a bachelorette/wedding present)
Miss Manners (old school etiquette columnist) says to never accept a gift of clothing from a gentleman unless you are willing to let him remove it from your body. So throwing it away is acceptable.
Ok creepy. He's got sis brain washed it's ok for a friend's bro to buy a his kid sister's friend he used to babysit intimate wear. Not ok. And she's a snitch. Honestly seems like he's got her talked into trying to see if he can date you too next to make up for throwing it out. Get. Some. Distance. There's no fixing this. He's gonna make a move when she's not around so keep your phone handy.
Maybe sister is hoping they get together and that is affecting how she sees the gift.
Load More Replies...NTA, it is weird, creepy and invasive to gift lingerie unless you've got the go ahead first of all. Second, to ask you about wearing underwear in front of a friend no less, is also inappropriate. Third, the ages of all involved make this worse. She's been friends with them forever, so the brother was definitely thinking about her when he was decent years older. He waited until she was 19 and then gets overtly creepy. He's probably been perving on her since she was a kid. And fourth, but least, the price does not matter, once you give a gift, if someone wants to throw it away it is now theirs to throw away. The whole situation is awful and has failed grooming vibes. Time to set boundaries with the friend and cut ties with the bro.
Ewww.... just.... ewww... I wouldn't have waited to throw it away, or would have given it back to him right then.... That is so not appropriate.
He used to babysit her. What babysitter gives their charge such a gift?
NTA, of course. She could have talked to him about it and given it back, but ultimately, it was hers to decide what to do with it. The brother should have known better. The only woman I would even consider buying lingerie for would be one that I'm dating.
The classic example of gaslighting! I spent so much of my life uncomfortable and traumatized by creepy men just like him because I didn't want to seem presumptuous or hurt any feelings.
That's gross. No one but a creep would give their brother's roommate lingerie. She was honest and he flipped. Beginner stalker s**t. I guess since stealing panties is frowned upon buying them is better? Just so much wrong here. I hope she gets some distance from this dude and check out the place for cameras and stuff.
Anyone else reminded of the recent post here of the woman who was upset that her bf bought her sexy lingerie, taking it as a message that he didn't like the ones she was comfortable in? I've been in enough relationships to know that those sexy garments are, A) generally worn for the partner's benefit and B) mostly not very comfortable. (I've had lovers that prefer thongs but those were the exception)
NTA. OP's roommate is setting her up to be raped by her brother. The fact that she snitched about the lingerie being thrown away tells me that she and her brother were literally trying to trap OP. Keeping the lingerie = approval. Throwing it away = ingratitude. Either way, OP won't win. She needs to get out as soon as possible. In the meantime, if she has a lock on her bedroom door, she should use it at all times, not just when she's out. She should notify family members or trusted friends if they are nearby. Every time "he" shows up, OP should retreat to her bedroom, lock herself in, and call someone to pick her up. And LOCK THAT BEDROOM DOOR. But mostly, GET OUT OF THERE. And blast the two of them on every social media outlet in existence.
My first thought was she doesn't need to live in a place that he has access to.
Red flag for friend who 1. Snitched on op when the brother asked instead of asking her herself when she saw it in the trash. 2. Thinking that the gift was appropriate. 3. Letting her brother yell at her and make her cry and not siding with her for this. She’s not a friend. Leave that place now.
Creep factor started at a 10/10, and was ratcheted up to 20/10 when he started yelling. There is one person in the world for whom I would consider it appropriate to buy lingerie and that is my wife. Other people who can buy a woman lingerie are sister or best friend, so long as the friend is female and straight or male and gay. To buy a man lingerie, it depends on the context.
There is actually an etiquette for this: "A lady does not accept an item of clothing from a man that she would not allow him to help her remove." So a jacket, a scarf etc, is fine, lingerie only from a romantic partner. The "correct" thing to do is to immediately refuse the gift with a quiet "I couldn't possibly accept this from you." If that seems indiscrete, you return it ASAP. If you feel unsafe returning it, you either return it via a third party, or discard it immediately. You are in no way in the wrong here, a gift of lingerie from him was creepy and inappropriate, and you didn't know how to deal with it. In this situation, you need to set strong boundries fast, because his behaviour is predatory and his response to your rejection of what was definately an unwelcome advance was abusive. A 26 year old man giving a teenager lingerie and asking if she has worn it, is definately a creep, and you are right to be uncomfortable.
She should buy him something equally inappropriate. Like a b*ttplug or a leather thong (for him) and act all hurt when he doesn't like her gift.
Chances are high that such a gift would not be unwelcome...
Load More Replies...The fact that he bought it meant he was picturing her in it. He'll probably be posting on an InCel thread about what a great catch he is, and "WhY cAnT aNy OnE gIvE mE a ChAnCe?!"
The creep factor here is off the charts. My spidey sense was going off just reading it, so I feel really bad for OP in the case. If its not clear- you should *NEVER* buy lingerie for someone you are *not* in a sexual relation with. (Hell I find it even weird when woman buy lingerie for their friends as a bachelorette/wedding present)
Miss Manners (old school etiquette columnist) says to never accept a gift of clothing from a gentleman unless you are willing to let him remove it from your body. So throwing it away is acceptable.
Ok creepy. He's got sis brain washed it's ok for a friend's bro to buy a his kid sister's friend he used to babysit intimate wear. Not ok. And she's a snitch. Honestly seems like he's got her talked into trying to see if he can date you too next to make up for throwing it out. Get. Some. Distance. There's no fixing this. He's gonna make a move when she's not around so keep your phone handy.
Maybe sister is hoping they get together and that is affecting how she sees the gift.
Load More Replies...NTA, it is weird, creepy and invasive to gift lingerie unless you've got the go ahead first of all. Second, to ask you about wearing underwear in front of a friend no less, is also inappropriate. Third, the ages of all involved make this worse. She's been friends with them forever, so the brother was definitely thinking about her when he was decent years older. He waited until she was 19 and then gets overtly creepy. He's probably been perving on her since she was a kid. And fourth, but least, the price does not matter, once you give a gift, if someone wants to throw it away it is now theirs to throw away. The whole situation is awful and has failed grooming vibes. Time to set boundaries with the friend and cut ties with the bro.
Ewww.... just.... ewww... I wouldn't have waited to throw it away, or would have given it back to him right then.... That is so not appropriate.
He used to babysit her. What babysitter gives their charge such a gift?
NTA, of course. She could have talked to him about it and given it back, but ultimately, it was hers to decide what to do with it. The brother should have known better. The only woman I would even consider buying lingerie for would be one that I'm dating.
The classic example of gaslighting! I spent so much of my life uncomfortable and traumatized by creepy men just like him because I didn't want to seem presumptuous or hurt any feelings.
That's gross. No one but a creep would give their brother's roommate lingerie. She was honest and he flipped. Beginner stalker s**t. I guess since stealing panties is frowned upon buying them is better? Just so much wrong here. I hope she gets some distance from this dude and check out the place for cameras and stuff.
Anyone else reminded of the recent post here of the woman who was upset that her bf bought her sexy lingerie, taking it as a message that he didn't like the ones she was comfortable in? I've been in enough relationships to know that those sexy garments are, A) generally worn for the partner's benefit and B) mostly not very comfortable. (I've had lovers that prefer thongs but those were the exception)
NTA. OP's roommate is setting her up to be raped by her brother. The fact that she snitched about the lingerie being thrown away tells me that she and her brother were literally trying to trap OP. Keeping the lingerie = approval. Throwing it away = ingratitude. Either way, OP won't win. She needs to get out as soon as possible. In the meantime, if she has a lock on her bedroom door, she should use it at all times, not just when she's out. She should notify family members or trusted friends if they are nearby. Every time "he" shows up, OP should retreat to her bedroom, lock herself in, and call someone to pick her up. And LOCK THAT BEDROOM DOOR. But mostly, GET OUT OF THERE. And blast the two of them on every social media outlet in existence.
My first thought was she doesn't need to live in a place that he has access to.
Red flag for friend who 1. Snitched on op when the brother asked instead of asking her herself when she saw it in the trash. 2. Thinking that the gift was appropriate. 3. Letting her brother yell at her and make her cry and not siding with her for this. She’s not a friend. Leave that place now.
Creep factor started at a 10/10, and was ratcheted up to 20/10 when he started yelling. There is one person in the world for whom I would consider it appropriate to buy lingerie and that is my wife. Other people who can buy a woman lingerie are sister or best friend, so long as the friend is female and straight or male and gay. To buy a man lingerie, it depends on the context.
There is actually an etiquette for this: "A lady does not accept an item of clothing from a man that she would not allow him to help her remove." So a jacket, a scarf etc, is fine, lingerie only from a romantic partner. The "correct" thing to do is to immediately refuse the gift with a quiet "I couldn't possibly accept this from you." If that seems indiscrete, you return it ASAP. If you feel unsafe returning it, you either return it via a third party, or discard it immediately. You are in no way in the wrong here, a gift of lingerie from him was creepy and inappropriate, and you didn't know how to deal with it. In this situation, you need to set strong boundries fast, because his behaviour is predatory and his response to your rejection of what was definately an unwelcome advance was abusive. A 26 year old man giving a teenager lingerie and asking if she has worn it, is definately a creep, and you are right to be uncomfortable.
She should buy him something equally inappropriate. Like a b*ttplug or a leather thong (for him) and act all hurt when he doesn't like her gift.
Chances are high that such a gift would not be unwelcome...
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