35 Things People Can Only Fully Comprehend After Going Through Them Themselves
Interview
Some things, whether good or bad, can’t be put into words; they have to be experienced firsthand for a person to understand what they really feel like. For some people, it’s holding their newborn in their hands for the very first time, for others it can be something way less magical, like coming face-to-face with an alligator; but in both cases, there is simply no way to convey the experience with words.
Curious about such instances, redditor u/Slow_Inflation8701 addressed members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community asking what's something people don't understand until they go through it themselves. Fellow netizens shared their insight covering everything from abuse to parenthood, and much more, so scroll down to find their answers on the list below.
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Being with an abuser (mentally, physically, or both) and how hard it is to leave
This needs to be higher. I'm still recovering from my last GF who used to beat me, and abuse me and then when I wanted out, stalked me.
Depression, actual clinical diagnosed depression.
If I had a dollar every time I had to explain to someone it’s not “just feeling sad, bro!” and can get over it just like that, I could retire.
Yes! This is also true for anxiety. A family member of mine suffers from anxiety and I can't count the times my aunts and uncles ask "But what are they anxious about?" This is not how it works!! 🙄
Having to cut off your family because they are very toxic. It's almost impossible to come off as the reasonable person in this situation to others, even if your life was in danger. People just don't understand
The OP told Bored Panda that the reason they decided to start the thread was curiosity. “Just like everything posted on the ‘Ask Reddit’ forum, it's just something that came to mind. I was thinking about my own experiences and I wanted to know what other people's were.”
But little did they know that some of the answers would really move them. “I was surprised because I heard things about what people were going through that were unimaginable,” they said.
“But on the other side of the spectrum, I saw comments of people going through things I have gone through that I fully understand but they explained in a way I could never think to articulate myself. I spent days combing through the comments responding and trying my best to encourage everybody I could.”
Chronic debilitating illness and disability. How quickly life can change permanently without you doing anything wrong.
So much this! And all of the side effects in your daily life because of it, things you wouldn't think of. Like not being able to cook meals for yourself often, which lead to you eating prepackaged stuff that is not good for you. And there is the devastation of knowing it won't ever change. It might get easier, but never go away completely.
Experiencing the death of someone you love
The feeling in your gut that you will never be able to give one look and your loved one will know what you want to say. The shared memories, the laughs, little irritating things, a hug, working in the garden together, opening a bottle of good wine in front of the fire... I could go on and on. I was in shock the first few weeks after my husband passed away. And then WHAM it hits you. That's when the loss pulls you down. Thank God for family, friends, cheese and Pandas ❤️
Struggling without anyone or anything to fall back on.
Yes. My husband didn't understand why all my life decisions have been such massive risks and how failing or falling had dire consequences for me. He was so privileged to have the support of his family. He was never afraid to try anything, take a risk or loose it all because no matter what, he had a family who would catch him.
In the redditor’s opinion, the main thing that no one can understand unless they’re going through it themselves is mental illness. “Nobody understands; it's proven true in both society and our healthcare system. Depressed people are lazy for not getting out of bed. People with anxiety are dramatic. People with OCD are said to be compulsive cleaners and neat freaks.
“Everyone lacks empathy and basic understanding of how mental illness truly works. And it doesn't help that there's people on social media claiming that they love their mental illnesses and it makes them who they are, when there's people like myself suffering and battling daily with our minds. It makes it hard to get through simple tasks,” the OP shared.
Not having enough money due to unforeseen circumstances. Not every poor person is poor because of their own decisions. Finances are like traffic, you can do everything right on the road, and have your life completely flipped by some other a*****e driver.
Sexual assault
The fear is the worst. "Will it happen again?" Answer, probably yes. At least in my case.
Living with PTSD.
My brother. Four tours in Iraq. Now spends 4th of July in a bathtub with a blanket over his head. it's been ten years.
Mental illness.
Some people don't get it despite having mental illness themselves! My stepdad is a prime example. My sister has ASD, ADHD and anxiety, he has anxiety, but doesn't understand why my mum has to support her so much, because he takes his pills and that means everything is okay for him. It's not that simple with her.
Homelessness.
NOTHING prepares you for it, no amount of knowledge about “ resources “ street smarts etc prepares you for the devastation that is homelessness when you’re not mentally Ill or high to the hills.
You quickly learn all the “ resources “ we like to lie to each other about and pretend those “ lazy bums “ have are a crock of s**t.
Shelters are dangerous, filthy, abhorrent places , understaffed and simply don’t have the funding to do much good.
Yiu can get food assistance, but that’s about it.
Everything is a waiting game, rapid rehousing in most of the country isn’t rapid, youl be on a waiting list for ever, AND when politicians want to save a few bucks or show how fiscally conservative they are, guess who’s funding gets cut first?!
Never mind the trauma of never having privacy, a bathroom, a place to sleep safely, a place to keep any belongings without them being stolen, the constant threat of being robbed in your sleep or assaulted if you’re female, or maybe some teens feel like pelting you with eggs. Etc
Many who experience homelessness for the first time become mentally ill and/or addicted because it is so very devastating. It certainly changes you, often on a very primal level.
Anxiety or The Anxious feeling of something bad always feels like it’s going to happen, and imagining things before they even happen and not being able to cope.
The panic monster has been on my back all week. He's like some kind of bogyman. Always behind me these days. Usually about five minutes of spinning waking nightmares and then a few minutes of vomiting and I can get back to work again. i tell my coworkers they're just "dizzy spells".
How extremely devastating being on cheated is. It's a truly sickening feeling in your gut, and nothing in your life is the same afterward. Some people are never the same ever again, others take over a decade to go back to normal. But that initial feeling is the worst. The suspicionions, the adrenaline as the truth unfolds, the severe depression, and the imagination all come together to bring you one of life's most devastating experiences.
That can be made exponentially worse, when you hear from others how she reversed the roles when explaining your relationship to new lovers, because they wanted to be the one to 'swoop in and be the hero'. Why worse, some could ask, because it means she knows exactly how badly she treated you, and was manipulative enough to use it for self benefit. I lost years trying to unwind that nightmare in my head.
Nerve pain
It's horrible and most pain meds are useless against damaged nerves.
Babies who don't sleep. Especially if you have more than one child. It's relentless, unending torture from a tiny being who you love with everything you have but find yourself having terrible thoughts about. You plead and beg, soothe and hug, rant and yell, nothing works, they don't care, they won't sleep.
Every time you close your eyes, you know it might be 5 minutes or 2 hours or 20 minutes or 3 hours before you'll get woken again, and you have to go back in and be the best version of yourself for this tiny human.
If you have other kids, you then wake at day break (if you've slept at all) and then your other little ones wake, who also need you. It's not their fault you're completely deranged from the nightly torture, they need their Mum as well. Be on your game or struggle with the guilt, exacerbated by your exaggerated emotions as you're Just. So. Tired.
Driving becomes dangerous, you can't sort reality or process things, and again - small people who have no sense of the effect their regular little kid behaviour has, no empathy, just unleashing and you have to cop it and be a good Mum. And this is night, after night, after night, relentless, no hope in sight and no energy to summon any. And there's no real way to tell anyone how tired you are because there's no way to communicate a tiredness that is a physical weight you feel, like your body and mind don't belong to you any more but you've still got to perform.
Sleep deprivation is a war crime and babies are tiny terrorists. It's hell.
I relate so much to this. That level of exhaustion and sleep deprivation is hard to describe, but OP did well. I was at a point where I literally wasn't sure how I'd get through the next day and would just burst into tears because it all seemed so impossibly hard. Lack of sleep for an extended period of time really is hell.
Having an abortion. When Roe was overturned I had to hear everyone's opinion on abortion at work (both sides). It's such a talked about 'hot button' issue that people don't really think about the fact that if you are in a room with 10 women, you are probably in a room with one who has had an abortion, and they might not want to hear what you think about it. Whatever side of the line you fall on.
When I was in Highschool I had a friend who had one at 12yo. Think about forcing a child to carry a child. This is what's happening in a post Roe world.
Having a child with special needs
Yes! This needs to be higher. Having a child with a severe physical disability or a severe mental illness, or prone to violence, or all three, is the most soul-destroying experience you can imagine. And nobody understands who hasn't been through the experience, everybody blames the parents when the child misbehaves.
Losing a parent at a young age. You’re not sad because you miss them. You’re sad because you were robbed of ever knowing them.
Having a disability
especially if you are undiagnosed and you grow up and diagnose yourself and realize your life could have been so different if you were diagnosed as a child.
How bad toxic people and gaslighting are. The thing about that kind of abuse is that you never feel it like you would pbysical abuse. I know when I'm being punched, I don't know when I'm being gaslighted.
To me the physical abuse was so much easier to heal from than the malicious deception The mental abuse leaves far deeper wounds.
Birth. We all know it's "hard" but sometimes even the baby books and videos don't prepare you for what could happen. When I had my son my placenta adhered to my uterine wall. Resulting in me nearly bleeding out. When my water broke it was ALL dark blood. And when I got to the hospital after my water broke I stood up and immediately heard a splash and a HUGE pile of dark red blood pooled on the floor beneath my feet. I had to have a c section after being in labor for almost two days and failing to progress. And on the table they tried pulling it out just a little and I felt EVERYTHING. I started bleeding out and they let me see my son and I was told that there was something wrong with my placenta and they had to put me under. I was intubated and given iron transfusions and blood transfusions over a two week period on top of healing from a c section.
Even an entirely smooth pregnancy and birth is difficult. I’m not a mother but a medical student and watching pregnant patients giving birth is one of the most painful things I’ve had to witness. Even if it’s watching teaching videos about labour and delivery, it’s hard to keep watching and I often look away. I’m not fazed by blood and body parts and can watch any other procedure and even open surgeries without any issue. Kudos to all moms out there for going through what is childbirth!
Grief.
When it’s been a a while since, it’s common for people to say something like, “it’s been a few years, move on.”
It truthfully doesn’t work that way. You remember them forever. And even when times after are extremely good and happy, a little part of you is looking in that empty corner.
Don’t say the “move on” thing to grieving people. It truthfully is great that you don’t relate, grieving people don’t want you to try and relate. They’re in the middle of a process that, at least in some ways, lasts forever.
I was stuck for a long time before I realised that I didn't have to 'move on' but I could instead try to 'move forward' and that I could take my grief with me.
What always helps me is to remember this guy's experience that I once read somewhere. He had lost his whole family and he made a very true analogy: imagine that your mind is a circle that represents all your emotions, memories, identity, etc. When someone you love dies, that circle turns black. To continue, you should not try to erase or clean the circle, but create a new circle around it. You create a new self, but with that stain there forever. It continues to help me to think about this.
The one that loved me from my age 10 to 30 with zero hesitation, expectation or manipulation passed away 12 years ago. A long time, you could say, you should be over it. And most of the time I am, I'm aware of the loss, I miss her, but I live a happy life. I often won't think of her much for long periods. Or when I do, it's pleasant, I can remember all the nice things, and the fact that she went so peacfully, in my arms, as she deserved. Every Sunday I light a candle for her, then get on with my life. Then this year on her death's anniversary I had a bad meltdown, sobbed like it happened five minutes ago. It surprised even me. Next day I was all right, but now I think of her more often again, and I miss her so bad. And by the way, she was "just a cat" . There is no getting over grief, there is no end of it. If you love someone, losing them will leave a mark forever. You can survive it, sure, and get on with your life, but the loss is always there. And when you have to carry it alone because talking about it won't be met with understanding, it makes it that much harder. With my pain being this hard over a wonderful little pet, I dread to ever finding out how much worse it can be when it's your favourite person you're losing.
You don't 'get over it'. It stays with you. I lost my 3 best men, all 15 years apart. Grandfather - 15 years later - Dad - 15 years later - the love of my life. They are with me everyday, and I am glad they are still there.
And as you get older, there are more sources of it. The pain fades with time but as OP noted, never totally goes away. And through the years you collect more. My ex wife, close friends that no longer are, my mom, my father, my long term step father, both grandmothers, death of a close friend, other close friends fighting cancer and sometimes dying from it, estranged dysfunctional family members, to a much lesser extent (for me anyway) pets who have passed. Watching your own body begin to fail is just a bonus on top of other sad things in your head.
And grief doesn't just happen when a person dies. It can happen at the end of anything. The end of a relationship, losing a job you loved, having to move to a new house, school, city. Anything we're emotionally invested in can cause you to grieve the end.
That is quite true, and I'm not certain it is just as recognised.
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I lost my grandma about 35 years ago, that feeling came and went as I only remember lil memories of her( I was 5 when we moved to the states) but I’ve lost my dad 2 years ago, me and mom took care of him as he was paralyzed after a stroke, he was the first person closest to me that I lost, got me really sad some days and others I’m fine, every one goes through grief differently
Grief was once described as trying to write while on a trampoline. Life just goes all over the place and you never know when it might just tip you over again.
About 10 years ago, in an 18 month period, I lost my Nana, my cat, my Grampa, then my dog. I'm the strong one in my household, the only one working & holding it all together, and have NEVER allowed myself to properly grieve. You can't imagine how much I want to just go somewhere alone, in the middle of nowhere or the middle of the ocean, and just SCREAM out my pain until my throat is raw & I can't speak. To sob until I'm dehydrated. To just mourn the way others are able to. God, my eyes are welling up as I type this.
Especially true of suicide survivors, as in the family. You don’t ever get over it, you learn how to cope & survive with what’s left after a large part of your soul was amputated by brute ripping force. There is no anesthesia. You’re part human, part gaping hole. - Be kind folks.
Never say "I know how you feel". That's one of the most insulting things anyone could say to me.
You don't move on. You adapt to that hole in your being, and sometimes it takes years for that hold to fill up, and a lot of times it doesn't. And sometimes you hurt less, and sometimes you hurt more, it just hits you like a fist to the gut.
My mom was killed when I was 17. I'm 48. I still can't talk about her without crying. It never gets easier. You just learn to live with the pain.
I lost my partner of almost 3 years to a cardiac arrest in January '23; he died in front of me as I was on the phone to the emergency services. My grief is overwhelming, I miss him so deeply, and I still have night terrors and flashbacks. I can't imagine ever putting myself through another relationship and the chance of another heartbreak.
Grieving time length has no time limit.....that goes for our people and our furry kids too.
Dieing. Getting old. I'm 84 and, while I'm ok, lots of activities, tons of pain, low energy. It is nothing like I imagined and before that final exit, there are a lot more surprises. (One of the interesting things is that I have NO fear, but maybe that will change. lol)
One thing one that I do not understand is why no one educates young people how awful it is getting old. Physical and mental functions that you have had all your life start to deteriorate and there is nothing you can do about it except die or take meds to prolong a declining situation.
Working in customer service
Every time you say, that customer topped it, then there’s always another
Blindness, or bad eyes in general.
I've never known any different (though the time between the hole in my eye being fixed and when I started needing to wear glasses it was not an everyday problem, but I did still have to get check ups all the time).
Narcistic abuse
Cancer.
What it really means to go through cancer treatment.
Miscarriage. It's truly devastating.
At the very least, women are beginning to share and talk about the devastation and other myriad of emotions from experiencing a miscarriage(s). P.S. - You can try again is not helpful.
Car crashes
Yes been in a few, one quite bad. Hit from behind at full speed by a large SUV. No braking .Car written off and car in front of me also written off. Spend quite a while pretty nervous about driving
How unprepared you are for a physical fight. Most people way overestimate their abilities.
When I went to martial arts classes they always told us the most important thing we would gain from them would be a level of fitness that meant we could outrun any potential attacker. Never fight, always run.
Note: this post originally had 42 images. It’s been shortened to the top 35 images based on user votes.
Why is the "R" word not on this list? Your know the four letter word that starts with "R"? I'm survivor and I have a lot to say about such and BP seems to have tried replacing R with "sexual assault". Not good enough. They both suck but they are not the same.
I would also like to comment on this. I don't have experience so perhaps I should stay out of it, but simply typing a word its not helping any of us, we need stories and information to better process what its like for others, otherwise, sorry, its just a word, typed on the internet. It means nothing.
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I can directly relate to over half of this list and I don't want to.
I have 2: 1. Loosing my mom last year and nearly loosing my dad this year (learn cpr guys) and 2. (the mild one) getting all my accounts stripped last november, still recovering (monetarily) from that one. The first one I will never recover.
Migraine. I have severe ones and hear people call a regular headache a migraine. NO! If you never been clinically diagnosed with migraine, NEVER say you have them because you don't. It's insulting. A migraine is so much more than any normal person's headache, a minor and temporary inconvenience. Migraine affects every aspect of a sufferer's life and body. It's a life-altering disability. Frankly, it's torture.
It is. I experienced it twice in my life and holy s**t that's tough. You can't do anything but lying in bed and waiting for it to disappear. I don't know how people can function whilst having to struggle with this on a regular basis.
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Having someone close to you take their own life. That one death was like a ripple effect to so many other's lives. It impacted me for a good decade. Sudden and violent deaths are devastating.
You can never understand how it is for others, going thru something you have not had yourself. I, as an example, cannot understand someone who has cancer. I can only sympathize. And someone who has cancer cannot understand how It's for me with my chronic pain and anxiety dissorder. They can only sympathize with me.
I'm impressed and humbled by some of these answers Would give up vote to everyone of them I hope that by peoples compassionate answers have helped someone
Divorce. I know it's a more common thing but those that haven't gone through it don't understand how devastating it can be. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. The guilt you feel even though maybe you weren't the cause. You can't help but think if I had just been a better wife maybe it wouldn't have ended like this. It's almost worst than death. Cause at least with death you can tell yourself it wasn't your fault. You feel like a failure and it's disheartening because you worry your next one will end this way too.
I have experienced some of these first hand, some I have witnessed, some I have heard and read about. The ones I haven’t experienced or witnessed I can still have an understanding of, however, because of empathy. I do try to put myself in other people’s shoes, and really try to imagine what it’s like to be them. I may not have all the context, but I can at least have an understanding of the experience of their existence. For example, I sometimes try to close my eyes and navigate around my house as if I was blind. It is not easy, and boy there is a load of counting steps to it. Gives me at least an idea of what blind people have to put up with, day in and day out.
I can relate to only one of that and that's one of the easiest one here (working in service), so I guess I lucked out)
It's kind of sad to know that I show up so much on this list.
Not on the list but it deserves a place: Infertility. And when you struggle with it, how seemingly careless some people undergo abortion. I know there are terrible stories from abortion clinics, but I've seen several women in my social circle who did it bc 'oh forgot to use condom' 'not this time in my life' 'not convenient bc of planned holiday'. Well if you don't want it, let me have it then. Baby not your problem anymore and we both happy.
Having my cervix torn open for no reason isn't very appealing to me for some reason. I get that being infertile sucks, but other people aren't taking their fertility for granted by not wanting children.
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Why is the "R" word not on this list? Your know the four letter word that starts with "R"? I'm survivor and I have a lot to say about such and BP seems to have tried replacing R with "sexual assault". Not good enough. They both suck but they are not the same.
I would also like to comment on this. I don't have experience so perhaps I should stay out of it, but simply typing a word its not helping any of us, we need stories and information to better process what its like for others, otherwise, sorry, its just a word, typed on the internet. It means nothing.
Load More Replies... I can directly relate to over half of this list and I don't want to.
I have 2: 1. Loosing my mom last year and nearly loosing my dad this year (learn cpr guys) and 2. (the mild one) getting all my accounts stripped last november, still recovering (monetarily) from that one. The first one I will never recover.
Migraine. I have severe ones and hear people call a regular headache a migraine. NO! If you never been clinically diagnosed with migraine, NEVER say you have them because you don't. It's insulting. A migraine is so much more than any normal person's headache, a minor and temporary inconvenience. Migraine affects every aspect of a sufferer's life and body. It's a life-altering disability. Frankly, it's torture.
It is. I experienced it twice in my life and holy s**t that's tough. You can't do anything but lying in bed and waiting for it to disappear. I don't know how people can function whilst having to struggle with this on a regular basis.
Load More Replies... Having someone close to you take their own life. That one death was like a ripple effect to so many other's lives. It impacted me for a good decade. Sudden and violent deaths are devastating.
You can never understand how it is for others, going thru something you have not had yourself. I, as an example, cannot understand someone who has cancer. I can only sympathize. And someone who has cancer cannot understand how It's for me with my chronic pain and anxiety dissorder. They can only sympathize with me.
I'm impressed and humbled by some of these answers Would give up vote to everyone of them I hope that by peoples compassionate answers have helped someone
Divorce. I know it's a more common thing but those that haven't gone through it don't understand how devastating it can be. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. The guilt you feel even though maybe you weren't the cause. You can't help but think if I had just been a better wife maybe it wouldn't have ended like this. It's almost worst than death. Cause at least with death you can tell yourself it wasn't your fault. You feel like a failure and it's disheartening because you worry your next one will end this way too.
I have experienced some of these first hand, some I have witnessed, some I have heard and read about. The ones I haven’t experienced or witnessed I can still have an understanding of, however, because of empathy. I do try to put myself in other people’s shoes, and really try to imagine what it’s like to be them. I may not have all the context, but I can at least have an understanding of the experience of their existence. For example, I sometimes try to close my eyes and navigate around my house as if I was blind. It is not easy, and boy there is a load of counting steps to it. Gives me at least an idea of what blind people have to put up with, day in and day out.
I can relate to only one of that and that's one of the easiest one here (working in service), so I guess I lucked out)
It's kind of sad to know that I show up so much on this list.
Not on the list but it deserves a place: Infertility. And when you struggle with it, how seemingly careless some people undergo abortion. I know there are terrible stories from abortion clinics, but I've seen several women in my social circle who did it bc 'oh forgot to use condom' 'not this time in my life' 'not convenient bc of planned holiday'. Well if you don't want it, let me have it then. Baby not your problem anymore and we both happy.
Having my cervix torn open for no reason isn't very appealing to me for some reason. I get that being infertile sucks, but other people aren't taking their fertility for granted by not wanting children.
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