Someone Asks “What Is Something That Your Parents Did That You Will Never Forgive Them For?” And 35 People Deliver Heartbreaking And Honest Answers
The internet is full of happy, wholesome content about parenting and family life – from cake smash photoshoots and childhood photos to constructive parenting tips. Just as important as celebrating the positive, however, is learning from and and understanding the negative. When one Redditor asked people to share things they’d never forgive their parents for, the comment section served as a place of group catharsis where people could get traumas large and small off their chests and console one another.
We must warn you that some of the topics touch on potentially triggering memories of sexual assault, violence or substance abuse. If you enjoyed a relatively stable upbringing, some of these comments may help put the turbulence you did encounter (because haven’t we all) into a broader perspective. If your upbringing left you deeply scarred, then you may recognize parts of your own life in these terrible situations and find solace and solidarity. All of these people survived, and some of them are even thriving – despite it all.
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Mine is heavy but I’ll be honest, my mother was a prostitute when I was a child. When I turned 4 and my sister was 5 she decided she wanted to earn even better money by pimping out her kids, us. This was a part of my life for a few years until I went into foster care. I’m a grown adult and I accept what happened in my childhood and I’ve done the work to heal. But I’ll never forgive her. Some things are unforgivable.
Close to Christmas when I was around 10/11 years old, I was home alone when there was a knock on the door. I answered and it was one of my mum's acquaintances.
He told me that he'd spoken to my mum and needed to come in to pick some stuff up, so off he went upstairs and proceeded to steal all of the Christmas presents that were destined to be placed under the tree for my brother, sister and I on Christmas morning.
I was oblivious to what the stuff that needed to be picked up was.
Mum comes home 30 minutes later, asks if anybody came round whilst she was out.
Proud as punch I say "yup, Craig came round and picked the stuff up you told him about".
"YOU LET HIM IN THE HOUSE?!?"
*oh c**p*
Mum runs upstairs....
"he's stolen all of your Christmas presents, you'll have nothing for Christmas now!"
High drama, anger and profound guilt filled the entire house for the remainder of the night and a while after.
About 6 months later I overheard a conversation I shouldn't have and figured out that there were no Christmas presents to start with, the whole thing was a setup.
The household budget didn't stretch to maintaining existence, sating a rampaging heroin addiction AND Christmas presents.
So yeah, my mum concocted a perfect plan to hide the lack of Christmas presents, remove herself from any perceived blame and let a 10 year old boy think that he had ruined Christmas.
Those were the days!
My mom letting my stepfather beat me almost unconscious and now denying 15 years of abuse on me and my brother. We were really affected when we realised that she will never apologise or even accept that it was also her fault for not doing anything about it.
It's so sad when people don't acknowledge their own faults cause they'll never believe they need to change
Now more than ever, people are becoming more comfortable with discussing mental health and trauma online. This is a wonderfully positive development for our mental and emotional wellbeing, but we can sometimes forget to consider the events that can make people have to deal with these issues in the first place.
Abandoned my dog and [unalived] my rat with a brick.
My rat was old and dying, I wanted desperately for my mum to take him to the vets to be euthanized in the most painless way possible. She was too lazy (We have access to free veterinary care in the UK for families on benefits, so there was no excuse). She used a brick to [unalive] him...
Then my dog, he was a former fighting dog my auntie had rescued and given to us. My mum couldn't handle his antisocial behaviour. He never attacked anyone, but he was easily spooked and only really got along with me. One day, while I was at school she dumped him and I don't even know where. He was a good and emotionally sensitive dog that deserved a home.
This stuff paired with the fact she was an abusive person, who hit me and my siblings almost daily, is the reason I haven't spoken to her in 4+ years and don't intend on doing so ever again.
Don't ever contact her, as she will try toanipulaye you into taking care of her when she gets old by guilt tripping you F**k the b***h, don't accept apologies, because she is a psychopath, and will only apologize to manipulate you
I was 10 years old. I was given to a 34 year old man to be his third wife. My parents were so happy because it was a great "honour" to them that I was chosen out of all of the girls there to be with the man that was second in charge.
Parenthood is hard, but that’s no excuse for any of the stories described here. The majority of these are child abuse through and through, and those that aren’t may still have damaged the children who experienced them forever.
I was sexually abused by my grandfather constantly for years. Its one of my earliest memories.
Later in life I found out that he did something to my older brother before I was even born. They stayed away from him briefly after that but then carried on as if nothing happened because they didn't want to cause an issue.
Edit: I want to thank everyone who has commented. I cant describe how much it has meant for me to recieve so much love and care.
I feel very alone most of the time so I'm going to remind myself that this proves that there are caring people out there.
❤️
Your grandfather was a piece of s**t paedophile, who was assisted by your s****y parents. I know this isn't going to stop the anxiety attacks and nighares you have, but NONE OF IT WAS YOUR FAULT
not allowing me enough social freedom. Im gonna be 18 soon and i have no friends because i wasnt allowed to attend most social events. planning to go far away from for college to change this.
My mum sold my dog while I was at work. When I came home and was looking for them she told me that someone came to see him today and that they loved and took him.He went to a good home, but I never got to even say goodbye.
Edit: Appreciate all the love. After reading all your stories, I can say that I am unhappy that I am not alone in this
Was 12 years old a "man of God" said my dog was possessed by evil spirits, dog was sold to people that eat dogs I had to chain up my dog and watch as he was hit on the head with a rebar until it died then watch them merrily take my dog to be cooked....(Nigeria) hated most pastors ever since
The first step to healing the trauma from events like these is often to simply accept the trauma in the first place - accept that you’re not OK, that you’re hurt, and that you need help. The often-advised next step is to seek out professional help, but if someone is unwilling or unable to do so, here are a few steps to get started with healing your own trauma and improving your mental health.
They beat the s**t out of me. Sent me to school with bruises. Threatened to have my sister's split from me if I ever told anyone what they did to us. Now my bio mom tries to guilt trip my sister's into convincing me to let her and her s****y husband back in my life.
Aside from that they also [hurt] our dog, poisoned my squirrel and cut my sister's guinea pigs head off.
But I'm the unhinged and unstable person.
Some people should never have children.
I seriously hope OP cuts out the gangrenous scum excuse of a family he/she has right now. No guilt needed for that, just a cold, hard HELL NO!!!
Uhhhh lemme think for a second…
- my mom being proud to break a brand new wooden spoon by spanking me
- both of them forcing me to clear the plate no matter what was on it, if I liked it or not, if I was full or not. Lost the ability to feel if I’m full…
- both of them insult me (stuff like “you’re too stupid to take a s**t” if I made minor mistakes, for example dropped something while eating)
- my father SAing me
- my mother saying she would get a divorce after I told her but she never did until she died
- my fathers attempt to strangle me on the day I moved out
Yeah… that’s about it
My dad tried to commit suicide when I was a baby. That alone is bad enough but he tried to take me with him. My grandfather came to the house and basically told him "If you give up on life, that's your choice, but you aren't taking my grandson with you!"
I miss you, grandpa.
The most s****y thing, and apparently not too rare. Germany even has a word for men killing themselves and taking their families with them: "family tragedy". You know, because it's not some arsehole killing others to make it easier for himself, no, it's a tragic act of fate. And of course, they would call it that only if the man was white.
One strategy is to make an effort to observe yourself and take note of any emotional overreactions you exhibit throughout your day. Critical self-analysis may help reveal that these overreactions point to unresolved issues caused by your trauma. This step can work well together with professional help, as it will give you meaningful information to pass on to your therapist.
After 10 years of promising me the house in exchange for living and taking care of them. Mom decided after a fight to give half the house to the man who tried to [unalive] me in my own home - my brother.
B***h still doesn't understand why my wife and kids moved 300k away from her and that psychopath.
Ignoring my obvious ADHD in spite of the fact that they were aware of how much I struggled. I got good grades and wasn't hyper, so it didn't matter!
After years of struggling tremendously, I finally got diagnosed when I was 23. When I told my mom, she shrugged and said, "Yeah, we've known about it since you were 10." Gosh, thanks for letting me think I was lazy and stupid all those years!
Kicking me out the day after my 18th birthday because I turned 18. And now constantly calling me a failure for not finishing college (had to drop out because I couldn’t afford that/rent/transportation anymore) and telling me to do better
Another good tip is to do some research on whatever events you think may have been traumatic for you. If possible, check in with participants or third parties that may have been present or that may have otherwise known about what you went through.
They made me drop every single hobby I got into because studying came first. I learned to hide my enthusiasm from them because of this. Even today I never show how excited I am for something I do or buy. I feel like I am unable to enjoy things to the fullest because of it.
Probably that I ended up being the mediator between my mom and dad as they went through a divorce and one side was being frustrating to communicate with than the other.
So I in part had to act as a go between information and nagging them to communicate for stuff like medical bills and insurance and school payment stuff from 7-15 or so.
omg I'm so sorry for that, no kid deserves to go through that. Actually, no one deserves to live this
For breaking each and every promise they made, and trying to control me like a puppet. Otherwise they're good tho
A difficult but important step is also to embrace the pain. For many, coping with the pain and grief of trauma involves hiding or repressing it in some way. This manifests itself differently in every person, but it can involve substance abuse or other types of addictions. Most therapists agree that a key aspect of dealing with trauma is embracing and feeling the pain of that trauma. Crying is OK.
He held a knife to my 12 year old brothers throat and threatened to [unalive] him. Abandoned multiple family dogs on the side of the road. Abuse of each other in front of me. She put her fist through the China cabinet in front of me. Blood everywhere. I was 5. I moved across the country. He is now gone, and I have no contact with her.
Oh my gosh. I am so sorry. No one should ever have to go through something like this. We are all here for you =)
They taught me very bad eating habits that have made it super hard for me to stay at a healthy weight. I am absolutely working at, and succeeding in teaching my children better eating habits.
One morning in 2002, my Dad woke me up for school, but I obviously fell back asleep. I've had big periods of insomnia since I was a child, but instead of recognising that when he came back into the room and saw me asleep again, he grabbed me by the hair, dragged me out of my room and slammed me onto the hallway floor. My Mum said nothing. It's been 21 years and that memory still haunts me.
I hate single serve cups of Macaroni. I made one for my brother and told him it was to hot to eat, and as a joke told him I had to eat it for him. He fake cried, and I gave it to him after putting an ice cube in it. Out of curiosity I asked my brother whether he loved macaroni, or God more, and he said macaroni. I didn't know how to reply, so I told him what I learned in school. That he should love God more. (We were in a homeschooling Christian type school) My mother came home about an hour later from shopping, and i went to the bathroom. When I finished my mother charged and slapped me so hard I fell against the wall. She yelled at me, telling a 12 year old that they were being a B-word. Apparently my sister twisted the situation and told my mother I wouldn't give my brother macaroni because he said he loved macaroni more than God. It really affected my relationship with my mother, sister, and brother. Eventually we sorted out what really happened, and apologized to each other. Still hurt though.
Find someone you can talk to. This can be a friend or family member that you trust, but again, your best bet will probably be to work with a therapist who is trained to hear out your troubles and help you seek out a constructive path towards recovery.
My dad used to tell us all the time how my step mom was the most important person in his life and how he wished he never had kids. When he was dying his wife was already moved on to her next man and didn’t even go see him the day he died because “she had other stuff she needed to do first.” I’ll never forgive him for putting her above us.
my entire life my mom has always talked about “wanting me to have my own life”. when i finally moved out to live with my then girlfriend, she decided to write me a letter. it detailed how if i still lived with her, she could have done so many things for me (like getting me a car). she then wrapped the letter up with saying me being born ruined her life. now she wonders why our relationship is so bad.
They told me I could buy what I wanted since I had a job. Even so I was very careful with my spending because I didn't want them getting mad that I bought something "useless". One day I told them I was gonna buy a secondhand psp for my birthday and asked them if it was okay. They said it's fine because it's my money after all. Still I kept asking them just to make sure it's fine and that they promised they won't chew me out for it later. Sure enough I bought it and had my first personal game console.
Then a year later we got into an argument because my parents weren't satisfied with the money I was giving them. Then they brought up the psp I bought last year and chewed me out for spending on useless stuff like that instead of buying branded clothes to show off to our relatives. I will never be able to forgive them for that. They broke their promise and I was now in the very situation I was trying to avoid back then.
Anyways after that I just started buying whatever I want without telling them or lying about the price.
This makes no sense to me, my adult daughter lives will me for free and since she chooses to work, she has spending money, and its all hers as it should be. Her two sisters will have the same, providing they want to stay here. As far as I see it, they are still my kids, I chose to have them, and this is still their home.
While seeking mental and emotional recovery, don’t forget that your physical health is scientifically proven to impact your mental health (and vice versa). These tips are lampooned as woefully inadequate responses to trauma, but they are meant as the establishment of a healthy and supportive baseline, not as a cure. Make sure you’re eating enough food, drinking enough water, and getting 8 hours of sleep a night.
When my son was first born, his grandpa on his dads side sent me 500 dollars to get through the month. I told my mom this and she asked me if I could help her pay one of her bills. I said yes, but that I would need it back eventually because I needed formula. I wasn’t working at this time and I was a 19 year old single mom. She agreed and said that was fine. End of the month rolls around and when I asked for the money back (it was 80 dollars) my mom went off, ended up messaging my sons grandpa and said “You don’t need to give her anymore money. She doesn’t manage it well because now she can’t even afford formula.” I guess I’ve forgiven her but it really irks me even 4 years later.
If this was the only time Mom pulled this s**t, I could understand forgiving her, but I'm willing to bet $80 that it's not even close to the only time. If it were me, I'd go no contact with her.
Dad invited his nephew who was fresh out of jail for killing his own father, to stay at our place for a while. I was 3 at the time and he sexually abused me multiple times, and my dad would still have him babysit me :^)
When my mom learned and wanted to take legal action he fought her all the way, because family is family. Thank god I have my mom, she fought for me before I was able to.
I don't remember a lot from it, because of cptsd but some of the things she has told me are horrifying and explains a whole lot now that I am older
Honestly, it would be the toxicity and overprotective nature of my parents. The way that I grew up made me feel as though I didn’t have anyone to lean back into, and it sure as hell didn’t help how my dad always made me feel worst about myself, and the constant need to prove myself and to try to be better. And my dad being overprotective made me not have a lot of friends, which screwed up my social skills.
As a result, I sucked pretty bad at school and didn’t have a lot of friends. I remember how when my parents used to fight back then, I’d just hide away in my way room playing video games or with legos, just to stay away from my family.
I guess because of how my childhood went, I don’t think I can really forgive my parents because of how much it would mess me up later on in my life. I still suffer from having an inferiority complex and can’t appreciate the things I’ve been able to accomplish. I’ve gotten better but it’s still hard. I respect my parents these days, because of they changed towards me, but I still can’t forgive them completely for how things have went. I could never have a heart to heart conversation with my dad about the things he’s done and I think that’s why I can only say that I love my dad, but I don’t like him.
Yes, inferiority complex, something I struggle with too. Throughout childhood I was always told I was smarter than my decisions, and could do way better. Eventually every decision became major, and i felt forced to grow up and take on to much responsibility to fast. With my OCD I was the main cleaner, everything had to be done in a specific order, and in a timely fashion. My siblings on the other hand would diddle daddle, and get distracted. I know one of my siblings has really bad ADHD, so I tried to be understanding about why it would take her so long. Additionally my grades. I did home school after 6th grade so eventually I fell behind trying to keep up with life.(that is where my OCD really developed) I just became so overwhelmed and angry all at the same time. Eventually I just kinda broke down, but even then, that feeling of never being enough or what they wanted would eat away at my thoughts. I got back up again until I broke again and again. Luckily I'm not like that anymore.
My mom taught me my whole life that my worth is only determined by the way I look, my weight, the way I carry myself, how "lady like" I present myself. She instilled fear into me at such a young age, that as long as I was fat, I'd never find love, I'd never find a good job, I'd never have children. Dragging me to and from doctors to find "what was wrong with me" because I was "fat". Grounding me for weeks at a time because I didn't lose the amount of weight she wanted me too.
Now as an adult woman, I struggle so incredibly hard with my self worth and self confidence. Trying to separate her words and thoughts from my own, as I've never had an original thought about myself. The anxiety, depression, and self harm that rooted from this should've taken my life years ago.
She's my mother, and as hard as it may be for others to understand, I love her. I've come along ways with setting boundaries with her and putting my foot down.
As for my father, he never spoke up for me. He just turned a blind eye.
I've felt so out of place in my family for as long as I can remember.
I'll heal one day, but it won't be anytime soon. Just love your f*****g kids for who they are, unconditionally.
You are a beautiful survivor. If you aren't in therapy, please find a good therapist. It helps a lot w/ that negative inner dialog. Yes, it's very hard to change. Just a thought but might be worth a try: have 1 of your favorite people record themselves saying things like "You are beautiful" "People love you b/c you have such a kind heart" "You make people happy b/c you're so funny" (Trust me, your friends will have no problem coming up w/ a list of your best qualities). Then when those bad thoughts are stuck on a loop in your head, listen to the recording of your friend saying those wonderful things about you. You want to replace your negative inner dialog w/a positive one, & while there's plenty of meditation sites online that do something similar, it will stick more if it's a voice that means something to you
Not believing me when I came home from my first year of Uni & said I wasn't on drugs.
I was clinically depressed & suicidal, but they said my 'weird behaviour' was because I must be on drugs. I've never knowingly taken anything, even 20years later. No matter what I said or did, they wouldn't believe me or help me.
It took a friend at Uni intervening & getting me some professional help before I could cope again.
Force me to give all my original star wars and action man toys to my little cousins.. which they absolutely destroyed within 3 months.
Would be worth a fortune now.
EDIT : I had no idea what I said would connect with people of my age.. for the record I had about 75-80 original Star Wars figures.. all with original added weapons and in great condition, but not in original packaging.
The ships and vehicles I owned were all in original packaging and great condition. About 7 of em.
I’ve also remembered as well I gave them about 30 original late 70’s early 80’s subbuteo teams in original green slide off boxes away as well.. but that was to the son of the guy that had gifted them to me.. so they weren’t really mines
I've been down this road, but it wasn't so much my parents but rather my "beloved" uncles and aunties manipulating my grandparents into agreement. That BS all stopped when I got older and beefier, got a part-time/full-time job, and started buying my own stuff and downright giving them a not-so-friendly reminder that if I bought it, I say whether it can be given away or stays with me. Of course, being from a Chinese family, they keep playing the "Respect Your Elders" card but will always back off pretty fast when I play the "Who Bought It?" card instead.
Mother repeatedly saying " I have to raise my boys and I love your brothers but I don't love you." Told this at age 8 ,9,10 and so on my birthday and many times throw out the year . Never given a birthday party while 3 brothers had blowouts every year . Left on 16th birthday after I made sure whole family heard her this time.
Mom was jeckle and hide , never been back.found out mom told brothers i was evil and never to talk to me . Ain't talked to them since don't even know if there still alive .
Don't bother. They should have been dead to you a long time ago...
About to get pretty dark here lmao
But my childhood was pretty s**t. My parents have always had drug issues and it got to the point where they just locked my little sister and I in our room, and they'd just bring us plates of food but they'd never clean up any old food, and us being young kids, food got everywhere. It got to the point where we literally had maggots in our beds.
They kept my brother in a dark room all by himself and I remember as a baby/newborn he had to have breathing treatments because it really affected him, and they'd smoke in the house all the time.
Our grandmother got custody of us, thankfully but it really stuck with me. I was old enough to remember most of everything (I'm 5 years older than my sister, and 7 years older than my brother, so I was 7-8 or so around that time) it really f****d me up lmao.
My little sister was old enough to remember some stuff, and there was that weird middle child thing, but my parents treated her more like a friend than anything, when she was a teenager they'd do drugs and s**t with her. She really got into a bad path and she wasn't able to get off it, I tried to help her and I still feel guilty because I should have done more, but she did what she wanted to and didn't think she had a problem. About 4 years ago, she was killed in a mass shooting that was guns/drug related, it was some stupid little "gang" (gang as in dumb AF kids from a really small town who thought they were badasses) but they went and shot up the place and unfortunately she had been living there at the time and she was one of the victims. She had just turned 21 a couple of days before.
I'll always feel so guilty because I wish I could have done more to help her and I'll always have that regret.
I'm so sorry for your loss. But please know that you couldn't have saved your sister. Addicts won't and don't get clean until they're ready to, no matter how much the people around them (you) love them. You could have poured every ounce of love, energy, sweat, and blood of every minute of every day into her, and it still wouldn't have saved her. In fact, doing that might have just prolonged her addiction (I am in no way blaming you for this, btw, so please don't take it that way). Addicts need to hit their rock bottom (sometimes a few times) before they get clean. If you aren't already seeing a therapist, please find a good one. You've already gone through so much. You deserve to live a beautiful, happy life, not one clouded with guilt that isn't yours to bear. Sending love and blessings to you
My mom left my bro and I behind to go be a m*thhead while lying to people about having cancer. I've confronted her, told her to show proof of the cancer. Nothing. She gets cancer every five to ten years without going to the doctors.
I just want you to know I feel your pain. You're not alone by far. Manchausens syndrome is a b.i.t.c.h. grew up dealing with the same helping with my brother. Hated that I had to grow up so early.
Taking back an abusive partner who hated me even after telling the world all the horrible s**t she did. It became clear to me that I could be a perfect angel and successful and I would never be as good as a drunken, circular saw-wielding maniac who took her hatred of my other parent out on me, constantly made personal attacks, denies she ever did anything wrong and brainwashed my mother into defending her actions. Then when I called her out for her behavior, she accused me of being homophobic.
When her b***h of a partner dies, I guarantee she’ll be all over me. But she will get no favor from me.
Just a reminder that y’all can clock out at any time. I’m about done with this article. You are all wonderful and beautiful and I hope you have a amazing day.
My stepdad sent me to jail because I defended my mother from him
Note: this post originally had 55 images. It’s been shortened to the top 35 images based on user votes.
I will never forgive my dad for beating me, verbally abusing me, almost traumatising me and saying that because he had it harder I can’t complain
Living in fear of my dad's rage... Obeying him in silence.... Yeah, it's not almost traumatising. It *is* traumatising. You don't have an idea of what a non-trauma life is until you leave home. You can read Pete Walker on the phenomenon of complex PTSD (when we have no pre-trauma life, essentially, works for kids raised in war zones, too).
Load More Replies... Well I had to stop reading this for this morning...I haven't had coffee yet and I am in tears.
These people deserve to be boiled in battery acid
Load More Replies...
When I was in elementary school there was a group of us kids that would share stories about our abuse and neglect. The school knew we were being abused. The police knew. But no one seemed to care. I admitted to a social worker that my mom and I were being beaten by my alcoholic dad. They said they would help, but nothing ever happened. There's a reason why I hate living in the "bible belt" of the US.
I will never forgive my dad for beating me, verbally abusing me, almost traumatising me and saying that because he had it harder I can’t complain
Living in fear of my dad's rage... Obeying him in silence.... Yeah, it's not almost traumatising. It *is* traumatising. You don't have an idea of what a non-trauma life is until you leave home. You can read Pete Walker on the phenomenon of complex PTSD (when we have no pre-trauma life, essentially, works for kids raised in war zones, too).
Load More Replies... Well I had to stop reading this for this morning...I haven't had coffee yet and I am in tears.
These people deserve to be boiled in battery acid
Load More Replies... When I was in elementary school there was a group of us kids that would share stories about our abuse and neglect. The school knew we were being abused. The police knew. But no one seemed to care. I admitted to a social worker that my mom and I were being beaten by my alcoholic dad. They said they would help, but nothing ever happened. There's a reason why I hate living in the "bible belt" of the US.
