Parents Of 10 Kids Freak Out After Eldest Says He’s Moving Out Once He Turns 18

Not all children have the luxury of being kids, and parentified children know this best. The National Alliance for Caregiving claims that 1.4 million American children and adolescents experience parentification. But not all kids accept those responsibilities in stride: some rebel.

Like this 17-year-old teen did. He broke it to his parents that he’s not planning on continuing to help raise his nine younger siblings once he turns 18 and moves out of the house. When they started guilt-tripping him, the teen turned to the Internet for some unbiased opinions.

Raising lots of kids can take a toll on parents, so, they sometimes seek help from their oldest

Parent with several kids on a sofa, showcasing family dynamics and moments.

Image credits: krakenimages (not the actual photo)

But this teenager wasn’t planning on helping his parents and planned to move out after turning 18

Text discussing eldest of ten kids planning to move out at 18, feeling like a third adult in the household.

Text about parents of 10 kids and the eldest planning to move out at 18.

Text on arranging kids' rooms in a family home.

Parents with 10 kids share living conditions; all sleep in small bunk beds, wear thrift store clothes, share hand-me-downs.

Text about a child managing household chores and responsibilities from a young age.

Child washing dishes in a kitchen, wearing a striped shirt, symbolizing family dynamics with 10 kids.

Image credits: Curated Lifestyle (not the actual photo)

Text describing household chores and babysitting tasks for eldest of 10 kids.

Text describing eldest child doing chores for siblings and parents in large family.

Text about siblings relying on eldest for various tasks.

Text on image about sibling dynamics and parental roles among 10 kids.

Text expressing frustration over siblings not helping out, parents not supporting eldest child.

Parents of ten kids looking concerned, sitting on a couch, discussing their eldest moving out.

Image credits: Curated Lifestyle (not the actual photo)

Eldest child with 10 siblings plans to move out at 18, causing parents to become anxious.

Eldest child expressing independence, stating desire to move out at 18 among siblings.

Text conversation about turning 18 and leaving home, highlighting family responsibilities.

Image source: Personal-Car-6481

Expecting the eldest child to take care of their younger siblings is unfair and harmful in the long run

Father and baby sitting together, capturing a moment of bonding within a large family.

Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)

Being the eldest sibling can be a lot on a child’s or a teen’s plate. In a big family, parents might expect the eldest child to take care of the younger siblings: prepare their meals, take them to bed, and babysit them. All these tasks are what parentification is.

Altheresa Clark, LCSW, told HuffPost that it’s an especially common trait in some cultures, especially in BIPOC families. “You are supposed to help your younger sibling — it’s just expected of you to serve in those roles,” she explained.

As mental health consultant Imi Lo told Bored Panda in a previous interview, expecting the eldest child to take care of siblings is not only unfair but can be harmful as well. 

“Even as an older sibling, you are still a child yourself with your own developmental needs,” she explained back then. She noted that taking on the role of a caregiver is “not developmentally appropriate” for teens and is “beyond their capacity.”

Parentified children lose a chunk of their childhood and teenage years, but its effects can continue well into adulthood. Such adults tend to be people pleasers, find it hard to form their own identity, and are perfectionists and overachievers.

Parentified children might develop hyper-independence, which stops them from forming meaningful relationships

Woman looking concerned, reflecting on her eldest child moving out at 18.

Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)

Many commenters urged the teen to move away and start their own life. “Your goal is independence,” one user wrote, at the same time noting that it might be difficult. Indeed, parentified teens might find moving away and living independently harder than their peers.

As Imi Lo explained to us previously, parents often guilt-trip the child when they want to break away. As a consequence, the children “may feel guilty pursuing their own aspirations and feel obligated to always prioritize family responsibilities,” she pointed out.

In some cases, parentified teens might develop hyper-independence. “The child may become an adult who believes they cannot make a mistake, must be ‘perfect,’ and cannot rely on anyone but themselves,” Annie Tanasugarn, PhD., CCTSA, writes for Psychology Today.

While a healthy dose of independence is necessary, parentified children shouldn’t refrain from relying on others. Tanasugarn notes how important it is to address your trust issues and allow yourself to be vulnerable with the people you love.

“It’s something I need to do for me,” the teen claimed, and most netizens supported him

Reddit conversation about eldest kid planning to move out at 18 while parents react.

Reddit comments discussing eldest of 10 siblings planning to move out at 18, with advice and support shared.

Comments on family dynamics, chores, and parenting advice shared online.

Reddit comments discussing a teen's plan to move out at 18, involving advice and support from others.

Reddit comments about anxiety of having many siblings and parents' responsibilities.

Online discussion about parents of 10 kids reacting to eldest moving out at 18.

Online discussion about parents of 10 kids reacting to eldest moving out at 18, mentioning CPS involvement.

Most people urged the teen to start living his life independently

Comment discussing parentification in large families and self-discovery after moving out at 18.

Text conversation about independence and family dynamics with 10 kids, discussing moving out at 18 and birth control.

Comment advising on moving out essentials for eldest child of 10 kids.

Reddit comment discussing parentification and the eldest child’s decision to move out.

Reddit comment discussing parentification and advice for eldest child moving out.

Comment discussing parents' role in preparing kids for independence, including a Groucho Marx quote.

Reddit comment advice about moving out at 18.

Comment discussing siblings' chores and family support logic.

Comment advising a sibling on leaving home, discussing parents and responsibility.

Comment discussing the responsibility of parents with 10 kids and the freedom of the eldest moving out.

Reddit comment discussing challenges faced by parents of ten kids with the oldest wanting to move out at 18.

Comment supporting the eldest of 10 kids planning to move out at 18, criticizing parental decisions.

Parents react to eldest of ten kids planning to move out at 18, shared in an online post discussion.

Reddit comment saying, "NTA not your circus not your monkeys," related to parents and kids moving out at 18.

Comment discussing eldest child of 10 kids planning to move out at 18 for independence.

Advice on financial security and independence for eldest child planning to move out at 18.

Comment advising parents of 10 kids to support their eldest's independence.

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