Mom Has Enough Of Her Son Forgetting To Shower And Just Stops Reminding Him, Asks If She Was A Jerk After He Got Humiliated
Parenting will always have its ups and downs. You’ll end up dealing with everything from quirky issues to full-on exhausting problems that take real work to solve. What makes it all worth it, is your love for your kids and your desire to help them grow into capable, happy, and good people.
A seemingly small but very significant part of life in society is… remembering to shower. Good hygiene leaves a good impression on others. Bad hygiene, however, can lead to some humiliating situations. Oh, people will definitely remember you, but for all the wrong reasons. Teenagers often have trouble with this.
Sometimes, however, a simple reminder from one’s parents won’t work. It can take an extremely embarrassing situation to get you to change your habits and start taking better care of yourself. That’s exactly what happened to one teenager who got completely humiliated by his friends after his mom stopped reminding him to shower. Scroll down for the full story and how the internet reacted to it, as shared on the massively popular AITA subreddit.
Showering daily seems like a no-brainer to most people. Some teenagers, however, completely forget all about hygiene
Image credits: Alexander Kovalev (not the actual photo)
Here’s what happened to one teen when his mom stopped reminding him to shower
Image credits: Bored Panda (not the actual photo)
Image credits: showerproblems25
Parenting blogger Samantha Scroggin, who runs ‘Walking Outside in Slippers,’ shared her thoughts about hygiene and having those tough conversations with our kids.
“Hygiene is an ongoing issue with my kids. Mostly it’s their dirty fingernails that gross me out. I don’t even know how they get all the dirt packed in there!” she told Bored Panda what things are like in her family, and many of you reading this will probably relate if you have kids of your own.
“I’m always on them to wash their hands better and to scrub thoroughly in the shower. I feel like sometimes reminding our kids to keep themselves clean and practice good hygiene is all we can do,” she said.
“I would never encourage kids to tease another kid for hygiene issues. But that sort of teasing might be an inadvertent push to encourage our kids to clean themselves better.”
Blogger Samantha had this to say about social rejection and embarrassment that our kids might feel: “This is a tough topic because I understand well the feeling of annoyance at a kid refusing to practice good hygiene.”
She continued: “But I also feel for my kids, and any kids, experiencing social rejection. I would probably explain to my kids that bullying is never ok, whether giving or receiving. And if we’d need to talk to the teacher, we’d do that. That said, cleaning well is not optional.”
The basics of hygiene come down to showering every day, washing your hair regularly, brushing your teeth twice a day, and grooming yourself properly. It also means putting on clean clothes, instead of wearing the same few garments until they’re completely caked in grime, soaked in sweat, and begging for a wash.
Look, we all sweat and it’s completely natural. Some sweat more than others, depending on genetics, lifestyle, and other factors. It’s important to be aware of how your body works and to make changes so you feel more comfortable and confident in the company of others.
Generally speaking, cleaning up your diet (dump the junk food and soda!), drinking enough water, and moving away from a sedentary lifestyle can improve your health, happiness, and quality of life. Eating certain foods and avoiding others can also help regulate how much you sweat. Dealing with stress and anxiety issues can also help with this. However, if you feel that nothing much has changed and that you’re still sweating excessively, you may want to see a doctor. There may be some underlying health issues, like diabetes, at work here.
Being a teenager is tough and you don’t always learn the lessons you should the easy way. Which makes parenting extra challenging! Tackling topics like hygiene can be a bit embarrassing, but it’s an issue that needs to be tackled, nonetheless. One passive way to let your teens know that they need to take better care of themselves is simply buying them the hygiene products they might need. Leave them in the bathroom or their room. They may or may not get the hint.
If you decide to have a face-to-face conversation about hygiene, it’s important to steer clear of shaming your kid. Tell them why it’s important to stay clean, both for the sake of their own health, as well as for social interactions. An alternative to this can be asking a relative or a family friend to have this conversation with your child. It can work wonders, especially if your kid looks up to them. Other times, even that’s not enough and you may need the help of a professional’s input. You might consider getting in touch with a counselor.
Being embarrassed in front of your peers or complete strangers is a horrible feeling. However, these moments are great learning opportunities, as well as a chance to forge deeper bonds with others. Instead of shying away from embarrassment, you should ideally embrace these complex feelings, and perhaps even try to laugh at yourself. That way, you prevent the embarrassment from morphing into deep-seated shame that might follow you for years (and even decades) to come.
Psychologist and well-being consultant Lee Chambers explained to Bored Panda that if the matter isn’t particularly serious, laughter can be a great response to embarrassing situations. This type of response “instantly makes you feel better.”
“If the feelings are intense, try taking a few slow, deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, calming your nervous system and physiological response. In a similar way to laughter, smiling can be effective in shifting your state to the positive,” he told us.
“There are times when playing down or even ignoring the feelings can be helpful in the moment, taking the edge off, but it is important that you accept them and express them if it’s something significant. Because the feelings of embarrassment are generated from a past event, anything that brings you into the present moment can bring relief. Try to avoid saying sorry, as it will keep taking you back to the moment. You can even keep your biggest embarrassing moments top of mind, having reflected and realized that in hindsight, they weren’t as big an issue as you felt at the time,” the psychologist mused.
“We can even reflect back on our blunders from the past, and with the emotion dampened, take some of the lessons and observations forward for next time we feel like we’ve messed up. By doing this, you will feel more courage even when the fear of embarrassment strikes, and sharing these stories will elicit others to share, quickly realizing we are not alone, and that nobody is perfect.”
Most internet users who read the story were on the mom’s side. Here’s what they said
Some internet users, however, had a different opinion and weren’t so supportive
I was all set to cringe over the YTA comments; but they were all "YTA for not trying harder to curb an obvious addiction. The kid stinking is his problem." I agree.
Yep. The gaming thing was one part. Rather than make and enforce a pretty common rule of not gaming until you're done with homework and chores, they let him neglect things until he's failing in school, then it's no gaming at all until he gets his grades up. This isn't teaching him tools for time management and responsibility. Also, if I had not come to dinner when called then actually got angry with my parents for my dinner being cold, that would not have happened again. I can't even imagine doing something like that at his age. I knew better because my parents didn't let stuff like that pass even once. He is 15 and has the self control of a 7 year old. That's either bad parenting or unaddressed issues that require outside therapies that have been ignored. Either way, your kid gets to 15 like this, you need to look at yourself.
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Yeah, my first thought was that the kid has ADHD or something like that. I don't forget to shower, but that's because my sensory issues make me very uncomfortable when I don't shower. I do forget to eat though.
Especially when gaming or in "the zone" doing something else. It's like outside time speeds up and I miss things.
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Sadly this sounds like he needs a full medical check. Not realizing you smell bad after day 3 or so seems like an olfactory problem. If ADHD or depression or addiction, he should be seeing a therapist. As someone with ADHD, I can easily neglect showering for a few days, but I am very well aware of how bad I smell and manage to shower before being around other humans. It doesn’t matter who the a** is, get the kid some help.
I disagree. I've heard so many teenage boys learning the hard way about showering. So many are oblivious. The point when things changed was when they are called out about it by teenage girls they have a crush on.
Load More Replies... NTA, some people just need to learn things the hard way when other ways didn't work lol
NTA, but definitely need to get his priorities straight. Also might be worth talking to him to see if he might be suffering from some depression. Not saying that just because he won't shower and plays a lot of games that he IS depressed, but I had a really dark period when I was a teenager and did the same thing.
No you are not at fault because you didn't remind your 15 year old boy to shower. I think a 15 year old should know about hygiene but if he hasn't learned by now maybe take the game away until he does.
Wow, some ppl have no idea what it is actually like to parent difficult kids. I mean real kids, not the perfect kids everyone else seems to have. As a parent you have to pick your battles. It does seem crazy the OP has her kid unlimited video game time, but until you have walked a mile in her shoes, please keep your non-helpful comments to yourself. When will we stop blaming parents for being "bad" when they are just like the rest of use, trying to work with what we got. This kid got natural consequences. Perfect.
Yeah, also I saw that she has to get up at 2am for her job, and no reference to another parent helping or not, so her time for trying to do all the things may be limited. I was lucky enough to have a mom who stayed home with us, but not everyone is so fortunate.
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Um, yeah you are to blame. If my mother called me to dinner and I didn't come, my food would go to someone else. If he gets bad grades, he gets no video games. If he doesn't do chores, he doesn't get videos games, if he doesn't wash his a*s, he gets no videos games. What the hell is wrong with this woman?
He's 15, not 4. Are you saying none of the blame falls on him?
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Teenagers are their own species! Mama needs to step up more. Limit his gaming for starters. Only allow 1-2 hours a day and only if/when homework, chores, and self care is done first. Video game addiction is a real thing and it sounds like he’s already there.
She should ask him if he wants mummy to shower him and does he want rubber duckies in his bath?
I definitely agree with ESH here. A 15-year-old should be showering and managing his time without constant reminders from his parent. And getting angry at his mom for trying to help him remember is not okay. However, his behavior is ticking all the boxes of a video game addiction. And people, especially children, with addictions need help. It is on the parent to recognize this self-destructive behavior, not just when it's keeping her up at night.
I wash my hair every three or four months and my haircutting lady says my hair is the healthiest she's ever encountered. I'm 73 years old. It hasn't even turned white..
He had to learn it the hard way. I turn off the internet if my kids don't come for some time after I call them for dinner. Same with showers, I don't expect them to do it everyday (it is cold where I am for 9 months out of 12), but if they are told they gotta shower, internet gets turned off if I don't hear the shower running maybe 30mins-1hr after I told them. It stays off until the shower has happened.
It's your job as a parent to enforce the rules. Do your homework, eat, shower, then play your game. On the other hand I never had to be reminded or remind someone that's fifteen to take a shower. And either way it does reflect on the parent. I guess you're both the the a**holes
This phenomenon is so common among boys between the ages of like 12 and 16 that I've come up with a name for it. The Stinky Boy Phase. You can buy all the soaps and body sprays in the world, and march them to the bathroom, but at that age you can't make them use them. That would be weird. You can't blame the mom. At that age, he's old enough to take the consequences of his own actions, and his friends opinions will hold much more weight than his families.
My 15 year old son has been like this but has recently become interested in girls so suddenly he's washing, brushing his teeth wearing deodorant and doing his hair all on his own ( before me and my husband would have to constantly remind him to do it all, now we are working on the 11 year old son (there's something about pre pubescent kids with personal hygiene in this house)
A 15 year old who blames someone else for not showering is TA. A 15 year old who won't come down for dinner with 1 reminder is TA. A 15 year old who doesn't do his homework because he'd rather play video games is TA. A 15 year old is old enough to regulate himself. Blaming others for one's own mistakes is not okay at 15 years old. IF he is addicted to video games, the parents are TA for not recognizing that and doing something about it.
what a shitty parent her kid sounds way to spoiled and needs an a*s whooping, remember shitty kids grow up to be shitty adults so teach them wisely
Wow. Does the kid have a problem with his nose? It doesn't take long if you've been sweating, to stink if you leave it more than a day. And you SHOULD be able to smell yourself if you are reeking.
ESH. By the time someone is a teen, they should be capable of basic hygiene. (Exception obviously applies to certain health/ability difficulties but doesn't sound like that relevant here.) He's no doubt got a phone and if he can't remember to do things at set times, then he needs to consider setting reminders/timers. But surely it is clear to the mom he's got more than "a bit of a video game problem". He needs help to deal with that. On another point, I am intrigued about OP writer, since they say they are posting for their mom. If the kid "Mike" has a sibling, I am surprised they never said you stink - after all, many loving siblings would happily insult each other. Though I guess OP writer might not live at home.
Gross! Something is wrong with that kid. 15 is old enough to remember to shower. Is something wrong with his sense of smell? Because he should have been able to tell that he stunk! And the parents are idiots for allowing him to behave like an entitled brat in the first place. If my mom called me for dinner and I ignored her and then got mad about my food being cold, I'd have been grounded forever when I was a teenager. You don't treat your parents like they are your servants! Mom needs to grow a pair.
Ha ha ha ha ha aha ha ha ha...Oh your fine. My kid is a nineteen year old autistic boy 6ft 3 and 290lbs and in his senior year. These kids HATE transitions(getting wet/dry and changing clothes) and flavors(mint) and fragrances (soap). At least your kid has a proper response when he's skunky. My kid smells like a Yeti.
The kid is a shitheel and needs to be disciplined. He needs consequences for his behavior, and to learn from those consequences. This was one lesson: you are responsible for your hygeine. Not your parents. Meanwhile, mom has to lay down the law. He's your son, you are responsible for molding him into a decent human. The behavior described here is not acceptable. She has to discipline him.
Sounds like this kid needs help managing his video gaming if he won't eat, study, or shower. Maybe set limits on his video gaming, eg, at dinnertime, he gets a five minute warning, then the console is shut off, and it remains off until he has eaten, completed his homework, done his chores, and showered. Part of the job of parents is to set and enforce boundries for their children when they need them. This kid clearly needs help.
Um, that could go bad very quickly. Getting physical with your children isn't the best idea anyway, and a 15-y-o can easily be larger, stronger, and short-fused. My parents used physical punishments into our teen years, and I almost hauled off and belted my mother once, and my younger bro actually did get physical back. Teenagers' brains regress while they are growing, and their self restraint actually goes down before it goes back up. (Aside from the whole 'adults should model good behaviors for children' thing.)
Load More Replies... I was all set to cringe over the YTA comments; but they were all "YTA for not trying harder to curb an obvious addiction. The kid stinking is his problem." I agree.
Yep. The gaming thing was one part. Rather than make and enforce a pretty common rule of not gaming until you're done with homework and chores, they let him neglect things until he's failing in school, then it's no gaming at all until he gets his grades up. This isn't teaching him tools for time management and responsibility. Also, if I had not come to dinner when called then actually got angry with my parents for my dinner being cold, that would not have happened again. I can't even imagine doing something like that at his age. I knew better because my parents didn't let stuff like that pass even once. He is 15 and has the self control of a 7 year old. That's either bad parenting or unaddressed issues that require outside therapies that have been ignored. Either way, your kid gets to 15 like this, you need to look at yourself.
Load More Replies... Yeah, my first thought was that the kid has ADHD or something like that. I don't forget to shower, but that's because my sensory issues make me very uncomfortable when I don't shower. I do forget to eat though.
Especially when gaming or in "the zone" doing something else. It's like outside time speeds up and I miss things.
Load More Replies... Sadly this sounds like he needs a full medical check. Not realizing you smell bad after day 3 or so seems like an olfactory problem. If ADHD or depression or addiction, he should be seeing a therapist. As someone with ADHD, I can easily neglect showering for a few days, but I am very well aware of how bad I smell and manage to shower before being around other humans. It doesn’t matter who the a** is, get the kid some help.
I disagree. I've heard so many teenage boys learning the hard way about showering. So many are oblivious. The point when things changed was when they are called out about it by teenage girls they have a crush on.
Load More Replies... NTA, some people just need to learn things the hard way when other ways didn't work lol
NTA, but definitely need to get his priorities straight. Also might be worth talking to him to see if he might be suffering from some depression. Not saying that just because he won't shower and plays a lot of games that he IS depressed, but I had a really dark period when I was a teenager and did the same thing.
No you are not at fault because you didn't remind your 15 year old boy to shower. I think a 15 year old should know about hygiene but if he hasn't learned by now maybe take the game away until he does.
Wow, some ppl have no idea what it is actually like to parent difficult kids. I mean real kids, not the perfect kids everyone else seems to have. As a parent you have to pick your battles. It does seem crazy the OP has her kid unlimited video game time, but until you have walked a mile in her shoes, please keep your non-helpful comments to yourself. When will we stop blaming parents for being "bad" when they are just like the rest of use, trying to work with what we got. This kid got natural consequences. Perfect.
Yeah, also I saw that she has to get up at 2am for her job, and no reference to another parent helping or not, so her time for trying to do all the things may be limited. I was lucky enough to have a mom who stayed home with us, but not everyone is so fortunate.
Load More Replies... Um, yeah you are to blame. If my mother called me to dinner and I didn't come, my food would go to someone else. If he gets bad grades, he gets no video games. If he doesn't do chores, he doesn't get videos games, if he doesn't wash his a*s, he gets no videos games. What the hell is wrong with this woman?
He's 15, not 4. Are you saying none of the blame falls on him?
Load More Replies... Teenagers are their own species! Mama needs to step up more. Limit his gaming for starters. Only allow 1-2 hours a day and only if/when homework, chores, and self care is done first. Video game addiction is a real thing and it sounds like he’s already there.
She should ask him if he wants mummy to shower him and does he want rubber duckies in his bath?
I definitely agree with ESH here. A 15-year-old should be showering and managing his time without constant reminders from his parent. And getting angry at his mom for trying to help him remember is not okay. However, his behavior is ticking all the boxes of a video game addiction. And people, especially children, with addictions need help. It is on the parent to recognize this self-destructive behavior, not just when it's keeping her up at night.
I wash my hair every three or four months and my haircutting lady says my hair is the healthiest she's ever encountered. I'm 73 years old. It hasn't even turned white..
He had to learn it the hard way. I turn off the internet if my kids don't come for some time after I call them for dinner. Same with showers, I don't expect them to do it everyday (it is cold where I am for 9 months out of 12), but if they are told they gotta shower, internet gets turned off if I don't hear the shower running maybe 30mins-1hr after I told them. It stays off until the shower has happened.
It's your job as a parent to enforce the rules. Do your homework, eat, shower, then play your game. On the other hand I never had to be reminded or remind someone that's fifteen to take a shower. And either way it does reflect on the parent. I guess you're both the the a**holes
This phenomenon is so common among boys between the ages of like 12 and 16 that I've come up with a name for it. The Stinky Boy Phase. You can buy all the soaps and body sprays in the world, and march them to the bathroom, but at that age you can't make them use them. That would be weird. You can't blame the mom. At that age, he's old enough to take the consequences of his own actions, and his friends opinions will hold much more weight than his families.
My 15 year old son has been like this but has recently become interested in girls so suddenly he's washing, brushing his teeth wearing deodorant and doing his hair all on his own ( before me and my husband would have to constantly remind him to do it all, now we are working on the 11 year old son (there's something about pre pubescent kids with personal hygiene in this house)
A 15 year old who blames someone else for not showering is TA. A 15 year old who won't come down for dinner with 1 reminder is TA. A 15 year old who doesn't do his homework because he'd rather play video games is TA. A 15 year old is old enough to regulate himself. Blaming others for one's own mistakes is not okay at 15 years old. IF he is addicted to video games, the parents are TA for not recognizing that and doing something about it.
what a shitty parent her kid sounds way to spoiled and needs an a*s whooping, remember shitty kids grow up to be shitty adults so teach them wisely
Wow. Does the kid have a problem with his nose? It doesn't take long if you've been sweating, to stink if you leave it more than a day. And you SHOULD be able to smell yourself if you are reeking.
ESH. By the time someone is a teen, they should be capable of basic hygiene. (Exception obviously applies to certain health/ability difficulties but doesn't sound like that relevant here.) He's no doubt got a phone and if he can't remember to do things at set times, then he needs to consider setting reminders/timers. But surely it is clear to the mom he's got more than "a bit of a video game problem". He needs help to deal with that. On another point, I am intrigued about OP writer, since they say they are posting for their mom. If the kid "Mike" has a sibling, I am surprised they never said you stink - after all, many loving siblings would happily insult each other. Though I guess OP writer might not live at home.
Gross! Something is wrong with that kid. 15 is old enough to remember to shower. Is something wrong with his sense of smell? Because he should have been able to tell that he stunk! And the parents are idiots for allowing him to behave like an entitled brat in the first place. If my mom called me for dinner and I ignored her and then got mad about my food being cold, I'd have been grounded forever when I was a teenager. You don't treat your parents like they are your servants! Mom needs to grow a pair.
Ha ha ha ha ha aha ha ha ha...Oh your fine. My kid is a nineteen year old autistic boy 6ft 3 and 290lbs and in his senior year. These kids HATE transitions(getting wet/dry and changing clothes) and flavors(mint) and fragrances (soap). At least your kid has a proper response when he's skunky. My kid smells like a Yeti.
The kid is a shitheel and needs to be disciplined. He needs consequences for his behavior, and to learn from those consequences. This was one lesson: you are responsible for your hygeine. Not your parents. Meanwhile, mom has to lay down the law. He's your son, you are responsible for molding him into a decent human. The behavior described here is not acceptable. She has to discipline him.
Sounds like this kid needs help managing his video gaming if he won't eat, study, or shower. Maybe set limits on his video gaming, eg, at dinnertime, he gets a five minute warning, then the console is shut off, and it remains off until he has eaten, completed his homework, done his chores, and showered. Part of the job of parents is to set and enforce boundries for their children when they need them. This kid clearly needs help.
Um, that could go bad very quickly. Getting physical with your children isn't the best idea anyway, and a 15-y-o can easily be larger, stronger, and short-fused. My parents used physical punishments into our teen years, and I almost hauled off and belted my mother once, and my younger bro actually did get physical back. Teenagers' brains regress while they are growing, and their self restraint actually goes down before it goes back up. (Aside from the whole 'adults should model good behaviors for children' thing.)
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