“I Have To Be In Bed By 10”: Strict Babysitter’s Rules Push 16-Year-Old Teen To Rebel, He Wonders If He Took It Too Far
At 16, some teenagers can handle the responsibility of looking after their homes and siblings. However, when this Reddit user’s parents went on a mini-vacation, they hired a babysitter.
Though he thought their decision was reasonable, he couldn’t say the same about the woman’s strict rules. After he refused to follow them, the teen faced consequences from both the babysitter and his parents, leading him to ask for judgment on the ‘Am I the [Jerk]?’ subreddit.
This couple went away for three days and hired a babysitter for their 16- and 13-year-old sons
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
But the older one thought her rules were “dumb” and refused to follow them
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anon
Image credits: Ksenia Chernaya (not the actual photo)
There’s no exact age that tells us when a child is ready to be left home alone without adult supervision
Between work, appointments, and other family commitments, every parent will have to leave their child home alone at some point, so it’s good to have a plan in place and try to prevent situations like the one we just read about.
While learning to be independent is an important part of growing up, every child does this at their own pace.
Experts provide these guidelines to help parents decide whether their kid is ready to be home alone:
- Age. Do you think your child is old and mature enough to take care of themselves? Remember that each child’s maturity and parents’ comfort level may be different. Most children will not be ready to be alone on a regular basis until they are at least ten or eleven. However, some parents may be OK leaving a more mature 8- or 9-year-old home alone for a half hour or so once in a while.
- Caution. Does your child think before they act? This is especially important for young teens, who may be tempted to experiment with things like sneaking a few sips from the liquor cabinet. How does your adolescent respond to peer pressure?
- Comfort. Would your child feel comfortable left alone? Have you directly asked them if they would be OK home alone?
- Common sense. Would your child be able to make good judgments on their own? Do they have common sense? For example, if the milk smells sour or curdles when it’s poured, would your child drink it?
- Interests. Can your child keep busy without relying on television or video games too much? Can they creatively use their time with activities such as reading, drawing, making music, doing homework, and playing with toys, among other things?
- Safety. Would your child be able to remember and follow important safety rules? For example, can they tell you how they would respond to a fire, gas leak, or other emergency? Can they follow other rules such as not opening the door, not telling telephone callers that they are alone, and not posting on social media that they are alone?
Image credits: Christina Morillo (not the actual photo)
However, the parents and babysitter probably could’ve prepared better for those three days
Before parents leave the house, they should tell the sitter where they will be and how to reach them at all times, and under what circumstances to call 911 before contacting them.
They should also show them where the emergency exits are, as well as the places of smoke detectors, fire extinguishers, and first-aid kits.
Before starting their shift, the sitter should know how to enable and disable security systems and alarms, and the location of the spare key, should they, for whatever reason, need it.
However, the sitter should also be aware of any special problems a child may have, such as an allergy (to bee stings, foods, etc.) or needing to take medicine at a specific time.
The babysitter has to know the parents’ expectations before they leave and get introduced to the child’s usual routine (homework, bedtime, meal times). The two parties should have a talk about their general house rules, including any limits on TV, computer use, video games, playing outside, etc.
Otherwise, as we can see, problems will arise even around basic everyday subjects.
Most of the people who read his story thought he wasn’t the problem here
Some, however, thought that either he should’ve sucked it up or that “everyone sucks here”
Somehow some people think it's okay for a 16 year old to drive cars, work fulltime and join the army in a year, but somehow also can't be trusted to stay at home alone for a few hours... Interesting 🤔
Naw it was for a few days not hours reread it smh
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This is a three way lack of understanding, had the babysitter been introduced to the boys before her duties were undertaken? Had the parents stated their own rules on each individual child? Had the older child had a chance to discuss his abilities with the childminder. It seems the parents were happy with the childminder, childminder was making sure both children were safe as per her job. It's all a communication breakdown. No one is an AH really, just needed a bit more structure.
I think a little more info is needed. We don't know how the 16 year old has handled any responsibility in the past and if he can be counted on to take care of his brother and himself. I started babysitting when I was 12. As the oldest of my siblings and my cousins I started by watching them for a few hours at a time. Shortly after that I was regularly sitting for a number of families. When I was 15 years old I watched some kids in my neighborhood for the whole summer, 8:00am-4:00pm, 5 days a week, while the parents were at week. During the summer that I was 16, I stayed home alone with the dogs while my family went on vacation for a couple of weeks. I was able to do these things because I had proven that I could be responsible and because my parents trusted me. Kids mature at different rates and there is no "one size fits all" when it comes to how we grow up.
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What type of parent doesn't discuss rules with the babysitter beforehand? This could have all been avoided.
This is what I was thinking. All the adults here are TA. The teenager was being a teenager and wanting his autonomy, which teenagers need if they are to become functional adults.
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Funny that some think you need to move out at 18 and be be independent but at 16 you can't cook alone or be home alone for a few hours. I know 2 years is a long time but how old do you have to be before you can make pancakes alone.
I was allowed to cook full meals solo by 13 this is insane. Especially as it's not even an adult but a 17 year old bossing a 16 year old around
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When I was 16, my best friend and I house sat for he'd aunt for a weekend. ALONE. And we cooked food for ourselves. Gasp!!! House rules should have been set before the parents left. That babysitter knew she wasn't dealing with two 6 year olds, right? My parents would have read the riot act to her for those rules, they're ridiculous. I was cooking when I was 10. The kid did react badly by locking himself in his room, but if he'd had a car, he would have just left instead. I would have.
From the perspective of the babysitter, she's taking sole responsibility for two children for several days and that's no small task, particularly if it's the first time she's done so for that long and she's young, as many babysitters are. The rules don't seem that strict to me but even if they were, I'd always be inclined to give the babysitter the benefit of the doubt in this situation.
Her rules are wxtremely skewed for a 16 year old. Not being allowed to cook without her permision (which is bs cause she could keep himf from eating when hungry), giving him a bed time like he is a young child, and not even letting him be home alone for an period of time.
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NTA. I housesat a lot during the 80's and 90's, and it made sense for the clients to write out important information. Frankly, I'm rather surprised that OP'S parents didn't even sit down with the babysitter and discuss the kids' usual routines, much less leave a list. I understand the necessity of having adult supervision for a 13 and 16-year-old. Without it, things can get seriously out of control. But you cannot supervise a 16-year-old the same way you would a 13-year-old. The parents are to blame here: setting up the rules ahead of time would have prevented any misunderstanding. The babysitter sounds a little inexperienced to be watching teenagers. OP'S reaction to the situation was perfectly justified: totally pissed. His parents (and the babysitter) owe him an apology. He's 17, not 7.
I mean, think what you will about the bedtime, but screaming at a 16 year old for making pancakes is not okay. Also it is in the nature of 16 year olds to be testing their independence and he did in the most benign way possible - making his own food. I'm pretty sure there were at least a thousand better ways that the adult in this situation could have handled this. The sitter did not say 'hey listen the reason I'm doing this with the kitchen is because I could be held liable and I really want to be careful while I'm doing this'. That didn't happen, though.
Honestly imma say the parents are the AH. As a teen myself I see OP's point of view. 16 is plenty old enough to do all that stuff alone, At the very least cook? I also see the Babysitter's POV, they weren't given guidance and so prolly went on the stricter side to be safe. The parents should've communicated the house rules to the babysitter though. The other 2 parties are doing their best, but the parents just left without setting up any structure.
It sounds like the parents didn't really discuss anything with the babysitter at all or even tell her anything about the kids. Usually when hiring a sitter, the parents will talk about each kid and explain "Oh, so-and-so is this old so they don't need to have lights out until such-n-such time." I want to say that the parents are TA if anything. I can't blame the teenager for not enjoying a stranger coming into their house and putting down a bunch of restrictions that didn't exist beforehand.
3 day vacation... Likely a 3 day weekend, considering that he woke up one day made pancakes and then locked himself in his room for hours. A 10pm bedtime would not be acceptable. There is no reason to hire a babysitter for those ages unless one had mental disability or something. The kids could have made arrangements to stay at friends even if this was somehow a weekday thing. That would be more acceptable than a 13 and 16 year old being watched by a babysitter.
How is a 10pm bedtime not acceptable for a 16yo? That's perfectly acceptable. That was my bedtime at that age, and no, it was not my parents decision. It was entirely mi e, from the age I was 13. In my 20s, my bedtime would be about 11pm, for normal nights. 10pm is plenty late enough for a normal night at 16yo.
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I was mad when I was 16 and my parents hired a neighbour college student to stay with us while they had a weekend away even though the only rule really was I had to tell her where I was going and when I’d be back, so I understand. But then I discovered the babysitter was an amazing cook and had fresh baking every day, so I told my parents they could hire her anytime 😂
As a genx kid not the ahole. When I was 16 I was driving, had a job and my time to be home was when I asked my parents what I would like. This included school nights. Any slip in grades and that went out the window.. Staying by myself for a few days was no issue. My brother is 2 years younger and we did ok together. A babysitter for a 16 year old is overkill. Just one gen xers opinion.
I'd be pissed if someone tried to make me sleep at 10 or not let me home alone for a bit
These parents are the ones who need supervision in my opinion. Who leaves a stranger with their children for 3 days without talking through rules and boundaries first? By the time I was 12 I was cooking meals regularly. When I was 14 my mom went with my sister on a weekend long school camping trip for 3 days. My best friend stayed with me at home. To be fair my dad live 7 blocks away, my grandparents 8 blocks and my friends parents 12. Plus the neighbor right next door was someone I regularly babysat for. I was a responsible girl. This kid seems like a good kid but the restrictions this sitter is imposing on this 16 year old is insane and the parents should have backed their child up. To just say go with it when the sitter from hell calls to complain that the OP isn't going along with their dictatorship isn't fair to the kid! Who did they hire to sit for them? Chairman Mao?
Totally get this. Adolescents NEED to be given some responsibility and autonomy if they are to become functional adults.
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100 years ago a 16-year-old would have been married was at least one toddler already cooking every meal farming and growing their own food and milking a cow I think a 16-year-old nowadays can stay home alone while the babysitter goes to a movie. You did not say you were mentally handicapped so I'm going to assume you're not that you're a normal 16-year-old. You can get a job You can drive a car. I graduated high school at 16, and had already babysitting for 4 years
Nta. Your parents & babysitter are. Next time the parental units go away, go stay with friends
I'm on the fence about this. I'm 16, and I've been cooking on my own for years, i don't have a bedtime, and I stay home alone a lot, sometimes even overnight (though rarely). I'm pretty self-sufficient and could probably stay home alone for a few days by myself. That being said, while the rules aren't something I'd be used to, they don't seem that extreme. I could maybe understand calling my parents and saying hey, could you talk to the babysitter about maybe letting me have a little more freedom, but I think reacting by throwing a fit and locking yourself in your room is a little extreme. Ice known 16 year olds who are basically functioning adults, and 16 year olds who are immature children, so I think I'd need more info about this to make a fair decision
I think more info is needed because a 16 and 13 year can LEGALLY stay home alone for up to two days. So did the parents not trust the older teen is he responsible. Did the parents tell her to implement those rules. Did she just heavy hand someone probably 2 years younger than her? More info is needed.
Nta. The babysitter and the parents are the Ah's. I could understand being in bed by ten o'clock if it's a school day, anything else is just bs. Forcing a 16 year old to get permission in order to cook is laughable as far as I'm concerned. If you're worried about them catching the house on fire then sit down and watch. How is this Teenager supposed to be independent with a babysitter controlling their cooking habits? Forcing a 16 year old to go somewhere they don't want to go is being an AH. I don't care what anyone says. My grandmother use to do the same c**p and we had a lot of problems because of it. Stop trying to control a 16 year old. The parents are AH's because they decided to take the easy way out and just agree with the babysitter instead of standing up for their teen.
Having a sitter for a 16 yo is pretty weird, but it was most likely meant mainly for the 13 yo and the the parents figured why not for both. At 16 he is absolutely old enough to stay home alone, but I wonder if there's a reason his parents felt the need to get a sitter for both kids
Honestly, I'm surprised the parents didn't try to save some money and make the 16yo babysit on the understanding that they go to the neighbours if something happens. That's what happened to me growing up and I had more than one annoying younger sibling to deal with.
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Not really an a*****e, however I don't think throwing a tantrum and locking yourself in your room is a good argument for emotional maturity. All that being said, OP is not of legal age, both children should have a legal adult with them if their parents are going to be gone for an exteded period of time. If OP can't take 3 days worth of rules, they are going to have a hard time for the next 50 or so years of their lives.
My daughter always listen to me I was able to leave her in the house for a couple of hours when she was 9. Very mature listens to all my rules. But when I had to go out of town to care for my sister she stayed back with my sister in law and brother. My daughter was 16 at this time. They said my daughter went to school did her after school sports and program came home started homework. Help around the house and with dinner finish homework went to sleep and did it again. She always asked before she went into anything because those are my rules. She called them everytime she left from one place and arrive at the next, plus me too. They had to run out of town for 3 days. Again my daughter is beyond mature. They let the neighbor know to look out for them. The neighbor tells me you daughter is nothing like a normal teenager that she did not have no company over while no adults was there. My SIL called her a nerd she said girl have fun my daughter stated it's not about having fun it's about
Being safe and keeping people away that might do dumb stuff. My daughter went to school practice and went home slept and mop floors wash walls etc. For her birthday I gave her $500 and an IPhone. But that's because she's respectful. She follows everyone rules. My rules for her at 16 was not to be home by a certain time why because she was never out late unless she was with me or family.
Load More Replies... It's not really about the fact that he's 16 for me, at 16 most people would be annoyed and try to "rebel" against that, party because of hormons and party because you see yourself as an adult. The important bit is that she is babysitting 2 kids she doesn't know, and if anything goes wrong it's her responsibility. She's obviously going to have stricter rules than their parents. Would I assume that both a 16 yo and a 13 yo could use the stove, probably, but at the same time even adults can forget stuff like that, and unless she knows the family she has no idea or how responsible the boys are in the kitchen. So he's being an AH for not realizing that she's responsible for him for 3 days and he could probably sit her down and tell her calmly that he thought some of the rules were a bit much, and not something they usually had to follow, like the bedtime. It's also only 3 days that he has to go to bed and not cook for, it's not the end of the universe He really should have a talk with his parents when they get home though
YTA your behavior to the babysitter just proved why your parents installed one. It was three days and you couldn't live with someone's rules to keep you safe.. 3 days. Guess what, you've just shown your parents that your not mature enough to be left on your own next time. See part of being an adult is learning what battles to fight. If you want to be treated like an adult you need to behave like one and nit like a spoilt teenager. Sorry I know it's not a popular opion but as someone who's had teenagers at home that is definitely the way a parent would read this situation
There is highly a lack of communication here. One Earth with the parents leave without sitting down with the babysitter and the kids going over the rules together?
I babysit for a whole week bedtime was 9pm. I had those kids in bed waking up in the morning for school with no fight. Homework done as soon as they got home. I made dinner they was in school on time actually earlier. They did their chores we all went out together. Their teachers loved them. The one child who never did their homework on time actually had it in early and it was right. Plus they was participating in class. The teacher called their mom to boast about it she said okay well I'm out of town so I'm glad they are listening to the sitter. The teacher gave the child a goody bag with money. My rules and since they listen they was able to do whatever for the weekend when the parents got back. Dad was actually suggesting mom to take what I did in order to keep ordnance in the house.
I'm torn on this one. I think it needs more information, like do the parents normally let the kid cook? Would they normally let him stay home alone while they're out for a few hours? What is his normal bedtime? And, did they communicate that with the sitter? Can't really decide whether it's the kid acting out, the sitter overstepping their authority or the parents not caring. One thing I would say though, it's common courtesy not to just leave the house without saying where you're going even for the 16 year old. If she just finds the kid gone what is she supposed to do? Call the cops, just sit and hope he comes back? That one is a good rule.
Well she was doing her duty becos after all she's to be blamed later.What of y catch a fire while coking or sth happens to u while u are alone.She's doing her job ,the fault here is your parents who should have discussed all these rules with her before going to vacation and 16 is not a big age.Y are still a child that's why your parents didn't trusted y alone .
I think it would all depend on how mature he is. From the reaction seems that is why he needed a babysitter. The rules were a little too much for his age but not unreasonable to do for three days and when the parents were phoned they asked you to follow them. So that’s really disrespectful to your parents and you cost your brother a fun time at the movies. I think you should have called your parents and asked to stay home for that and then abided by what their answer was. Instead you showed them that you do need a babysitter. So maybe she was a little much but she did what was asked and you could have stuck it out. If your parents wanted to change her rules they would have when she called them. NTA but not mature enough to be alone with another 13 year old child with no rules judging your reaction.
That 16 year old is disrespectful if he wasn't he would have respected the babysitters dumb rules. He choose to be immature and not 16.
Reality people needs to stop trying to see things from the child side or the parents. 1 a 16 year old is not allow to be left in the house by their-selves for more than a day. It's against the law someone 18 and up have to be there. 2 I am sure the idiot 16 year old had plans to do what he wants, got mad because his parents hired a babysitter. 3 UNDERSTAND THIS ONE FROM A BABYSITTER POINT OF VIEW!!! KIDS LIKES TO TRY TO RUN OVER A BABYSITTER WHEN PARENTS ARE NOT HOME OR ANY ADULT NO DIFFERENCE THAN HAVING A SUB TEACHER AT SCHOOL! IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG THE BABYSITTER IS HELD RESPONSIBLE AND SINCE THEY ARE NOT HER KIDS ITS WORSE! PLUS SHE CAN LOSE HER FUTURE BUSINESS! KIDS NEEDS TO RESPECT THE ADULT! ITS NOT THAT HARD TO DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO UNTIL YOUR PARENTS ARE HOME! BUT HER RULES IS PLACE FOR A REASON ITS WHAT SHES COMFORTABLE TO DEAL WITH! HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT MAYBE IN THE PAST SHE LET A 16 YEAR OLD STAY HOME WHILE SHE TOOK THE YOUNGEST OUT AND THE 16 YEAR OLD DECIDED
TO HAVE PEOPLE OVER! THAT IS STUFF THAT KIDS DOES WHY BECAUSE THEY ARE REBELLIOUS AND AT 16 THEY THINK THEY ARE GROWN! MY THING WHEN YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH FOR ME TO SUE YOU THAN YOU'RE GROWN!!! IN AMERICA THATS 18 YOU CANT EVEN GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM WITHOUT SOMEONE OVER 18 THERE TO SIGN YOU OUT!!! HES A KID SO WHAT IF HE HAS A JOB OR DRIVE NOT EVERY 16 YEAR OLD DOES!!! THERE ARE STILL RULES
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He's 100% the ah and proved why the babysitter had these rules for all we know the parents could've told the babysitter "our 16yo is very immature treat him the same as the 13yo, he has the ability to burn down a house, we worry for what sort of insanity he might do if he's left home alone and and can stay up till 4am on a school week" if you think 10pm is an early curfew you're an idiot pulling all nighters isn't good for your physical and mental health it's such a reasonable time because I know people with 7pm and 8pm curfews from their parents we don't know your capabilities and neither does this baby sitter she just asked you to ask her wether you could make food before making it it is not that hard to just wake her up and go "I want pancakes can I make pancakes btw I'm actually capable of doing that I've done it alot" maybe throw in a responsible I'll make some for my brother as well and she might trust you more locking yourself in your room was such a childish move and proves why
It's a half and half. He needs to understand that a household is NOT a democracy, and that as his parents are his sole providers, is ts their way as the finality of the say. Looking at it from today's standards where he should be allowed to do whatever including telling the babysitter to p**s off is not the correct assumption. He is 16 years old. There is an incredible amount of learning going on still, and even at 16 biting the bullet and dealing with some tighter rules CONSIDERING THAT PERSON IS NOW RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR WELL-BEING, is not too much to ask. Now, in my view, the babysitter should have asked the parents about the 16 y.o. as he is on the cusp of adulthood and sounds mature enough to deal with himself, so I understand both sides. Clearly a lack of defined rules and expectations etc. from the outset before mom and dad left.
Can a 16 year old just suck it up and go to bed earlier FOR 3 DAYS? Can a 16 year old inform nanny that he is going to make food and maby some one else wonts to eat too? These rules might seem ridiculous for a teenager, but i see them just as a necessity to talk with adult who is legaly responsible. I bet that a qestion "hey, if i go to bed by 10, but read a book is that okay?" will give a positive ansver.. This boy is childish and imature in an inability to respectfully bargain instead of throwing tantrums over inflated ego
ESH. Parents should set the rules before they left. Babysitter should have recognized that a 10 pm bedtime for a sixteen year old is ridiculous if it's not on a school night, like, he was already in his room, who forces a 16 year old to get in bed? And should have asked for clarification of rules before the parents left or called them to ask. OP should have have tried a reasonable discussion, followed by contacting their parents, and if that didn't work they should have just got over it for 3 days then brought up the issue with parents after the fact, set a clear boundary like an adult would do. "I recognize I'm still a minor, and I complied with her rules to keep the peace, but in the future I am really uncomfortable with this sort of arrangement, as it felt disrespectful and demeaning, and would prefer that we establish reasonable rules beforehand, or I stay with a friend or family member instead."
ESH the kid could have been more understanding, the baby sitter could have given him a bit more leniant rules, and the parents could have set some house rules
Just no. Therw is no compromise with rules that are way out of bound. He seems more like an adult than you, the parents, and the babysitter.
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So someone should suffer so others dont have to deal with the consequences of their own stupidity?
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Somehow some people think it's okay for a 16 year old to drive cars, work fulltime and join the army in a year, but somehow also can't be trusted to stay at home alone for a few hours... Interesting 🤔
Naw it was for a few days not hours reread it smh
Load More Replies... This is a three way lack of understanding, had the babysitter been introduced to the boys before her duties were undertaken? Had the parents stated their own rules on each individual child? Had the older child had a chance to discuss his abilities with the childminder. It seems the parents were happy with the childminder, childminder was making sure both children were safe as per her job. It's all a communication breakdown. No one is an AH really, just needed a bit more structure.
I think a little more info is needed. We don't know how the 16 year old has handled any responsibility in the past and if he can be counted on to take care of his brother and himself. I started babysitting when I was 12. As the oldest of my siblings and my cousins I started by watching them for a few hours at a time. Shortly after that I was regularly sitting for a number of families. When I was 15 years old I watched some kids in my neighborhood for the whole summer, 8:00am-4:00pm, 5 days a week, while the parents were at week. During the summer that I was 16, I stayed home alone with the dogs while my family went on vacation for a couple of weeks. I was able to do these things because I had proven that I could be responsible and because my parents trusted me. Kids mature at different rates and there is no "one size fits all" when it comes to how we grow up.
Load More Replies... What type of parent doesn't discuss rules with the babysitter beforehand? This could have all been avoided.
This is what I was thinking. All the adults here are TA. The teenager was being a teenager and wanting his autonomy, which teenagers need if they are to become functional adults.
Load More Replies... Funny that some think you need to move out at 18 and be be independent but at 16 you can't cook alone or be home alone for a few hours. I know 2 years is a long time but how old do you have to be before you can make pancakes alone.
I was allowed to cook full meals solo by 13 this is insane. Especially as it's not even an adult but a 17 year old bossing a 16 year old around
Load More Replies... When I was 16, my best friend and I house sat for he'd aunt for a weekend. ALONE. And we cooked food for ourselves. Gasp!!! House rules should have been set before the parents left. That babysitter knew she wasn't dealing with two 6 year olds, right? My parents would have read the riot act to her for those rules, they're ridiculous. I was cooking when I was 10. The kid did react badly by locking himself in his room, but if he'd had a car, he would have just left instead. I would have.
From the perspective of the babysitter, she's taking sole responsibility for two children for several days and that's no small task, particularly if it's the first time she's done so for that long and she's young, as many babysitters are. The rules don't seem that strict to me but even if they were, I'd always be inclined to give the babysitter the benefit of the doubt in this situation.
Her rules are wxtremely skewed for a 16 year old. Not being allowed to cook without her permision (which is bs cause she could keep himf from eating when hungry), giving him a bed time like he is a young child, and not even letting him be home alone for an period of time.
Load More Replies... NTA. I housesat a lot during the 80's and 90's, and it made sense for the clients to write out important information. Frankly, I'm rather surprised that OP'S parents didn't even sit down with the babysitter and discuss the kids' usual routines, much less leave a list. I understand the necessity of having adult supervision for a 13 and 16-year-old. Without it, things can get seriously out of control. But you cannot supervise a 16-year-old the same way you would a 13-year-old. The parents are to blame here: setting up the rules ahead of time would have prevented any misunderstanding. The babysitter sounds a little inexperienced to be watching teenagers. OP'S reaction to the situation was perfectly justified: totally pissed. His parents (and the babysitter) owe him an apology. He's 17, not 7.
I mean, think what you will about the bedtime, but screaming at a 16 year old for making pancakes is not okay. Also it is in the nature of 16 year olds to be testing their independence and he did in the most benign way possible - making his own food. I'm pretty sure there were at least a thousand better ways that the adult in this situation could have handled this. The sitter did not say 'hey listen the reason I'm doing this with the kitchen is because I could be held liable and I really want to be careful while I'm doing this'. That didn't happen, though.
Honestly imma say the parents are the AH. As a teen myself I see OP's point of view. 16 is plenty old enough to do all that stuff alone, At the very least cook? I also see the Babysitter's POV, they weren't given guidance and so prolly went on the stricter side to be safe. The parents should've communicated the house rules to the babysitter though. The other 2 parties are doing their best, but the parents just left without setting up any structure.
It sounds like the parents didn't really discuss anything with the babysitter at all or even tell her anything about the kids. Usually when hiring a sitter, the parents will talk about each kid and explain "Oh, so-and-so is this old so they don't need to have lights out until such-n-such time." I want to say that the parents are TA if anything. I can't blame the teenager for not enjoying a stranger coming into their house and putting down a bunch of restrictions that didn't exist beforehand.
3 day vacation... Likely a 3 day weekend, considering that he woke up one day made pancakes and then locked himself in his room for hours. A 10pm bedtime would not be acceptable. There is no reason to hire a babysitter for those ages unless one had mental disability or something. The kids could have made arrangements to stay at friends even if this was somehow a weekday thing. That would be more acceptable than a 13 and 16 year old being watched by a babysitter.
How is a 10pm bedtime not acceptable for a 16yo? That's perfectly acceptable. That was my bedtime at that age, and no, it was not my parents decision. It was entirely mi e, from the age I was 13. In my 20s, my bedtime would be about 11pm, for normal nights. 10pm is plenty late enough for a normal night at 16yo.
Load More Replies... I was mad when I was 16 and my parents hired a neighbour college student to stay with us while they had a weekend away even though the only rule really was I had to tell her where I was going and when I’d be back, so I understand. But then I discovered the babysitter was an amazing cook and had fresh baking every day, so I told my parents they could hire her anytime 😂
As a genx kid not the ahole. When I was 16 I was driving, had a job and my time to be home was when I asked my parents what I would like. This included school nights. Any slip in grades and that went out the window.. Staying by myself for a few days was no issue. My brother is 2 years younger and we did ok together. A babysitter for a 16 year old is overkill. Just one gen xers opinion.
I'd be pissed if someone tried to make me sleep at 10 or not let me home alone for a bit
These parents are the ones who need supervision in my opinion. Who leaves a stranger with their children for 3 days without talking through rules and boundaries first? By the time I was 12 I was cooking meals regularly. When I was 14 my mom went with my sister on a weekend long school camping trip for 3 days. My best friend stayed with me at home. To be fair my dad live 7 blocks away, my grandparents 8 blocks and my friends parents 12. Plus the neighbor right next door was someone I regularly babysat for. I was a responsible girl. This kid seems like a good kid but the restrictions this sitter is imposing on this 16 year old is insane and the parents should have backed their child up. To just say go with it when the sitter from hell calls to complain that the OP isn't going along with their dictatorship isn't fair to the kid! Who did they hire to sit for them? Chairman Mao?
Totally get this. Adolescents NEED to be given some responsibility and autonomy if they are to become functional adults.
Load More Replies... 100 years ago a 16-year-old would have been married was at least one toddler already cooking every meal farming and growing their own food and milking a cow I think a 16-year-old nowadays can stay home alone while the babysitter goes to a movie. You did not say you were mentally handicapped so I'm going to assume you're not that you're a normal 16-year-old. You can get a job You can drive a car. I graduated high school at 16, and had already babysitting for 4 years
Nta. Your parents & babysitter are. Next time the parental units go away, go stay with friends
I'm on the fence about this. I'm 16, and I've been cooking on my own for years, i don't have a bedtime, and I stay home alone a lot, sometimes even overnight (though rarely). I'm pretty self-sufficient and could probably stay home alone for a few days by myself. That being said, while the rules aren't something I'd be used to, they don't seem that extreme. I could maybe understand calling my parents and saying hey, could you talk to the babysitter about maybe letting me have a little more freedom, but I think reacting by throwing a fit and locking yourself in your room is a little extreme. Ice known 16 year olds who are basically functioning adults, and 16 year olds who are immature children, so I think I'd need more info about this to make a fair decision
I think more info is needed because a 16 and 13 year can LEGALLY stay home alone for up to two days. So did the parents not trust the older teen is he responsible. Did the parents tell her to implement those rules. Did she just heavy hand someone probably 2 years younger than her? More info is needed.
Nta. The babysitter and the parents are the Ah's. I could understand being in bed by ten o'clock if it's a school day, anything else is just bs. Forcing a 16 year old to get permission in order to cook is laughable as far as I'm concerned. If you're worried about them catching the house on fire then sit down and watch. How is this Teenager supposed to be independent with a babysitter controlling their cooking habits? Forcing a 16 year old to go somewhere they don't want to go is being an AH. I don't care what anyone says. My grandmother use to do the same c**p and we had a lot of problems because of it. Stop trying to control a 16 year old. The parents are AH's because they decided to take the easy way out and just agree with the babysitter instead of standing up for their teen.
Having a sitter for a 16 yo is pretty weird, but it was most likely meant mainly for the 13 yo and the the parents figured why not for both. At 16 he is absolutely old enough to stay home alone, but I wonder if there's a reason his parents felt the need to get a sitter for both kids
Honestly, I'm surprised the parents didn't try to save some money and make the 16yo babysit on the understanding that they go to the neighbours if something happens. That's what happened to me growing up and I had more than one annoying younger sibling to deal with.
Load More Replies... Not really an a*****e, however I don't think throwing a tantrum and locking yourself in your room is a good argument for emotional maturity. All that being said, OP is not of legal age, both children should have a legal adult with them if their parents are going to be gone for an exteded period of time. If OP can't take 3 days worth of rules, they are going to have a hard time for the next 50 or so years of their lives.
My daughter always listen to me I was able to leave her in the house for a couple of hours when she was 9. Very mature listens to all my rules. But when I had to go out of town to care for my sister she stayed back with my sister in law and brother. My daughter was 16 at this time. They said my daughter went to school did her after school sports and program came home started homework. Help around the house and with dinner finish homework went to sleep and did it again. She always asked before she went into anything because those are my rules. She called them everytime she left from one place and arrive at the next, plus me too. They had to run out of town for 3 days. Again my daughter is beyond mature. They let the neighbor know to look out for them. The neighbor tells me you daughter is nothing like a normal teenager that she did not have no company over while no adults was there. My SIL called her a nerd she said girl have fun my daughter stated it's not about having fun it's about
Being safe and keeping people away that might do dumb stuff. My daughter went to school practice and went home slept and mop floors wash walls etc. For her birthday I gave her $500 and an IPhone. But that's because she's respectful. She follows everyone rules. My rules for her at 16 was not to be home by a certain time why because she was never out late unless she was with me or family.
Load More Replies... It's not really about the fact that he's 16 for me, at 16 most people would be annoyed and try to "rebel" against that, party because of hormons and party because you see yourself as an adult. The important bit is that she is babysitting 2 kids she doesn't know, and if anything goes wrong it's her responsibility. She's obviously going to have stricter rules than their parents. Would I assume that both a 16 yo and a 13 yo could use the stove, probably, but at the same time even adults can forget stuff like that, and unless she knows the family she has no idea or how responsible the boys are in the kitchen. So he's being an AH for not realizing that she's responsible for him for 3 days and he could probably sit her down and tell her calmly that he thought some of the rules were a bit much, and not something they usually had to follow, like the bedtime. It's also only 3 days that he has to go to bed and not cook for, it's not the end of the universe He really should have a talk with his parents when they get home though
YTA your behavior to the babysitter just proved why your parents installed one. It was three days and you couldn't live with someone's rules to keep you safe.. 3 days. Guess what, you've just shown your parents that your not mature enough to be left on your own next time. See part of being an adult is learning what battles to fight. If you want to be treated like an adult you need to behave like one and nit like a spoilt teenager. Sorry I know it's not a popular opion but as someone who's had teenagers at home that is definitely the way a parent would read this situation
There is highly a lack of communication here. One Earth with the parents leave without sitting down with the babysitter and the kids going over the rules together?
I babysit for a whole week bedtime was 9pm. I had those kids in bed waking up in the morning for school with no fight. Homework done as soon as they got home. I made dinner they was in school on time actually earlier. They did their chores we all went out together. Their teachers loved them. The one child who never did their homework on time actually had it in early and it was right. Plus they was participating in class. The teacher called their mom to boast about it she said okay well I'm out of town so I'm glad they are listening to the sitter. The teacher gave the child a goody bag with money. My rules and since they listen they was able to do whatever for the weekend when the parents got back. Dad was actually suggesting mom to take what I did in order to keep ordnance in the house.
I'm torn on this one. I think it needs more information, like do the parents normally let the kid cook? Would they normally let him stay home alone while they're out for a few hours? What is his normal bedtime? And, did they communicate that with the sitter? Can't really decide whether it's the kid acting out, the sitter overstepping their authority or the parents not caring. One thing I would say though, it's common courtesy not to just leave the house without saying where you're going even for the 16 year old. If she just finds the kid gone what is she supposed to do? Call the cops, just sit and hope he comes back? That one is a good rule.
Well she was doing her duty becos after all she's to be blamed later.What of y catch a fire while coking or sth happens to u while u are alone.She's doing her job ,the fault here is your parents who should have discussed all these rules with her before going to vacation and 16 is not a big age.Y are still a child that's why your parents didn't trusted y alone .
I think it would all depend on how mature he is. From the reaction seems that is why he needed a babysitter. The rules were a little too much for his age but not unreasonable to do for three days and when the parents were phoned they asked you to follow them. So that’s really disrespectful to your parents and you cost your brother a fun time at the movies. I think you should have called your parents and asked to stay home for that and then abided by what their answer was. Instead you showed them that you do need a babysitter. So maybe she was a little much but she did what was asked and you could have stuck it out. If your parents wanted to change her rules they would have when she called them. NTA but not mature enough to be alone with another 13 year old child with no rules judging your reaction.
That 16 year old is disrespectful if he wasn't he would have respected the babysitters dumb rules. He choose to be immature and not 16.
Reality people needs to stop trying to see things from the child side or the parents. 1 a 16 year old is not allow to be left in the house by their-selves for more than a day. It's against the law someone 18 and up have to be there. 2 I am sure the idiot 16 year old had plans to do what he wants, got mad because his parents hired a babysitter. 3 UNDERSTAND THIS ONE FROM A BABYSITTER POINT OF VIEW!!! KIDS LIKES TO TRY TO RUN OVER A BABYSITTER WHEN PARENTS ARE NOT HOME OR ANY ADULT NO DIFFERENCE THAN HAVING A SUB TEACHER AT SCHOOL! IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG THE BABYSITTER IS HELD RESPONSIBLE AND SINCE THEY ARE NOT HER KIDS ITS WORSE! PLUS SHE CAN LOSE HER FUTURE BUSINESS! KIDS NEEDS TO RESPECT THE ADULT! ITS NOT THAT HARD TO DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO UNTIL YOUR PARENTS ARE HOME! BUT HER RULES IS PLACE FOR A REASON ITS WHAT SHES COMFORTABLE TO DEAL WITH! HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT MAYBE IN THE PAST SHE LET A 16 YEAR OLD STAY HOME WHILE SHE TOOK THE YOUNGEST OUT AND THE 16 YEAR OLD DECIDED
TO HAVE PEOPLE OVER! THAT IS STUFF THAT KIDS DOES WHY BECAUSE THEY ARE REBELLIOUS AND AT 16 THEY THINK THEY ARE GROWN! MY THING WHEN YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH FOR ME TO SUE YOU THAN YOU'RE GROWN!!! IN AMERICA THATS 18 YOU CANT EVEN GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM WITHOUT SOMEONE OVER 18 THERE TO SIGN YOU OUT!!! HES A KID SO WHAT IF HE HAS A JOB OR DRIVE NOT EVERY 16 YEAR OLD DOES!!! THERE ARE STILL RULES
Load More Replies... He's 100% the ah and proved why the babysitter had these rules for all we know the parents could've told the babysitter "our 16yo is very immature treat him the same as the 13yo, he has the ability to burn down a house, we worry for what sort of insanity he might do if he's left home alone and and can stay up till 4am on a school week" if you think 10pm is an early curfew you're an idiot pulling all nighters isn't good for your physical and mental health it's such a reasonable time because I know people with 7pm and 8pm curfews from their parents we don't know your capabilities and neither does this baby sitter she just asked you to ask her wether you could make food before making it it is not that hard to just wake her up and go "I want pancakes can I make pancakes btw I'm actually capable of doing that I've done it alot" maybe throw in a responsible I'll make some for my brother as well and she might trust you more locking yourself in your room was such a childish move and proves why
It's a half and half. He needs to understand that a household is NOT a democracy, and that as his parents are his sole providers, is ts their way as the finality of the say. Looking at it from today's standards where he should be allowed to do whatever including telling the babysitter to p**s off is not the correct assumption. He is 16 years old. There is an incredible amount of learning going on still, and even at 16 biting the bullet and dealing with some tighter rules CONSIDERING THAT PERSON IS NOW RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR WELL-BEING, is not too much to ask. Now, in my view, the babysitter should have asked the parents about the 16 y.o. as he is on the cusp of adulthood and sounds mature enough to deal with himself, so I understand both sides. Clearly a lack of defined rules and expectations etc. from the outset before mom and dad left.
Can a 16 year old just suck it up and go to bed earlier FOR 3 DAYS? Can a 16 year old inform nanny that he is going to make food and maby some one else wonts to eat too? These rules might seem ridiculous for a teenager, but i see them just as a necessity to talk with adult who is legaly responsible. I bet that a qestion "hey, if i go to bed by 10, but read a book is that okay?" will give a positive ansver.. This boy is childish and imature in an inability to respectfully bargain instead of throwing tantrums over inflated ego
ESH. Parents should set the rules before they left. Babysitter should have recognized that a 10 pm bedtime for a sixteen year old is ridiculous if it's not on a school night, like, he was already in his room, who forces a 16 year old to get in bed? And should have asked for clarification of rules before the parents left or called them to ask. OP should have have tried a reasonable discussion, followed by contacting their parents, and if that didn't work they should have just got over it for 3 days then brought up the issue with parents after the fact, set a clear boundary like an adult would do. "I recognize I'm still a minor, and I complied with her rules to keep the peace, but in the future I am really uncomfortable with this sort of arrangement, as it felt disrespectful and demeaning, and would prefer that we establish reasonable rules beforehand, or I stay with a friend or family member instead."
ESH the kid could have been more understanding, the baby sitter could have given him a bit more leniant rules, and the parents could have set some house rules
Just no. Therw is no compromise with rules that are way out of bound. He seems more like an adult than you, the parents, and the babysitter.
Load More Replies... So someone should suffer so others dont have to deal with the consequences of their own stupidity?
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