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“Started Screaming”: Absentee Mom Asks For Daughter’s Organs, Gets Upset When The Girl Refuses
People have their reasons to give their kids up for adoption, whether it’s out of necessity or otherwise. And while they are the biological parents, they do not hold the right to barge into their children’s lives, especially after being away for the entire time.
This was a concept a woman seemed unable to grasp as she tried to reconnect with her daughter. To make matters worse, she returned in poor health and asked for a massive favor.
The daughter understandably refused, which led to a chaotic situation that may have traumatized her further.
RELATED:
Some people feel entitled to suddenly barge into their biological children’s lives after being absent for so long
Image credits: Meg / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
A young girl experienced this when her birth mother suddenly wanted to reconnect with her
Image credits: Josué Sánchez / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
As it turns out, the mom, who was in poor health, wanted her daughter to donate some of her organs
Image credits: Wesley Mc Lachlan / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The girl refused, leading to a heated and chaotic situation
Image credits: rosecandystars
Children with absentee parents may endure severe well-being issues that they may carry through adulthood
Based on her account, the daughter appears to be carrying a heavy emotional burden as a teenager. Her pain was exacerbated by her mother’s sudden return and toxic sense of entitlement.
According to child and adolescent psychologist Iosune Mendia, that gap left by an absentee parent can leave traces of affective deficiency.
“It translates into feelings of discomfort, loneliness, and emptiness, all of which stem from that unmet need for love, as well as a constant search for approval to fill that void,” Mendia told Madrid-based newspaper El País.
Mendia noted that other manifestations may include low self-esteem, depression, poor academic performance, and lack of motivation.
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
However, a worse outcome is that the child may carry the burden into adulthood and even pass it on to their own children.
“They will be afraid of abandonment, so they will tend to seek emotionally dependent relationships based on hostility and mistrust,” Mendia noted, adding that children who grew up with absentee parents will likely establish toxic relationships, even with those whom they will latch onto for affection.
It’s bad enough that the daughter may already be carrying deep wounds brought on by the trauma left by her biological mom. She was well within her rights to refuse her mother’s request, someone who was technically a stranger to her at that point.
Most commenters sided with the daughter
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What do you think ?
Bookworm 3 days ago
There's no way biomom would know if OP is a match or not. OP would have to get tested. Not that that matters if the potential donor isn't willing. I hope OP has gone no contact and moved on.
Ace 3 days ago
Quite so. And this is the bit that tells us the whole story is made up.
Load More Replies...
Dragons Exist 3 days ago
I'm so tired of people who think that they're entitled to something from anyone just because they created them
Ace 3 days ago
I'm so tired of reading poorly thought-out fictional tales of entitlement masquerading as AITA questions on Reddit.
Load More Replies...
Paul C 3 days ago
Seems like everyone who says this is fake is downvoted. I can't see why. Perhaps for not providing their reasons? These are mine: 1) You would not know someone is a match without them being tested (could just be a total lie to get OP tested) 2) How the hell do you get a child's phone number? This one I can't explain - I'm sure it would not be listed anywhere the egg donor could find it. Who would give it to the egg donor? 3) Would anyone seriously allow a child to donate organs to someone she hardly knows? It certainly couldn't be in the child's best interest, so I'm not sure how it could be justified.
K Barnes 1 day ago
That's a BP thing. People like to downvote anyone who points out that a clearly fake story is fake. I get that some people like the stories but when it's poorly written with glaring errors, and especially when it's the 15th of whatever type of story is trendy this month, it's ok to point out that it's fake.
Load More Replies...
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 days ago
I'm adopted, and I don't have a negative connotation/self-image around it. If my bio mom or one of my bio sisters needed a kidney now, I'd strongly consider it, even though I've never met them face-to-face. I would consider it outside of the "why" part of why they needed it. But I'm an adult, turning 44 this weekend. If one of my bio family had confronted me on the street demanding a donation while I was still a MINOR? Hell naw. And bio mom yelling something about "I gave you life so you owe me"? Put extra hell naw sauce on that hell naw corndawg. I've always been very open and chill about my adoption and I don't blame my bio mom for giving me up (she too has struggled with áddiction, like OP's bio mom.) I'd do what I could IF I could, because I'm not heartless. But OP's bio mom is acting ENTITLED to OP's organs, and that's unbelievably infuriating to me. Hell, OP might not even be a suitable donor; then what is bio mom going to do?
JB 2 days ago (edited)
Setting emotions aside, including the violent outrage I feel towards the incubator, OP is a minor, so I did a quick search for “would a live donor who is 16 need parent/guardian consent?” The short answer is yes. But, Michigan is the only state I could identify that legally allows live donation under 18 in EXCEPTIONAL circumstances. In Canada, the legal minimum age is 18 or 19 depending on the province. According to the American Journal of Transplantation, “Broad consensus statements have attempted to address the issue of allowing minors (
Load More Replies...
Upstaged75 3 days ago
Just because you give birth to a person it doesn't automatically mean you're a donation match. There's no way to determine that without extensive testing. The woman sounds crazy. And acting like an entitled maniac is NOT the way to convince anyone to give you something. 🙄
Powerful Katrinka 2 days ago
I sincerely doubt whether the bio mom is actually sober. These are the behaviors of someone who is still active in their a*******n. In which case, no doctor would consider her a candidate for transplants, period.
DC 2 days ago
NTA. First, I will not join the choir of AHs saying she "deliberately damaged her organs" or that she making them quit, making them need a replacement would have been a choice. It's not. Being an äddict is, in and of itself, also not an ethically relevant property, a lot of fine people are äddicts for decades, and that even includes alcoholics (usually, those are the ones with the most-fried brains). But, it also isn't a free pass on anything at all. Make things right? Yes, if she'd done so without her life relying on taking apart her daughter, that might be believable. But, discovering the urge to rectify broken relationships at the very moment those are needed to provide something essential, just can't sit right with anybody about anybody. Also, just being a daughter doesn't automatically make you a match, it just makes it a lot more likely, admitted, but it's not as if this would garuantee that a transplant would work sufficiently well.
Don Adams 2 days ago
I am a transplant recipient (heart). The work up to the procedure had me evaluated for worthiness. Age, overall health, did I smoke/drink (quit smoking 23 years prior, rarely drank alcohol), and I was accepted by the committee. The mom's waiting list could well be due to her status being affected by her earlier lifestyle. She has the right to ask, once, but, as in so many things, NO is a complete sentence. She cannot know if they are a suitable match without both being tested. Seems she is just trying to jump the line. Parents need to involve legal and get a restraining order.
Dragon mama 2 days ago
I would have lost my dam.n mind if BP dared to put up any yta. Holy hell I feel for this child
Granny's Thoughts 2 days ago
Your birth mother is a real entitled AH. To show up like this, accosting a teen and practically demanding vital organs? Not your problem. Do not even respond if she tries to talk with you again. Do not feel guilty about this at all. Her problems that she made are not your problems.
Anne Roberts 2 days ago (edited)
I know that my adult children would want to help with with an organ donation if we were compatible. That said, I would feel very bad about taking it from them. They are my LIFE and I wouldn't want them to have health consequences as a result. They are both wonderful adults and healthy and I want them to stay that way. As much as I would appreciate their help, I couldn't stop feeling guilty that I changed their whole lives forever.
JB 2 days ago
Setting emotions aside, including the violent outrage I feel towards the incubator, OP is a minor, so I did a quick search for “would a live donor who is 16 need parent/guardian consent?” The short answer is yes. But, Michigan is the only state I could identify that legally allows live donation under 18 in exceptional circumstances. In Canada, the legal minimum age is 18 or 19 depending on the province. According to the American Journal of Transplantation, “Broad consensus statements have attempted to address the issue of allowing minors (<18 years old) to become LDs by suggesting that certain conditions must be met; that is the donor and recipient are highly likely to benefit; the surgical risk to the donor is extremely low; all other deceased and LD options have been exhausted and the donor assents freely without coercion. The American Academy of Pediatrics has proposed, additionally, that the emotional and psychological risks to the donor should be minimized.”
KatSaidThat 3 days ago
"I gave you life" - yes into your a*******n and then you gave me away. And you didn't come to make amends, you came for my organs. Hard no. Report, restrain, block.
Catherine Kane 3 days ago
wondering how the bio-mom found her and how she got ahold of all of those phone numbers
Kristin 3 days ago
No no no, that's not ok. Show up the way she did and then only want something instead of truly wanting to get to know her daughter. Then the audacity of saying I gave you life smdh. Even if I was in the same boat as OP biological mother, asking my daughter for her kidney and part liver is a huge thing to ask. Even if my daughter said no, I wouldn't ever act this way. It's her choice, her body. That woman made the stupid choice of being an a****t and now she expects a little girl to undergo a major surgery AND saying she's a march is ridiculous cause hasn't even been tested to prove that. Just wow. Seems like OP is very mature and handled this exactly as she should. Wishing her the best.
Bookworm 3 days ago
There's no way biomom would know if OP is a match or not. OP would have to get tested. Not that that matters if the potential donor isn't willing. I hope OP has gone no contact and moved on.
Ace 3 days ago
Quite so. And this is the bit that tells us the whole story is made up.
Load More Replies... Dragons Exist 3 days ago
I'm so tired of people who think that they're entitled to something from anyone just because they created them
Ace 3 days ago
I'm so tired of reading poorly thought-out fictional tales of entitlement masquerading as AITA questions on Reddit.
Load More Replies... Paul C 3 days ago
Seems like everyone who says this is fake is downvoted. I can't see why. Perhaps for not providing their reasons? These are mine: 1) You would not know someone is a match without them being tested (could just be a total lie to get OP tested) 2) How the hell do you get a child's phone number? This one I can't explain - I'm sure it would not be listed anywhere the egg donor could find it. Who would give it to the egg donor? 3) Would anyone seriously allow a child to donate organs to someone she hardly knows? It certainly couldn't be in the child's best interest, so I'm not sure how it could be justified.
K Barnes 1 day ago
That's a BP thing. People like to downvote anyone who points out that a clearly fake story is fake. I get that some people like the stories but when it's poorly written with glaring errors, and especially when it's the 15th of whatever type of story is trendy this month, it's ok to point out that it's fake.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 days ago
I'm adopted, and I don't have a negative connotation/self-image around it. If my bio mom or one of my bio sisters needed a kidney now, I'd strongly consider it, even though I've never met them face-to-face. I would consider it outside of the "why" part of why they needed it. But I'm an adult, turning 44 this weekend. If one of my bio family had confronted me on the street demanding a donation while I was still a MINOR? Hell naw. And bio mom yelling something about "I gave you life so you owe me"? Put extra hell naw sauce on that hell naw corndawg. I've always been very open and chill about my adoption and I don't blame my bio mom for giving me up (she too has struggled with áddiction, like OP's bio mom.) I'd do what I could IF I could, because I'm not heartless. But OP's bio mom is acting ENTITLED to OP's organs, and that's unbelievably infuriating to me. Hell, OP might not even be a suitable donor; then what is bio mom going to do?
JB 2 days ago (edited)
Setting emotions aside, including the violent outrage I feel towards the incubator, OP is a minor, so I did a quick search for “would a live donor who is 16 need parent/guardian consent?” The short answer is yes. But, Michigan is the only state I could identify that legally allows live donation under 18 in EXCEPTIONAL circumstances. In Canada, the legal minimum age is 18 or 19 depending on the province. According to the American Journal of Transplantation, “Broad consensus statements have attempted to address the issue of allowing minors (
Load More Replies... Upstaged75 3 days ago
Just because you give birth to a person it doesn't automatically mean you're a donation match. There's no way to determine that without extensive testing. The woman sounds crazy. And acting like an entitled maniac is NOT the way to convince anyone to give you something. 🙄
Powerful Katrinka 2 days ago
I sincerely doubt whether the bio mom is actually sober. These are the behaviors of someone who is still active in their a*******n. In which case, no doctor would consider her a candidate for transplants, period.
DC 2 days ago
NTA. First, I will not join the choir of AHs saying she "deliberately damaged her organs" or that she making them quit, making them need a replacement would have been a choice. It's not. Being an äddict is, in and of itself, also not an ethically relevant property, a lot of fine people are äddicts for decades, and that even includes alcoholics (usually, those are the ones with the most-fried brains). But, it also isn't a free pass on anything at all. Make things right? Yes, if she'd done so without her life relying on taking apart her daughter, that might be believable. But, discovering the urge to rectify broken relationships at the very moment those are needed to provide something essential, just can't sit right with anybody about anybody. Also, just being a daughter doesn't automatically make you a match, it just makes it a lot more likely, admitted, but it's not as if this would garuantee that a transplant would work sufficiently well.
Don Adams 2 days ago
I am a transplant recipient (heart). The work up to the procedure had me evaluated for worthiness. Age, overall health, did I smoke/drink (quit smoking 23 years prior, rarely drank alcohol), and I was accepted by the committee. The mom's waiting list could well be due to her status being affected by her earlier lifestyle. She has the right to ask, once, but, as in so many things, NO is a complete sentence. She cannot know if they are a suitable match without both being tested. Seems she is just trying to jump the line. Parents need to involve legal and get a restraining order.
Dragon mama 2 days ago
I would have lost my dam.n mind if BP dared to put up any yta. Holy hell I feel for this child
Granny's Thoughts 2 days ago
Your birth mother is a real entitled AH. To show up like this, accosting a teen and practically demanding vital organs? Not your problem. Do not even respond if she tries to talk with you again. Do not feel guilty about this at all. Her problems that she made are not your problems.
Anne Roberts 2 days ago (edited)
I know that my adult children would want to help with with an organ donation if we were compatible. That said, I would feel very bad about taking it from them. They are my LIFE and I wouldn't want them to have health consequences as a result. They are both wonderful adults and healthy and I want them to stay that way. As much as I would appreciate their help, I couldn't stop feeling guilty that I changed their whole lives forever.
JB 2 days ago
Setting emotions aside, including the violent outrage I feel towards the incubator, OP is a minor, so I did a quick search for “would a live donor who is 16 need parent/guardian consent?” The short answer is yes. But, Michigan is the only state I could identify that legally allows live donation under 18 in exceptional circumstances. In Canada, the legal minimum age is 18 or 19 depending on the province. According to the American Journal of Transplantation, “Broad consensus statements have attempted to address the issue of allowing minors (<18 years old) to become LDs by suggesting that certain conditions must be met; that is the donor and recipient are highly likely to benefit; the surgical risk to the donor is extremely low; all other deceased and LD options have been exhausted and the donor assents freely without coercion. The American Academy of Pediatrics has proposed, additionally, that the emotional and psychological risks to the donor should be minimized.”
KatSaidThat 3 days ago
"I gave you life" - yes into your a*******n and then you gave me away. And you didn't come to make amends, you came for my organs. Hard no. Report, restrain, block.
Catherine Kane 3 days ago
wondering how the bio-mom found her and how she got ahold of all of those phone numbers
Kristin 3 days ago
No no no, that's not ok. Show up the way she did and then only want something instead of truly wanting to get to know her daughter. Then the audacity of saying I gave you life smdh. Even if I was in the same boat as OP biological mother, asking my daughter for her kidney and part liver is a huge thing to ask. Even if my daughter said no, I wouldn't ever act this way. It's her choice, her body. That woman made the stupid choice of being an a****t and now she expects a little girl to undergo a major surgery AND saying she's a march is ridiculous cause hasn't even been tested to prove that. Just wow. Seems like OP is very mature and handled this exactly as she should. Wishing her the best.
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