MIL Won’t Stop Touching Mom-To-Be’s Belly Despite Knowing That It Triggers Her, Gets Publicly Embarrassed
Even when moms say that their pregnancy was easy and they didn’t have much pain or other annoying symptoms, it still wasn’t that easy, and how could it be when you are growing a whole new human inside you?
But women suffer not only from physical symptoms. They have to face the pressure of always being healthy and stress-free so they don’t harm the baby and they have to bear the touching of the belly.
This mom on Reddit doesn’t like to be touched in general, so when she repeatedly asks her family to make sure she is okay with being touched before putting their hands on her belly and her mother-in-law fails to do that, she tells her off like a child and is left in the jerk’s position.
More info: Reddit
Pregnant woman is tired of her MIL randomly touching her, so she prepares the most condescending voice to tell her off
Image credits: Mustafa Khayat (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) is a 24-year-old woman who will soon become a mom for the first time and she feels excited about it. She comes from an abusive home, so touching isn’t a form of love for her and before getting pregnant, her boundaries weren’t overstepped.
Now that she has a baby bump, everyone wants to touch it. She would rather them not touch her at all, but because she understands the wish to put their hands all over the belly, she would like to be asked first and have a sort of warning, because she would get belly rubs at random times.
The OP doesn’t like to be touched in general, but now that she’s pregnant, everyone wants to pat her belly
Image credits: u/No-Comfort-670
The woman’s MIL and SIL don’t respect her wishes most of the time, so the OP usually just backs up. On one particular occasion during her baby shower, she got very annoyed when MIL put her hand on her bump and practiced her parent voice.
She told her MIL, “No, no, you know I’ve told you not to touch without asking first. You know how to ask first, do you? It’s easy!” which is something you would say to a kid. The woman got really embarrassed to the point that she turned red and was upset at the OP. Her FIL was also not very happy about the situation and called his son to ask the OP to apologize, but she refused.
She expressed that she would like people to ask her permission first, but her SIL and MIL don’t really do that
Image credits: u/No-Comfort-670
Some people’s urge to touch pregnant women’s bellies could be explained by going back in time to a period when people couldn’t communicate with language. Online resource for motherhood Motherly expands on it: “Touch is the core of communication. We are hardwired to touch. It’s why, when a friend is upset, you instinctively reach out and touch her shoulder. It’s why we kiss our partners, and it’s definitely (one of the many, many reasons) why we kiss our babies. Touch communicates in a way that language can’t.”
One particular time, the OP’s MIL touching her belly really didn’t sit right, so she told off the woman like she would a child: nicely but condescendingly
Image credits: cookcompanyltd (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/No-Comfort-670
However, not everyone responds to being touched the same way, so not all pregnant women consider the touch of another person’s hand pleasant. “Some women are okay with family members and partners doing it but not co-workers or strangers, while some flat-out don’t want to be touched and have an almost visceral physical reaction to it.”
And the problem here is that people start to think that they can now touch a woman because she’s pregnant and somehow now that protruding belly is public domain, while maybe they wouldn’t have dared to do it before. The woman is still a woman, a human being with her own feelings, preferences and rights.
The MIL got very embarrassed trying to come up with excuses but the OP explained that if she acts like a child, she will be treated like one
Image credits: u/No-Comfort-670
Scary Mommy lists some of the reasons why it is wrong to come up to a pregnant woman and pet her belly, one of them being that it’s dehumanizing and it’s violating the right to bodily autonomy. They also may not feel safe being touched because under that skin there is a human growing that they hold very dear.
And while it is not wrong to ask if you could touch the belly, be prepared for whatever answer the pregnant woman may give and if it’s a negative one, you need to respect it, not ask for an explanation and not try to ask again, or worse, try to touch it anyway.
The OP’s FIL also intervened when, through her husband, MIL asked the woman to apologize, which she refused
Image credits: u/No-Comfort-670
Image credits: highlander411 (not the actual image)
Our bodies are no one else’s property and if someone wants to do something with it, they need consent. If they don’t follow these rules, they will be disciplined and in this case, the MIL was publicly shamed for her behavior.
People in the comments thought that the OP’s response was very appropriate and not over the top. She was nice and people believe that from now on, the MIL will remember to ask before touching.
What is your opinion on people touching pregnant bellies? What were your own experiences? Do you think the OP should apologize? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
FIL called the woman a jerk but Redditors didn’t think she did anything wrong because she has the right to defend her body
When I was pregnant I had a guy I knew (and didn’t like) try to touch my tummy, he got a smacked hand and told not to try it again. Poor boy got so offended, but I said that just because I’m pregnant doesn’t give you the right, and if anybody else had tried it I’d have told them they’d be missing all hand or at least have a very nasty bruise. Not yours? No touchy!
MIL ignores OP because she thinks OP's boundaries are silly. Just don't touch people without their permission! This isn't a difficult thing to remember, especially when OP has told MIL a zillion times to not.
"I thought we were grabbing each other's bodies." Best. ever. total. queen.
Touching someone against their clearly spoken wish is abuse. The abuser was very nicely treated, she may have had a more physical response from me.
Being this is a constant issue, maybe she should have worn that shirt someone in the article mentioned. " you can touch my belly if I can punch your face" in the fourth comment. Then when she did so, the FIL's sister could back up that statement with ' could be worst, a punch in the face vs a child reprimand. You got lucky that you got butt hurt and not a black eye or bloody nose.'
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I hate that. Never had a kid. But never just touched someone's belly for the sake of a child growing in it. Something tells me if they over step this they will be worse when the baby comes. Like coming over unannounced or expecting to just take the baby up and hold it whenever they want. I'd suggest subtlety changing locks if they have keys now. And make a visiting schedule you can post innocently for visiting hours like a calendar.
And they should be sure to keep their front door locked and don't give MIL a key.
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Why is it so hard for some people to understand that you simply don't touch another person's body without permission?
I’ve got a twelve year old daughter, she’s been taught from an early age that we all have autonomy over our bodies. No one has the right to touch, hug, kiss or whatever without your permission, she also understands that this is a two way street, she respects others boundaries too. She knows that hugs from her family are unlimited, she never has to ask us for a hug but equally she can say she doesn’t want a hug, for the record she has never refused a hug from family. If a twelve year old can get this (and has known it since she was small) then how can’t adults understand it? So you are pregnant? Awesome, you ain’t public property though, why would we invade a space that you are fiercely defensive of? It’s got you and your baby in it, that’s more valuable than anything.
I deal with ibs-c and have a lot of belly bloating often. I’m also skinny/petite so my bloated belly looks even more pronounced. I had a lady in the checkout line put her hand on my belly and ask when I was due and if it was a boy or girl. I told her I wasn’t pregnant. She got so red faced. She’s not the only person who has asked when I was due when I wasn’t pregnant but she was the only one who put a hand on me.
I agree. I don't like it either. I am an affectionate person by nature but touching a pregnant belly is just wrong. Unless you ask that person to when the baby is kicking. I let children and friends who were single or had not been pregnant yet touch when the baby was kicking and moving around. But I let them know where to put their hand. I gently put my hand on top of theirs then took my hand off with their hand too after a short while. I controlled the contact. Didn't let their hands wander.
If she can't respect boundaries when the kid is inside of you, think of what she'll do when it's out.
Why do people automatically think they can touch a pregnant woman's belly??? I would NEVER do that without asking first! Would you go up to a woman and place your hand on her boobs or her butt??? No, because it's rude and inappropriate. So why do you think it's ok to put your hands anywhere else on her body?
I would touch her belly and say "Ooooh you're carrying low! Must be a double cheeseburger!"
I don't think MIL has "forgotten" ANY of the boundaries OP has set. I think she's intentionally testing them in an effort to be the one in control. My former MIL was a real piece of work when it came to the whole belly thing. Touching was the least of it. She would bend down and talk baby talk while rubbing me. I had asked & flat our told her to stop touching me. At the baby shower I finally lost it, and basically screamed "What f*****g part of keep your hands off of me is confusing to you? DO NOT RUB MY BELLY - you've got your own big old round mound to play with, leave mine alone". Was she embarrassed? Hell, yes. Did I care? Hello, no. This is the same woman who informed me she'd be calling the baby (Jeremiah) Jerry, even though I said no you won't, and she went and had all sorts of items with that name embroidered on them. I named my son Joshua instead. What was so strange about the whole situation was the fact that we got along really well.
Yeah, no, just NO. I'm a guy and other than my wife, I don't like being touched by anyone, not even family. I've never even had a massage because I really can't stand the thought of a stranger touching me.
I have noticed women are worse about touching than men. When I was pregnant the women would just reach out before I could stop them. The men would ask first. A nice pat and they were appreciative of a new life. For whatever reason women think they can touch, NOPE
My DIL is wonderful, I didnt dream of touching her belly when she was carrying her first child and I wouldn’t for the next, due soon. I hated being touched. It’s the same when you have big boobs, some people think they are public property. What’s wrong with people.
I’m a very physical affectionate guy that loves hugs and physical contact as part of my love language but I would NEVER touch someone without their permission and as soon as they say that’s enough (I like long hugs the most) I let go. My SIL has just had a baby boy and yet I know she doesn’t like physical contact under most circumstances so I never touched her, nothing magically changed to make her comfortable with touching and hugs. I have never understood why a pregnant person is suddenly a magnet for peoples hands it’s weird especially because if you compare it to the guy it’s like going up and rubbing his crotch and saying congratulations to you both, no one in their right mind would do it.
"Triggered" is so overused nowadays. As someone with actual (like, diagnosed and EVERYTHING, by a DOCTOR EVEN) PTSD, it amuses me.
I have never understood this. I'm a woman, and have been asked many times if I'd like to feel the baby. No. I wouldn't.
It never once occurred to me to go touching even my own sisters' bellies when they were pregnant and we were accustomed to being physically affectionate with each other. I'd jokingly talk at their bellies. "Hi. It's auntie. I can't wait to meet you!" I wouldn't go touching anyone but my partner like that. And her in laws came into this without a physically affectionate relationship. The comments about strangers blow my mind. If you wouldn't do that to any other stranger, why do you think you can do it to a pregnant one? I wouldn't go up to some dude with a belly and rub it. "Oooh. Budweiser." I've never been pregnant, but I can only imagine how stressful that would be.
It is, although getting a police officer to take you seriously is not guaranteed.
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When I was pregnant I had a guy I knew (and didn’t like) try to touch my tummy, he got a smacked hand and told not to try it again. Poor boy got so offended, but I said that just because I’m pregnant doesn’t give you the right, and if anybody else had tried it I’d have told them they’d be missing all hand or at least have a very nasty bruise. Not yours? No touchy!
MIL ignores OP because she thinks OP's boundaries are silly. Just don't touch people without their permission! This isn't a difficult thing to remember, especially when OP has told MIL a zillion times to not.
"I thought we were grabbing each other's bodies." Best. ever. total. queen.
Touching someone against their clearly spoken wish is abuse. The abuser was very nicely treated, she may have had a more physical response from me.
Being this is a constant issue, maybe she should have worn that shirt someone in the article mentioned. " you can touch my belly if I can punch your face" in the fourth comment. Then when she did so, the FIL's sister could back up that statement with ' could be worst, a punch in the face vs a child reprimand. You got lucky that you got butt hurt and not a black eye or bloody nose.'
Load More Replies... I hate that. Never had a kid. But never just touched someone's belly for the sake of a child growing in it. Something tells me if they over step this they will be worse when the baby comes. Like coming over unannounced or expecting to just take the baby up and hold it whenever they want. I'd suggest subtlety changing locks if they have keys now. And make a visiting schedule you can post innocently for visiting hours like a calendar.
And they should be sure to keep their front door locked and don't give MIL a key.
Load More Replies... Why is it so hard for some people to understand that you simply don't touch another person's body without permission?
I’ve got a twelve year old daughter, she’s been taught from an early age that we all have autonomy over our bodies. No one has the right to touch, hug, kiss or whatever without your permission, she also understands that this is a two way street, she respects others boundaries too. She knows that hugs from her family are unlimited, she never has to ask us for a hug but equally she can say she doesn’t want a hug, for the record she has never refused a hug from family. If a twelve year old can get this (and has known it since she was small) then how can’t adults understand it? So you are pregnant? Awesome, you ain’t public property though, why would we invade a space that you are fiercely defensive of? It’s got you and your baby in it, that’s more valuable than anything.
I deal with ibs-c and have a lot of belly bloating often. I’m also skinny/petite so my bloated belly looks even more pronounced. I had a lady in the checkout line put her hand on my belly and ask when I was due and if it was a boy or girl. I told her I wasn’t pregnant. She got so red faced. She’s not the only person who has asked when I was due when I wasn’t pregnant but she was the only one who put a hand on me.
I agree. I don't like it either. I am an affectionate person by nature but touching a pregnant belly is just wrong. Unless you ask that person to when the baby is kicking. I let children and friends who were single or had not been pregnant yet touch when the baby was kicking and moving around. But I let them know where to put their hand. I gently put my hand on top of theirs then took my hand off with their hand too after a short while. I controlled the contact. Didn't let their hands wander.
If she can't respect boundaries when the kid is inside of you, think of what she'll do when it's out.
Why do people automatically think they can touch a pregnant woman's belly??? I would NEVER do that without asking first! Would you go up to a woman and place your hand on her boobs or her butt??? No, because it's rude and inappropriate. So why do you think it's ok to put your hands anywhere else on her body?
I would touch her belly and say "Ooooh you're carrying low! Must be a double cheeseburger!"
I don't think MIL has "forgotten" ANY of the boundaries OP has set. I think she's intentionally testing them in an effort to be the one in control. My former MIL was a real piece of work when it came to the whole belly thing. Touching was the least of it. She would bend down and talk baby talk while rubbing me. I had asked & flat our told her to stop touching me. At the baby shower I finally lost it, and basically screamed "What f*****g part of keep your hands off of me is confusing to you? DO NOT RUB MY BELLY - you've got your own big old round mound to play with, leave mine alone". Was she embarrassed? Hell, yes. Did I care? Hello, no. This is the same woman who informed me she'd be calling the baby (Jeremiah) Jerry, even though I said no you won't, and she went and had all sorts of items with that name embroidered on them. I named my son Joshua instead. What was so strange about the whole situation was the fact that we got along really well.
Yeah, no, just NO. I'm a guy and other than my wife, I don't like being touched by anyone, not even family. I've never even had a massage because I really can't stand the thought of a stranger touching me.
I have noticed women are worse about touching than men. When I was pregnant the women would just reach out before I could stop them. The men would ask first. A nice pat and they were appreciative of a new life. For whatever reason women think they can touch, NOPE
My DIL is wonderful, I didnt dream of touching her belly when she was carrying her first child and I wouldn’t for the next, due soon. I hated being touched. It’s the same when you have big boobs, some people think they are public property. What’s wrong with people.
I’m a very physical affectionate guy that loves hugs and physical contact as part of my love language but I would NEVER touch someone without their permission and as soon as they say that’s enough (I like long hugs the most) I let go. My SIL has just had a baby boy and yet I know she doesn’t like physical contact under most circumstances so I never touched her, nothing magically changed to make her comfortable with touching and hugs. I have never understood why a pregnant person is suddenly a magnet for peoples hands it’s weird especially because if you compare it to the guy it’s like going up and rubbing his crotch and saying congratulations to you both, no one in their right mind would do it.
"Triggered" is so overused nowadays. As someone with actual (like, diagnosed and EVERYTHING, by a DOCTOR EVEN) PTSD, it amuses me.
I have never understood this. I'm a woman, and have been asked many times if I'd like to feel the baby. No. I wouldn't.
It never once occurred to me to go touching even my own sisters' bellies when they were pregnant and we were accustomed to being physically affectionate with each other. I'd jokingly talk at their bellies. "Hi. It's auntie. I can't wait to meet you!" I wouldn't go touching anyone but my partner like that. And her in laws came into this without a physically affectionate relationship. The comments about strangers blow my mind. If you wouldn't do that to any other stranger, why do you think you can do it to a pregnant one? I wouldn't go up to some dude with a belly and rub it. "Oooh. Budweiser." I've never been pregnant, but I can only imagine how stressful that would be.
It is, although getting a police officer to take you seriously is not guaranteed.
Load More Replies... 
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