MIL Won’t Stop Touching Mom-To-Be’s Belly Despite Knowing That It Triggers Her, Gets Publicly Embarrassed
Even when moms say that their pregnancy was easy and they didn’t have much pain or other annoying symptoms, it still wasn’t that easy, and how could it be when you are growing a whole new human inside you?
But women suffer not only from physical symptoms. They have to face the pressure of always being healthy and stress-free so they don’t harm the baby and they have to bear the touching of the belly.
This mom on Reddit doesn’t like to be touched in general, so when she repeatedly asks her family to make sure she is okay with being touched before putting their hands on her belly and her mother-in-law fails to do that, she tells her off like a child and is left in the jerk’s position.
More info: Reddit
Pregnant woman is tired of her MIL randomly touching her, so she prepares the most condescending voice to tell her off
Image credits: Mustafa Khayat (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) is a 24-year-old woman who will soon become a mom for the first time and she feels excited about it. She comes from an abusive home, so touching isn’t a form of love for her and before getting pregnant, her boundaries weren’t overstepped.
Now that she has a baby bump, everyone wants to touch it. She would rather them not touch her at all, but because she understands the wish to put their hands all over the belly, she would like to be asked first and have a sort of warning, because she would get belly rubs at random times.
The OP doesn’t like to be touched in general, but now that she’s pregnant, everyone wants to pat her belly
Image credits: u/No-Comfort-670
The woman’s MIL and SIL don’t respect her wishes most of the time, so the OP usually just backs up. On one particular occasion during her baby shower, she got very annoyed when MIL put her hand on her bump and practiced her parent voice.
She told her MIL, “No, no, you know I’ve told you not to touch without asking first. You know how to ask first, do you? It’s easy!” which is something you would say to a kid. The woman got really embarrassed to the point that she turned red and was upset at the OP. Her FIL was also not very happy about the situation and called his son to ask the OP to apologize, but she refused.
She expressed that she would like people to ask her permission first, but her SIL and MIL don’t really do that
Image credits: u/No-Comfort-670
Some people’s urge to touch pregnant women’s bellies could be explained by going back in time to a period when people couldn’t communicate with language. Online resource for motherhood Motherly expands on it: “Touch is the core of communication. We are hardwired to touch. It’s why, when a friend is upset, you instinctively reach out and touch her shoulder. It’s why we kiss our partners, and it’s definitely (one of the many, many reasons) why we kiss our babies. Touch communicates in a way that language can’t.”
One particular time, the OP’s MIL touching her belly really didn’t sit right, so she told off the woman like she would a child: nicely but condescendingly
Image credits: cookcompanyltd (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/No-Comfort-670
However, not everyone responds to being touched the same way, so not all pregnant women consider the touch of another person’s hand pleasant. “Some women are okay with family members and partners doing it but not co-workers or strangers, while some flat-out don’t want to be touched and have an almost visceral physical reaction to it.”
And the problem here is that people start to think that they can now touch a woman because she’s pregnant and somehow now that protruding belly is public domain, while maybe they wouldn’t have dared to do it before. The woman is still a woman, a human being with her own feelings, preferences and rights.
The MIL got very embarrassed trying to come up with excuses but the OP explained that if she acts like a child, she will be treated like one
Image credits: u/No-Comfort-670
Scary Mommy lists some of the reasons why it is wrong to come up to a pregnant woman and pet her belly, one of them being that it’s dehumanizing and it’s violating the right to bodily autonomy. They also may not feel safe being touched because under that skin there is a human growing that they hold very dear.
And while it is not wrong to ask if you could touch the belly, be prepared for whatever answer the pregnant woman may give and if it’s a negative one, you need to respect it, not ask for an explanation and not try to ask again, or worse, try to touch it anyway.
The OP’s FIL also intervened when, through her husband, MIL asked the woman to apologize, which she refused
Image credits: u/No-Comfort-670
Image credits: highlander411 (not the actual image)
Our bodies are no one else’s property and if someone wants to do something with it, they need consent. If they don’t follow these rules, they will be disciplined and in this case, the MIL was publicly shamed for her behavior.
People in the comments thought that the OP’s response was very appropriate and not over the top. She was nice and people believe that from now on, the MIL will remember to ask before touching.
What is your opinion on people touching pregnant bellies? What were your own experiences? Do you think the OP should apologize? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
FIL called the woman a jerk but Redditors didn’t think she did anything wrong because she has the right to defend her body
When I was pregnant I had a guy I knew (and didn’t like) try to touch my tummy, he got a smacked hand and told not to try it again. Poor boy got so offended, but I said that just because I’m pregnant doesn’t give you the right, and if anybody else had tried it I’d have told them they’d be missing all hand or at least have a very nasty bruise. Not yours? No touchy!
MIL ignores OP because she thinks OP's boundaries are silly. Just don't touch people without their permission! This isn't a difficult thing to remember, especially when OP has told MIL a zillion times to not.
"I thought we were grabbing each other's bodies." Best. ever. total. queen.
When I was pregnant I had a guy I knew (and didn’t like) try to touch my tummy, he got a smacked hand and told not to try it again. Poor boy got so offended, but I said that just because I’m pregnant doesn’t give you the right, and if anybody else had tried it I’d have told them they’d be missing all hand or at least have a very nasty bruise. Not yours? No touchy!
MIL ignores OP because she thinks OP's boundaries are silly. Just don't touch people without their permission! This isn't a difficult thing to remember, especially when OP has told MIL a zillion times to not.
"I thought we were grabbing each other's bodies." Best. ever. total. queen.
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