“My Husband Blew Up At Me”: Woman Wonders If She’s Wrong To Have Called The Police On Her Stepson, Who Stole Her Daughter’s Car
No is one of the shortest words in the English language. And yet it’s also one of the hardest to understand to some.
It’s also usually one of the most detrimental words as it often leads to dire consequences if ignored. Like a night in a jail cell.
A Redditor recently shared one such story: a stepson didn’t really get the idea that his stepsister’s car is not his car, but he took it anyway, and then got the police on his tail after the car got reported as stolen. Needless to say, certain members of the family were not thrilled by this turn of events.
More Info: Reddit
No is one of the shortest words in the English language. And yet it’s also one of the hardest to understand to some
Image credits: Flattrackers and Caferacers Parts (not the actual photo)
A Redditor by the nickname of u/Leap-Window5345 visited the Am I The A-Hole subreddit with an intense story. Leap is a mother to a 17-year-old daughter and a stepmother to a 19-year-old son who’s biologically tied to her current husband.
One day, OP got a new car for her daughter. She loved it, but so did the stepbrother. It wasn’t technically his, but that did not stop him from trying to drive it. The daughter made it very clear that he should not even try, but he kept on referring to it as “our car” and would get upset if the daughter would (rightfully) decorate it. Apparently, he thought it was “ruining their car” and embarrassing him in front of his friends. Did we mention it’s not his car?
This stepson didn’t take no for an answer and ended up effectively stealing his stepsister’s car. And paying the price
Image credits: Leap-Window5345
OP did approach her husband about this, but long story short, he effectively told her and her daughter to chill. Chill they did not.
One day the daughter called OP while she was at work and explained how the step-brother took her car without her permission – simply took the opportunity while she was upstairs, took the keys and bolted. Leap did try to get a hold of him over the phone, but that didn’t work. Next step was to get the dad involved.
He, however, wasn’t useful here as he did manage to get through to the son, but eventually called back and said he took the car to the movies with his friends. Should be back by 9. That was not an option, though.
OP tracked down her stepson, but unlike the father, took matters into her own hands and got the police involved
Image credits: Leap-Window5345
The stepson ended up spending the night in the local police station, and boy, the husband was furious
Image credits: 陳 清 (not the actual photo)
After a bit of a back and forth, OP decided to take matters into her own hands. She simply called the police and reported the car stolen. Stepson was promptly picked up from the movies and brought to the local police station. They retrieved the car too, but it was, unfortunately, trashed. The décor and toys were gone. Daughter was devastated.
And while justice was served, the dad was anything but happy about it. Once the two lads came back home, the dad confronted OP about it, saying she made a mistake and unnecessarily escalated the situation. What is more, he blamed her for creating this entire situation, i.e. getting the daughter a car, but not the stepson, thus only adding fire to the fuel that is the kid’s temper tantrums.
This led OP to pass the question on to the community—was she wrong to get the police involved, was she right to do so, was there another way? According to folks online, no, yes, and this was the best, it seems.
But folks online were having none of it, said OP’s NTA, and started coming up with an exit strategy for her
Folks ruled that she is not the jerk in this situation, saying that she was, if anything, protecting her daughter from other family members who overstepped boundaries. But this is besides the stepson blatantly breaking the law by stealing the daughter’s car and the dad trying to cover it up with excuses and abuse.
And speaking of that, many suggested she files for divorce. The men are toxic at the very least with their reasoning in the matter, and it has now become of the utmost importance for OP and her daughter to get as far away from them as possible.
The post got a bit over 15,000 upvotes and nearly 15 Reddit awards. Considering that the top comment on the post had over 25,000 upvotes, you can imagine that there were many more people here than what meets the eye.
You can check out the original post in context here, and partake in the discussion in the comment section below.
Not enough context on this one to tell if she is an ahole (son is still a d**k for taking it though). Why did they buy a car for her biological child, when her step son didn't get one. It was something like for her 17th birthday, and he had no interest in a car when he was turning 17, fair enough. But if this was a story from a husband talking about how his wife never treated his son in the same way as her own child, and when his son turned 17 they had told him if he wanted a car he had to get a job and get one himself, but then his wife went out and bought one for her biological child, I'm sure the comments would have been full of people saying how toxic she is and how he should divorce her.
I'm also curious how long this has been a blended family? If both were teens when that happened (last few years), fine, I get it. The kids could be kind of 'yours' and 'mine'. But if step son had step mother since childhood, then he id imagine he'd be extremely angry and jealous and very, very hurt when his sister got a car and he did not.
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Why the 19 year old is without a car is really not an issue, the issue here is that he doesn't respect the car owner or his stepmom. You can't just take something that belongs to someone else because you want it or you want to use it. The husband/stepdad also need to learn to respect his wife, stepdaughter. I would have called the police myself.
Frankly, I find it rather worrying how that a 19yo guy is refusing to accept a NO. Especially since there's a 16yo girl in the house, and the 19yo has already demonstrated that he doesn't respect her boundaries. I'm puzzled as to why the 19yo doesn't already have his own car to begin with, but the mom needs to get her daughter out of that situation.
Nah, I think there is more to this story. Why is a 16 year old getting a car, when the 19 year old clearly never got one himself?
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It seems strange that the 19yo doesn't have a car but the 17yo does - but there isn't enough info to be clear whether that is due to financial disparity + separate finances of the parents, or the son not having 'earnt' a car due to poor grades or behaviour, or result from their marriage being more recent, etc. Given the stepson has been calling our car, and not happy with what his stepsister is putting in 'their' car, I do wonder whether it was made clear to him that the car was hers not shared property, and if his father even led him to believe it was for both of them?? This could explain him both his earlier behaviour and his taking the car when his step-sister refused his demand for the keys - he might have been frustrated she was refusing to share something he thought half his - though it doesn't excuse him seemingly throwing away her car 'decorations and toys'. Someone is definitely TA here but there isn't enough info to work out whether it is OP, her husband and/or her stepson.
I would also like to know why the stepson doesn't have a car of his own, as even if the father is a shiftless layabout, it raises a question of how much does she care for the stepson. Regardless, stealing his sister's car is a dirty move, and trashing her decor is unconscionable. Daughter is clearly NTA, son and father are a-holes, and the mother possibly also a bit of a jerk, but possibly a sweetheart.
The wierd part that so many people on here seem to think that the wierd part is the 19yo doesn't have a car! I mean, what tf has that got to do with anything? Nothing that's what. Mother buys car for daughter, daughter doesn't want step bro in it or using it, step bro steals and vandalizes car. That's the story here. So many people are focusing on the wrong facts.
It’s weird but now that I think about it, that behaviour may be the reason he doesn’t have a car himself
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Therapist here. Men need to be role models for their sons and teach them that NO means NO. Clearly the son feels like he can take whatever he wants. Imagine the type of guy he will grow up to be and how he will treat women?
He IS grown up, he's 19 years old! Sure, biologically there's still a little time, but since he's of age, he should already consider the consequences of his actions, especially since (other) young adults at his age will be of to college without proper adult supervision. Heck, my 18yo niece moved to Berlin this week after living in a suburb of a city of 200,000 inhabitants, and she'll somehow have to make it work - and then there are people like the son in OP's story, who might make her life a living hell because of their entitlement and disregard for other people's things and feelings!
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Funnily enough just the other day I watched an episode of "Evil Lives Here" which concerned a kid who had major entitlement issues and would throw a fit if he didn't get what he wanted. Eventually he resorted to stealing from his father and stepmother, and when his terrible behaviour finally resulted in an arrest he decided it was all the stepmother's fault and... well. In fact there were two different episodes that began with an entitled brat with anger and boundary issues, and both ended in murder. I'm just saying this sort of thing should be considered a major red flag.
Hmmm.... if both teens live there, then there is more wrong then just him "stealing" the car. I'm going to assume that either Mom has more money than Dad and therefor can give her daughter more then he can his son or Daddy dearest just does not care as much for his son as she does for her daughter. There is definitely some resentment on the sons side. They are all wrong. Mom and Dad should pull together to treat both kids equally or this will escalate farther
If the stepson will not only take the car, but vandalize it, then he probably has pre-existing issues that had a lot to do with his not having a car. 19 is old to be thinking this was a harmless stunt.
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I would love to know the other side of this story. How long have they been together? Are there different "rules" and expectations for the kids. Why does the eldest child not have a car. Sounds like he hasn't had a car before, so are is she playing favoritism? YTA for reporting it stolen. Don't mess with young peoples records. That is awful. Get therapy/counseling instead.
The son and his father screwed the pooch on this one. Even if the theft charge is dropped, he still has a record of arrest. On a lot of job applications they ask if you have been arrested, not just convicted....it may be unfair, but true.
OP, get yourself and your daughter TF away from these abusive men! NTA. But you will be if you stay.
Yes the father should divorce the mother cause she clearly cares about one child only and the other
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NTA. But she did escalate the situation by calling the police. He should have paid for the vandalism inside the car and he probably would have learned his lesson. The husbands entitlement is way more concerning, why on earth should she buy her 19yo stepson a car? He can work and he has a biological father?!
The father hasn't enforced boundaries by correcting the son for saying "our car", didn't tell his son to bring his sisters car back NOW, and hasn't even suggested buying his son a car himself, why on Earth do you think either of them will pay for the damages to HER car?
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The stepson is 19 kick him out of the house and tell him to get a job and buy his own car
The issue here is none of the reasons everyone else is pointing out. The issue is that the step mom refers to the step son as her husbands son and not her son, and clearly there is a divide in the household where they don't feel like family. But the bigger issue, is that BP still keeps plagiarizing "content" from reddit. Enough! Imagine going to a Ford dealership and them being like "ya we stopped making cars we thought we would just sell Toyota's instead" that's what BP has become. I'll go to Reddit for reddit, and I'll go to Toyota for a Toyota.
A Ford that's really a Toyota sounds like my kind of Ford! It would be a step up from the old Ford Courier and Festiva that were really Mazdas.
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I hope the poor young woman got her toys and decorations back and her slob of a brother didn't toss them in some dirty ditch.
First off, she didn't report the car "missing," she reported it as stolen. Is it really worth giving the son a felony criminal record for something this stupid? Not that his behavior was acceptable; but it could've been dealt with in other ways. Police have better things to do! I'm interested to know why the daughter, who is 2 years younger, gets a car but not the son? Is there other issues behind this?
After reading it twice and still stun. I will say the following. Stepson is the wrong. Stepmom has issues with step son. She needs to explain why she is not acting like a family member to husband son. Dad needs to take responsibility with son and leave the women. It very obvious the stepmom does not care for the boy. It seems to be having a negative behavior effect. Stepson needs to respect his stepsister stuff and address the issue of stepmom with his dad. You can bet there going to be a trail an more likely jail time. He needs to step up. Stepmom needs a wake up call. Calling the police on first time is wrong. Yes stealing is wrong. But two wrong do not make a right. She also has issues. Main one is she should of not married a person if she not going to accept his kids. I will end here.
It was not a good idea to have one child treated better than the other; the father should have got his son a car, or else pooled resources and helped them both get cars. It sounds like a another dysfunctional family.
What’s missing here is why the daughter has a car and the stepson doesn’t.
This is a family. The children are clearly treated differently, and we don't know why. The stepson could have some clear boundary issues, and the mother may heavily favor her biological daughter for no more reason than biology. We don't know, and family dynamics require much more than "Am I an a*****e?" We don't have enough information for so many commenting to feel so strongly one way or the other.
Regardless why OP bought HER daughter a car but not HIS son. If he thinks son deserves a car then HE can buy it. NO means NO. Keep the charges in place as well as vandalism and destruction of private property. Better yet, his son wanted her car so bad then he can have it and hubby can buy your daughter a new one. And definitely get a divorce and get away from these 2, neither are worthy of you and you can bet things are not going to improve. These 2 are users/abusers.
Do not call the police if you can easily handle something without the police. Her calling the police over this, means they can't go help someone who is in actual danger. If she wants to teach him there's consequences to his actions, she can easily do that herself, after all he still lives at home so there's plenty of consequences you can give him at home, do not use the police to raise your kids.
It doesn't matter how the person is related or associated with you or your husband. A crime is a crime.
There is simply way too much left unsaid here about the family dynamic and why the son apparently has no vehicle and why mom is buying a car with her separate finances for her daughter.
Yet another story than needs to end in divorce. Any human that justifies their older children's temper tantrums needs to be cut the f*ck out.
Kick the husband and stepson out of the house, change the locks and get a divorce. Your actions in allowing it to happen when your stepson started behaving like this and your husband didn't back you up is disgraceful and it wouldn't surprise me if your daughter moves out at 18 if you are unwilling to have her back against your husband and stepson. So if you don't want to lose your daughter then you have to get rid of the husband and stepson causing the problems. Shouldn't be a hard choice. Your daughter or them.
A stolen car was stolen. And it’s not like the stepson was a child, he was 19. Old enough to know it was theft. However it is weird that he’s older but doesn’t have one of his own and the reason for that was never specified
Technically not a theft, which is legally defined as taking someone else's property with no intention of returning it. But definitely an act of shitheelery and the dad is a twat for backing his son.
Hell Nah. Even though the son was an AH the mom was also a d**k about the whole situation. Imagine if this issue was between biological siblings and not step siblings. If a mom buys the younger child a car while ignoring the other's desire for a car then it is understandable for them to be mad. Also a mother sure as hell should not call the police and give her son (even step son) a police charge over something that is clearly a family issue.
Seriously, if this were reversed, would you ever trust your husband again? Marriage over. Answer me this, if this were reversed, would you of had your daughter arrested? Another "Technically Right", but wrong one of these. I'm sure I'll get flamed by the righteous responses, but in the end, you killed this marriage and potentially put a young man in jail over a car. A car not being returned "RIGHT NOW" rather than in 2 hours, and then handled.
NTA, he stole then vandalized her car. That shows no respect for other people's belongings. The husband and son are total AH's
WTH with the horrible English? So who wrote this? Don't se a source and given the horrid spelling...nope
How hard is it to understand, he took something that didn’t belong to him after repeatedly being told no, and not coming back with it when told to. It is theft, and should be treated as such
Load More Replies... Not enough context on this one to tell if she is an ahole (son is still a d**k for taking it though). Why did they buy a car for her biological child, when her step son didn't get one. It was something like for her 17th birthday, and he had no interest in a car when he was turning 17, fair enough. But if this was a story from a husband talking about how his wife never treated his son in the same way as her own child, and when his son turned 17 they had told him if he wanted a car he had to get a job and get one himself, but then his wife went out and bought one for her biological child, I'm sure the comments would have been full of people saying how toxic she is and how he should divorce her.
I'm also curious how long this has been a blended family? If both were teens when that happened (last few years), fine, I get it. The kids could be kind of 'yours' and 'mine'. But if step son had step mother since childhood, then he id imagine he'd be extremely angry and jealous and very, very hurt when his sister got a car and he did not.
Load More Replies... Why the 19 year old is without a car is really not an issue, the issue here is that he doesn't respect the car owner or his stepmom. You can't just take something that belongs to someone else because you want it or you want to use it. The husband/stepdad also need to learn to respect his wife, stepdaughter. I would have called the police myself.
Frankly, I find it rather worrying how that a 19yo guy is refusing to accept a NO. Especially since there's a 16yo girl in the house, and the 19yo has already demonstrated that he doesn't respect her boundaries. I'm puzzled as to why the 19yo doesn't already have his own car to begin with, but the mom needs to get her daughter out of that situation.
Nah, I think there is more to this story. Why is a 16 year old getting a car, when the 19 year old clearly never got one himself?
Load More Replies... It seems strange that the 19yo doesn't have a car but the 17yo does - but there isn't enough info to be clear whether that is due to financial disparity + separate finances of the parents, or the son not having 'earnt' a car due to poor grades or behaviour, or result from their marriage being more recent, etc. Given the stepson has been calling our car, and not happy with what his stepsister is putting in 'their' car, I do wonder whether it was made clear to him that the car was hers not shared property, and if his father even led him to believe it was for both of them?? This could explain him both his earlier behaviour and his taking the car when his step-sister refused his demand for the keys - he might have been frustrated she was refusing to share something he thought half his - though it doesn't excuse him seemingly throwing away her car 'decorations and toys'. Someone is definitely TA here but there isn't enough info to work out whether it is OP, her husband and/or her stepson.
I would also like to know why the stepson doesn't have a car of his own, as even if the father is a shiftless layabout, it raises a question of how much does she care for the stepson. Regardless, stealing his sister's car is a dirty move, and trashing her decor is unconscionable. Daughter is clearly NTA, son and father are a-holes, and the mother possibly also a bit of a jerk, but possibly a sweetheart.
The wierd part that so many people on here seem to think that the wierd part is the 19yo doesn't have a car! I mean, what tf has that got to do with anything? Nothing that's what. Mother buys car for daughter, daughter doesn't want step bro in it or using it, step bro steals and vandalizes car. That's the story here. So many people are focusing on the wrong facts.
It’s weird but now that I think about it, that behaviour may be the reason he doesn’t have a car himself
Load More Replies... Therapist here. Men need to be role models for their sons and teach them that NO means NO. Clearly the son feels like he can take whatever he wants. Imagine the type of guy he will grow up to be and how he will treat women?
He IS grown up, he's 19 years old! Sure, biologically there's still a little time, but since he's of age, he should already consider the consequences of his actions, especially since (other) young adults at his age will be of to college without proper adult supervision. Heck, my 18yo niece moved to Berlin this week after living in a suburb of a city of 200,000 inhabitants, and she'll somehow have to make it work - and then there are people like the son in OP's story, who might make her life a living hell because of their entitlement and disregard for other people's things and feelings!
Load More Replies... Funnily enough just the other day I watched an episode of "Evil Lives Here" which concerned a kid who had major entitlement issues and would throw a fit if he didn't get what he wanted. Eventually he resorted to stealing from his father and stepmother, and when his terrible behaviour finally resulted in an arrest he decided it was all the stepmother's fault and... well. In fact there were two different episodes that began with an entitled brat with anger and boundary issues, and both ended in murder. I'm just saying this sort of thing should be considered a major red flag.
Hmmm.... if both teens live there, then there is more wrong then just him "stealing" the car. I'm going to assume that either Mom has more money than Dad and therefor can give her daughter more then he can his son or Daddy dearest just does not care as much for his son as she does for her daughter. There is definitely some resentment on the sons side. They are all wrong. Mom and Dad should pull together to treat both kids equally or this will escalate farther
If the stepson will not only take the car, but vandalize it, then he probably has pre-existing issues that had a lot to do with his not having a car. 19 is old to be thinking this was a harmless stunt.
Load More Replies... I would love to know the other side of this story. How long have they been together? Are there different "rules" and expectations for the kids. Why does the eldest child not have a car. Sounds like he hasn't had a car before, so are is she playing favoritism? YTA for reporting it stolen. Don't mess with young peoples records. That is awful. Get therapy/counseling instead.
The son and his father screwed the pooch on this one. Even if the theft charge is dropped, he still has a record of arrest. On a lot of job applications they ask if you have been arrested, not just convicted....it may be unfair, but true.
OP, get yourself and your daughter TF away from these abusive men! NTA. But you will be if you stay.
Yes the father should divorce the mother cause she clearly cares about one child only and the other
Load More Replies... NTA. But she did escalate the situation by calling the police. He should have paid for the vandalism inside the car and he probably would have learned his lesson. The husbands entitlement is way more concerning, why on earth should she buy her 19yo stepson a car? He can work and he has a biological father?!
The father hasn't enforced boundaries by correcting the son for saying "our car", didn't tell his son to bring his sisters car back NOW, and hasn't even suggested buying his son a car himself, why on Earth do you think either of them will pay for the damages to HER car?
Load More Replies... The stepson is 19 kick him out of the house and tell him to get a job and buy his own car
The issue here is none of the reasons everyone else is pointing out. The issue is that the step mom refers to the step son as her husbands son and not her son, and clearly there is a divide in the household where they don't feel like family. But the bigger issue, is that BP still keeps plagiarizing "content" from reddit. Enough! Imagine going to a Ford dealership and them being like "ya we stopped making cars we thought we would just sell Toyota's instead" that's what BP has become. I'll go to Reddit for reddit, and I'll go to Toyota for a Toyota.
A Ford that's really a Toyota sounds like my kind of Ford! It would be a step up from the old Ford Courier and Festiva that were really Mazdas.
Load More Replies... I hope the poor young woman got her toys and decorations back and her slob of a brother didn't toss them in some dirty ditch.
First off, she didn't report the car "missing," she reported it as stolen. Is it really worth giving the son a felony criminal record for something this stupid? Not that his behavior was acceptable; but it could've been dealt with in other ways. Police have better things to do! I'm interested to know why the daughter, who is 2 years younger, gets a car but not the son? Is there other issues behind this?
After reading it twice and still stun. I will say the following. Stepson is the wrong. Stepmom has issues with step son. She needs to explain why she is not acting like a family member to husband son. Dad needs to take responsibility with son and leave the women. It very obvious the stepmom does not care for the boy. It seems to be having a negative behavior effect. Stepson needs to respect his stepsister stuff and address the issue of stepmom with his dad. You can bet there going to be a trail an more likely jail time. He needs to step up. Stepmom needs a wake up call. Calling the police on first time is wrong. Yes stealing is wrong. But two wrong do not make a right. She also has issues. Main one is she should of not married a person if she not going to accept his kids. I will end here.
It was not a good idea to have one child treated better than the other; the father should have got his son a car, or else pooled resources and helped them both get cars. It sounds like a another dysfunctional family.
What’s missing here is why the daughter has a car and the stepson doesn’t.
This is a family. The children are clearly treated differently, and we don't know why. The stepson could have some clear boundary issues, and the mother may heavily favor her biological daughter for no more reason than biology. We don't know, and family dynamics require much more than "Am I an a*****e?" We don't have enough information for so many commenting to feel so strongly one way or the other.
Regardless why OP bought HER daughter a car but not HIS son. If he thinks son deserves a car then HE can buy it. NO means NO. Keep the charges in place as well as vandalism and destruction of private property. Better yet, his son wanted her car so bad then he can have it and hubby can buy your daughter a new one. And definitely get a divorce and get away from these 2, neither are worthy of you and you can bet things are not going to improve. These 2 are users/abusers.
Do not call the police if you can easily handle something without the police. Her calling the police over this, means they can't go help someone who is in actual danger. If she wants to teach him there's consequences to his actions, she can easily do that herself, after all he still lives at home so there's plenty of consequences you can give him at home, do not use the police to raise your kids.
It doesn't matter how the person is related or associated with you or your husband. A crime is a crime.
There is simply way too much left unsaid here about the family dynamic and why the son apparently has no vehicle and why mom is buying a car with her separate finances for her daughter.
Yet another story than needs to end in divorce. Any human that justifies their older children's temper tantrums needs to be cut the f*ck out.
Kick the husband and stepson out of the house, change the locks and get a divorce. Your actions in allowing it to happen when your stepson started behaving like this and your husband didn't back you up is disgraceful and it wouldn't surprise me if your daughter moves out at 18 if you are unwilling to have her back against your husband and stepson. So if you don't want to lose your daughter then you have to get rid of the husband and stepson causing the problems. Shouldn't be a hard choice. Your daughter or them.
A stolen car was stolen. And it’s not like the stepson was a child, he was 19. Old enough to know it was theft. However it is weird that he’s older but doesn’t have one of his own and the reason for that was never specified
Technically not a theft, which is legally defined as taking someone else's property with no intention of returning it. But definitely an act of shitheelery and the dad is a twat for backing his son.
Hell Nah. Even though the son was an AH the mom was also a d**k about the whole situation. Imagine if this issue was between biological siblings and not step siblings. If a mom buys the younger child a car while ignoring the other's desire for a car then it is understandable for them to be mad. Also a mother sure as hell should not call the police and give her son (even step son) a police charge over something that is clearly a family issue.
Seriously, if this were reversed, would you ever trust your husband again? Marriage over. Answer me this, if this were reversed, would you of had your daughter arrested? Another "Technically Right", but wrong one of these. I'm sure I'll get flamed by the righteous responses, but in the end, you killed this marriage and potentially put a young man in jail over a car. A car not being returned "RIGHT NOW" rather than in 2 hours, and then handled.
NTA, he stole then vandalized her car. That shows no respect for other people's belongings. The husband and son are total AH's
WTH with the horrible English? So who wrote this? Don't se a source and given the horrid spelling...nope
How hard is it to understand, he took something that didn’t belong to him after repeatedly being told no, and not coming back with it when told to. It is theft, and should be treated as such
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