Man Wonders If He Went Too Far By Stopping Parental Duties After Wife Said He’s Not Her Kids’ Dad

Any man will say that being a decent dad, especially with teen kids during puberty, is far from an easy task. But to be a decent stepfather in the same conditions, you see, is much more difficult. Some men succeed without any problems, some try very hard, but it doesn’t work, and some don’t even want to try…

Well, here’s a story told a few days ago by the user u/RealisticPirate5663 on the AITA Reddit community, that has rightfully racked up over 14.2K upvotes and around 2.8K different comments. The opinions of the commenters are divided here, so it’s time to read everything on your own and try to draw a conclusion, isn’t it?

The author of the post lives with his wife and her 3 children from previous relationships

Image credits: Dmitriy Zub (not the actual photo) 

According to the man himself, he does his best to be a decent dad

Image credits: u/RealisticPirate5663

Several weeks ago the guy found out that his 16 Y.O. stepdaughter took his car at night and perhaps got into some accident while driving

Image credits: Wolrider YURTSEVEN (not the actual photo) 

Image credits: u/RealisticPirate5663

The man demanded the teen be grounded from social media and get a job to fund the repairs

Image credits: Nick (not the actual photo) 

Image credits: u/RealisticPirate5663

The woman told him he has no right to punish her kids since ‘he’s not their dad’, so the author decided to ‘check out’ from all parental duties

So, the Original Poster (OP) says that he and his wife have been married for about four years. There are three children in the family, all from the wife’s previous relationships, and they all live in the OP’s house – simply because it is located in the better school district. The man honestly admits that they’ve had their ups and downs, but in general, family life was going quite well – until recently.

One fine day, the author of the post saw a large dent in the door of his car. At first, he thought it was some passing driver who did it, and decided to check the doorbell camera’s footage to try to figure out who might have done it. And what came to the OP’s outrage was when he saw that late at night, his 16 Y.O. stepdaughter sneaked out of the house, got into the car and drove away – and a few hours later she returned and stumbled home. There were no other incidents with the car during the whole night.

The man showed the video to his wife and demanded that the girl be grounded from social media and that she get a job to pay for repairs. In turn, the woman said that the children are simply stressed by the ‘new family dynamic’, and that she would simply talk to her daughter. As for car repairs, the wife suggested that the OP report it to the insurance as a hit and run.

Word for word – and a real marital quarrel broke out, and in the process, the woman told her husband that she would not allow him to punish her kids on the simple ground that “he is not their father.” The author of the post had had enough of it. He stated that in this case, he would generally refuse to perform any parental duties towards all of her kids.

No sooner said than done. No, of course, the original poster still made sure that all the kids were safe and fed, but nothing more. For example, last week, the kids had doctor’s appointments for their checkups – and the mom had to take the day off from work to take them there. What’s more, the new school year is about to start, and despite being the one who drove the kids to school in the past, the OP has stated this time that he’s not going to do it.

The author of the post claims that he is in no way ignoring the children – he communicates with them regularly. But at the same time, when, for example, his stepson offered to play basketball together, the original poster sarcastically sent him to his mom – just to ask permission. However, apparently, some remorse still tormented the guy – otherwise he would not have wondered how reasonable he was acting here…

Image credits: Maria Orlova (not the actual photo) 

“Of course, I’m not an expert on possible insurance fraud and the legal consequences of an accident with a car, but drunk driving and covering it up is definitely a serious problem,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment on this story. “Yes, and four years of marriage (and before that, there was probably some more time in a relationship) definitely cannot be called a “new dynamic” for the children. Especially since the hero of this story admits that he used to regularly perform his parental duties.”

“However, it cannot be said that he is doing the right thing one hundred percent. Yes, his wife and stepdaughter showed disrespect for him and his property – however, for example, the younger children have nothing to do with it, and they should not suffer because of conflict between their parents and older sister. In other words, transferring the negative of your relationship with the mother to her children is, to put it mildly, not very nice,” Irina supposes.

The opinions of commenters on the original post were also significantly divided, but the main stumbling block here was precisely the behavior of the author of the post himself. Yes, many people in the comments do believe that the younger kids are certainly not to blame for anything and should not suffer from their stepdad’s behavior. And the man should also pay more attention to the fact that his wife is actually enabling a criminal at home – after all, stealing the car and drunk driving are definitely crimes. “What else is she up to that you don’t know about?” one commenter asks some kind of a rhetorical question.

As for the wife and stepdaughter’s behavior, here almost all the people in the comments are unanimous – the teen stole a car, then, most likely, drove drunk and, possibly, caused some sort of accident – otherwise where would the vehicle got that dent? And the mom is not only not concerned about this, but is also trying to involve her husband in insurance fraud, while cameras around the city can most likely track his stepdaughter’s night route and identify exactly where the accident happened. Some commenters even call for the OP to demand an immediate divorce. “This woman has no moral compass. Lawyer up and cut your losses,” someone in the comments wrote.

Well, relationships with stepkids are often quite confusing and difficult. For example, the hero of this post of ours once gave his kid a lesson for mistreating his stepsister and didn’t let him attend his best friend’s birthday party, for which he took lots of heat from his wife. And in this particular story, a man, despite making little effort to mend bridges with his stepdaughter, later demanded that she let him lead her down the aisle at her own wedding. Be that as it may, we are looking forward to your comments on this tale, and of course, please feel free to tell your own in case you have something under your belt to say.

Commenters are divided over this case but urge the author to consider his further relationship with a woman treating him like this

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