“My Daughter Is Very Clearly Upset”: Sister Keeps Stealing From Brother, Dad Buys Him A Lock
If you have brothers or sisters, you understand perfectly the struggle of having to deal with all of their shenanigans. Even if they aren’t really shenanigans—sibling rivalry, family disputes, war crimes against kin, call it whatever—there comes a point when you have had enough and something has to be done.
On rare occasions, you’ll get a parent involved who’ll actually help you out. But then you understand that it caused more chaos than you expected. But hey, that lock on the door sure solved the problem of your sister nabbing your clothes like it was Black Friday.
More Info: Reddit
Stealing is wrong, mkay? Not everyone got that memo, though, as a Redditor recently shared a related predicament they found themselves in
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Specifically, his daughter kept stealing her brother’s clothes and food, and so he put his foot down
Image credits: Some-Staff4800
Needless to say, several people were not thrilled to see locks and a mini fridge in the son’s bedroom, causing a bit of a stir in the family.
Image credits: Gary Barnes (not the actual photo)
A dad recently turned to the r/AITA community for some perspective on a parenting issue he had with two of his kids. You can say that includes a marital disagreement with the Mrs. too.
The story goes that the dad’s son and daughter had a bit of an ongoing argument over clothes and food. Long story short, the lady keeps taking the lad’s clothes because they fit her style better and she can’t find clothes easily. She also eats the kid’s leftovers in the fridge because the fridge is a sort of free-for-all.
The son, however, doesn’t appreciate it. Sure, if she’d asked, he would have at least considered it, and might have probably let her borrow the clothes, but she never did. As for the food—he loves to cook and often has leftovers for himself. However, he had a solution which he wanted to run by the dad first.
He suggested installing locks in his room and also getting a mini fridge, which he would pay for from his own pocket. The dad figured he’d pay for it all because that’s the responsible and loving thing to do, right? That’s not how the daughter and wife see it, though.
The daughter didn’t say anything, though she was visibly upset. And do you know who was both visibly upset and said something about it? The Mrs. Actually, her mom jumped in as well, but she claimed that this sort of decision-making is akin to treating their daughter like a criminal.
The issue gains more nuance given that, historically, every punishment the dad has ever given to the daughter was often lifted by the mother, so it’s not like the dad didn’t have that idea. Still, he explained in an update that he’d try to come to an agreement over a proper punishment for the daughter. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always therapy for kleptomania.
Image credits: Sam Saunders (not the actual photo)
Folks in the community were all in support of OP, saying that he is definitely not the jerk here. The main question the audience had was why should other kids in the family be punished because that one child has a compulsion to steal? The fact is she is stealing and that alone makes her a criminal, so this is all a natural consequence.
OP wasn’t the only one buying locks and fridges for kids as this commenter did the same for two of his daughters. The problem was daughter #3 who would eat everything, as opposed to the other two saving their treats for later, and so the youngest would then resort to nom-nomming everything else on sight as if it was hers to nom-nom on.
Others paid a bit more attention to the other two culprits in the story: the Mrs. and the MIL. Folks claimed that the wife is, at the very least, naive to think what her daughter is doing is normal (or at least not criminal). As for the MIL, “she doesn’t get a vote”. She had her time raising kids, and now it’s OP’s turn.
The post ended up getting nearly 6,000 upvotes (96% upvoted) and a slew of NTAs as seen above. You can check out the post in context here.
Image credits: Malcoln Oliveira (not the actual photo)
Now, is stealing among kids normal? Well, OK, stealing is not normal as much as it happens and, depending on the age, is just what happens because of their inability to grasp the concept yet.
First thing’s first, a complex study with a sample of nearly 4,000 high school students identified a 15% prevalence of stealing among them (608 students). A bit less than one percent actually endorsed kleptomaniac behavior (29 students).
The normal part happens roughly up to age 3 to 5 when the kid doesn’t really understand the concept of property. But even then, parents ought to take the opportunity and start forming a culture of respect for people’s belongings together with the kid. If they do, this sort of behavior should fade out.
Therapists suggest a number of measures to help prevent stealing among kids, most notably telling them that stealing is wrong, helping them to pay for what they stole or return the item, making sure the kid doesn’t get a reward for these actions by taking away the benefit of stealing, and making it clear that this sort of behavior is unacceptable without turning it into a lecture or calling them a thief or a bad person.
Why does this happen at all, I hear you ask, keen internet dweller? Well, besides very young kids not understanding that what they are doing is punishable by law, some do it out of lack of self-control, but older kids, for instance, might steal for the thrill of it or because it’s cool. Other reasons include stress (home, school, etc.), thirst for attention, or as a cry for help because of the abuse they’re experiencing. And a lot of the power to stop this is in the hands of parents.
So, what are your thoughts on any of this? Join the discussion and share your thoughts in the comment section below!
Folks online, however, were all on the side of the dad, calling things what they truly are—stealing and criminal
I would also make sure that mom doesn't have access to the son's keys...something tells me that she would open it up for her daughter so her daughter would rummage around in there. Clearly the daughter knows how to manipulate her mom.
MsLou & Ima Manimal, you both nailed it! Mom is the problem. It may even go deeper and speak towards some unresolved resentment or power balance struggle she has with her husband. That she brought her own mother, the grandmother, into the conversation speaks volumes on manipulative behavior. Maybe it’s an us against them battle of the sexes or a missed approach to uplifting women, but it seems more basic and more likely between the mother and her husband.
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If she's been told to stop and is now mad that she can't go behind his back and continually take his stuff it's because she is a thief therefore needs to be treated like one. Period. If mom thinks locks in the home are bad for her daughters psyche she should considered what the sounds and sights of the inside of a jail cell would do to her because if she tried that on a non family member she'd end up in jail in no time.
I don't know if she's the root of it, but she's definitely not helping.
Load More Replies... I would also make sure that mom doesn't have access to the son's keys...something tells me that she would open it up for her daughter so her daughter would rummage around in there. Clearly the daughter knows how to manipulate her mom.
MsLou & Ima Manimal, you both nailed it! Mom is the problem. It may even go deeper and speak towards some unresolved resentment or power balance struggle she has with her husband. That she brought her own mother, the grandmother, into the conversation speaks volumes on manipulative behavior. Maybe it’s an us against them battle of the sexes or a missed approach to uplifting women, but it seems more basic and more likely between the mother and her husband.
Load More Replies... If she's been told to stop and is now mad that she can't go behind his back and continually take his stuff it's because she is a thief therefore needs to be treated like one. Period. If mom thinks locks in the home are bad for her daughters psyche she should considered what the sounds and sights of the inside of a jail cell would do to her because if she tried that on a non family member she'd end up in jail in no time.
I don't know if she's the root of it, but she's definitely not helping.
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