“[Am I The Jerk] For Calling CPS On My Family And Asking To Be Removed From Our House?”

Until they reach a certain age, children are their parents’ responsibility. But some people see no problem with dropping their responsibilities on others.

Take this redditor, for example. Being the oldest of four children, he was forced by his mom to take up the role of a parent. Since his father had a drinking problem, whenever mom wasn’t around, the teen was in charge, which meant taking care of the family, his siblings, and even paying the bills. It’s no surprise that the young man eventually called CPS on his own family.

Taking care of the family is the parent’s, not the child’s, responsibility

Teen boy in black hoodie and red headphones looking stressed, seated on a bed.

image credits: DragonImages (not the actual photo)

But this 16-year-old had to take care of not only his siblings and the household, but the bills, too

Teen describes family situation involving CPS and parental alcohol issues.

Text excerpt about a 16-year-old feeling burdened with responsibilities in dysfunctional family dynamics.

Text describing a son preparing meals as the man of the house while siblings aren't expected to help.

Teen manages household responsibilities while parents are unavailable.

Teen managing household bills and finances with checklist responsibility.

Text about a teen taking money from dad's wallet due to being made "man of the house" by mom.

Teen expected to lead household, mom spends freely, family struggles with money amidst responsibilities.

Text describing family dynamics with a focus on favoritism and neglect.

Mother talks to a stressed teen boy in a plaid shirt, emphasizing the role of a man of the house.

image credits: prathanchorruangsak (not the actual photo)

Text describing a mom making a 16-year-old boy the man of the house, taking over responsibilities like walking siblings.

Text describing a teen's restricted social life because of parental excuses, relating to being the "man of the house.

Text describing a teenager discussing responsibilities at home despite parents' presence.

Text describing a 16-year-old's struggle as man of the house; mom ignores school issues, leading to CPS involvement.

Text from a 16-year-old discussing being made the man of the house and considering dropping out of school.

Text message revealing discussion on insufficient food in the house and school lunch account issues, related to CPS involvement.

CPS visit details text describing removal and financial actions by mom after several visits.

Text message from a teen discussing CPS involvement and family issues, highlighting being the man of the house.

Text revealing family tension after a teenager contacted CPS about being made the man of the house despite father's presence.

Text about a 16-year-old being told by mom to be the man of the house, questioning family responsibilities.

image credits: ThisLab8142

Many young people suffer from parentification, which burdens them with a load too large to bear at their age

It’s not unheard of for the eldest sibling to become very parent-like when an addition to the family arrives. Whether encouraged by mom and dad or naturally, they assume this new position of a guardian—which often goes hand in hand with that of a bully—so they want to make sure that no one—other than them—will hurt the little one.

But parents encouraging their firstborn to care for their younger sibling is in no way the same as loading all of the parenting responsibilities on them, as the OP’s parents did to him. Known as parentification, such behavior from parents can have significant negative effects on the well-being of the parentified child.

According to the Newport Academy, parentification happens when moms and dads turn to their children for emotional and practical support when they should be the ones providing it, which makes the child a caregiver. “As a result, parentified children are forced to assume adult responsibilities and behaviors before they are ready to do so. In addition, they do not receive acknowledgment or support for taking on these responsibilities.”

The aforementioned source points out that roughly 1.4 million children and adolescents in the US experience parentification.

image credits: Jesús Rodríguez (not the actual photo)

Parentification can have a significant negative effect on the child’s development

Delving deeper into the topic of parentification in a piece for Psychology Today, licensed marriage and family therapist Sarah Epstein noted that it can occur for numerous reasons. Some people parent their children because they never learned to handle their own feelings, for instance. Some might have been parentified themselves, which became a way of parenting they decided to follow. Others might be suffering from illness or addiction, lack certain skills or emotional capacity, or rely on their children because they have too much on their plate work-wise.

But no matter the reason, parentification can have a serious negative effect on the child’s well-being, both at the time of parentification and even years later. According to Sarah Epstein, parentified children learn that it’s their job to put their own emotional and developmental needs aside and care for their parents.

“These kids may get ‘so mature for their age’ or ‘so low maintenance.’ While meant as a compliment, these phrases simply describe children who were asked to bypass their own developmentally appropriate role of child to become a little grown-up. And those roles take a toll,” the expert wrote.

Burdened with the responsibilities that would usually befall a parent, the OP had to juggle multiple tasks at once, which inevitably took a toll on not only his emotional well-being but his grades, too. The teen then decided to inform some people at his school of the situation and eventually took matters into his own hands and called the CPS (Child Protective Services) himself. Fellow netizens stood by him and expressed support in their messages in the comments.

image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)

The teen provided more details in the comments

Reddit comment thread about a teen dealing with neglectful home life and seeking help.

Reddit discussion about a 16-year-old becoming man of the house, with focus on family dynamics and potential CPS involvement.

Reddit comments criticizing parenting dynamics, emphasizing undue pressure on teens to be family leaders.

Reddit comment condemning parentification and responsibility placed on a 16-year-old boy.

Fellow netizens showed support for the young man

Text discussing parentification and CPS involvement due to neglect and abuse.

Text post praising a teenager for bravery and parenting skills, describing them humorously as likely to call CPS.

Reddit comment discussing family dynamics and character judgment involving a 16-year-old being the man of the house.

Text post about mom making 16YO be man of the house, with advice and encouragement from commenters.

Text comment discussing a situation where a mother and father leave children unattended.

Reddit comment criticizing a mother for making her 16-year-old son the man of the house, applauding child's decision.

Text screenshot about a 16-year-old being made man of the house despite father present.

Text offering encouragement to a teenager forced to take on adult responsibilities, highlighting their strength and efforts.

Reddit comment discussing a 16-year-old being unfairly made 'man of the house' and advice on seeking help from CPS.

Reddit comment saying "You're very brave. Best wishes! NTA.

Text conversation discussing parentification and its effects on freedom and family.

Comment discussing CPS involvement with family issues, sibling dynamics, and parental influence.

Comment on mom making 16YO man of the house, empathizing and encouraging not to feel guilty.

Comment supporting 16-year-old being man of the house, praising focus on schoolwork.

Comment supporting 16-year-old taking on adult responsibility in family situation.

Comment praising a 16-year-old for being smarter than their parents and offering encouragement and support.

Comment criticizing parents for making teen be the man of the house.

Reddit comment criticizing parenting, emphasizing the impact on a 16-year-old made to be the man of the house.

Reddit comment discussing neglect and emotional development concerning a 16-year-old as the man of the house.

Text describes parentification issues, teenager's responsibilities, and a mother's neglect.

“Reddit comment about a 16-year-old being the man of the house and family dynamics.”

Comment criticizes parents, suggesting jail time for making 16-year-old the man of the house despite having a husband.

A supportive Reddit comment addressing a teen forced into parental roles within the family dynamics.

Reddit comment discussing "parentifying" of a teenager, criticizing parents for forcing adult responsibilities.

Text conversation criticizing a mother's actions, suggesting teen as the man of the house, mentions CPS involvement.

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