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New Mom Expects Some Sympathy After Best Friend “Neglects” Her After She Gives Birth, Gets A Reality Check Instead
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New Mom Expects Some Sympathy After Best Friend “Neglects” Her After She Gives Birth, Gets A Reality Check Instead

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Having a child drastically alters the course of your life. Your days that were once filled with plenty of time to take care of yourself, your partner and your pets now suddenly revolve around this tiny human who relies on you for everything. The time that you previously could fill with hobbies, working out, socializing with friends, attending events or perhaps even working a few extra hours hours is now monopolized by this little person. And because having kids is not for everyone, becoming a parent might make it a little harder to relate to your childfree friends.

It may take a bit more effort to maintain relationships with friends who have decided to have kids, but it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. As long as you’re both respectful of one another’s time and lifestyle, I’m sure you can meet in the middle and find a way to keep your friendship alive.

One mother, however, is being called out on Reddit for being unwilling to compromise and blowing up at her best friend. Below, you can read the full story that was shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit yesterday, as well as some of the replies that frustrated readers left. Feel free to share your thoughts on the situation in the comments as well, and if you’ve ever been in a similar boat, we would love to hear how you managed to maintain your friendships. Then if you’d like to read another Bored Panda article featuring a mother who doesn’t quite understand where childfree people are coming from, check out this story next!

This mother is wondering if she was wrong for blowing up at her best friend for wanting to hang out without her child around

Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: No-Youth-6786

It’s understandable for a mother to want to spend most of her time with her child, but every waking moment is a bit too much. It’s healthy to go out for a coffee or have an evening out with friends every now and then to be completely free of responsibilities. This mother noted that she has a husband, so he certainly can stay home with their child every now and then to allow his wife some time with friends. After all it’s his child too, so there shouldn’t even be a question of whether or not he can watch her. And if he’s busy, babysitters exist too! These women were close before there was ever a kid in the picture, so it might be nice to get out and remind this mom that her entire existence does not need to revolve around having a little one.

“I feel most connected to my pre-mom self when I’m with my non-mom friends,” Rachel Bowers wrote in an article for Motherly. “These friends have seen me at my weirdest and weren’t embarrassed to be around me, supported me when I wasn’t sure where my life was going, and made me laugh so hard I couldn’t breathe.” It doesn’t mean moms have to go out and “drink like they’re 20”, as the woman in this story clearly frowns upon, but enjoying time with friends provides a safe space to just focus on yourself and your friendships. No worries about changing diapers or feeding babies for several hours.

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When it comes to maintaining relationships with friends who don’t have children, Rachel also writes that it’s important to prioritize them. Your parent life might be extremely hectic and busy, but their childfree life could be active and busy as well. “It can be easy to just want to hang out with other moms because they get it, but remember your other friends and put effort into those relationships,” Rachel notes. “Make a standing monthly or weekly date that takes priority over other commitments. If that’s too difficult, make an effort to text or call them once a week to see how they’re doing.”

And remember, it’s not your friend’s fault for not totally understanding what it’s like to be a parent. “Did you ‘get it’ before you became a mom? Most likely not. So don’t expect them to ‘get it’ now,” Rachel explains. “However, just because they can’t necessarily relate doesn’t mean they can’t or don’t support you. Try to find other ways to relate and limit the time you spend talking about your mom stuff. Remember there are things you can talk about outside of motherhood—it’s refreshing!”

It can always be a bit more challenging to relate to our loved ones when they’re at a completely different place in life, but that’s the beauty of life! We get to make choices for ourselves, and we don’t have to follow the same paths as our parents, siblings and friends. I hope this mother has a change of heart and realizes that this issue is not worth losing a friendship over. If she agrees to accommodate her friend’s lifestyle at times, they can certainly find a way to rekindle their relationship without anyone being ditched or put on the back burner. We’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic in the comments below, pandas. If you’re a parent who’s had to navigate relationships with childfree friends, let us know how you managed to do so!

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Readers have unanimously agreed that the mother was being unreasonable, with many noting that she should make compromises for her friend too

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wendillon avatar
Monday
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So this is basically "My lifestyle changed and my friend refuses to change hers to match mine?". Wtf people.

tgsbbh avatar
ToGo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's plenty of friendships that completely dissolve when one has a baby. This girl was making all the effort in the world to keep the friendship going. That comment from OP saying her friend goes out like she's "still in her 20s" really peed me off - she's 31. Hardly the cryptkeeper. I'd understand wanting to keep visits at home if the baby was actually still a baby, but it's 2 years old! Meet her at the damn coffee shop.

cateharris avatar
Amused panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree. And if hubby is not around to look after the little one for a last minute arranged catch up, OP can take Ciara with her to the coffee shop. It won't be the child-free one-on-one time that Mia might like for a change, but at least there is a compromise there over the meeting place.

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caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She didn't ditch you. She keeps inviting you here and there but you never come. Coming over to drink some tea at the house with a kid(who demands attention almost 24/7) gets old really quick, no surprise she wants to go elsewhere. And you shouldn't be marinating at home all day long every day either. Your child has a father, he can stay with her to give you some rest.

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wendillon avatar
Monday
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So this is basically "My lifestyle changed and my friend refuses to change hers to match mine?". Wtf people.

tgsbbh avatar
ToGo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's plenty of friendships that completely dissolve when one has a baby. This girl was making all the effort in the world to keep the friendship going. That comment from OP saying her friend goes out like she's "still in her 20s" really peed me off - she's 31. Hardly the cryptkeeper. I'd understand wanting to keep visits at home if the baby was actually still a baby, but it's 2 years old! Meet her at the damn coffee shop.

cateharris avatar
Amused panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree. And if hubby is not around to look after the little one for a last minute arranged catch up, OP can take Ciara with her to the coffee shop. It won't be the child-free one-on-one time that Mia might like for a change, but at least there is a compromise there over the meeting place.

Load More Replies...
caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She didn't ditch you. She keeps inviting you here and there but you never come. Coming over to drink some tea at the house with a kid(who demands attention almost 24/7) gets old really quick, no surprise she wants to go elsewhere. And you shouldn't be marinating at home all day long every day either. Your child has a father, he can stay with her to give you some rest.

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