Woman Bluntly Tells Sister Why She Can’t Trust Her With Her Baby, Sister Storms Out
Interview
Choosing the next guardian for one’s baby if something happens to the couple is a very important step. Of course, it’s hard to think about it and it may seem not right that somebody else may raise your baby, but unfortunately, life is very unpredictable. However, it is clear that the most important thing that every parent wants is for their kid to be in the best hands.
Speaking about that, this woman shared a story after her sister insisted on being the next guardian for her baby despite not being able to take care of her own kids or finances. Well, to say the least – it caused quite the family drama.
More info: Reddit
People may get offended if they’re not the next guardian for your baby, but it’s more important to choose the most suitable person
Image credits: PodMatch (not the actual photo)
Woman shares that she and her husband have a business and insurance and her parents are the beneficiaries if something ever happened
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
However, one Sunday during family lunch, her sister said that it’s weird as they are old and retired
Image credits: Exergen Corporation (not the actual photo)
She adds that her sister is struggling, has 5 kids, refuses to work, has gotten into trouble legally and allows her kids to rampage
Image credits: u/PrestigiousCar851
But she still insisted on being the next guardian, which ended in the woman listing reasons why not and that led to a lot of family drama
A Reddit user took her story to one of the most judgmental communities asking if she was in fact being a jerk for bluntly telling her sister why she is not the next guardian for their baby if something happens to her and her husband. The post received a lot of attention and collected 12.5K upvotes and almost 1K comments.
OP starts that recently, she and her husband had a baby, which is a blessing. They also have a business and insurance, and the beneficiaries if something ever happens are OP’s parents. Moreover, her family, parents, and sisters with their partners and kids gather every Sunday for lunch. So one day this topic came up, and the woman’s sister suddenly said that it’s weird as their parents are retired while she is struggling to pay her bills.
OP’s mom then mentioned that if something happens, they will adopt the baby and the business, and her sister snapped. However, it’s important to note that OP shares that her sister has 5 kids, refuses to work, gets evicted yearly, has been in trouble legally and basically doesn’t take good care of her kids.
So after her sister’s demand that she should be the next in line to raise her baby as an ‘experienced mother’, OP listed quite a lot of reasons why not. This led to her sister’s departure from the family gathering and OP was encouraged to apologize, which she refuses to do – enough is enough.
The author received the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge and support that she did the right thing. “Your sister shouldn’t ask questions she doesn’t want the answer to. She clearly was ready to argue about it before you even said anything,” one user wrote. “I’m pretty sure the sister just wanted the money. She is seeing dollar signs,” another agreed.
Image credits: Remy Loz (not the actual photo)
Moreover, Bored Panda got in touch with Hanan Parvez, who has a Master’s in Psychology, is the founder of PsychMechanics and an author. He kindly agreed to share his insights regarding how families can heal trust after heated arguments, conflict’s impact on family members and how families can create safe space for open discussions.
“When you say something hurtful, the first thing to do is acknowledge it,” Hanan says. He adds that it’s important to not twist your words or blame the other person for being sensitive. After you have admitted it, genuinely apologize. He also notes that ‘I’m sorry if I hurt you’ is not the right apology.
“When you apologize, you re-open the doors of communication. Communicate assertively and hear their perspective as well. Finally, reach a compromise to rebuild trust,” he emphasizes.
Moreover, our relationships have a massive impact on our mental health. Hanan highlights that we are genetically programmed to cooperate with people who carry our genes, thus unresolved conflicts have a detrimental effect on our mental health. “They put our minds into an ‘emergency mode’ in which our career can also get deprioritized. They can result in overthinking, sadness, and even depression,” he adds.
And finally, speaking about how families can create a safe and inclusive space for open dialogue especially when discussing sensitive topics, Hanan states that assertiveness is key. Anyone can become aggressive or passive in the conflict, but socially skilled people deal with conflicts assertively. “If you feel you’ve been wronged, you can feel your anger. But you don’t have to express it in a hurtful manner,” he says.
So assertiveness allows you to express your concerns without putting another person on the defensive. Long story short, assertiveness naturally leads to open and safe communication.
So guys, what do you think about this story? Was the author being a jerk or you think she went over the line and now should apologize? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors backed the woman up and suggested how to find the right guardian
She doesn't want to take care of her niece, she wants a windfall
My youngest sister is also a neglectful terrible parent and my family has enabled her for years by protecting her from being called out on anything while she rages and demands loyalty without question. I'd rather have my son raised by strangers if it came to it. Point being this new mum is absolutely justified in saying something and good for her. I'm guessing her sister is only going to get worse as she gets older too.
Yea. I have 3 older siblings, all with kids. Oldest sister is not the best parent, imo, but also not terrible. Also not a great role model. She also has too many kids for her level of income. My second sister seems to be doing really well with her one child, and she named me God Father, but the moment she did I was like "Uhhhh. I'm not really in a position to look after a child if something happens to you and your BF.", to which she immediately responded saying that she already spoke with a friend who lives in Canada, and they agreed to take the kid if something happens. I wasn't offended in the slightest. I thought it was way better than me being listed, not only because I don't want kids, but thinking short term, if something happened too soon, if never be able to take care of a child, financially. My brother, the third child (I'm the fourth/youngest), has two kids and a wife who fully admitted that she has planned to move in with her mother, when she had kids, so that her mother could take care of the kids, but my brother is US military and actually wanted to be a father, so the wife makes it obvious she has no intention of being a parent, even if she is their mother. My parents are a mess and are way too authoritarian, plus my mother only sees her kids as status symbols and sources of free labor. If I ever had a kid, the only one I would MAYBE list as a potential if I died, would be my second sister, but only if she specifically wanted it. Even there, she's kinda taken after our Mom in being kinda, heavily sexist, so I'm not sure if I'd want my kid to grow up with that, so I'm not sure if I'd have her either. OP has every right to make the decision she has made, and the sister has no right to demand otherwise.
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Stick to your guns. She's a train wreck an doesn't even think she is. Your parents are older for sure but you prob have a clause to another relative or family member just in case. Don't give her a carrot to chase after as she will ask for advances from it.
I fervently hope you have a friend you can trust with the care of your child if the worst comes to the worst. Perhaps this friend, if not able to take on full care of your baby, can help your parents? Please make it your business to find someone who will care for your child. Make a will, put everything on paper so that there can be no misunderstandings as to where and how the child will grow up. And refuse to talk about this with your sister!
she souldnt add her sister as guardian. period. I have to ask though, is she helping out her nieces and nephews? I understand that it isnt her job but I couldnt sit by and watch them be neglected. a positive aunty in your life could change it for the good. even if you have problematic parents. I always "fill in the gaps" with my nieces and while they are grown or almost grown now and don't need as much, I am happy to have had the time to spend with them then.
I hope she changed her mind about her and her husband not flying together in case something happened. Living in that much fear of something that is statistically very unlikely to happen isn't good for anyone.
Despite the seriousness of this situation, "she will end up like Harry Potter but without the magic" is a hilarious line!
This brought back a few memories. Granted, I only have step-kids, now adults, but I did have a furbaby. When I made my will, it seemed logical to have a provision for pets. The pet and cash go to whichever niece takes them in. When I told my... Frenemy... about it, they got all bent out of shape that they weren't named. (Never even considered she wanted the money.) But I though FTW - She's older than me and in bad health. Plus, she couldn't even take care of the pet she had. Never changed the litterbox for the cat and let the dog poop in the spare room. Fuzzbutt died before her, but when I heard she kicked the bucket, my first thought was - Evil can't die. (Apparently, it can.)
Whoa, That is so messed up. The poor couple, little miss meth head.... i mean... .troubled sister... needs to sort her own shiz before demanding to be the guardian. She just wants the money!!!!!
Yikes. I'd also file a restraining order against the sh*tty sister because she clearly hinted that OP might die. Like soon, very very soon.
First of all the parents will be trustees with the baby as the beneficiary. There should also be a successor trustee and guardian if the parents cannot do it or predecease OP. Secondly, this woman seems barely literate so she shouldn’t be throwing too many stones at her sister.
NTA. First off parents get to chose who would have custody of their child & power of attorney of any money in the terrible case if something happened to you & your husband. Even if your sister was financially stable she has 5 children already a, 6th child may be too much to handle & your daughter may not get the attention she'd need. You & your husband made the correct choice by choosing your parents if the unthinkable happens.
See an estate lawyer, and have him explain how an irrevocable trust works in a case like this. There will be no payday for sis.
Okay Sis, here’s the deal. Prove to me me why I should trust you with my child’s upbringing. First get a real legit job. Learn to control your own kids and teach them some manners. Also know, that any inheritance would not be for you but for our child and the money will be placed in a trust that can only be accessed with consent of the trustee. And that’s just for starters
The fact that the money was the topic to get her going is concerning. It doesn't sound like she cares about being their child's guardian, just that she gets the bank that comes with her.
My sibling has had most or all of their kids removed, and for good reasons. But knowing her she'll just pop out another one.
The sister calling herself an experienced parent as if OP's parents just... weren't parents?? Surely they're more experienced?
Reminds me of what happened to my Bro & SIL. Her sis actually said “if you die, can I have your kid?”, to new parents! Or any, but, he was a newborn! And that’s how I got named his Guardian if anything happens. Thank god, he’s now 16, so if the worst happens, he’s an age I know how to handle. I am not good from age 1 to mid teens.
So many AITAs clearly know it isn't a question and just want to share drama...I am here for it. But, this is light on drama. Yes, the sister is a mess and is raising swamp creatures, but I think most people would just laugh at the sister's suggestion and move on. There should be a bar, minimum reddit-worthy shade. No easy targets. It's like "AITA if I don't want a diseased family of opossum to raise my infant if I die?"
Let's hope the kid grows up and learns to spell better than the mother.
Have any of you considered that English may not be her first language?
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She doesn't want to take care of her niece, she wants a windfall
My youngest sister is also a neglectful terrible parent and my family has enabled her for years by protecting her from being called out on anything while she rages and demands loyalty without question. I'd rather have my son raised by strangers if it came to it. Point being this new mum is absolutely justified in saying something and good for her. I'm guessing her sister is only going to get worse as she gets older too.
Yea. I have 3 older siblings, all with kids. Oldest sister is not the best parent, imo, but also not terrible. Also not a great role model. She also has too many kids for her level of income. My second sister seems to be doing really well with her one child, and she named me God Father, but the moment she did I was like "Uhhhh. I'm not really in a position to look after a child if something happens to you and your BF.", to which she immediately responded saying that she already spoke with a friend who lives in Canada, and they agreed to take the kid if something happens. I wasn't offended in the slightest. I thought it was way better than me being listed, not only because I don't want kids, but thinking short term, if something happened too soon, if never be able to take care of a child, financially. My brother, the third child (I'm the fourth/youngest), has two kids and a wife who fully admitted that she has planned to move in with her mother, when she had kids, so that her mother could take care of the kids, but my brother is US military and actually wanted to be a father, so the wife makes it obvious she has no intention of being a parent, even if she is their mother. My parents are a mess and are way too authoritarian, plus my mother only sees her kids as status symbols and sources of free labor. If I ever had a kid, the only one I would MAYBE list as a potential if I died, would be my second sister, but only if she specifically wanted it. Even there, she's kinda taken after our Mom in being kinda, heavily sexist, so I'm not sure if I'd want my kid to grow up with that, so I'm not sure if I'd have her either. OP has every right to make the decision she has made, and the sister has no right to demand otherwise.
Load More Replies... Stick to your guns. She's a train wreck an doesn't even think she is. Your parents are older for sure but you prob have a clause to another relative or family member just in case. Don't give her a carrot to chase after as she will ask for advances from it.
I fervently hope you have a friend you can trust with the care of your child if the worst comes to the worst. Perhaps this friend, if not able to take on full care of your baby, can help your parents? Please make it your business to find someone who will care for your child. Make a will, put everything on paper so that there can be no misunderstandings as to where and how the child will grow up. And refuse to talk about this with your sister!
she souldnt add her sister as guardian. period. I have to ask though, is she helping out her nieces and nephews? I understand that it isnt her job but I couldnt sit by and watch them be neglected. a positive aunty in your life could change it for the good. even if you have problematic parents. I always "fill in the gaps" with my nieces and while they are grown or almost grown now and don't need as much, I am happy to have had the time to spend with them then.
I hope she changed her mind about her and her husband not flying together in case something happened. Living in that much fear of something that is statistically very unlikely to happen isn't good for anyone.
Despite the seriousness of this situation, "she will end up like Harry Potter but without the magic" is a hilarious line!
This brought back a few memories. Granted, I only have step-kids, now adults, but I did have a furbaby. When I made my will, it seemed logical to have a provision for pets. The pet and cash go to whichever niece takes them in. When I told my... Frenemy... about it, they got all bent out of shape that they weren't named. (Never even considered she wanted the money.) But I though FTW - She's older than me and in bad health. Plus, she couldn't even take care of the pet she had. Never changed the litterbox for the cat and let the dog poop in the spare room. Fuzzbutt died before her, but when I heard she kicked the bucket, my first thought was - Evil can't die. (Apparently, it can.)
Whoa, That is so messed up. The poor couple, little miss meth head.... i mean... .troubled sister... needs to sort her own shiz before demanding to be the guardian. She just wants the money!!!!!
Yikes. I'd also file a restraining order against the sh*tty sister because she clearly hinted that OP might die. Like soon, very very soon.
First of all the parents will be trustees with the baby as the beneficiary. There should also be a successor trustee and guardian if the parents cannot do it or predecease OP. Secondly, this woman seems barely literate so she shouldn’t be throwing too many stones at her sister.
NTA. First off parents get to chose who would have custody of their child & power of attorney of any money in the terrible case if something happened to you & your husband. Even if your sister was financially stable she has 5 children already a, 6th child may be too much to handle & your daughter may not get the attention she'd need. You & your husband made the correct choice by choosing your parents if the unthinkable happens.
See an estate lawyer, and have him explain how an irrevocable trust works in a case like this. There will be no payday for sis.
Okay Sis, here’s the deal. Prove to me me why I should trust you with my child’s upbringing. First get a real legit job. Learn to control your own kids and teach them some manners. Also know, that any inheritance would not be for you but for our child and the money will be placed in a trust that can only be accessed with consent of the trustee. And that’s just for starters
The fact that the money was the topic to get her going is concerning. It doesn't sound like she cares about being their child's guardian, just that she gets the bank that comes with her.
My sibling has had most or all of their kids removed, and for good reasons. But knowing her she'll just pop out another one.
The sister calling herself an experienced parent as if OP's parents just... weren't parents?? Surely they're more experienced?
Reminds me of what happened to my Bro & SIL. Her sis actually said “if you die, can I have your kid?”, to new parents! Or any, but, he was a newborn! And that’s how I got named his Guardian if anything happens. Thank god, he’s now 16, so if the worst happens, he’s an age I know how to handle. I am not good from age 1 to mid teens.
So many AITAs clearly know it isn't a question and just want to share drama...I am here for it. But, this is light on drama. Yes, the sister is a mess and is raising swamp creatures, but I think most people would just laugh at the sister's suggestion and move on. There should be a bar, minimum reddit-worthy shade. No easy targets. It's like "AITA if I don't want a diseased family of opossum to raise my infant if I die?"
Let's hope the kid grows up and learns to spell better than the mother.
Have any of you considered that English may not be her first language?
Load More Replies...
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