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16
“AITAH For Ending An 8-Year Friendship After My Cameras Recorded Her In My Home?”
It’s hard to say how long a friendship lasts. In some cases, a person may feel like your best friend after just one week and remain your BFF for life. Other times, a 15-year friendship might end in one day.
One woman decided to call it quits with her friend after eight years, but she had a pretty good reason. She found out that the so-called friend used to come sneaking into her house while she was out of town. Not able to get past that kind of betrayal, the woman cut off the ‘friend’ out of her life but faced backlash.
More info: Reddit
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Upon checking her security camera footage, a woman got an icky surprise: her friend of eight years was sneaking into her house uninvited
Image credits: toonsteb (not the actual image)
She decided to end the friendship but later wondered if that was the right decision
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Image credits: New Africa (not the actual image)
Image credits: Drazen Zigic (not the actual image)
Image credits: Brett Sayles (not the actual image)
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Image credits: yakobchuk (not the actual image)
Some of our friends might be emotional vampires and exhaust us with their friendship
The author mentions how she felt that the friendship had been exhausting her for quite a while now. “She was draining me emotionally, and I was trying to pull away,” she admitted in one comment.
We all like to vent to our friends about our problems without expecting them to offer solutions. But some friends or family members might overwhelm us with their negativity and constant drama. Or, as the author of this story put it, “constant personal relationship crises.”
The unofficial term for these kinds of people is “emotional vampires.” Suzy Reading, a psychologist and chartered member of the British Psychological Society, says that these kinds of people need constant validation and attention and often have a victim mentality.
“A lot of times, they don’t actually want solutions or advice – they just want to offload,” Reading told The Guardian. She emphasizes that women often get stuck in these kinds of friendships, as they’ve been brought up to prioritize the needs of others and keep the peace. According to her, even long friendships can end because one friend might find it too hard to keep the friendship up.
Dr. Carla Marie Manly says that we should prioritize ourselves. “If it’s not good for you if you always feel awful after leaving your encounter with another person, it’s okay to let that person know in the gentlest, kindest, and most respectful way possible, ‘I’m not going to be communicating anymore with you. I have things that I need to tend to in my own life, and I wish you well.'”
Image credits: Wavebreak Media (not the actual image)
Researchers observe that most people have up to five close friends on average
Although every friendship is different, researchers have attempted to find out how long a friendship lasts. One survey asked 2,000 people about their friendship dynamics, and it appears that we tend to lose touch with 50% of the friends that we make.
According to the survey, an average friendship lasts 17 years. Female friendships, on average, have a lifespan of 16 years. Interestingly, that’s eight years longer than an average romantic relationship.
A 2023 Pew survey set out to discover how many friends people have on average. The majority (53%) of American adults said they have from one to four close friends, and 38% claimed they have five or more.
Anthropologist Robin Dunbar has proposed an interesting idea that a person can only maintain 150 social contacts in their life. Any more and we would simply find it overwhelming, and the network wouldn’t last long.
Dunbar’s theory goes on in deeper layers: the 150 are meaningful contacts, and then 50 of those are “friends.” The 15 inside those are your good friends, and the five inside that circle are your main support group.
Overall, friendships are essential to people because we’re social beings. Loneliness, as the U.S. Surgeon General reported, can be as damaging to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. But that doesn’t mean we have to maintain friendships with those who exhaust us. The point of friendships is to empower and nurture us.
“She did not have a key to my house, but my back garage door is often unlocked. No more!” the author wrote in the comments
Commenters pointed out that the ‘friend’ might have been doing weird stuff during her ‘visits’ and perhaps even stole something
People urged the OP to change her locks and cut ties with the friend to avoid any future drama
Others said it’s the author’s fault for not keeping her house secure enough
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What do you think ?
BrownEyedPanda 11 months ago
I have to admit, I'm in agreement with some of the YTA comments. OP definitely should have called the police, did a quick inventory of her belongings, and showed them the video. That "friend" is anything but; she's a narcissistic liar and thief, and cannot be trusted ar all. OP needs to get out of denial and back into the real world. Given the opportunity, that parasite will come back for a repeat performance.
Opal Chagrin 10 months ago
Depending on how the police are where you live, they won't do anything about it (especially if it's a few pills or gel pens or other items that don't have a lot of monetary value). I had a roommate who would always come into my bedroom whenever I was away from the house and she took A LOT of my belongings during the 3 months we lived in the house together. I couldn't lock her out due to the way the house was set up - she entered my room because the front door led right to my room plus the other door was a glass partition double door that didn't lock. When I went to the police with a list of the stuff she stole from me, they said it was a civil matter & I could take her to small claims court. Since she already owed me money, I knew going that route would be a waste of time & money for the filing costs. I ended up breaking the lease (she was a very toxic person overall) and saved my money and got a place by myself. It still bothers me though that she got away with theft. 😞😡
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Kristen Sharp 11 months ago
OMFG! The YTA troll who said "forgive her" is way out of line! Seeing this person creeping through your house with a flashlight and then thinking back and realizing that some of OP's meds were gone?? You... no, you don't forgive things like that!
Tobias Reaper 11 months ago (edited)
this is such a massive breach of trust and not only that she lied about which meant she knew that what she was doing was wrong. If she thought that what she was doing was innocent she wouldnt be sneaking around with a flashlight
BrownEyedPanda 11 months ago
I have to admit, I'm in agreement with some of the YTA comments. OP definitely should have called the police, did a quick inventory of her belongings, and showed them the video. That "friend" is anything but; she's a narcissistic liar and thief, and cannot be trusted ar all. OP needs to get out of denial and back into the real world. Given the opportunity, that parasite will come back for a repeat performance.
Opal Chagrin 10 months ago
Depending on how the police are where you live, they won't do anything about it (especially if it's a few pills or gel pens or other items that don't have a lot of monetary value). I had a roommate who would always come into my bedroom whenever I was away from the house and she took A LOT of my belongings during the 3 months we lived in the house together. I couldn't lock her out due to the way the house was set up - she entered my room because the front door led right to my room plus the other door was a glass partition double door that didn't lock. When I went to the police with a list of the stuff she stole from me, they said it was a civil matter & I could take her to small claims court. Since she already owed me money, I knew going that route would be a waste of time & money for the filing costs. I ended up breaking the lease (she was a very toxic person overall) and saved my money and got a place by myself. It still bothers me though that she got away with theft. 😞😡
Load More Replies... Kristen Sharp 11 months ago
OMFG! The YTA troll who said "forgive her" is way out of line! Seeing this person creeping through your house with a flashlight and then thinking back and realizing that some of OP's meds were gone?? You... no, you don't forgive things like that!
Tobias Reaper 11 months ago (edited)
this is such a massive breach of trust and not only that she lied about which meant she knew that what she was doing was wrong. If she thought that what she was doing was innocent she wouldnt be sneaking around with a flashlight
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