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Guy Feels Entitled To The Lady’s Bathroom As He’s Gay, Calls Coworker Homophobic For Reporting Him
Interview With ExpertWhen it comes to the corporate world, I don’t think there’s any shortage of drama, as every workplace has that “one person”. You know, the one who loves to brew up unnecessary trouble and create problems not just for themselves but for their coworkers, too?
Even this woman got caught in a conflict with such a fellow, who is a new hire and an openly gay man. She found it highly uncomfortable that he kept using the women’s restroom, so she confronted him. He just brushed off her concerns, so she had to get HR involved, but that gave rise to extra drama!
More info: Reddit
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Not everyone is lucky to have a drama-free workplace, and some are just like a badly-made soap opera
Image credits: javi_indy / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The new hire in the poster’s workplace is an openly gay man, but he keeps using the women’s restroom
Image credits: ZeroFilterZoe
Image credits: user6699736 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When she confronted him, he claimed the men’s restroom was gross and unsafe, and he wouldn’t check out anyone in the women’s one
Image credits: ZeroFilterZoe
Image credits: Anna Tolipova / Freepik (not the actual photo)
This didn’t sit right with her, as it made her extremely uncomfortable, so she got HR involved, and they sent out an email
Image credits: ZeroFilterZoe
Instead of admitting his fault, the man accused the poster of being “homophobic”, which really hurt her
Today’s story is quite frustrating as the original poster (OP) tells us how the new hire at her workplace made things difficult for her. This man is openly gay, but the poster saw him use the women’s restroom multiple times. I mean, the company has a men’s washroom, along with a single-occupancy common one, so this is indeed strange of him.
Well, when it happened again, OP straightaway asked him whether he was aware that it was the women’s restroom, and he just laughed. Apparently, the men’s one was gross, and he finds this one safer. Moreover, he also added that since he is gay, there wasn’t any chance that we would “check anyone out”. There’s definitely no reasoning with people like him, is there?
He just brushed off the poster’s concern that she didn’t feel comfortable with him in the same restroom. That was probably the last straw for her, because she reported it to HR, who instantly took action. They sent out an email that people have to stick to the gendered washrooms. Alas, the man found out that OP was behind this, and boy was he mad.
Instead of accepting his mistake, he told people that the poster is “homophobic”, and she just couldn’t believe it. Of course, she was hurt because that was never an issue for her. Some other colleagues told her that she should have just “looked the other way”, but she shouldn’t have to when it’s not her fault in the slightest. Even Redditors instantly sided with her when she vented online.
Image credits: Duc Van / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
To get a deeper insight into workplace dynamics when such incidents happen, Bored Panda got in touch with Apoorva Kale, an industrial and organizational psychology practitioner. She strongly believes that education plays a big role in ensuring LGBTQ+ inclusion while also respecting everyone’s privacy in gendered spaces.
“When people understand the difference between gender identity and their orientation, and why inclusive policies matter, things get a lot less awkward. A little training or open conversation can go a long way in helping people feel more comfortable and less quick to judge or misunderstand,” she noted.
Our expert also explained that when an employee is accused of being discriminatory or “homophobic” for raising a boundary-related concern, the impact can be serious. She claimed that it can be extremely distressing, especially if they intended to uphold a reasonable boundary, not to target anyone.
Apoorva also narrated that this can lead to social isolation, loss of trust among coworkers, and even reputational damage that lingers, regardless of the facts. “The employee may also hesitate to speak up in the future, which can contribute to feelings of anxiety, guilt, or resentment, and potentially affect their performance or desire to stay with the company,” she elaborated.
Lastly, Apoorva stressed that ultimately, it’s the company’s responsibility to handle such delicate matters with utmost sensitivity. She concluded that things can be better only when organizations create an environment where respect, education, and fairness guide every interaction. Well, it seems like the man needs proper training, and I really hope he gets it.
If you were in OP’s shoes, what would you do? Let us know in the comments below!
Folks were aghast and called him out for using his gender identity to create a hostile environment for the poster
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What do you think ?
arthbach 3 months ago
Astrid, he has said the problem is the men's loo is gross - this is therefore a problem for all of the men who use it. Sort of the loos, and this should sort out the problem. If it doesn't, then he is the problem.
Load More Replies...
JL 3 months ago
Plain and simple, he believes the rules don't apply to him. As a new employee acting like this, it should raise some red flags in the office about what kind of behavior to expect from him going forward.
Petra Peitsch 3 months ago
He is the kind of gay man, who makes a d**k shadow over LMBQT- people.
Load More Replies...
JayWantsACat 3 months ago
I agree with the comment that this feels like ragebait. Are there actually AHs like the one OP is describing? Obviously. But I don't think this is real.
Papa 3 months ago
You may be right, but I am curious why you feel so certain it's rage bait after you said that obviously there are AH's like the one AD described.
Load More Replies...
Ryan-James O'Driscoll 3 months ago
This has got to be rage bait. In any case, I am a man, I am gay. I use the men's toilet. There is no relationship between my sexuality and my need to evacuate waste. As it happens, I've had to clean women's toilets for work. I'm sure they vary, but it's not exactly a festival of cleanliness for either gender. As for any questions around trans people, gay men and women might have opinions, but we are not directly involved. We just want to pee.
Michelle Gosney 3 months ago
The whole trans/toilet issue is very toxic. As a gay man, he should be more aware of this than for instance somebody's grand parent. As such, a modicum of sensitivity wouldn't have hurt.
UKGrandad 3 months ago
Why would I be less aware of the issue? Contrary to popular belief, many of us old farts are as aware of current issues as anybody else.
Load More Replies...
Paul C 3 months ago
This does feel like rage bait. The reason I say that is I've worked in probably hundreds of offices over the last 40 years in half a dozen European countries (for quite a while I travelled around to other offices a lot). Never have I found one I would describe the men's loos as disgusting. Sometimes not the best smelling, especially at the end of the day, but not that foul I would consider using the ladies. Now, if we were talking about public loos, that would be a totally different conversation, as some of them are totally foul (and not just the ones with glory holes drilled between the stalls). I've even found some pretty foul ones in restaurants, which amazes me, as it makes me wonder about their hygiene levels. And on top of that, I've never met a man who would risk going in the women's loos, as that's a certain career ender. Gay or not.
FranSinclair 3 months ago (edited)
I mean i personally dont care who im in the womens restroom with because of our stalls with doors BUT i can certainly understand some peoples uncomfortablity. I had a bout not too long ago (working at a bar) that transphobic men kept saying they wergay or identify as female (i knew of these men, their wives or gfs, lifestyles enough to know they were being d***s to try to prove some point) essentially trying to cause upset. you might be in the womens room with 6 lesbians that all think youre attractive. If were just there to use the restroom, wash our hands and be respectful to one another...ill wash my hands next to tom, d**k or harry
Scott Rackley 3 months ago
So tired of the bathroom b******t. Make them all unisex one holers and be f*****g done with it.
tori Ohno 3 months ago
Gay men hurt women too. S/A isn't about s ex, it's about power, humiliation, domination, etc. Gay guys are some of the biggest buub grabbers on the planet, and they're not attracted to women, it's a type of dominant/power play and inflicting fear. I don't want to be alone with my clothing half removed with one of them.
arthbach 3 months ago
Astrid, he has said the problem is the men's loo is gross - this is therefore a problem for all of the men who use it. Sort of the loos, and this should sort out the problem. If it doesn't, then he is the problem.
Load More Replies... JL 3 months ago
Plain and simple, he believes the rules don't apply to him. As a new employee acting like this, it should raise some red flags in the office about what kind of behavior to expect from him going forward.
Petra Peitsch 3 months ago
He is the kind of gay man, who makes a d**k shadow over LMBQT- people.
Load More Replies... JayWantsACat 3 months ago
I agree with the comment that this feels like ragebait. Are there actually AHs like the one OP is describing? Obviously. But I don't think this is real.
Papa 3 months ago
You may be right, but I am curious why you feel so certain it's rage bait after you said that obviously there are AH's like the one AD described.
Load More Replies... Ryan-James O'Driscoll 3 months ago
This has got to be rage bait. In any case, I am a man, I am gay. I use the men's toilet. There is no relationship between my sexuality and my need to evacuate waste. As it happens, I've had to clean women's toilets for work. I'm sure they vary, but it's not exactly a festival of cleanliness for either gender. As for any questions around trans people, gay men and women might have opinions, but we are not directly involved. We just want to pee.
Michelle Gosney 3 months ago
The whole trans/toilet issue is very toxic. As a gay man, he should be more aware of this than for instance somebody's grand parent. As such, a modicum of sensitivity wouldn't have hurt.
UKGrandad 3 months ago
Why would I be less aware of the issue? Contrary to popular belief, many of us old farts are as aware of current issues as anybody else.
Load More Replies... Paul C 3 months ago
This does feel like rage bait. The reason I say that is I've worked in probably hundreds of offices over the last 40 years in half a dozen European countries (for quite a while I travelled around to other offices a lot). Never have I found one I would describe the men's loos as disgusting. Sometimes not the best smelling, especially at the end of the day, but not that foul I would consider using the ladies. Now, if we were talking about public loos, that would be a totally different conversation, as some of them are totally foul (and not just the ones with glory holes drilled between the stalls). I've even found some pretty foul ones in restaurants, which amazes me, as it makes me wonder about their hygiene levels. And on top of that, I've never met a man who would risk going in the women's loos, as that's a certain career ender. Gay or not.
FranSinclair 3 months ago (edited)
I mean i personally dont care who im in the womens restroom with because of our stalls with doors BUT i can certainly understand some peoples uncomfortablity. I had a bout not too long ago (working at a bar) that transphobic men kept saying they wergay or identify as female (i knew of these men, their wives or gfs, lifestyles enough to know they were being d***s to try to prove some point) essentially trying to cause upset. you might be in the womens room with 6 lesbians that all think youre attractive. If were just there to use the restroom, wash our hands and be respectful to one another...ill wash my hands next to tom, d**k or harry
Scott Rackley 3 months ago
So tired of the bathroom b******t. Make them all unisex one holers and be f*****g done with it.
tori Ohno 3 months ago
Gay men hurt women too. S/A isn't about s ex, it's about power, humiliation, domination, etc. Gay guys are some of the biggest buub grabbers on the planet, and they're not attracted to women, it's a type of dominant/power play and inflicting fear. I don't want to be alone with my clothing half removed with one of them.
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