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Teens Forced To Be Parents For 1, 3 And 4YO Siblings, Refuse To Reconnect As Adults
Interview With ExpertSome children are forced to grow up too fast, either because they don’t have a parent’s presence or because the adult in their life refuses to take on the responsibility. Kids who’ve been parentified don’t get to enjoy their childhoods. It’s only when they’ve grown up that they can take some time for themselves.
This is what had happened to two women, who were finally able to enjoy their lives as grown-ups. That was, until their siblings tried to contact them again and guilt-trip them into being their ‘moms’ once more.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Kids should be allowed to be kids without having to take on adult responsibilities in their childhood
Image generated by Bored Panda using chatGPT
In the poster’s childhood, her parents had started a business and didn’t want to pay for childcare, so they expected their older kids to look after the younger ones
Image credits: romeo22 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The 13-year-old poster and her 11-year-old sister were taken out of school and expected to manage the household and their three younger siblings
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When the poster and her sister were old enough to leave their house, they moved out, cut contact with their parents and siblings, and didn’t look back
Image credits: Mission-Crow9728
A while later, the younger siblings reached out, expecting their sisters to parent them again, but the two women refused and decided not to let them into their new lives
It must have been incredibly difficult for the poster and her sister during their childhood because they had to take on the role of their parents. While the adults were busy managing a business, the young girls had to look after the household and their little siblings. They had no opportunity to just be kids and enjoy themselves because so much was expected of them.
This situation is a classic example of parentification. It occurs when young children are forced to assume adult roles and responsibilities in place of their parents or guardians. Some of the reasons adults force these duties onto their kids could be due to divorce, illness, financial hardship, or immaturity.
It still doesn’t excuse what these young girls had to go through. They obviously had nobody else to turn to and had to find support in each other. With so many responsibilities on their shoulders, the tweens didn’t get enough rest, and were unable to do anything else in the day that they wanted to do.
To understand more about this, Bored Panda reached out to Camilla Miller, a mum of two teenagers, an award-winning blogger, author, and parenting coach who is dedicated to helping families understand their children and bring out the best in them.
She told us that when “children are put in the role of raising other children, they lose pieces of their own childhood. Instead of learning, playing, and developing at their own pace, they carry adult responsibilities far beyond their emotional and developmental capacity. This can lead to chronic stress and burnout that later show up as anxiety, depression, or health issues.”
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
As soon as the girls were old enough to leave, they decided to move out and cut contact with their family. They knew that their departure from the house must have caused a lot of problems, but they also needed to protect their mental health. In the process, they were no longer in touch with their siblings.
Later, when the other kids showed up, it was a very jarring experience because it seemed like they wanted to continue the cycle of parentification. The poster and her sister realized that their siblings were trying to guilt-trip them into being their moms again and look after them because their parents were clearly not going to do so.
Camilla Miller explained that “these sisters weren’t simply ‘helping out’ in childhood; they were forced into full-time parenting roles. That experience likely left deep wounds, and reconnecting when the younger siblings were asking them to ‘be moms again’ risked reopening those wounds and pulling them back into the same harmful dynamic.”
“It’s important to remember: the younger siblings’ feelings are real, too. From their perspective, the older sisters were their primary caregivers. They attached to them as parents because their actual parents weren’t fulfilling that role. It’s understandable they would feel hurt and even abandoned when the sisters left.”
Camilla also shared: “Here’s the tricky part: both truths exist at the same time. Their truth: They lost the only ‘parents’ they knew. The sisters’ truth: They were children themselves and had to save themselves to survive.”
The decision these women took to set boundaries with their siblings was a profound act of self-care. It meant that they wouldn’t have to play that role again and get drowned in more resentment. They were free to live their lives without having to be parents to their siblings, and it also meant that the younger kids finally had to grow up.
Do you think there was any other way the poster and her sister could have handled this situation? We’d love to hear your opinion.
Folks sided with the women and felt that they did the right thing by turning their siblings away and living their own lives
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago
The youngest would be 21, they are old enough to understand why their siblings went NC, and definitely old enough to respect boundaries when asked. They could have built back up a relationship, but instead started demanding things and trampling boundaries. They are no longer toddlers, but are still acting like it. Without them owning up to this, there's no reason to consider a rapprochement.
KatSaidWhat 3 months ago
Tell them you will be a sister but not a mother. And keep those boundaries. Where are the parents now?
FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago
It sounds like that was the first rhing they tried and the younger sibs didn't respect the boundary.
Load More Replies...
panther 3 months ago
Where are the parents? There isn't any mention of them. Are they still alive?
Beak Hookage 3 months ago
Why is BP using AI generated slop in its posts now? How is that an okay thing to do? FFS, stop it! (The first picture in this article is marked as having been generated by ChatGPT. No wonder it looks so creepy and horrible).
Sue Ellen 3 months ago (edited)
They're all adults now. They don't need parenting. If they could find some way to be siblings then that would be great. They should have called CPS on their parents though.
FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago
While I agree they were unfit parents, it doesn't sound likely that the kids would be taken out of the home. That kind of abuse is hard to prove and the foster system is full past capacity. It would also have possibly provided a records trail where the parents could have tracked them down.
Load More Replies...
JayWantsACat 3 months ago
JFC, this situation is just sad all around. Obviously NTA but that the siblings are adults and still can't separate OP and her sister as their sisters and not parents... feels like a ton on counseling is needed.
Lynette Vella 3 months ago
I was 9 and my older sister was 12 when my brother was born; 4 years later, my sister was born. We older ones definitely lost our childhoods, and ended being caretakers. My older sister even married at 16 just to get out of the house; I, unfortunately, was left to deal with crazy, divorcing parents and babysitting the kids. I finally had some freedom when I started a part-time job and got a boyfriend at 15, but my mom still expected a lot from me. Once she told me she was going to Mexico with a man (my father had killed himself; she had left me behind with him when she moved out with the kids), and demanded I stay with them all weekend. I refused, but she still went thinking I would be guilted into staying. Well, I wasn't even home when she left because I was staying at my boyfriend's - she had to call a neighbor to look in them. And she had the nerve to be mad at me! Anyway, a year later she had a pretend marriage, and I was living on my own at 17.
Margie T 3 months ago
My sister and brother were 6 and 9 years older to me and my younger sister. My older sister never babysat us and it was left to my brother who at 16 didn't really babysat, and he would even take off. No problem. We never tattled to our parents about it because for us it wasn't a problem. The problem was years later my brother told me he and order sister had it made until me and sis were born. That cut me hard as a 40+ woman when he said that. When he passed I never forgot those words and today I couldn't tell you when he died.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 months ago
You don’t stop having parents once you’re legally an adult. Adult children sometimes spend time with their parents, have holidays at their parents’ house, etc. I imagine that’s what the younger siblings meant by telling the older sisters they want them to “be their parents again” - e.g., spend holidays with them etc.
Load More Replies...
Shedia G 3 months ago (edited)
Just wondering if you and your sister moved out as soon as she turned 18 which means you were 20. So you two took care of them for seven years. Who took care of your younger siblings until the youngest one turned 18. I also missed out on most of my childhood experiences because I had to help take care of my 4 siblings just not to that extent. I left home 2 months after turning 18 and told my parents I’d never move back and would not put that burden on my children. I’m very close to my siblings and even spent time with my parents until they passed. Btw my parents became pregnant the same month I moved out.🤣
Rimjabbathehutt 3 months ago
I like how they chose to reject and neglect their siblings as adults the same way the parents did when they were kids.
FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago
The youngest would be 21, they are old enough to understand why their siblings went NC, and definitely old enough to respect boundaries when asked. They could have built back up a relationship, but instead started demanding things and trampling boundaries. They are no longer toddlers, but are still acting like it. Without them owning up to this, there's no reason to consider a rapprochement.
KatSaidWhat 3 months ago
Tell them you will be a sister but not a mother. And keep those boundaries. Where are the parents now?
FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago
It sounds like that was the first rhing they tried and the younger sibs didn't respect the boundary.
Load More Replies... panther 3 months ago
Where are the parents? There isn't any mention of them. Are they still alive?
Beak Hookage 3 months ago
Why is BP using AI generated slop in its posts now? How is that an okay thing to do? FFS, stop it! (The first picture in this article is marked as having been generated by ChatGPT. No wonder it looks so creepy and horrible).
Sue Ellen 3 months ago (edited)
They're all adults now. They don't need parenting. If they could find some way to be siblings then that would be great. They should have called CPS on their parents though.
FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago
While I agree they were unfit parents, it doesn't sound likely that the kids would be taken out of the home. That kind of abuse is hard to prove and the foster system is full past capacity. It would also have possibly provided a records trail where the parents could have tracked them down.
Load More Replies... JayWantsACat 3 months ago
JFC, this situation is just sad all around. Obviously NTA but that the siblings are adults and still can't separate OP and her sister as their sisters and not parents... feels like a ton on counseling is needed.
Lynette Vella 3 months ago
I was 9 and my older sister was 12 when my brother was born; 4 years later, my sister was born. We older ones definitely lost our childhoods, and ended being caretakers. My older sister even married at 16 just to get out of the house; I, unfortunately, was left to deal with crazy, divorcing parents and babysitting the kids. I finally had some freedom when I started a part-time job and got a boyfriend at 15, but my mom still expected a lot from me. Once she told me she was going to Mexico with a man (my father had killed himself; she had left me behind with him when she moved out with the kids), and demanded I stay with them all weekend. I refused, but she still went thinking I would be guilted into staying. Well, I wasn't even home when she left because I was staying at my boyfriend's - she had to call a neighbor to look in them. And she had the nerve to be mad at me! Anyway, a year later she had a pretend marriage, and I was living on my own at 17.
Margie T 3 months ago
My sister and brother were 6 and 9 years older to me and my younger sister. My older sister never babysat us and it was left to my brother who at 16 didn't really babysat, and he would even take off. No problem. We never tattled to our parents about it because for us it wasn't a problem. The problem was years later my brother told me he and order sister had it made until me and sis were born. That cut me hard as a 40+ woman when he said that. When he passed I never forgot those words and today I couldn't tell you when he died.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 months ago
You don’t stop having parents once you’re legally an adult. Adult children sometimes spend time with their parents, have holidays at their parents’ house, etc. I imagine that’s what the younger siblings meant by telling the older sisters they want them to “be their parents again” - e.g., spend holidays with them etc.
Load More Replies... Shedia G 3 months ago (edited)
Just wondering if you and your sister moved out as soon as she turned 18 which means you were 20. So you two took care of them for seven years. Who took care of your younger siblings until the youngest one turned 18. I also missed out on most of my childhood experiences because I had to help take care of my 4 siblings just not to that extent. I left home 2 months after turning 18 and told my parents I’d never move back and would not put that burden on my children. I’m very close to my siblings and even spent time with my parents until they passed. Btw my parents became pregnant the same month I moved out.🤣
Rimjabbathehutt 3 months ago
I like how they chose to reject and neglect their siblings as adults the same way the parents did when they were kids.
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