“He Didn’t Want To Live In A Flat That Was Bought With ‘Stripper Money’”: Woman Won’t Sell Her Flat, Relationship Drama Ensues
Hard work has been applauded in most cultures, but especially in America. After all, it’s what the American dream is made of, the idea that if you work very hard, you will attain everything you ever wanted. So this should only be your business how you made that fortune, right?
Well, this story shows how there’s still a lot of stigma attached to particular professions like exotic dancing, no matter how well off the person is. “For several years, I was a stripper. I have no shame about what I did, and only quit when I got a better job offer,” the woman who goes by the nickname TraditionImpressive2 wrote in a post on AITA.
It turns out, the author intentionally lived as cheaply as possible because she believed she could buy her own place on her income, as long as she saved like crazy. And there you have it, before TraditionImpressive2 “retired,” she “managed to outright buy myself a 3-bedroom flat.” Something that’s invaluable in the current crazy real estate market where people can not only no longer afford their own home, but they can barely rent the one they already have.
The problem arose when the author became pregnant with her boyfriend, who was less than excited to move into her flat. “He said that he didn’t want to live in a flat that was bought with ‘stripper money.’” So he pressured her to sell her own home until it became unbearable.
A pregnant woman shared how her boyfriend tried to pressure her to sell her own place because she bought it “with stripper money”
Image credits: Eric Nopanen (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Fabio Lange (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Keira Burton (not the actual photo)
Image credits: TraditionImpressive2
People expressed their overwhelming support for the woman and said she was better off without the guy
He wants you to think realistically? Ok, realistically, he's a misogynist AH who is showing you his true colors. He probably thought it was hot that his GF used to be a stripper - and probably brags about it to his friends - but now that the possibility of a long-term future with you is a reality, he's ashamed of your past (he already showed that by lying to his family and asking you to lie to them, too) to the point where you may want to reconsider your options. He waved a small red flag already. He's waving a huge one now. It's your move. ETA: I wrote the preceding before I saw the update. Good for you, OP, and good luck!
i cannot fathom the level of arrogant delusion that leads you to patronise someone about being "realistic" when you're crying about them refusing to sell a fully paid off, centrally located flat w all necessary amenities nearby. imagine telling someone to go into debt for housing..... when they already have a fully owned apartment? literally cannot wrap my head around it! you're THAT misogynistic and s**t-shamey that you'd lose stability, housing and accrue mortgage w a newborn bc you can't hack living in a place that was paid for by stripper money years ago? AND you want someone to sell their dream space to placate your ego AND fully pay for another place AND take on all the debt while you contribute nothing AND you want to own the place jointly? the audacity knows no bounds. what a disgusting judgemental arrogant useless leeching irresponsible freeloading piece of s**t. i'm so happy she dumped that little f****r
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NTA- on a side note: who would buy a flat in this economy if they already have one?
NTA. You're gonna be a great mom! You saw through his bs immediately and didn't stick with him "just because of the baby" you should be proud! You worked your tush off (literally) and bought that with your own money. I do understand the part of wanting something for the both of you, but the fact he got angry at your suggestion to pay half, which is exactly what HE should've suggested in the first place, you paid attention to the red flags. Kutos!
I started reading this and suddenly, among the weird irrationality that can happen to all of us, was a huge red flag that screamed 'golddigger'. And lo and behold, in the updates it is very clear that this is exactly what the guy is. Thank God, the poster has a sober head on her shoulders and gave him the boot.
I find myself wondering if he sabotaged the birth control or stealthed her in hopes that he could get her pregnant.
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The thing that pisses me off the most is when he accuses her of not being rational and making decisions based only on emotions, when it is literally the exact opposite of that. *He* is the one making decisions on his emotions--the he feels "icky" about the place being bought with money she earned as a stripper. It is completely logical and rational to keep a great home you own outright rather than selling it and buying a new one. UGH. I hate it when men pull that "you're a woman, you're just being emotional--you should do what I want, because as a man, my opinions are based in logic by default." UUUGGHH
. This can only be one of two things. His ego is hurt because she clearly is doing better than him, or he is trying to get a "free ride." Either way, it's his problem.
He wanted an easy slide into 50% ownership from the start! That's why he wanted OP to sell... so that the new purchase would be 50/50, with him putting in nothing. He knew that it would be almost impossible for him to persuade her to add him onto the deed if they stayed in her flat. Glad to read that OP dumped him. Good luck to her!
Dude, who cares how she got her place? She got the money legally and bought the place legally, bottom line she DID earn an honest living. If I had the courage, I probably could earn a decent living as a stripper, but that's never going to happen for me. FWIW, I actually have had a stripper tell me "you should work here!" But it takes a certain kind of courage to be able to do that and I don't have that. I admire this woman for being able to do what she did.
When I was in my late 20's-early 30's I had the opportunity to work in a "Burlesque" show. It would have been fabulous money & would have truly helped me at the time, but I never have had the "out there" personality to do it.
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So glad to read the relationship was ended by the OP. This guy was a walking waving red flag up and down. She and the kid will be so much better off. Also good for the OP in not allowing anyone to shame her about the past or anything else. Screw that idiot! I would totally be friends with the OP. She sounds together and cool.
Oh f**k, I don't know how it is working in the OP's country, but in mine I would probably suggest that he wants to bind OP to himself by this deal. Like, you know, buying a house together and share the ownership 50/50 (if it is bought after marriage) or even buy it and be a 100% owner (normal practice in my country, because this sick society in my motherland thinks that "Man is a leader in the family, no matter how much money he makes). This is how my mother was left without barely nothing after her first divorce - all her previous property (the apartment they were living in and a country house with a land) was re-written on him like an owner. Luckily, she had no children with that man and she had one more apartment that was totally her, so she didn't land without nowhere to go to after she left. But I think OP is a smart person and she won't let it happen. Just kick him out and raise a child by her own seems to be the best idea for me.
Honestly who gives a flying squirrel how you worked and saved to get the place you wanted. Now you have the security to raise a child in a great place and with all the amenities you mentioned and just do you. F**k that insecure a*****e. Maybe you should tell his family why he wants you to sell. Oh stripper money? Wow you were naked and danced. Wow. Who cares. It's the fact you have a life and security and he doesn't and wants control. Nuff said. You can do better or you can do it solo.
If his argument would have been that he wants to settle somewhere that is theirs right from the start, not hers or his but theirs, I would have understood. But he uses her past as the reason why and that's just downright wrong. Even the fact that he doesn't want his family to know could have been a red flag already. Either they accept her the way she is including her past or they don't but she shouldn't have to lie or feel ashamed to them either. Period. That you don't put it on your CV I understand but if you don't feel ashamed of it then why lie to anyone about it? The fact that he didn't want his parents to know already gave away that he thinks you should feel ashamed. Baby is better off without the father and getting raised by a mother who can proudly say she worked hard for the home.
He even got her pregnant purposely so she'd help his (failing) business out financially (I don't get his logic)
If you are lucky enough to marry a person who is talented enough to earn enough money as a stripper to buy a 3 bedroom flat out right and you need to shut your a** and count your blessings If it's not already too late and she doesn't regret expecting a child with you.
Thank goodness she saw through his nonsense,dumped him and kept her property she earned through hard graft. She’d better make sure he pays his share of child support though. He can’t get away from helping his child have the best life. I hope she finds a decent guy one day to create a loving family unit.
NTA bullet dodged. He wants to be on the deed and the only way that will happen is if you sell your current place and buy one with him, I think hes using the stripper thing as an excuse cause he doesn’t want to admit he wants you to use your money to buy a place with his name on the deed as well. That became evident when you said as long as he puts down 50% of the price and he got mad. He wanted you to buy it. He’s a loser, move on with your bad self and find someone who can contribute 50/50.
EXACTLY!!!! That was the HUGE red flag! When he became very angry that she said he had to go in 50/50 on the new flat! DUMP HIM!!!
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I wonder if where they live, the law says that she keeps any assets they start the relationship with, but would need to split anything purchased during?
I immediately thought: if she sells the house and buys a different one he's gonna end up being a co-owner, despite the fact that's been bought with mostly her money. Stripper money my a*s! It's just a greedy move. I'm glad she got out of the relationship.
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That man is an opportunist. Based on your post you would be setting yourself up for some rough times with him, especially seeing how quickly he gets upset over your place and the excuses he offers for his anger. Seems like he wants to be in control of everything, including you. That's your sign to get going. You didn't start out intending to be a single mom but when someone shows you who they really are, regardless of when or where they do it, believe them. One can only hide their true colors for so long. They will slip up. He has shown you. Act accordingly and save yourself the impending grief.
If he really accepts her and her working past, accepting living in her flat should be easy. Almost every place one can live, except a new one, has a history. No one investigates the history before buying. If is a good place, in a good location, at a price one can afford...you buy it. Two things: If he cannot accept the former stripper's flat...an inanimate entity...I doubt he accepts her. I think he is lying to her, and it will likely come out sometime. OR...he wants to share in the equity of the new place they would buy, while he has none in her current flat. He does not appear to be trustworthy.
There's alot to unpack here but do you REALLY want to marry this guy? I mean married couples have so many more difficult problems than having to decided what property to own. Also, not sure how community property works in divorces where you are from but i wouldn't sell your flat. Stand your ground on this.
If you have the baby, be prepared for him and his family to try and "save" "his" baby from you. There could be an ugly custody battle. If you decide to do otherwise, be careful which state you're in (if you live in my country) so you don't end up in jail. It's a nightmare out there...
From what I understand, that if you stay away from drugs and the risks of sex work, strippers can make big money, and if you’re smart like OP and her colleagues, can live very comfortably afterward.
And does he object to kissing your "stripper boobs" or caressing your "stripper a**e"? I could understand (but not agree with) his jealous discomfort with your past profession, but the money should be the least of it.
This is dumb. Dude you dated a former stripper why are you judging the money she made? Also dating a former stripper with a 3 br flat sounds amazing.
It sounds as if he's ashamed of her past, despite them being a couple and making a baby together. I'm wondering if this has anything to do with his parents as he's already asked her to lie for him already, maybe he feels emancipated by the fact that she's obviously finally got to a place in her life where she's in control of it. He makes it sound like he thinks of her as a prostitute, using her flat as a place to meet clients and that's how she paid for it. Paying half for the flat so that he feels like they are both contributing to committing together would have been ideal, sadly I don't think he'll ever get over her past. If he threatens her over custody with the baby then his parents and family will know her background, I don't think he has the cojones to do it.
You sell one flat and buy another flat with money, you get by selling flat, bought with strippers money. And its considered a flat, what wasnt bought with strippers money. His logic is just ouststanding!
Well, this will get me auto-ban for down votes. But there are two options on this. If he was incredibly controlling, then she should dump him and raise her child with more respect than he ever showed her, and she will be an awesome mum. OR he was a decent guy, and there was a past he struggled to cope with. About 15 years ago my parents died within a few months of each other, I had to move house because the house i lived in reminded me of those dark times. It could be that he loved her and wanted a fresh start without the "history" the apartment embodied. We all have a past. But sometimes we have to remove ourselves from that past to move on, our partners have similar emotional needs.
I'm sorry for your loss. For the second option you give, it's possible he's seen some men being lecherous and objectifying women at the strip clubs he's frequented, and yeah, it's possible he loved OP and didn't like to think of people mistreating her. Problem is, his behavior during the discussion (argument) was not loving towards her at all. Hopefully he can become more mature, a better communicator, etc. I'm glad to read your empathetic comment because AITA could use all the empathy it can get.
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Pandas, can we not get rid of this hijacked AITA nonsense? It's spoiling a fantastic website x
You do have the option of looking at other types of posts here. There's a full range of categories at the top of the page, like Art, Funny, DIY, Vintage, etc. I seriously doubt that anyone on the planet forced you to look at this one.
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I don't think this dude was mad that she bought it with stripper. I think he's mad that she bought it with HER money. He was insecure because he had no stake in the relationship. She had all the assets and therefore she had all the say. Which is understandable, but instead of being an insecure little b***h by trying to manipulate and make her feel bad about working hard, he needed to either improve himself to get to her level, or back out like a man and find a woman that's more on his level.
i can only bow before yoy! what a brave and smart woman you are! you saved yourself and your child from years of abuse`by spotting a mysoginistic and abusive man. youre my hero!!
NTA. It was obvious from the start that he wanted to turn the money from her flat into money/property that he co owned. By selling her flat and buying a new one, that money would be co mingled and no longer hers exclusively. Btw, never move a guy in without a pre cohabitation agreement.
Here's how I see this: work is work. Woman worked hard and made the necessary sacrifices in order to make a sound investment for herself and her future. She owns her home, something very few of us can actually claim. And he doesn't like where the money came from?! Who the hell cares?! Money is money! She listed all its positive attributes and he's butt hurt because it was bought with "stripper" money. No, his issue is that he isn't the owner, he didn't contribute and wanted to be in a position where he had control and this was a way to do it. Especially once he said that thing about her needing to listen to him at all times about everything. She's successful and he's not and it made him feel small, rather than proud. I hope she managed to get him to waive any parental rights, that kind of attitude is toxic and should be avoided.
Update: I decided to check out her reddit account and ooooooo boy does this take the cake! He admitted to tampering with birth control, his reasoning was exactly money because he was hoping to talk her into selling her flat and putting the money into his business. Another update has him threatening to go for majority custody because she would have to pay him for child support, like literally said that.
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If you follow the story, he made up reasons as he went alone. A lot of people argue like this. It reminds me of the quote "the mind invents logic for the whims of the will". It's pointless listening to what people like this say. You have to pay attention to what they're not saying. This guy wanted her to sell her house, move into another house with him, pay for it with the money from the first house. When she wouldn't capitulate, he said he didn't want to have a baby. Everything else is distraction. She's not NTA but her sister is.
NTA - He's exhibiting all the red flags to run away. You can raise a beautiful child on your own.
2 things, it's YOUR place, and will never be "ours", his "stripper money" excuse is probably that. If this were you being asked to move into his paid off house he bought with his ex, reddit would be all over him. Second, if it REALLY is the "Stripper money" (and frankly asking you to tell the "white lie" is a flag to me), GET A BETTER GUY. Working hard to get yourself ahead financially is NEVER something someone should look down on you for, no matter the line of work. If it were me, I'd be like, yeah, she worked and saved up and already owns her own place. And if they ask, I'd of already said, if I were you, tell em, own it, you should be proud of what you have accomplished already! Then again, I'd of had no issue moving into your bigger, paid off place..., so I go back to...get a better guy!
You are not the asinine person. He is immature, financially unstable and resenting the fact you saved like crazy and now own your own flat. Good job! He should've done that, but didn't. You tie yourself to him and he decides he wants his way and how he does it is by trying to make you feel guilty for all your hard work and poor him, he has none. And he is also very misogynistic. Trying to cram bad feeling about stripping down your throat to get his way and then going to a strip club to celebrate and he doesn't see the problem there? You do not need him. Raise your baby in a loving home instead of a place where the daddy cant be bothered to treat mom equally and fairly and not like the asinine person he really is and always will be.
Just remember to consult a lawyer before you sign on the dotted line to marry anyone. It could end up being all about property distribution when they get tired of you. If you sell your flat and contribute the full amount into the new place you might think his promise to make house payments will keep you from having to make house payments. But no. He might decide that he doesn’t want to make payments so you’ll be stuck with years of unexpected payments before he suddenly also decides he doesn’t want to be married anymore. Guess who gets half the house now? It’s now a marital asset. Just curious if women consider the odds of becoming pregnant when adequate birth control is used. Beware that your fella may have found a website resource that instructs him how to take financial advantage of women. This could include getting her pregnant.
I cannot recall ever, even my parents as a child, HOW they got the money to purchase their home. I have also never had anyone ever ask me how I paid for mine. Why does this idiot think their child would ever even know how mom bought theirs? Unless dad, at some point, decides to share mom's past. Which seems totally like something he would do considering his petty mindset.
can bp stop recycling reddit posts? i've seen this one a million times.
Ya did the right thing. Although I used to frequent said establishments (not ashamed) wasn't dumb enough to think that girls were not there to make money. I liked the music and beautiful women. And it's no easy thing taking ur clothes off dudes. So she saved money and bought a place and lol he doesn't want to move on there. Hmm but the cash is ok sold... oh I see it's a "tainted" place when she was a whore? Thank god u left him...controlled forever would have been ur future. Strippers get such a bad rap.
This was posted by a Brit, not an American. Americans call them "apartments" or "condominiums", not "flats.
NTA and he doesn't exactly sound like a great guy anyway... the only thing would be that I would definitely recommend moving in to a new place if you move in with a partner. If you can. There's something about moving in with someone that never really go away imo. It will never really feel like you belong there...BUT, in this case he seemed like TA for other reasons.
I think he wants you to sell your home, so you can use the money to buy a home with his name on it too, or just his name. Dump this guy!
My biggest jaw-drop came from him wanting to be on the lease for a place SHE paid for. After 18 months together. He was totally trying to tie himself to a hard working woman so he could do nothing and not have to worry about being homeless.
You seem like a hard working, smart and tough woman who is able to carve a place in the harsh world. Sadly however you'll never be able to completely escape from the stigma of being a lust fiend (stripper). Everything else about you being totally normal, that fact alone will always bother people to some extent, even your child in the future. Even though it shouldn't. But would and should don't run the world, unfortunately. Best of luck
He's a manipulative control freak who's angry because his name isn't on the deed. I knew that as soon as you said he wanted you to sell it and use the money to buy something else, because it's still stripper money! It's a power trip struggle, he feels like you have it and he doesn't. He's exhibiting narcissistic behavior and he wants to control the situation. Your sister was wrong and I know how that is, they can't see what we do because they're not going through it, they're not in our shoes. My mom begged me to leave my second husband because he was my dad all over again and I'm the one who made her see him for who he really was and I knew who my husband was but I was there for my stepdaughter because her parents would have destroyed her and I couldn't allow that. You're strong and you'll be fine on your own and so will your child. Just make sure you get legal advice about custody and child support if you want any.
You now have to think about your child's future. You've done great on your own. Don't tie yourself to this man who has proven that he's a light weight. This way you can also minimize the influence his family will have on your child. While it's not ideal for him/her to have no contact with his father developmentally , If you provide a good home for your child and introduce a good father figure into his/her life, your child will thrive. Any decision you make, factor in the impact it will have on your child. Therecareca bunch of great guys out there.
Abort the baby kick the dude to the curb and live your life free without any anchor to this man, you deserve better and a life that is happy and free without somebody who is always going to abuse you yo . You have his kid and I guarantee you he's going to try to use leverage on that for the rest of your life.
I'm pro choice, but that also means pro choice when someone wants a baby. She wanted this baby and now has 2 girls b/c of that. She's doing well as a single mother
Load More Replies... Better without him. Imo he was acting as if he was ok with op's job that earned the money but he wasn't. Also that op has to do like he will or he won't take responsiblity for their child is a big red flag. She is better without him
It's not that it's stripper money, it's that it's her flat. If she sells and he gets to be on the deed of the new place then everything works out for him.
She wants the child. But yeah, I sure wouldn’t want to be tied to a moron forever.
Load More Replies... He wants you to think realistically? Ok, realistically, he's a misogynist AH who is showing you his true colors. He probably thought it was hot that his GF used to be a stripper - and probably brags about it to his friends - but now that the possibility of a long-term future with you is a reality, he's ashamed of your past (he already showed that by lying to his family and asking you to lie to them, too) to the point where you may want to reconsider your options. He waved a small red flag already. He's waving a huge one now. It's your move. ETA: I wrote the preceding before I saw the update. Good for you, OP, and good luck!
i cannot fathom the level of arrogant delusion that leads you to patronise someone about being "realistic" when you're crying about them refusing to sell a fully paid off, centrally located flat w all necessary amenities nearby. imagine telling someone to go into debt for housing..... when they already have a fully owned apartment? literally cannot wrap my head around it! you're THAT misogynistic and s**t-shamey that you'd lose stability, housing and accrue mortgage w a newborn bc you can't hack living in a place that was paid for by stripper money years ago? AND you want someone to sell their dream space to placate your ego AND fully pay for another place AND take on all the debt while you contribute nothing AND you want to own the place jointly? the audacity knows no bounds. what a disgusting judgemental arrogant useless leeching irresponsible freeloading piece of s**t. i'm so happy she dumped that little f****r
Load More Replies... NTA- on a side note: who would buy a flat in this economy if they already have one?
NTA. You're gonna be a great mom! You saw through his bs immediately and didn't stick with him "just because of the baby" you should be proud! You worked your tush off (literally) and bought that with your own money. I do understand the part of wanting something for the both of you, but the fact he got angry at your suggestion to pay half, which is exactly what HE should've suggested in the first place, you paid attention to the red flags. Kutos!
I started reading this and suddenly, among the weird irrationality that can happen to all of us, was a huge red flag that screamed 'golddigger'. And lo and behold, in the updates it is very clear that this is exactly what the guy is. Thank God, the poster has a sober head on her shoulders and gave him the boot.
I find myself wondering if he sabotaged the birth control or stealthed her in hopes that he could get her pregnant.
Load More Replies... The thing that pisses me off the most is when he accuses her of not being rational and making decisions based only on emotions, when it is literally the exact opposite of that. *He* is the one making decisions on his emotions--the he feels "icky" about the place being bought with money she earned as a stripper. It is completely logical and rational to keep a great home you own outright rather than selling it and buying a new one. UGH. I hate it when men pull that "you're a woman, you're just being emotional--you should do what I want, because as a man, my opinions are based in logic by default." UUUGGHH
. This can only be one of two things. His ego is hurt because she clearly is doing better than him, or he is trying to get a "free ride." Either way, it's his problem.
He wanted an easy slide into 50% ownership from the start! That's why he wanted OP to sell... so that the new purchase would be 50/50, with him putting in nothing. He knew that it would be almost impossible for him to persuade her to add him onto the deed if they stayed in her flat. Glad to read that OP dumped him. Good luck to her!
Dude, who cares how she got her place? She got the money legally and bought the place legally, bottom line she DID earn an honest living. If I had the courage, I probably could earn a decent living as a stripper, but that's never going to happen for me. FWIW, I actually have had a stripper tell me "you should work here!" But it takes a certain kind of courage to be able to do that and I don't have that. I admire this woman for being able to do what she did.
When I was in my late 20's-early 30's I had the opportunity to work in a "Burlesque" show. It would have been fabulous money & would have truly helped me at the time, but I never have had the "out there" personality to do it.
Load More Replies... So glad to read the relationship was ended by the OP. This guy was a walking waving red flag up and down. She and the kid will be so much better off. Also good for the OP in not allowing anyone to shame her about the past or anything else. Screw that idiot! I would totally be friends with the OP. She sounds together and cool.
Oh f**k, I don't know how it is working in the OP's country, but in mine I would probably suggest that he wants to bind OP to himself by this deal. Like, you know, buying a house together and share the ownership 50/50 (if it is bought after marriage) or even buy it and be a 100% owner (normal practice in my country, because this sick society in my motherland thinks that "Man is a leader in the family, no matter how much money he makes). This is how my mother was left without barely nothing after her first divorce - all her previous property (the apartment they were living in and a country house with a land) was re-written on him like an owner. Luckily, she had no children with that man and she had one more apartment that was totally her, so she didn't land without nowhere to go to after she left. But I think OP is a smart person and she won't let it happen. Just kick him out and raise a child by her own seems to be the best idea for me.
Honestly who gives a flying squirrel how you worked and saved to get the place you wanted. Now you have the security to raise a child in a great place and with all the amenities you mentioned and just do you. F**k that insecure a*****e. Maybe you should tell his family why he wants you to sell. Oh stripper money? Wow you were naked and danced. Wow. Who cares. It's the fact you have a life and security and he doesn't and wants control. Nuff said. You can do better or you can do it solo.
If his argument would have been that he wants to settle somewhere that is theirs right from the start, not hers or his but theirs, I would have understood. But he uses her past as the reason why and that's just downright wrong. Even the fact that he doesn't want his family to know could have been a red flag already. Either they accept her the way she is including her past or they don't but she shouldn't have to lie or feel ashamed to them either. Period. That you don't put it on your CV I understand but if you don't feel ashamed of it then why lie to anyone about it? The fact that he didn't want his parents to know already gave away that he thinks you should feel ashamed. Baby is better off without the father and getting raised by a mother who can proudly say she worked hard for the home.
He even got her pregnant purposely so she'd help his (failing) business out financially (I don't get his logic)
If you are lucky enough to marry a person who is talented enough to earn enough money as a stripper to buy a 3 bedroom flat out right and you need to shut your a** and count your blessings If it's not already too late and she doesn't regret expecting a child with you.
Thank goodness she saw through his nonsense,dumped him and kept her property she earned through hard graft. She’d better make sure he pays his share of child support though. He can’t get away from helping his child have the best life. I hope she finds a decent guy one day to create a loving family unit.
NTA bullet dodged. He wants to be on the deed and the only way that will happen is if you sell your current place and buy one with him, I think hes using the stripper thing as an excuse cause he doesn’t want to admit he wants you to use your money to buy a place with his name on the deed as well. That became evident when you said as long as he puts down 50% of the price and he got mad. He wanted you to buy it. He’s a loser, move on with your bad self and find someone who can contribute 50/50.
EXACTLY!!!! That was the HUGE red flag! When he became very angry that she said he had to go in 50/50 on the new flat! DUMP HIM!!!
Load More Replies... I wonder if where they live, the law says that she keeps any assets they start the relationship with, but would need to split anything purchased during?
I immediately thought: if she sells the house and buys a different one he's gonna end up being a co-owner, despite the fact that's been bought with mostly her money. Stripper money my a*s! It's just a greedy move. I'm glad she got out of the relationship.
Load More Replies... That man is an opportunist. Based on your post you would be setting yourself up for some rough times with him, especially seeing how quickly he gets upset over your place and the excuses he offers for his anger. Seems like he wants to be in control of everything, including you. That's your sign to get going. You didn't start out intending to be a single mom but when someone shows you who they really are, regardless of when or where they do it, believe them. One can only hide their true colors for so long. They will slip up. He has shown you. Act accordingly and save yourself the impending grief.
If he really accepts her and her working past, accepting living in her flat should be easy. Almost every place one can live, except a new one, has a history. No one investigates the history before buying. If is a good place, in a good location, at a price one can afford...you buy it. Two things: If he cannot accept the former stripper's flat...an inanimate entity...I doubt he accepts her. I think he is lying to her, and it will likely come out sometime. OR...he wants to share in the equity of the new place they would buy, while he has none in her current flat. He does not appear to be trustworthy.
There's alot to unpack here but do you REALLY want to marry this guy? I mean married couples have so many more difficult problems than having to decided what property to own. Also, not sure how community property works in divorces where you are from but i wouldn't sell your flat. Stand your ground on this.
If you have the baby, be prepared for him and his family to try and "save" "his" baby from you. There could be an ugly custody battle. If you decide to do otherwise, be careful which state you're in (if you live in my country) so you don't end up in jail. It's a nightmare out there...
From what I understand, that if you stay away from drugs and the risks of sex work, strippers can make big money, and if you’re smart like OP and her colleagues, can live very comfortably afterward.
And does he object to kissing your "stripper boobs" or caressing your "stripper a**e"? I could understand (but not agree with) his jealous discomfort with your past profession, but the money should be the least of it.
This is dumb. Dude you dated a former stripper why are you judging the money she made? Also dating a former stripper with a 3 br flat sounds amazing.
It sounds as if he's ashamed of her past, despite them being a couple and making a baby together. I'm wondering if this has anything to do with his parents as he's already asked her to lie for him already, maybe he feels emancipated by the fact that she's obviously finally got to a place in her life where she's in control of it. He makes it sound like he thinks of her as a prostitute, using her flat as a place to meet clients and that's how she paid for it. Paying half for the flat so that he feels like they are both contributing to committing together would have been ideal, sadly I don't think he'll ever get over her past. If he threatens her over custody with the baby then his parents and family will know her background, I don't think he has the cojones to do it.
You sell one flat and buy another flat with money, you get by selling flat, bought with strippers money. And its considered a flat, what wasnt bought with strippers money. His logic is just ouststanding!
Well, this will get me auto-ban for down votes. But there are two options on this. If he was incredibly controlling, then she should dump him and raise her child with more respect than he ever showed her, and she will be an awesome mum. OR he was a decent guy, and there was a past he struggled to cope with. About 15 years ago my parents died within a few months of each other, I had to move house because the house i lived in reminded me of those dark times. It could be that he loved her and wanted a fresh start without the "history" the apartment embodied. We all have a past. But sometimes we have to remove ourselves from that past to move on, our partners have similar emotional needs.
I'm sorry for your loss. For the second option you give, it's possible he's seen some men being lecherous and objectifying women at the strip clubs he's frequented, and yeah, it's possible he loved OP and didn't like to think of people mistreating her. Problem is, his behavior during the discussion (argument) was not loving towards her at all. Hopefully he can become more mature, a better communicator, etc. I'm glad to read your empathetic comment because AITA could use all the empathy it can get.
Load More Replies... Pandas, can we not get rid of this hijacked AITA nonsense? It's spoiling a fantastic website x
You do have the option of looking at other types of posts here. There's a full range of categories at the top of the page, like Art, Funny, DIY, Vintage, etc. I seriously doubt that anyone on the planet forced you to look at this one.
Load More Replies... I don't think this dude was mad that she bought it with stripper. I think he's mad that she bought it with HER money. He was insecure because he had no stake in the relationship. She had all the assets and therefore she had all the say. Which is understandable, but instead of being an insecure little b***h by trying to manipulate and make her feel bad about working hard, he needed to either improve himself to get to her level, or back out like a man and find a woman that's more on his level.
i can only bow before yoy! what a brave and smart woman you are! you saved yourself and your child from years of abuse`by spotting a mysoginistic and abusive man. youre my hero!!
NTA. It was obvious from the start that he wanted to turn the money from her flat into money/property that he co owned. By selling her flat and buying a new one, that money would be co mingled and no longer hers exclusively. Btw, never move a guy in without a pre cohabitation agreement.
Here's how I see this: work is work. Woman worked hard and made the necessary sacrifices in order to make a sound investment for herself and her future. She owns her home, something very few of us can actually claim. And he doesn't like where the money came from?! Who the hell cares?! Money is money! She listed all its positive attributes and he's butt hurt because it was bought with "stripper" money. No, his issue is that he isn't the owner, he didn't contribute and wanted to be in a position where he had control and this was a way to do it. Especially once he said that thing about her needing to listen to him at all times about everything. She's successful and he's not and it made him feel small, rather than proud. I hope she managed to get him to waive any parental rights, that kind of attitude is toxic and should be avoided.
Update: I decided to check out her reddit account and ooooooo boy does this take the cake! He admitted to tampering with birth control, his reasoning was exactly money because he was hoping to talk her into selling her flat and putting the money into his business. Another update has him threatening to go for majority custody because she would have to pay him for child support, like literally said that.
Load More Replies... If you follow the story, he made up reasons as he went alone. A lot of people argue like this. It reminds me of the quote "the mind invents logic for the whims of the will". It's pointless listening to what people like this say. You have to pay attention to what they're not saying. This guy wanted her to sell her house, move into another house with him, pay for it with the money from the first house. When she wouldn't capitulate, he said he didn't want to have a baby. Everything else is distraction. She's not NTA but her sister is.
NTA - He's exhibiting all the red flags to run away. You can raise a beautiful child on your own.
2 things, it's YOUR place, and will never be "ours", his "stripper money" excuse is probably that. If this were you being asked to move into his paid off house he bought with his ex, reddit would be all over him. Second, if it REALLY is the "Stripper money" (and frankly asking you to tell the "white lie" is a flag to me), GET A BETTER GUY. Working hard to get yourself ahead financially is NEVER something someone should look down on you for, no matter the line of work. If it were me, I'd be like, yeah, she worked and saved up and already owns her own place. And if they ask, I'd of already said, if I were you, tell em, own it, you should be proud of what you have accomplished already! Then again, I'd of had no issue moving into your bigger, paid off place..., so I go back to...get a better guy!
You are not the asinine person. He is immature, financially unstable and resenting the fact you saved like crazy and now own your own flat. Good job! He should've done that, but didn't. You tie yourself to him and he decides he wants his way and how he does it is by trying to make you feel guilty for all your hard work and poor him, he has none. And he is also very misogynistic. Trying to cram bad feeling about stripping down your throat to get his way and then going to a strip club to celebrate and he doesn't see the problem there? You do not need him. Raise your baby in a loving home instead of a place where the daddy cant be bothered to treat mom equally and fairly and not like the asinine person he really is and always will be.
Just remember to consult a lawyer before you sign on the dotted line to marry anyone. It could end up being all about property distribution when they get tired of you. If you sell your flat and contribute the full amount into the new place you might think his promise to make house payments will keep you from having to make house payments. But no. He might decide that he doesn’t want to make payments so you’ll be stuck with years of unexpected payments before he suddenly also decides he doesn’t want to be married anymore. Guess who gets half the house now? It’s now a marital asset. Just curious if women consider the odds of becoming pregnant when adequate birth control is used. Beware that your fella may have found a website resource that instructs him how to take financial advantage of women. This could include getting her pregnant.
I cannot recall ever, even my parents as a child, HOW they got the money to purchase their home. I have also never had anyone ever ask me how I paid for mine. Why does this idiot think their child would ever even know how mom bought theirs? Unless dad, at some point, decides to share mom's past. Which seems totally like something he would do considering his petty mindset.
can bp stop recycling reddit posts? i've seen this one a million times.
Ya did the right thing. Although I used to frequent said establishments (not ashamed) wasn't dumb enough to think that girls were not there to make money. I liked the music and beautiful women. And it's no easy thing taking ur clothes off dudes. So she saved money and bought a place and lol he doesn't want to move on there. Hmm but the cash is ok sold... oh I see it's a "tainted" place when she was a whore? Thank god u left him...controlled forever would have been ur future. Strippers get such a bad rap.
This was posted by a Brit, not an American. Americans call them "apartments" or "condominiums", not "flats.
NTA and he doesn't exactly sound like a great guy anyway... the only thing would be that I would definitely recommend moving in to a new place if you move in with a partner. If you can. There's something about moving in with someone that never really go away imo. It will never really feel like you belong there...BUT, in this case he seemed like TA for other reasons.
I think he wants you to sell your home, so you can use the money to buy a home with his name on it too, or just his name. Dump this guy!
My biggest jaw-drop came from him wanting to be on the lease for a place SHE paid for. After 18 months together. He was totally trying to tie himself to a hard working woman so he could do nothing and not have to worry about being homeless.
You seem like a hard working, smart and tough woman who is able to carve a place in the harsh world. Sadly however you'll never be able to completely escape from the stigma of being a lust fiend (stripper). Everything else about you being totally normal, that fact alone will always bother people to some extent, even your child in the future. Even though it shouldn't. But would and should don't run the world, unfortunately. Best of luck
He's a manipulative control freak who's angry because his name isn't on the deed. I knew that as soon as you said he wanted you to sell it and use the money to buy something else, because it's still stripper money! It's a power trip struggle, he feels like you have it and he doesn't. He's exhibiting narcissistic behavior and he wants to control the situation. Your sister was wrong and I know how that is, they can't see what we do because they're not going through it, they're not in our shoes. My mom begged me to leave my second husband because he was my dad all over again and I'm the one who made her see him for who he really was and I knew who my husband was but I was there for my stepdaughter because her parents would have destroyed her and I couldn't allow that. You're strong and you'll be fine on your own and so will your child. Just make sure you get legal advice about custody and child support if you want any.
You now have to think about your child's future. You've done great on your own. Don't tie yourself to this man who has proven that he's a light weight. This way you can also minimize the influence his family will have on your child. While it's not ideal for him/her to have no contact with his father developmentally , If you provide a good home for your child and introduce a good father figure into his/her life, your child will thrive. Any decision you make, factor in the impact it will have on your child. Therecareca bunch of great guys out there.
Abort the baby kick the dude to the curb and live your life free without any anchor to this man, you deserve better and a life that is happy and free without somebody who is always going to abuse you yo . You have his kid and I guarantee you he's going to try to use leverage on that for the rest of your life.
I'm pro choice, but that also means pro choice when someone wants a baby. She wanted this baby and now has 2 girls b/c of that. She's doing well as a single mother
Load More Replies... Better without him. Imo he was acting as if he was ok with op's job that earned the money but he wasn't. Also that op has to do like he will or he won't take responsiblity for their child is a big red flag. She is better without him
It's not that it's stripper money, it's that it's her flat. If she sells and he gets to be on the deed of the new place then everything works out for him.
She wants the child. But yeah, I sure wouldn’t want to be tied to a moron forever.
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