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3 Y.O. Swears At Teacher Over Spilled Lunch, School Insists On An Apology Letter But Parents Refuse
Curse words – the spice in the recipe of language! Sometimes they’re welcomed, and sometimes they’re simply needed – however, it all depends on the situation and the people surrounding you.
This father, for instance, found out that his 3-year-old son had used profanity on his teacher. The school demanded an apology letter, yet the man is refusing to draft one as he is certain that the kiddo didn’t learn it from his parents.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
3-year-old boy curses at his preschool teacher when they ask him to clean up his spilled lunch
Image credits: stockicide (not the actual photo)
Upon finding out, the parents apologize to the staff and conduct an intervention with their offspring
Image credits: Virginia State Parks (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Arthur Krijgsman (not the actual photo)
Image source: u/TheBreakUp2013
“AITA if I refuse to write an apology letter to my son’s school?” – this internet user took to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities, asking its members if he’s indeed a jerk for refusing to write an apology letter to teachers and administration for teaching their 3-year-old the b-word. The post managed to garner nearly 2K upvotes as well as 345 comments discussing the situation.
Did you know that according to a 2022 study from Preply, a language learning app and e-learning platform, “The average age Americans start using swear words is 11”?
Profanity has been a thing for as long as language itself, and to this day, it’s been used daily by everyone and their grandma.
What can I say? Life is so very taxing that, sometimes, dropping the f-bomb is simply necessary.
Emotional expression, stress, coping, relief, social bonding, humor, habit, provocation – there’s a bajillion and one reasons one would want to resort to strong language; however, as with everything in life, there’s a limit.
The out-of-place use of curse words can have a negative impact. Some folks find it deeply offensive and emotionally distressing; it might come off as disrespectful and unprofessional; it can weaken the impact of your words if you use it excessively; and judging by today’s story, it can also influence innocent 3-year-olds into saying derogatory things to their preschool teachers over some spilled lunch!
Yikes, I know, but that’s why it’s so important to demonstrate appropriate role modeling.
However, what if it didn’t come from you directly? First things first, you need to create a safe space for communication where your child can discuss stuff freely without fear of judgment. Explain to them the importance and why it’s not appropriate, perhaps introduce alternative words, and praise the good behavior.
However, the school still asks them to prepare a letter apologizing for teaching their son profanity
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
This family, though, despite occasionally venting their frustration with some colorful words, have stated that they’ve never used derogatory terms, let alone in front of their kid – however, it didn’t stop the little one from adding a certain word into his lexicon.
The thing is, the 3-year-old had started private preschool where he was pleasing his folks with positive feedback, up until one incident. The student spilled his lunch, and when he was asked to clean it up, he dropped the b-word on his female teacher and even repeated it.
Naturally, everyone was mind-boggled by the events; the parents apologized and conducted an appropriate intervention for their offspring, yet the school decided that it was not enough.
The institution insisted that the parents prepare a letter apologizing to the teachers and administration for teaching their son the word – but since they deny doing so, the dad is debating whether it’d be a jerk move to refuse to apologize for something they didn’t do.
What do you reckon? Do you think the couple should take the high road and apologize?
Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions on the matter
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What do you think ?
James016 2 years ago
My son got in trouble when he was 5 as he told his teacher he was feeling pissed off. She wrote it in his day book that he has. We wrote back apologising but being out and about, he hears all sorts of bad language.
Hokuloa 2 years ago (edited)
Does the school even understand toddlers and their linguistic acquisition?? Those bright little sponges pick up new favorite words *everywhere.* It’s silly to dole out such punishment to parents when that particular word could have just as easily been learned in the teachers’ own school! Frankly, if a child is exposed to television in the US now then they definitely have heard the B-word. Although, any parent who readily admits to “We swear. We say F, S, AH, and occasionally GD,” while simultaneously claiming to not slip out the B-word or “derogatory” words is super sus in my book. If you swear like that with a toddler in the house, you almost guaranteed have swearing on TV or slip in a B-word in conversation and don’t notice.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
Ask the school if they also teach older students, who OP’s kid could’ve overheard at some point—-or had used against himself, which could’ve been the reason for his apparent agitation. When I was a toddler, I picked up a certain word (it was one of the bad ones) from my brothers, and decided to say it out loud in the middle of a department store. My parents were so mortified they left that store in nothing flat. Years later, when my niece, my oldest brother’s daughter, learned the same word after she started going to school (so learned it from other kids, not siblings), she decided to yell it in the middle of a public library, which her parents also left in nothing flat, absolutely mortified. Children are like sponges, sometimes they also soak in some of the dirty water in the sink. OP and wife seem to be careful about language around their son, so the best bet is he picked it up from the school’s older students. Not the parents’ fault, but the school’s fault.
Shankshaw Redeemer 2 years ago
I like how you say picking up some of the dirty water, too. So true. I teach college to high schoolers and some of the stuff I hear them saying is just atrocious to me and I'm one to let the bad words just fall out of my mouth (never at the high school around students, though). He could have heard it anywhere.
Load More Replies...
Zoey Rayne 2 years ago
Dear Preschool Teachers, Sorry you have forgotten that you are working with an age group of children at a developmental stage where they repeat everything they hear from any source without fully understanding the social context of what they are saying and need more time for their manners and emotional regulation to catch up with their language skills.
Shadow 2 years ago
Why doesn't OP simply ask the child where he heard the word? He's old enough to know the word, use it grammatically correctly, he should remember where or who he heard it from. It could have been on the street. Adults block out all sorts of sounds that small children pick up.
Daris 2 years ago
I want to add a bit of a teacher’s insight here. If you don’t want to write the letter then don’t, but arrange a time for a phone call or a face to face meeting to clarify the problem. There are certain student behaviours (such as physical and verbal alterations) that require a huge amount of paperwork for teaching staff. It could be that the letter is part of the school’s ‘due process’ for their incident report. Being defensive (“I didn’t teach him that word so I shouldn’t have to apologise!”) or aggressive (“He learned that word at school!!”) might get the school to rescind their letter request, but this would not be worth it for you or your child. Teachers typically deal with 20-30 students with highly varied needs, and this incident was probably only one of about 50 student incidents that happen in a typical school week. Most teachers are keen to work as a team with parents in the best interests of the child. Its best to approach this from the angle of trust and mutual respect.
Daris 2 years ago
Just to add and clarify that any worthwhile teacher would not penalise a student for the actions of a parent. (For example, if you were to go in aggressively refusing to write the letter, your sons grades wouldn’t be compromised ). However, I would (and this might just be me) try and avoid unnecessary contact with a parent who has shown me they will get disproportionately angry and defensive. For example, if I need 2 parent volunteers to assist on a field trip and 3 parents volunteer, guess which parent won’t be coming on the trip? If you put yourself in the same position and you consider students parents as your clients, if you have 29 lovely clients who give a quick phone call to seek clarification if they don’t understand something asked of them, and one client who point blank refuses and complains to management about you, which client are you more likely to WANT to help? Most teachers are more than happy to explain a situation in person or over the phone
Load More Replies...
Rebel Peewee 2 years ago
My 3 year old came home from school one day repeating a very angry-toned "F***. You." My husband and I have a few rules in this house 1. We never ever say that to one another no matter how upset 2. Absolutely no tv or media around our son that could even potential have derogatory language. I told a few fiends max they were like "Ofc he got it at school, they all do at some point. My kid said xyz"...why would a teacher assume I tsctje parents, ridiculous!
Rebel Peewee 2 years ago
I hate when I can't see what I'm typing towards the end! *it was the
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Donkey boi 2 years ago
'...Occasionally GD to our dog...' That's the only one I couldn't work out. I'm guessing it's not 'good dog' (as it should be when talking to your dog), but I can't think of swearing with those initials...
Hakitosama 2 years ago
Sorry not sorry but AH. It's not the use of the b word out of context or swearing because you hit your toe. The kid insulted and was disrespectful to the teacher. This kind of attitude needs to be addressed NOW and he has to face tje consequences. And pwease don't try to tell me the parents "talked it out" with the kid. Talked my a$$. Kids swear to shock, to innocently repeat, not to insult someone. This talks about heavy problems in the education. And as it's told from the parents pov, I suspect the situation is worse than that. Also schools don't demand written apologies over that, there must have been other things before and the b word was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
The US is so strange in some things. In Germany, there is no stigma around cursing and no one, especially not teachers, would demand an apology letter. Lol that‘s so wild. By the way: neither our radio, nor TV nor other places filter or censor such things. Yes, you can hear songs full of swear words on public radio. In full. Without censoring.
Cyril Sneer 2 years ago (edited)
I think that's the way it should be everywhere. It's only rude because it is taboo. If it is commonplace, they're just words and there's no problem. In the UK, we do censor things. But we're definitely not as over the top about it as this school. If (when) my son swears at school, he is reprimanded, but it's not major, and certainly no letters to write.
Load More Replies...
Maisey Myles 2 years ago
School: You need to write, ‘I will not teach my child bad words 100 times!
TMoxraaaar 2 years ago
When my best friend had her daughter we all realized we would not be censoring ourselves in front of her (content yes, language not so much). They drink in front of her and just like they taught her that it's an adult beverage, she was taught that those are adult words, and she's not allowed to use them in public. At home she can use them if they sound appropriate and they talk about how to use them. Swears will never die, the words just change.
Alex Martin 2 years ago
There are times in life that apologies are like lubricant. Someone's feelings are hurt and they need a gesture to move forward. Spray some oil on the squeaky wheel and let it go. It costs you nothing, the other person needs it, and it's going to be a barrier to your continued relationship. It's a strange hill for this school to die on but clearly they need this gesture to move forward.
madbakes 2 years ago
I may be totally wrong, but isn't drastic behavior changes a sign of abuse? It started a month after he started this school.
Cyril Sneer 2 years ago
Sheesh. The kid had a bad week. You're getting ahead of yourself there. However, in the UK we have a safeguarding system where teachers make a note of anything unusual about a child. Social workers and other people that work with kids also do the same. This means that if there are lots of little things, then its more likely a pattern will be seen before something really bad happens. This behaviour change would be noted on that system in the UK. But it's not abnormal for kids to have a bad week from time to time.
Load More Replies...
Ragnarok (UR/re/tar/ded) 2 years ago
They want a formal apology letter because a kid called them a "bad word"? Honestly I think the kid was actually just stating facts when he called the teacher a b***h. Also OP needs to cut back on the impossible burgers and grow a sack. The self censorship is so cringe.
Cyril Sneer 2 years ago
I'd be tempted to write them a two word letter: f o. The school is way out of line. They're completely over stepping their role.
Justin Smith 2 years ago
Well whats funny is that the word the son used actually fits the dog.
Load More Replies... James016 2 years ago
My son got in trouble when he was 5 as he told his teacher he was feeling pissed off. She wrote it in his day book that he has. We wrote back apologising but being out and about, he hears all sorts of bad language.
Hokuloa 2 years ago (edited)
Does the school even understand toddlers and their linguistic acquisition?? Those bright little sponges pick up new favorite words *everywhere.* It’s silly to dole out such punishment to parents when that particular word could have just as easily been learned in the teachers’ own school! Frankly, if a child is exposed to television in the US now then they definitely have heard the B-word. Although, any parent who readily admits to “We swear. We say F, S, AH, and occasionally GD,” while simultaneously claiming to not slip out the B-word or “derogatory” words is super sus in my book. If you swear like that with a toddler in the house, you almost guaranteed have swearing on TV or slip in a B-word in conversation and don’t notice.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
Ask the school if they also teach older students, who OP’s kid could’ve overheard at some point—-or had used against himself, which could’ve been the reason for his apparent agitation. When I was a toddler, I picked up a certain word (it was one of the bad ones) from my brothers, and decided to say it out loud in the middle of a department store. My parents were so mortified they left that store in nothing flat. Years later, when my niece, my oldest brother’s daughter, learned the same word after she started going to school (so learned it from other kids, not siblings), she decided to yell it in the middle of a public library, which her parents also left in nothing flat, absolutely mortified. Children are like sponges, sometimes they also soak in some of the dirty water in the sink. OP and wife seem to be careful about language around their son, so the best bet is he picked it up from the school’s older students. Not the parents’ fault, but the school’s fault.
Shankshaw Redeemer 2 years ago
I like how you say picking up some of the dirty water, too. So true. I teach college to high schoolers and some of the stuff I hear them saying is just atrocious to me and I'm one to let the bad words just fall out of my mouth (never at the high school around students, though). He could have heard it anywhere.
Load More Replies... Zoey Rayne 2 years ago
Dear Preschool Teachers, Sorry you have forgotten that you are working with an age group of children at a developmental stage where they repeat everything they hear from any source without fully understanding the social context of what they are saying and need more time for their manners and emotional regulation to catch up with their language skills.
Shadow 2 years ago
Why doesn't OP simply ask the child where he heard the word? He's old enough to know the word, use it grammatically correctly, he should remember where or who he heard it from. It could have been on the street. Adults block out all sorts of sounds that small children pick up.
Daris 2 years ago
I want to add a bit of a teacher’s insight here. If you don’t want to write the letter then don’t, but arrange a time for a phone call or a face to face meeting to clarify the problem. There are certain student behaviours (such as physical and verbal alterations) that require a huge amount of paperwork for teaching staff. It could be that the letter is part of the school’s ‘due process’ for their incident report. Being defensive (“I didn’t teach him that word so I shouldn’t have to apologise!”) or aggressive (“He learned that word at school!!”) might get the school to rescind their letter request, but this would not be worth it for you or your child. Teachers typically deal with 20-30 students with highly varied needs, and this incident was probably only one of about 50 student incidents that happen in a typical school week. Most teachers are keen to work as a team with parents in the best interests of the child. Its best to approach this from the angle of trust and mutual respect.
Daris 2 years ago
Just to add and clarify that any worthwhile teacher would not penalise a student for the actions of a parent. (For example, if you were to go in aggressively refusing to write the letter, your sons grades wouldn’t be compromised ). However, I would (and this might just be me) try and avoid unnecessary contact with a parent who has shown me they will get disproportionately angry and defensive. For example, if I need 2 parent volunteers to assist on a field trip and 3 parents volunteer, guess which parent won’t be coming on the trip? If you put yourself in the same position and you consider students parents as your clients, if you have 29 lovely clients who give a quick phone call to seek clarification if they don’t understand something asked of them, and one client who point blank refuses and complains to management about you, which client are you more likely to WANT to help? Most teachers are more than happy to explain a situation in person or over the phone
Load More Replies... Rebel Peewee 2 years ago
My 3 year old came home from school one day repeating a very angry-toned "F***. You." My husband and I have a few rules in this house 1. We never ever say that to one another no matter how upset 2. Absolutely no tv or media around our son that could even potential have derogatory language. I told a few fiends max they were like "Ofc he got it at school, they all do at some point. My kid said xyz"...why would a teacher assume I tsctje parents, ridiculous!
Rebel Peewee 2 years ago
I hate when I can't see what I'm typing towards the end! *it was the
Load More Replies... Donkey boi 2 years ago
'...Occasionally GD to our dog...' That's the only one I couldn't work out. I'm guessing it's not 'good dog' (as it should be when talking to your dog), but I can't think of swearing with those initials...
Hakitosama 2 years ago
Sorry not sorry but AH. It's not the use of the b word out of context or swearing because you hit your toe. The kid insulted and was disrespectful to the teacher. This kind of attitude needs to be addressed NOW and he has to face tje consequences. And pwease don't try to tell me the parents "talked it out" with the kid. Talked my a$$. Kids swear to shock, to innocently repeat, not to insult someone. This talks about heavy problems in the education. And as it's told from the parents pov, I suspect the situation is worse than that. Also schools don't demand written apologies over that, there must have been other things before and the b word was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
The US is so strange in some things. In Germany, there is no stigma around cursing and no one, especially not teachers, would demand an apology letter. Lol that‘s so wild. By the way: neither our radio, nor TV nor other places filter or censor such things. Yes, you can hear songs full of swear words on public radio. In full. Without censoring.
Cyril Sneer 2 years ago (edited)
I think that's the way it should be everywhere. It's only rude because it is taboo. If it is commonplace, they're just words and there's no problem. In the UK, we do censor things. But we're definitely not as over the top about it as this school. If (when) my son swears at school, he is reprimanded, but it's not major, and certainly no letters to write.
Load More Replies... Maisey Myles 2 years ago
School: You need to write, ‘I will not teach my child bad words 100 times!
TMoxraaaar 2 years ago
When my best friend had her daughter we all realized we would not be censoring ourselves in front of her (content yes, language not so much). They drink in front of her and just like they taught her that it's an adult beverage, she was taught that those are adult words, and she's not allowed to use them in public. At home she can use them if they sound appropriate and they talk about how to use them. Swears will never die, the words just change.
Alex Martin 2 years ago
There are times in life that apologies are like lubricant. Someone's feelings are hurt and they need a gesture to move forward. Spray some oil on the squeaky wheel and let it go. It costs you nothing, the other person needs it, and it's going to be a barrier to your continued relationship. It's a strange hill for this school to die on but clearly they need this gesture to move forward.
madbakes 2 years ago
I may be totally wrong, but isn't drastic behavior changes a sign of abuse? It started a month after he started this school.
Cyril Sneer 2 years ago
Sheesh. The kid had a bad week. You're getting ahead of yourself there. However, in the UK we have a safeguarding system where teachers make a note of anything unusual about a child. Social workers and other people that work with kids also do the same. This means that if there are lots of little things, then its more likely a pattern will be seen before something really bad happens. This behaviour change would be noted on that system in the UK. But it's not abnormal for kids to have a bad week from time to time.
Load More Replies... Ragnarok (UR/re/tar/ded) 2 years ago
They want a formal apology letter because a kid called them a "bad word"? Honestly I think the kid was actually just stating facts when he called the teacher a b***h. Also OP needs to cut back on the impossible burgers and grow a sack. The self censorship is so cringe.
Cyril Sneer 2 years ago
I'd be tempted to write them a two word letter: f o. The school is way out of line. They're completely over stepping their role.
Justin Smith 2 years ago
Well whats funny is that the word the son used actually fits the dog.
Load More Replies...
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