Family gatherings can be exhausting for many reasons, and prodding, invasive questions from distant relatives is certainly one of them. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, nothing can protect you from “when are you getting married?” and “when are you having children?” And if you don’t want to embarrassingly stammer searching for an appropriate answer, you better have a comeback prepared.
A 25-year-old TikToker bippityboppitybree has a wonderful rebuttal ready for those asking about her having children. In fact, she’s eager to tell everyone about it. According to her, her answer does take everyone by surprise, but, eventually, people understand. Scroll down below to see if you get it too and whether you agree with the sentiment.
When it comes to nosey questions, “when are you having kids?” is definitely right at the top of the list
Image credits: bippityboppitybree
This TikToker has the best answer up her sleeve for anyone interested in her familial status
“I am 25 years old. So I’m at the age where, well, honestly, as soon as you hit your 20s, people love to ask women this. But people have always asked me, “Do you have kids?” And I always say, “Absolutely not. I am still a child.” But they love asking me if I have kids. And I say, “No, I will not be having kids. And would you like to know why?” And they say, of course.”
Image credits: bippityboppitybree
“And I say ‘I would love, love, love to be a parent. I would love to be a dad. I don’t get that choice. I would have to be a mother. And there’s no way in hell I would ever want to be a mother.’ And watching the initial confusion on their face, and then the awareness, the acknowledgment, you can see the gears turning. It makes sense. I don’t want the responsibility of being a mother. I want to be the cool parent. I want to have as little responsibility as possible and mothers don’t get that.”
See her whole argument here
@bippityboppitybree Cool aunt and stepmom vibes only #motherhood #feminism #barbiegirl ♬ original sound – B
Her argument, of course, is clear. Being a mother is so much harder than being a dad. It involves more time and effort and is more demanding physically and emotionally.
This is not just anecdotal evidence, too. Science backs it up with facts. Such as this study that concluded that mothers feel more stress, less happiness, and greater fatigue than fathers do. Then there’s also the paper that summed it all up with “parenthood crystallizes a gendered division of labor, largely by reshaping wives’, not husbands’, routine.” And let’s not forget about the one that states that “mothering involves not only more overall time commitment but more multitasking, more physical labor, a more rigid timetable, more time alone with children, and more overall responsibility for managing care.” Seems pretty obvious which of the two options would be favored by many.
That is why there’s no surprise that many in the comment section agreed with the TikToker’s opinion. Typically, taking on the role of a mother is a big responsibility. And while dads also participate in childrearing, the demands for them are simply not as high.
Image credits: Bethany Beck (not the actual photo)
Mothers take on a whole lot more responsibilities in managing the household
Jancee Dunn, the author of “How not to hate your husband after kids,” wrote the book when she noticed this disparity in motherly and fatherly duties in her own life. In it, she describes the frustrating situation many women find themselves in after becoming mothers.
Firstly, mothers tend to handle the more involved child care aspects such as feeding, changing diapers, and nighttime routines. In the meantime, the dads fall into the role of the “fun parent” who plays with children and takes them out to have fun, all while mom cleans up the house and prepares dinner.
Mothers also take on a lot of different kinds of invisible labor. One is “kin work” that’s basically remembering everyone’s birthdays, buying presents, sending cards, and handling holidays. Then, there’s also “emotional work” that’s about checking in with everybody and knowing how everyone’s doing and feeling. “Consumption labor” is also mostly taken on by women, which is researching and buying clothes, shoes, high chairs, and potties. On top of it all, the mother is usually also the household manager who makes doctor’s appointments, sets up playdates, knows everyone’s likes and dislikes, and keep everyone’s schedules. And all of these aren’t even the main motherhood “activities.”
When you also consider household chores such as cooking, cleaning, and laundry, most of which often fall on the mother, you really see the point that the TikToker was making in her video.
Image credits: Jep Gambardella (not the actual photo)
Many people in the comments could relate to the sentiment
Just find yourself a man, who would be the perfect „mother“ as you put it! Where is the problem? Be the „cool“ parent and let your partner be the responsible one. Plain and simple. I don‘t get these parent roles anyway. It‘s strange to me. Where I live most parents take on the responsibility as a team. Sure, there are differences between partners, but they are results of character and time. My husband for instance is very anxious and protective about our children and at the same time has not as much time to spend with them. This means he does not know their streangths as well as I do and more easily forbids them stuff. Plus: he was raised very …. „Clean“ and does not like messes. I on the other hand am way more laid back and allow them more. So, I guess, I am the fun parent?
She still need to give bith and the people will still say the sexist phrases she said toward her and the dad. Untill the root of the problem is solved dads will never be considered good moms and moms can never be the dad. You are....forget the artcle while writing the comment or...?
Load More Replies... Just find yourself a man, who would be the perfect „mother“ as you put it! Where is the problem? Be the „cool“ parent and let your partner be the responsible one. Plain and simple. I don‘t get these parent roles anyway. It‘s strange to me. Where I live most parents take on the responsibility as a team. Sure, there are differences between partners, but they are results of character and time. My husband for instance is very anxious and protective about our children and at the same time has not as much time to spend with them. This means he does not know their streangths as well as I do and more easily forbids them stuff. Plus: he was raised very …. „Clean“ and does not like messes. I on the other hand am way more laid back and allow them more. So, I guess, I am the fun parent?
She still need to give bith and the people will still say the sexist phrases she said toward her and the dad. Untill the root of the problem is solved dads will never be considered good moms and moms can never be the dad. You are....forget the artcle while writing the comment or...?
Load More Replies...
19
33