111 Epic Burns That Turned Insults Into High Art (New Pics)

Hopefully, you don’t have to insult people in your life very often. If you do, you might want to rethink the people that you’re surrounding yourself with. Or you may need to try some anger management exercises… But because insulting others doesn’t come naturally to the majority of us, it’s extremely impressive when someone’s tongue (or keyboard) can cut like a knife without any effort.

That’s why the Rare Insults subreddit is so fascinating. This community receives over 700K visitors each week, and it’s an absolute treasure trove of clever and unique comebacks. We don’t condone bullying, pandas. But if you ever find yourself in a situation where you have to defend yourself, it might be wise to have some of these comebacks up your sleeve.

While they have certainly developed over time, insults have likely been around for as long as humans have been on this planet. The New York Times published a piece breaking down the history of insults where they noted that they even appear in the Bible. For example, 1 Samuel 20:30 says, “Thou son of the perverse rebellious woman!” Apparently, even back then, moms were targeted in insults.

The Bible also warned people not to use their words as weapons. 1 Peter 3:9 states, “Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing.”

Unsurprisingly, insults also appear in Ancient Roman texts. Philosophers of the time did not hesitate to throw jabs at one another’s writing. In fact, Catullus’ poem “Carmen 16” was essentially a diss track. It was a response to two men who had been calling his poetry soft, which was apparently quite the insult in that era. So to clap back, he began “Carmen 16” with a filthy, crude, and scathing insult. We’ll warn you right now, the text is not family-friendly at all. 

We would be remiss if we didn’t show some appreciation for Shakespeare, as he was a king of writing in general, but particularly of writing insults. From the simple ones like “Villain, I have done thy mother,” to the more complex “More of your conversation would infect my brain,” Shakespeare certainly knew how to cut to the bone. As for his style, many of his digs included combining words, such as “puke-stocking” or “beetle-headed.” 

Shakespeare also often crafted his jabs to signify a character’s social class. For example, a royal would spew more eloquent insults than a commoner, who might speak more directly and vulgarly. And while the verbiage might sound outdated, the messages of many of his insults would still be effective today. 

Calling someone a “poisonous bunch-backed toad” definitely does not sound like a compliment. And saying that a person has “more hair than wit” (especially if they don’t have much hair) makes perfect sense. Many of these modern rare insults come straight out of Shakespeare’s playbook, even if the writers don’t realize it.  

Language is constantly evolving over time, so it’s no surprise that you probably use different insults than what your grandparents would have said to their enemies. But if you’re curious about what the younger generations are saying nowadays when they really want to get under someone’s skin, The Week published a piece breaking down some of the most popular Gen Z slang.

If you’ve just done something cringey or embarrassing, especially if you’ve posted it on social media, you might receive comments saying “big yikes.” And if you’re a Millennial trying way too hard to fit in with Gen Z, you might be labeled “cheugy.” 

Gen Z has even created a derogatory term for AI bots: “clankers.” And if the younger generation finds you basic and boring, they might say your behavior is “coworker core.” Meanwhile, if the younger generation notices a woman who seems to be trying too hard to appeal to the male gaze or put down other women to prove that she’s “not like other girls,” she might be labeled a “pick-me.” And if Gen Z wants to simply insult someone’s appearance, they might call them “chopped,” meaning that they’re simply unattractive.   

Are you feeling inspired to start crafting your own brilliant insults after reading through these posts, pandas? Keep upvoting the ones that you find particularly clever, and let us know in the comments below if you have any other useful rare insults hidden up your sleeve. Then, if you’re looking for another Bored Panda article featuring witty comebacks, check out this list next!