No one wants to think about their fairy tale going sour when they are in a committed relationship. People might be reluctant to think about such a scenario even on “what if” terms, which often means that they might not want to discuss a prenup, either.
This redditor didn’t oppose discussing a prenuptial agreement when his girlfriend got pregnant and they started talking about the prospect of marriage. However, the discussions weren’t as smooth sailing as the OP likely hoped they would be.
Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with Associate Professor at the Department of Psychology at Michigan State University, William Chopik, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions on signing a prenup.
The prospect of signing a prenuptial agreement before marriage tends to evoke varying reactions
Image credits: Emma Bauso / pexels (not the actual photo)
This couple didn’t see eye to eye in regards to the prenup, which led to some very hard decisions
Image credits: Prostock-studio / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Leah Newhouse / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: prethrowaway9
Money-related matters are a common cause for arguments among partners
Signing a prenup seems to be a somewhat controversial matter; while some see it as a rational step to take, others deem it a sign of distrust or lack of commitment in a relationship. The mixed feelings said document entails are often accompanied by certain fears, too.
“A lot of the fears and struggles involve getting over the idea that their marriage or relationship might end someday. So that can be a bit of a barrier and something that most people don’t want to think about,” Associate Professor at the Department of Psychology at Michigan State University, William Chopik told Bored Panda in a recent interview.
“In general, even talking about mundane money issues is something people avoid. One issue is that how people spend and save money can be seen as an indictment on them as a person or what they think about a relationship. If your partner spends a lot of money, are they seen as irresponsible? If they save too much, are they seen as stuck-up and too conservative or controlled?
“There’s even some work on couples merging finances and bank accounts, which is often seen as an indicator that a relationship is going well. So, talking about money can be aversive, even among couples who are doing well,” he added.
The expert in psychology continued to point out that there seems to be additional stress coming from acknowledging that a relationship might not last forever, and signing a prenup in a way means actively planning for that in the present.
“Of course, having discussions about who is owed what in a future hypothetical scenario might bring into mind issues about trust—or lack thereof—or whether people view the relationship as more transactional or freely giving,” Chopik pointed out.
Nowadays, more engaged individuals—millennials in particular—seek to protect their assets before getting married by signing prenups. A 2023 survey conducted for Axios found that roughly half of US adults said that they at least somewhat supported the use of prenups (marking an increase from 42% the year before); however, only roughly one-in-five married couples had a prenuptial agreement.
Some important questions ought to be discussed before tying the knot, despite it being difficult or uncomfortable to do
Chopik pointed out that money is one of the most common and consequential things that people fight about. “Couples tend to fight about how money is spent—specifically who has control and if it’s perceived as ‘fair’ for each person,” he said.
“Naturally, conflicts can arise if there’s a disagreement over what is considered fair and discussions about money can create a lot of stress and anxiety. It’s one of the reasons why people avoid talking about money at all.”
But discussing certain difficult matters before tying the knot is crucial, despite it often being difficult to do. “The hope is that the relationship is built on a foundation where communicating about sensitive topics can be done in a healthy and open way that’s built on trust and understanding,” Chopik said.
According to the expert, in general, money—how to spend it, how to save it, how to share it, and eventually how to split it—does speak a bit to who we are, who our partners are, and a little about our relationship, too.
He believes that settling issues of compatibility early on, before people are formally married, is important and couples shouldn’t encounter these problems for the first time when they sit down to discuss a prenup. “The hope is that couples can talk about their financial future together in a non-threatening way that seems fair to all parties,” he told Bored Panda.
Fellow netizens shared their thoughts in the comments, their views on the matter differed
After a little bit of time and consideration, the author came back with an update to the situation
Image credits: Trung Nguyen / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: prethrowaway9
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It's a long post, but keeps coming back to he's not excited about being married to this woman, so don't do it. Getting married for the sake of a baby does not a happy family make. Quite suspicious about urgency not to have a baby out of wedlock? Most couples these days get engaged if marriage is important and have the wedding after the baby is a little older. The way she's fighting all his decisions, it does sound like she's trying to rush him. If it's for money or for whatever, just so one big life change at a time and focus on the baby.
I agree. Baby comes first, and I'm glad that OP and his GF decided on that putting the pre-nup and wedding aside for the time being. I think emotions are on overdrive due to said baby (on both sides). When thing settle down, I hope that they will come to an agreement.
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Strange how men say they get "fleeced" in a divorce - the laws say that another partner, regardless of sex, is entitled to money for a reason. For once, it's protection for the partner who might even give up a career for the benefit of the family. Guys, if you love your money so much, stay out of relationships, there are some very lovely prostitutes and girls who want sugar daddies out there. Nothing bad about that. Prenups aren't bad, but this guys is only about keeping his money, not matter what. Not for a second does he even think of her. She can find a better man than that, even with a baby.
This is factually wrong. Yes, the reason why the law is like that is to ensure that the partner who has given up their privileges (due to having children and staying at home for example) will be compensated. However, it is absolutely possible to abuse this system to the fullest to fill your own bag on the cost of the now despised ex partner.
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For both of their sakes I'm glad the wedding has been halted.
Entering a serious relationship while preparing to leave it. I truly wonder sometimes....
That's like saying don't get car insurance because it's just buying a car while preparing to wreck it. Prenups are designed to save time, money and heartache by hashing out what happens in a split while each partner still wants good things for the other. They can avoid very expensive divorce suits with the accompanying attorney fees, etc. Real life is not a fairy tale. Sometimes "happily ever after" doesn't last forever, and responsible adults try to mitigate potential negative outcomes even when they seem unlikely. I have fire insurance even though statistically there's a 0.2% chance my house will ever catch fire. Prenups are the same: we don't think we'll divorce, but just in case we've planned the strategy in advance.
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I dont necessarily think hes an a*****e, but he seems very fixated on the idea that hes the one taking a big risk. My dude, marriage is a risk. Birthing and mothering a baby is a risk. Being a SAHM is a risk. Its an equally risky plan here.
Equally risky, but also, if you aren't up for that risk, dont take the plunge as the elders say. Edit for spelling
Load More Replies... I may be naive but for me a prenup (in case it's not already default law in that country) is to ensure that whatever is being brought into the marriage remains the property of the person bringing it in. Like if my parents die and I inherit a house, that house stays mine in case of a divorce. And everything me and my SO work for will be split up in case of seperation.
That’s the intention. However, if the spouse does anything to increase the value of that property, I believe they’re entitled to a fair portion of that increase, but not the entire property. In other words, if the pre-nut covered a house just purchased for let’s say $50,000 in run-down condition, and the new spouse works to fix it up with their own money, and vastly increases its value to $300,000, then they’re entitled to that $250,000 increase in value, as it would be proportionate to their contribution to that increase. If their spouse bought it and didn’t lift a finger or contribute a penny to improve it, then none of that increase should belong to the spouse who bought it, though they may be able to keep the property after reimbursing the ex who did all the work.
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Uhm, what could possibly go wrong, lol. When she has that baby and is the primary caregiver, and no sex for a while, I have no doubt things will deteriorate. She is also making a bad mistake insisting on being a SAHM. They want different things out of life. Even the pregnancy was a slapdash decision - he 'pulled out'? Neither one seems to have the capability of forethought.
Legal marriage is a lot of admin. How you split finances and assets is most of that process. This prenup seems like it has done it's job and forced conversations, revealed priorities and probably shown they aren't compatible. Do people really not discuss these things? Seems really unhealthy. Why let these problems fester? Better to iron out boundaries/plans before signing on, right?
Man, how sad. Yall should just break up now, save some time because all you care about is yourself
Hopefully she'll find someone who is more enthusiastic about marrying her. It sounds like he thinks divorce is likely to happen to most people... not a great start for a marriage.
But does though, 50% of marriage ends in divorce, and not having a back-up plan if things don't go their way isn't a smart thing to do.
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We're talking about California divorce laws. California will absolutely take this man to the cleaners in a divorce. Emergency spousal support will be 40% of his net income less 50% of her net income. If he's netting 200K a year and she's not earning anything that's 80K a year. The length of support is 1/2 the length of the marriage until they hit 10 years and then it's until she doesn't need support any more, i.e. remarriage or death. That doesn't even get into division of assets. Child support is going to be around $2000 month @20% custody at the 200K salary. If she decides to walk away, because most divorces are filed by women, he is going to be out slightly more than half of his net income. California divorce laws encourage earning persons to stay in terrible relationships and give non or less- earning persons a reason to leave.
All divorce settlements really depend on the two individuals involved. Reasonable people can have relatively amicable divorces. Sometimes it’s best to mediate the divorce rather than settle it in court. In mediation, both parties actually have their say, and can clear the air much better, and often way more amicably, than if their lawyers do all the talking in court. So saying all divorces in a particular state always “take [the] man to the cleaners” is very reductionist, and patently false in most cases. Remember, there are two sides to every divorce, and two people who share fault, as it is exceedingly rare for one spouse to be 100% innocent and the other 100% guilty. Even if the split isn’t 50-50, both share fault. So don’t just listen to your buddy’s side of the divorce, take his ex-wife’s side into consideration as well. Somewhere in the middle is the truth.
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Is there a legal difference (i.e. with property division etc.) between getting married and moving in together in the U.S.? Where I'm from, it's treated in the same way.
In California, I believe she could bring what’s known as a “palimony” suit against him for child support and a splitting of certain assets if they don’t get married, which would mean the pre-nup never comes into play. (I am not a lawyer, so any legitimate California divorce lawyers can weigh in on whether I’m correct about palimony.)
Load More Replies... Is the prenup a thing even in us ? does it have any consistency in a courtroom or is just trash ?
Yes, it's legally binding in the US as long as it has been drawn up correctly. Marriage is a legal contract, a prenup is just a more specific clause or rider to that general contract. Without a prenup, divorce settlements can vary widely by state and often by judge.
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Marriage would fail quickly. Neither individual understands what marriage is.
NTA, a prenup is important if you want to protect your assets, and her assets as well.
It's not like the prenup can't be voided in the future. The parties can also make their Wills and specify what the spouse and/or children receive. There are plenty of prenups that increase what the person is entitled to the longer the marriage goes on.
Time for women to start writing prenups that protect them when those men so concerned about their assets leave them hanging after spending years sacrificing their careers to raise some dude's children. This is a two way road and since they've been called gold diggers for too long it's time to turn the tables.
Women absolutely do write up prenups. It's much more an economic class thing than a gender thing. And absolutely everyone should discuss financial matters before marriage. Marriage is a contract, and you need to know what you're signing up for and set clear boundaries.
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If you aren't going to marry before the baby arrives, why bother to marry at all?
Well, you see, when two people love eachother very much...
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This guy needs to close his eyes and put himself in his girlfriend’s shoes. Think about what feels fair from her standpoint, what she will need and the impact the baby will have on her life. I doubt he will succeed because empathy doesn’t seem like his strong point but he should try. IMHO, this guy has shown who he is and the gf should separate and ask for child support.
He's not refusing to take care of his child, financially or emotionally, so not sure what you're referring to.
Load More Replies... Such craziness. I don't understand how you can marry someone who is rich and then expect him to give you loads of money when you divorce. Who cares what the rules are. Don't worry. You'll just get it back if they demand you give it. Only if he's a serial cheater and took advantage of her and forced her to be a housewife, then yes who cares, let him pay. But you want to get that guarantee? Then you don't trust that guy at all. Why are you even getting married?
It's not "getting baby trapped" when you rely on pulling out. That's just getting your partner pregnant
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Incel fanfiction. Anybody with assets to protect and a lawyer to consult would have been told that if you cohabitate and have the baby without marriage OR a prenup, you can still "get taken to the cleaners" by a judge. That baby is a shared, binding element of your life for 18 years whether you agree on a magic piece of paper or not fella. If you don't agree on a prenup, you're right back to it being up to the judge's discretion! And judges don't tend to look highly on "she wanted to get married but I said no because women are gold diggers" line. Dude is supposedly this paranoid about protecting his future but dgaf about whether or not he fathered a child? AKA making the single most binding and financially tasking decision you can make? Pfft
They aren't cohabiting, they are now moving in together. If his family are this rich they have probably been pushing prenup for a while. Doesn't seem like he's concerned about money for the kid, just what she could take.
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I didn't see anything implying he would pay child support or even better involved in raising the kid. Abortion or not should be her choice, doesn't sound like she's inclined.
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But that's what a legal marriage is, it's involving the state, there's no actual relationship change outside of legal status. Anyone who has gone to the registry office or even considers a prenup has thought some about the involvement of the state. Otherwise you just keep living your life and don't inform the government about your relationship.
Load More Replies... It's a long post, but keeps coming back to he's not excited about being married to this woman, so don't do it. Getting married for the sake of a baby does not a happy family make. Quite suspicious about urgency not to have a baby out of wedlock? Most couples these days get engaged if marriage is important and have the wedding after the baby is a little older. The way she's fighting all his decisions, it does sound like she's trying to rush him. If it's for money or for whatever, just so one big life change at a time and focus on the baby.
I agree. Baby comes first, and I'm glad that OP and his GF decided on that putting the pre-nup and wedding aside for the time being. I think emotions are on overdrive due to said baby (on both sides). When thing settle down, I hope that they will come to an agreement.
Load More Replies... Strange how men say they get "fleeced" in a divorce - the laws say that another partner, regardless of sex, is entitled to money for a reason. For once, it's protection for the partner who might even give up a career for the benefit of the family. Guys, if you love your money so much, stay out of relationships, there are some very lovely prostitutes and girls who want sugar daddies out there. Nothing bad about that. Prenups aren't bad, but this guys is only about keeping his money, not matter what. Not for a second does he even think of her. She can find a better man than that, even with a baby.
This is factually wrong. Yes, the reason why the law is like that is to ensure that the partner who has given up their privileges (due to having children and staying at home for example) will be compensated. However, it is absolutely possible to abuse this system to the fullest to fill your own bag on the cost of the now despised ex partner.
Load More Replies... For both of their sakes I'm glad the wedding has been halted.
Entering a serious relationship while preparing to leave it. I truly wonder sometimes....
That's like saying don't get car insurance because it's just buying a car while preparing to wreck it. Prenups are designed to save time, money and heartache by hashing out what happens in a split while each partner still wants good things for the other. They can avoid very expensive divorce suits with the accompanying attorney fees, etc. Real life is not a fairy tale. Sometimes "happily ever after" doesn't last forever, and responsible adults try to mitigate potential negative outcomes even when they seem unlikely. I have fire insurance even though statistically there's a 0.2% chance my house will ever catch fire. Prenups are the same: we don't think we'll divorce, but just in case we've planned the strategy in advance.
Load More Replies... I dont necessarily think hes an a*****e, but he seems very fixated on the idea that hes the one taking a big risk. My dude, marriage is a risk. Birthing and mothering a baby is a risk. Being a SAHM is a risk. Its an equally risky plan here.
Equally risky, but also, if you aren't up for that risk, dont take the plunge as the elders say. Edit for spelling
Load More Replies... I may be naive but for me a prenup (in case it's not already default law in that country) is to ensure that whatever is being brought into the marriage remains the property of the person bringing it in. Like if my parents die and I inherit a house, that house stays mine in case of a divorce. And everything me and my SO work for will be split up in case of seperation.
That’s the intention. However, if the spouse does anything to increase the value of that property, I believe they’re entitled to a fair portion of that increase, but not the entire property. In other words, if the pre-nut covered a house just purchased for let’s say $50,000 in run-down condition, and the new spouse works to fix it up with their own money, and vastly increases its value to $300,000, then they’re entitled to that $250,000 increase in value, as it would be proportionate to their contribution to that increase. If their spouse bought it and didn’t lift a finger or contribute a penny to improve it, then none of that increase should belong to the spouse who bought it, though they may be able to keep the property after reimbursing the ex who did all the work.
Load More Replies... Uhm, what could possibly go wrong, lol. When she has that baby and is the primary caregiver, and no sex for a while, I have no doubt things will deteriorate. She is also making a bad mistake insisting on being a SAHM. They want different things out of life. Even the pregnancy was a slapdash decision - he 'pulled out'? Neither one seems to have the capability of forethought.
Legal marriage is a lot of admin. How you split finances and assets is most of that process. This prenup seems like it has done it's job and forced conversations, revealed priorities and probably shown they aren't compatible. Do people really not discuss these things? Seems really unhealthy. Why let these problems fester? Better to iron out boundaries/plans before signing on, right?
Man, how sad. Yall should just break up now, save some time because all you care about is yourself
Hopefully she'll find someone who is more enthusiastic about marrying her. It sounds like he thinks divorce is likely to happen to most people... not a great start for a marriage.
But does though, 50% of marriage ends in divorce, and not having a back-up plan if things don't go their way isn't a smart thing to do.
Load More Replies... We're talking about California divorce laws. California will absolutely take this man to the cleaners in a divorce. Emergency spousal support will be 40% of his net income less 50% of her net income. If he's netting 200K a year and she's not earning anything that's 80K a year. The length of support is 1/2 the length of the marriage until they hit 10 years and then it's until she doesn't need support any more, i.e. remarriage or death. That doesn't even get into division of assets. Child support is going to be around $2000 month @20% custody at the 200K salary. If she decides to walk away, because most divorces are filed by women, he is going to be out slightly more than half of his net income. California divorce laws encourage earning persons to stay in terrible relationships and give non or less- earning persons a reason to leave.
All divorce settlements really depend on the two individuals involved. Reasonable people can have relatively amicable divorces. Sometimes it’s best to mediate the divorce rather than settle it in court. In mediation, both parties actually have their say, and can clear the air much better, and often way more amicably, than if their lawyers do all the talking in court. So saying all divorces in a particular state always “take [the] man to the cleaners” is very reductionist, and patently false in most cases. Remember, there are two sides to every divorce, and two people who share fault, as it is exceedingly rare for one spouse to be 100% innocent and the other 100% guilty. Even if the split isn’t 50-50, both share fault. So don’t just listen to your buddy’s side of the divorce, take his ex-wife’s side into consideration as well. Somewhere in the middle is the truth.
Load More Replies... Is there a legal difference (i.e. with property division etc.) between getting married and moving in together in the U.S.? Where I'm from, it's treated in the same way.
In California, I believe she could bring what’s known as a “palimony” suit against him for child support and a splitting of certain assets if they don’t get married, which would mean the pre-nup never comes into play. (I am not a lawyer, so any legitimate California divorce lawyers can weigh in on whether I’m correct about palimony.)
Load More Replies... Is the prenup a thing even in us ? does it have any consistency in a courtroom or is just trash ?
Yes, it's legally binding in the US as long as it has been drawn up correctly. Marriage is a legal contract, a prenup is just a more specific clause or rider to that general contract. Without a prenup, divorce settlements can vary widely by state and often by judge.
Load More Replies... Marriage would fail quickly. Neither individual understands what marriage is.
NTA, a prenup is important if you want to protect your assets, and her assets as well.
It's not like the prenup can't be voided in the future. The parties can also make their Wills and specify what the spouse and/or children receive. There are plenty of prenups that increase what the person is entitled to the longer the marriage goes on.
Time for women to start writing prenups that protect them when those men so concerned about their assets leave them hanging after spending years sacrificing their careers to raise some dude's children. This is a two way road and since they've been called gold diggers for too long it's time to turn the tables.
Women absolutely do write up prenups. It's much more an economic class thing than a gender thing. And absolutely everyone should discuss financial matters before marriage. Marriage is a contract, and you need to know what you're signing up for and set clear boundaries.
Load More Replies... If you aren't going to marry before the baby arrives, why bother to marry at all?
Well, you see, when two people love eachother very much...
Load More Replies... This guy needs to close his eyes and put himself in his girlfriend’s shoes. Think about what feels fair from her standpoint, what she will need and the impact the baby will have on her life. I doubt he will succeed because empathy doesn’t seem like his strong point but he should try. IMHO, this guy has shown who he is and the gf should separate and ask for child support.
He's not refusing to take care of his child, financially or emotionally, so not sure what you're referring to.
Load More Replies... Such craziness. I don't understand how you can marry someone who is rich and then expect him to give you loads of money when you divorce. Who cares what the rules are. Don't worry. You'll just get it back if they demand you give it. Only if he's a serial cheater and took advantage of her and forced her to be a housewife, then yes who cares, let him pay. But you want to get that guarantee? Then you don't trust that guy at all. Why are you even getting married?
It's not "getting baby trapped" when you rely on pulling out. That's just getting your partner pregnant
Load More Replies... Incel fanfiction. Anybody with assets to protect and a lawyer to consult would have been told that if you cohabitate and have the baby without marriage OR a prenup, you can still "get taken to the cleaners" by a judge. That baby is a shared, binding element of your life for 18 years whether you agree on a magic piece of paper or not fella. If you don't agree on a prenup, you're right back to it being up to the judge's discretion! And judges don't tend to look highly on "she wanted to get married but I said no because women are gold diggers" line. Dude is supposedly this paranoid about protecting his future but dgaf about whether or not he fathered a child? AKA making the single most binding and financially tasking decision you can make? Pfft
They aren't cohabiting, they are now moving in together. If his family are this rich they have probably been pushing prenup for a while. Doesn't seem like he's concerned about money for the kid, just what she could take.
Load More Replies... I didn't see anything implying he would pay child support or even better involved in raising the kid. Abortion or not should be her choice, doesn't sound like she's inclined.
Load More Replies... But that's what a legal marriage is, it's involving the state, there's no actual relationship change outside of legal status. Anyone who has gone to the registry office or even considers a prenup has thought some about the involvement of the state. Otherwise you just keep living your life and don't inform the government about your relationship.
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