No one wants to think about their fairy tale going sour when they are in a committed relationship. People might be reluctant to think about such a scenario even on “what if” terms, which often means that they might not want to discuss a prenup, either.
This redditor didn’t oppose discussing a prenuptial agreement when his girlfriend got pregnant and they started talking about the prospect of marriage. However, the discussions weren’t as smooth sailing as the OP likely hoped they would be.
Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with Associate Professor at the Department of Psychology at Michigan State University, William Chopik, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions on signing a prenup.
The prospect of signing a prenuptial agreement before marriage tends to evoke varying reactions
Image credits: Emma Bauso / pexels (not the actual photo)
This couple didn’t see eye to eye in regards to the prenup, which led to some very hard decisions
Image credits: Prostock-studio / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Leah Newhouse / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: prethrowaway9
Money-related matters are a common cause for arguments among partners
Signing a prenup seems to be a somewhat controversial matter; while some see it as a rational step to take, others deem it a sign of distrust or lack of commitment in a relationship. The mixed feelings said document entails are often accompanied by certain fears, too.
“A lot of the fears and struggles involve getting over the idea that their marriage or relationship might end someday. So that can be a bit of a barrier and something that most people don’t want to think about,” Associate Professor at the Department of Psychology at Michigan State University, William Chopik told Bored Panda in a recent interview.
“In general, even talking about mundane money issues is something people avoid. One issue is that how people spend and save money can be seen as an indictment on them as a person or what they think about a relationship. If your partner spends a lot of money, are they seen as irresponsible? If they save too much, are they seen as stuck-up and too conservative or controlled?
“There’s even some work on couples merging finances and bank accounts, which is often seen as an indicator that a relationship is going well. So, talking about money can be aversive, even among couples who are doing well,” he added.
The expert in psychology continued to point out that there seems to be additional stress coming from acknowledging that a relationship might not last forever, and signing a prenup in a way means actively planning for that in the present.
“Of course, having discussions about who is owed what in a future hypothetical scenario might bring into mind issues about trust—or lack thereof—or whether people view the relationship as more transactional or freely giving,” Chopik pointed out.
Nowadays, more engaged individuals—millennials in particular—seek to protect their assets before getting married by signing prenups. A 2023 survey conducted for Axios found that roughly half of US adults said that they at least somewhat supported the use of prenups (marking an increase from 42% the year before); however, only roughly one-in-five married couples had a prenuptial agreement.
Some important questions ought to be discussed before tying the knot, despite it being difficult or uncomfortable to do
Chopik pointed out that money is one of the most common and consequential things that people fight about. “Couples tend to fight about how money is spent—specifically who has control and if it’s perceived as ‘fair’ for each person,” he said.
“Naturally, conflicts can arise if there’s a disagreement over what is considered fair and discussions about money can create a lot of stress and anxiety. It’s one of the reasons why people avoid talking about money at all.”
But discussing certain difficult matters before tying the knot is crucial, despite it often being difficult to do. “The hope is that the relationship is built on a foundation where communicating about sensitive topics can be done in a healthy and open way that’s built on trust and understanding,” Chopik said.
According to the expert, in general, money—how to spend it, how to save it, how to share it, and eventually how to split it—does speak a bit to who we are, who our partners are, and a little about our relationship, too.
He believes that settling issues of compatibility early on, before people are formally married, is important and couples shouldn’t encounter these problems for the first time when they sit down to discuss a prenup. “The hope is that couples can talk about their financial future together in a non-threatening way that seems fair to all parties,” he told Bored Panda.
Fellow netizens shared their thoughts in the comments, their views on the matter differed
After a little bit of time and consideration, the author came back with an update to the situation
Image credits: Trung Nguyen / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: prethrowaway9
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It's a long post, but keeps coming back to he's not excited about being married to this woman, so don't do it. Getting married for the sake of a baby does not a happy family make. Quite suspicious about urgency not to have a baby out of wedlock? Most couples these days get engaged if marriage is important and have the wedding after the baby is a little older. The way she's fighting all his decisions, it does sound like she's trying to rush him. If it's for money or for whatever, just so one big life change at a time and focus on the baby.
I agree. Baby comes first, and I'm glad that OP and his GF decided on that putting the pre-nup and wedding aside for the time being. I think emotions are on overdrive due to said baby (on both sides). When thing settle down, I hope that they will come to an agreement.
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Strange how men say they get "fleeced" in a divorce - the laws say that another partner, regardless of sex, is entitled to money for a reason. For once, it's protection for the partner who might even give up a career for the benefit of the family. Guys, if you love your money so much, stay out of relationships, there are some very lovely prostitutes and girls who want sugar daddies out there. Nothing bad about that. Prenups aren't bad, but this guys is only about keeping his money, not matter what. Not for a second does he even think of her. She can find a better man than that, even with a baby.
This is factually wrong. Yes, the reason why the law is like that is to ensure that the partner who has given up their privileges (due to having children and staying at home for example) will be compensated. However, it is absolutely possible to abuse this system to the fullest to fill your own bag on the cost of the now despised ex partner.
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For both of their sakes I'm glad the wedding has been halted.
It's a long post, but keeps coming back to he's not excited about being married to this woman, so don't do it. Getting married for the sake of a baby does not a happy family make. Quite suspicious about urgency not to have a baby out of wedlock? Most couples these days get engaged if marriage is important and have the wedding after the baby is a little older. The way she's fighting all his decisions, it does sound like she's trying to rush him. If it's for money or for whatever, just so one big life change at a time and focus on the baby.
I agree. Baby comes first, and I'm glad that OP and his GF decided on that putting the pre-nup and wedding aside for the time being. I think emotions are on overdrive due to said baby (on both sides). When thing settle down, I hope that they will come to an agreement.
Load More Replies... Strange how men say they get "fleeced" in a divorce - the laws say that another partner, regardless of sex, is entitled to money for a reason. For once, it's protection for the partner who might even give up a career for the benefit of the family. Guys, if you love your money so much, stay out of relationships, there are some very lovely prostitutes and girls who want sugar daddies out there. Nothing bad about that. Prenups aren't bad, but this guys is only about keeping his money, not matter what. Not for a second does he even think of her. She can find a better man than that, even with a baby.
This is factually wrong. Yes, the reason why the law is like that is to ensure that the partner who has given up their privileges (due to having children and staying at home for example) will be compensated. However, it is absolutely possible to abuse this system to the fullest to fill your own bag on the cost of the now despised ex partner.
Load More Replies... For both of their sakes I'm glad the wedding has been halted.
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