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“You Are Not Special”: 30 Times People Got Viciously Truth-Bombed By Their Therapist
Price can be a significant barrier to our mental well-being. For example, according to Verywell Mind's 2022 Cost of Therapy Survey, 40% of Americans require financial support to afford professional care.
The researchers also found the average cost of a therapy session to be $178 per month. Considering that working on ourselves usually takes a fair amount of time, that figure can quickly add up.
The good news is that people are also increasingly open to discussing their mental health and sharing their experiences. This is also illustrated in a recent Reddit thread started by platform user AnonyMiss0018 asking, "What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?" Here are some of the most popular answers.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
"stop trying to get everyone to agree - when you need everyone to agree the least agreeable person has all the power"
Really changed my outlook on planning family events.
Scott Rackley 2 years ago
this needs to be higher, despite the shallow focus of what this person got out of it
Skye Ragsdale 2 years ago
I don't think it's shallow. Family can be one of the most stressful things in the world. I've had to have similar conversations with my mom because half the time she doesn't even realize when her siblings are taking advantage.
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#2
“You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them. But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence. You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.”
We managed to get in touch with the author of the post, and the Redditor agreed to have a little chat with us about it.
"I was making plans with my difficult family for the holidays but had just been looking at another post on Reddit when the idea for the post came to me," Anonymiss0018 told Bored Panda. "I was thinking about my own therapy and how it has improved my life dramatically."
After going through the discussion, they said that "a lot of [the recurring] themes I noted were that people want love and acceptance, and they're trying to take responsibility for their own mental health."
"There's a lot of generational trauma, and people have a lot of heartbreaking stories. But they're putting in a lot of hard work to better themselves and heal."
#3
If you literally laid down and let people walk all over you, someone would complain that you're not flat enough.
Stephanie Barr 2 years ago
It's true, I'm not. They'll have to go around. Unless they're cats. The cats walk right over me.
#4
I don't work as a therapist. I'm an ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher in Japan. But my classes are one-on-one, so I do spend a lot of time on consultation and personal conversations. Something I said to a client once seemed to really change his outlook. A lot of my company's clients are focused on learning English for international business, and this man, as many of them are, was concerned about making mistakes and looking like a fool. I asked him if the English-speakers he works with sometimes try to speak Japanese, and he said that they do. I asked him if they ever make mistakes, and he said that they do. I asked him to name one, and he couldn't. And I told him that his mistakes will be forgotten, too.
#5
My counselor said to imagine myself as an orange. Then, consider that not all people like oranges. That doesn't mean that the orange is flawed in any way, not rotten, just that everyone has preferences. That helped ease my insecurities and need for people pleasing dramatically.
Catie Cayos 2 years ago
“You can be the ripest, juciest peach, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” — Dita Von Teese
me McG 1 year ago
My counselor said to imagine myself as an apple. Then, consider that not all people like apples. That doesn't mean that the apple is flawed in any way, not rotten, just that everyone has preferences. That helped ease my insecurities and need for people pleasing dramatically. Later that evening I eyed the next victim in my serial killing spree with a new found confidence.
In 2021, 42 million American adults sought mental health care of one form or another, up from 27 million in 2002.
Increasingly, people have been buying into the idea that therapy is one way they can significantly better their lives.
That conviction gained momentum in 1977, when the psychologists Mary Lee Smith and Gene V. Glass published the most statistically sophisticated analysis on the subject until that time. In their meta-analysis, they looked at some 400 studies and found that among the "neurotics" and "psychotics" who had undergone various kinds of talk therapy, the typical patient fared better than 75 percent of those with similar diagnoses who went untreated.
Since then, the notion that therapy has real benefits has been replicated numerous times in analyses applied to patients with anxiety, depression, and other prevalent disorders.
#6
“Don’t think of the relationship as over. Think of it as complete.”
Fundamentally changed how I was processing a tough breakup. So helpful.
sturmwesen 2 years ago
Also: some friendships have an experation date. Maybe just just matched while you were in a certain phase in your life. That's ok. They don't have to be forever to have worth.
#7
"Your mom is never going to be the parent you want or need, so stop expecting her to be and being mad that she isn't."
Also:
"People who are addicts tend to get frozen at the time they started abusing drugs or alcohol, because their focus is their addiction and not developing as a person. So a person who started drinking heavily at 13 and quit at 30 would behave a lot like a 13-year old."
Surenu 2 years ago
Can confirm. I'm missing around 8 years in my development which I am now rapidly catching up on. It's painful, but worth it.
Powerful Katrinka 2 years ago
This is especially true (and brutal) when you start drinking alcoholically as a child. I was what they call a "single digit alcoholic," and at 64, and nine years sober, I'm still catching up.
Kimbowa 1 year ago
Good for you! I’m 65 and 16 years sober. Wow, single digit. I’m so sorry for the childhood moments you probably lost. Hope you have many joys now and in the future. Of course just being free from addiction is a joy unto itself. I wish all good for you!
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shankShaw deReemer 2 years ago
My mom can't get any better. Of course we've had a few bumps and bruises along the way, but all-in-all, she's the best mother to me and my sister. And she's tough. She lost her husband of almost 50 years, then my brother (first-born and only boy) 18 months later, followed by her favorite brother, 10 months after my brother. If she can still live life and not break down every other day, I'd say she's the toughest lady I know. I love you, Rose!
LargeMarge 2 years ago
People who are addicts tend to get frozen at the time they started abusing drugs or alcohol, because their focus is their addiction and not developing as a person. So, a person who started drinking heavily at 13 and quit at 30 would behave a lot like a 13-year-old. <<I have said this so many times as a peer support specialist.
Ivy at Eve 1 year ago
I think I can guess now when a certain colleague got addicted to alcohol... it certainly explains a lot.
#8
You can't control other people's crazy, but you can control your proximity to their circus.
“I think the evidence is fairly clear that psychotherapy is remarkably effective,” said Bruce Wampold, a prominent researcher in the field who is an emeritus professor of counseling psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
To him, the power of such a low-tech treatment is nothing short of a miracle, especially given that studies typically follow patients for 20 sessions or fewer. "The fact that you can just go talk to another human being — I mean, it’s more than just talking — and get effect sizes that are measurable, and remarkably large?"
#9
He said, “Claim the right to your space in the world.”
My self-esteem and self-worth was nonexistent. I didn’t believe I deserved the oxygen I was breathing. He was saying that being a person, being born, gives you the right to exist. You don’t have to earn it. You’re here; claim your space.
Isabel Care 1 year ago
Same for when cycling or riding a motorbike. Plus make yourself visible and be paranoid
#10
"You are not special"
I was having some very strong anxiety at the time, specially in regards to other people, I felt like I was judged everywhere, like, I couldn't go to the store, take the bus or even go to a walk because I felt people were judging my every move, how I dressed, how was my hair, how I talked, even how I walked.
Every stranger was thinking bad of me. It was scary as hell.
I was telling her about this, and how I started avoiding going out, which was a problem because I had to go to college soon. And she looked me straight in the eyes and told me "(name), I'm telling you this with all the care of the world, but you are not special, there is nothing that would make me think twice if we crossed in the street"
Is harsh, and is exactly what I needed, all the anxiety didn’t let me see that until she said it, ofc she helped me some other ways but this really really changed my life when she said it, I could go to college and be out because of it.
Malakai 2 years ago
As a struggler with social anxiety and all these exact fears--THIS. When you spend so much time being nitpicked and judged and berated for your appearance or mannerisms, etc, at home, it conditions you to think this is how everyone sees you, not just your home. It took years actively reminding myself I didn't think twice about people at the store or on the street and therefore they likely didn't think of me to re-condition that part of my brain. Still have social anxiety, but it's so much more manageable now.
Diolla 2 years ago (edited)
Yes. Most ppl are only thinking about themselves and don't really notice others. For example I did something very silly at the gym and I was the only one who laughed. Nobody else noticed. Also we are our own worst critics. You really think a random stranger will look at the size of your ears or how many bags of crisps you buy? Or your friend will still be upset because of a small stupid thing you said 8 years ago? I'm the only one.
Nancy T 2 years ago
It's hard when you don't feel safe. I just realized that not feeling safe in childhood is the reason I struggle with so many things. I don't trust people. I always doubt myself. I don't value myself. I don't like going out....etc etc.
BrownTabby 2 years ago
It certainly doesn’t account for situations where the person really has been singled out for mistreatment. If someone said that to me, I’d be like “well, wtf was so ~special~ about me from age 5 to 12, then?”
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 2 years ago
Of course you're special - just like everybody else. The question is "What are you special at?"
Sonja 2 years ago
For me it was: so what? I described my anxiety to my therapist and he said: so what if they indeed judge you. What would happen? And I had no answer. I'd already told him that I was afraid they wouldn't like me but again got: so what? What would change them? You don't even know those people. They don't have any power over you. And I told him how my behaviour and insecurities ruined me and I lost my job, and how I was afraid it would happen again. And he said: so what? It already happened with you fretting and angsting, so what would be the difference if you weren't afraid? And when I laid in bed that night, I really thought about it. I rationally made a list with the worst that could possibly happen. And most of it had already happened. So what was left was, maybe people I don't know, and often don't even like, might not like me. And it had also already happened and all it had done to me trying to prevent it was making me unhappy and me missing out on things I liked.
Marno C. 2 years ago
I see a lot of younger students in classrooms have anxiety these days because they want the teacher's exclusive attention and when they don't get it, they feel rejected and anxious and their behavior elevates. Additionally, a lot of parents struggle to understand, that in a classroom, their child exists in a context and that everything can't be about their child and their preferences, wants, etc. While I would NEVER tell a child they aren't special, I increasingly find myself telling children that it is good to be part of a group and to do the activities the other kids are doing. That is one way we start to make friends.
David Paterson 2 years ago
Interestingly, thinking you are special is a symptom of the mental illness "megalomania".
Spam Jam 2 years ago
What the poster has described is a very common place phenomena. Nearly everyone is under the perception that what they do, how they behave and how they look is far more noticeable and acknowledged than it actually is. When studies have been done, like one where students were forced to attend a lecture in the 2000s in a Barry Manilow T-Shirt, almost everyone believes they are perceived and noticed far more than they actually are. Anxiety is largely a very strong and negative version of this perception.
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BPisaddictive 🇮🇹 🤌 1 year ago
"You're not worth microchipping" (quote jokingly attributed to Bill Gates during the pandemic)
Lizz 1 year ago
My work station is right in front of the production manager’s office …. Every time they have a meeting and something goes wrong my anxiety peaks for a moment…( I’m the only female operator and perimenopause is kicking in-hard- so I’m not always 100% “present “ ) that they’re thinking about replacing me. I know I don’t really have to worry because I’m one of the better operators but after all the years of having to prove myself I still get anxious.
#11
“You know too much to go back, you’re too scared to go forward, and you’re in too much pain to stand still”
Birgit Sommer 1 year ago
I got a better version: If you stand with one leg in yesterday and the other leg in tomorrow, you are bound to pee on today. That one sticks! lol
Kelly H. Wilder 1 year ago
This is so true for me. Terrible knowledge and emotionally paralyzing fear with tremendous pain, but my mantra right now is "just the next right thing". All I need to do is the next right thing whatever that task may be in that moment.
Betsy Knox 1 year ago
Too high to get over, too low to get under, you’re stuck in the middle and the pain is thunder
Chris Blattman, a professor of economics and political science at the University of Chicago, agrees.
"I think of [cognitive behavioral therapy] as one of the greatest inventions of the 20th century,” Blattman, who's tested CBT as a therapy for young men in Liberia with criminal backgrounds, said.
"A lot of CBT is just habits for overcoming automatic thoughts and behaviors that we all would love to avoid, everyday anxiety or anger or stress. We can all learn something from that."
#12
“Will worrying about it change the outcome? If the answer is yes, go ahead and worry about it.” I suddenly realized that I couldn’t think of a situation where the answer to that question was ever yes. Really short circuited the worry cycle for me.
Ace 2 years ago
If only it were that simple. Great if it worked for you, but simply recognising the futility of worrying about stuff doesn't help at all for most worriers - in fact it can make it worse because you then also worry about how destructive your worrying is.
XenoMurph 2 years ago (edited)
For some that's true, but for many it really helps. You just have to practice not worrying. Edit, ok my comment was hugely over simplified. To rephrase, Treatments like CBT are hugely helpful. Learning to acknowledge the harmful and futile nature of anxiety and recognise the feelings, then trying to minimise or eliminate them, is hugely helpful. Practicing the lessons learned in CBT i Very foolishly wrote as "practicing not worrying"
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sturmwesen 2 years ago
I was told to ask myself if it will be a problem in 5 hours... if yes: is it one in 5 days...weeks..months... it is supposed to put problems in perspective. what it does to me is send my mind into a downward spiral where a dropped pen leads to WW3
Strawberry Pizza 2 years ago
It's so funny how people's minds work differently. That method works for me just fine, as it allows me to see that actually, this situation doesn't matter as much as I think it does! Hope you find a method that works for you, sturmwesen :)
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M Calad 1 year ago
Hello to my fellow anxious/overthinker pandas 🐼! As a person with quite a heavy anxiety disorder, yes, you can find different tools that help you push away the worrying. This doesn't mean these tools will stop the train of unconscious worrying thoughts from popping up again, but you learn to consciously acknowledge them and decide on what to focus instead. It's a tiring exercise, but like any exercise, you get used to pushing through it until it becomes a routine. Bear in mind, there are so many different tools available, you need to try as many as you can until you find the right for you ❤️. Hugs to all of you!
Rebecca Jones 1 year ago
Worrying about my mother's death (hoping it wouldn't be traumatic for her or us) wouldn't have prevented it but was entirely natural. Sometimes you just worry.
Timbob 2 years ago
Ace, you’re correct ! I understand and agree with all the coping mechanisms listed here. I just can’t apply them. They don’t work for me!
BrownTabby 2 years ago
I’ve developed a hardline policy that if a coping method doesn’t work for me, then it is not helpful for all people because I am a person. The mentality that I need to fit the coping methods instead of vice versa caused me to put off going to therapy for years.
Load More Replies... #13
For context I had a major TBI, seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28. "you have to grieve the loss of yourself" Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f***ed up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself.
Anyone-for-tea? 2 years ago
I was talking about the day I fell ill, it was very dramatic, one day I was out running twice a day, the next day my life changed. Usually when people ask me about it, I say, “the day I got sick/ill etc” but yesterday for some reason I said “the day I died” and I guess part of me did die that day, I just didn’t know it. But the only thing that keeps me going is that I might be able to get back to that?
Rosie Hamilton 2 years ago
Even if you get back to that, you'll probably be a different person because of your experiences and it might not be what you want after all. Because of illness I can't do the physical things I used to anymore. I just aim on improving what I can do from this point. I look at it like this - it doesn't really matter what I could do before, doesn't help where I am now. So I just keep doing what I can now and try not to let my past abilities haunt today's steps.
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Ivy at Eve 1 year ago
I feel this one. I grieved for my mum twice: once for the person she was but was taken away by her illness and once when she was finally gone. Few people understood. Sometimes you can't go back and I can see how you need to mourn yourself in order to go forward.
LeftEyedAsmodeus 1 year ago
i had the opposite experience - i had a stroke and everyone around me felt like i should be incredibly sad, as if that means my life is over and i am now dying. But i am not dying any time soon - i changed my life, stopped smoking and am much better now. I had to cry once or twice, but that isnt me, life is fun.
BPisaddictive 🇮🇹 🤌 1 year ago
I know exactly when I died, it was May 14th 2015 at 5:10 p.m. The exact moment my husband of 30 years passed away. I know exactly when I was born again after a long dark period of staying in bed and doing absolutely nothing: it was May 8th 2019, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had to take care of myself and somehow started to live again. But not the same person.
alchemilla vulgaris 1 year ago (edited)
I used to have a T-shirt with a caption many years ago. I think it was meant to be a Chinese quote or proverb (no ideograms, just the translation in my own language). It would translate in English as: What the caterpillar calls "the end of the world" - the rest of the world calls "a butterfly". I can't claim I have always been able to see it, but when I could, it proved to be true... (edit - punctuation. I had tried to go to a new line, but my formatting has all but disappeared!)
#14
Also, “Your partner should enhance what you like most about yourself”.
It made dating so much easier! No need to settle for less than that.
AnonyMiss0018 too thinks that therapy can be amazing. "I'm in awe of what some therapists can accomplish ... I'm thankful for my therapist so often!"
"However, it is really traumatic to read ... stories of therapists who said really insensitive things [to their patients]," the Redditor added.
True, while anywhere from 50 to 75 percent of people who go to therapy report some benefit, around 5 to 15 percent of clients get worse as a result of treatment, and for members of marginalized groups, harmful outcomes may be even more common. Plenty of would-be clients go once and, feeling alienated, never return.
So finding the right therapist is crucial.
#15
We judge ourselves by our intentions, and everyone else by their actions.
Ripley 2 years ago
And if you've hurt or offended or belittled someone, your intentions are completely irrelevant. Listen to what they tell you and learn to do better.
SPQRBob 2 years ago (edited)
I'm with you on the belittling side, but sometimes we have no choice other than to offend those we care for in their own best interests, such as an intervention. I'd say your intentions are *centrally relevant* to why your telling your sibling that they have a serious problem with their drug and alcohol use and that they need help. "How DARE you call me me a junkie? I guess I know what you *really* think of me!" - Yeah, umm no. I'm not just swallowing that huge deflection sandwich, apologizing for hurting their feelings with the intervention (and therefore ending it), and then heading off to a quiet place to do some serious navel-gazing contemplating why I am apparently so bad at interacting with others. YMMV.
Load More Replies... BPisaddictive 🇮🇹 🤌 1 year ago
Well, actually we cannot know other people intentions, and usually actions come from intentions
#16
“Is it your anxiety, or hers?” 🎤 drop!
Background: I have an overbearing mother who needs to know as much as she can about what I’m doing on my own time to sleep well at night (according to her). She basically treats me like a rebellious kid in a teen movie from the 90s, when I’m an independent, grown ass woman approaching my mid-30s.
At the time my therapist said this, I was 28ish and panicking about an upcoming business trip. Not the trip itself, but her reaction to me leaving the state for a few days. As I was going down the list of texts I knew she’d bombard me with, my therapist dropped this 💎 .
She gave me permission to opt-out of managing her fears like I had been doing for years.
End result: I went on the trip without telling her a thing and have established a few more sanity-preserving boundaries since : )
VioletHunter 2 years ago
This is what helicopter parents are doing to their children. They ruin not only their children's childhood and teen years they even keep this up into adulthood.
TheAnimalGoddess 2 years ago
Yes, my aunt is this way with my almost 30yo cousin. He has a stable managerial job & is responsible, yet she makes him call her every night to make sure he gets to his house safely. He lives halfway across the state. I worry about it for both of them.
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Sonja 2 years ago
Here again, stop trying to manage people's emotions. You are not responsible for emotional reactions. You are responsible for your actions only. If you behave reasonably and decently, treating people, including yourself, with fairness and kindness, you've done what you can. You are not responsible how people feel about that. You can't make people feel anything. You can't control what their reactions will be. Of course that's not an excuse to behave willfully cruel or negligent. As I said, you are responsible for your actions. But even if you were cruel, that could elicit anger as well as fear and pain, and you don't get to decide which one it is, but you deserve it if you get backlash for behaving badly. And if you behave well and people are still disappointed, well, that's their problem. Just walk away. You are not responsible to manage their feelings.
#17
You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you.
VioletHunter 2 years ago
Some people take this to mean: "Don't give a s**t for how your parents feel" which is also wrong.
BrownTabby 2 years ago
Mhm but right now we’re talking about mistreated children so let’s focus on them, mmkay?
Load More Replies... BPisaddictive 🇮🇹 🤌 1 year ago
Parents usually shape children, not the other way around. A child should not be held responsible for their parents' mental and emotional health, as adults their development should be quite established. Rather I'd say that too many people are not apt to be parents.
Jared Robinson 2 years ago
Tell that to people taking care of elderly parents who are dying. Now what's your advice? Leave them to die alone?
Sonja 2 years ago (edited)
My answer would be that this is still true. You are still not responsible for their emotional wellbeing and even more so since it's impossible to make a dying person emotionally well. If they can't make peace with their situation themselves, nothing you could do will change that. So do what you can to make them physically comfortable and be there as much as you can but don't try to make their state of mind your responsibility. It is no more in your power to change how they feel about dying than it is in your power to make them immortal. No one, in no situation is ever able to manage another adults emotions. And that's absolutely not the same as letting them die alone. It means accepting that all you can do is being there, but that doesn't mean they'll be happy and die peacefully. No matter what you do. A persons emotions will happen. The only thing you can do is behave decently and hope for the best.
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#18
After I beat up my middle school bully, my therapist congratulated me for standing up for myself. I thought she would chastise me like every other adult in my life, but she was encouraging. Obviously, she told me that violence like that wasn't the best way to handle it, but that making a stand was important either way. No one had ever told me that it was okay. I always got a lecture about not acknowledging bullies and telling the teacher instead, but we all know that never works. Having an adult validate me, even if I wasn't entirely right, was a huge boost.
Thomas Jenkins 2 years ago
Violence is the language of the bully, physical or otherwise. So it's only appropriate to communicate that way so there's a clear understanding.
Load More Replies... BPisaddictive 🇮🇹 🤌 1 year ago
Sometimes you suddenly realize that there are no adults to refer to with your problems and that the adult in charge is you. The best parent/teacher imo is the one who helps you to learn how fix a problem in a way suitable to your age in such a gradual way that you are ready to face adulthood when the time comes.
Steve Hall 2 years ago
It's good that you can stand up for yourself, but don't take that as a reason to also become a bully.
#19
“How was anger expressed in your household growing up? Were you allowed to show anger?” At which point I realized I wasn’t allowed to show any negative emotions whatsoever, especially not in reaction to negative emotions from my parents.
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
My narcissistic father would get VERY angry anytime I had the audacity to have a reasonable response to his abuse. He told me in no uncertain terms that I wasn't ALLOWED to be hurt/angry at him.
Birgit Sommer 1 year ago (edited)
Same here. Scary part is that one seeks what's familiar to them, so I ended up marrying a guy just like my father. And realized it waaaaaaaaaaay too late. Remain aware! That subconscious mind is a big b!
Load More Replies... BarkingSpider 1 year ago
I grew up the same way. It really messes you up. I was very angry outside of the house and had no idea how to identify or control my emotions. Anger management was a game changer.
Brazen 2 years ago
The last time I got really angry with my mom when I was a teen, I ran into my room and slammed the door shut, which was a big no no. She came in after me, with my father in tow, screaming at me until I was backed into the corner...then she slapped me so hard my head bounced off both walls. I never did it again.
Sharon Ammons 1 year ago
This. So much this. My narcissistic stepfather would start yelling at me about something. I was not allowed to respond in any way. Even calmly trying to explain the situation was not allowed. So I would cry - not because I was sad but because I was angry and not allowed to express that anger. Then I would get in trouble for crying.
#20
I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them. And I did that thing you see on here sometimes - I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence. I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. And after I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him. And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly-applicable bombshell, but she said "what else" and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes. I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them. I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life.
Stephanie A Mutti 2 years ago
Being curious about people is the best way to make friends. Sincere curiousity. Not as a tool to make friends but just to discover the many interesting things that other people are.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
People often describe me as curious - but not in that sense apparently.
Load More Replies... BPisaddictive 🇮🇹 🤌 1 year ago (edited)
I'm in this same situation to a point. I'm always open, make always the first move, am helpful and understanding, listen to problems and give advice if asked, but still people only reaches out to me when they need something: fix their computer, make a web search, help to write an assignment, put up a theatre play. But no one to have a coffee and a chat, nobody calls to ask how I'm doing. I too stopped to reach to see what happened: nothing, until the next time someone needs something
Birgit Sommer 1 year ago (edited)
Opposite here...as someone with ADHD and Asperger's I often overshare and become simply too much in spite of me being aware of it at all times. I'm so full of relatable stuff, it just comes pouring out. I hate it. Being also an introvert, at least the internet gives me enough outlets lol.
Sonja 2 years ago
If you can't make connections and can't get close to people although you want to, get tested for clinical narcissism and don't be afraid. We use the term narcissist so easily that it seems as if every single person with a narcissistic personality disorder is a monster. But as with all mental issues, there are different levels to it. A low level of narcissistic personality disorder often results in the person having difficulty to connect and feel empathy. And this then leads to problems to care for others and connect. If you have it, you might be unable to relate to other people's needs, and that means you unconsciously push them away, because you don't feel satisfaction if you're not the center of their priorities. And if you're not a full blown narcissist, you will feel lonely from this. But it's treatable. And you can work on yourself to get better and learn to build meaningful connections and feel empathy. As long as you're willing to take responsibility and accept the treatment.
#21
My therapist traced me on a big piece of paper, so I could see how big/small I was. I thought him and I were about the same size. I got him to lay on top of the paper, and “I” disappeared. Seeing my size that way made my brain begin to think differently. It helped me realize I was not fat. At 5’2 and 110 pds…I needed to realize that! Years of bullying f***s with ones brain!
#22
"Your urge to self harm is perhaps a desire to tell those around you something that you don't know how to articulate."
Z.S. 1 year ago
Disagree, I know how to articulate just fine. It's just that hearing family and hearing society refuses to learn fluent sign language for their Deaf child/family member/co-worker/employee, student, etc. Hearing people can learn sign language fluently while Deaf people can never be hearing.
#23
Your mother was an absentee mother, so why would you think she would be anything other than an absentee grandmother to your child? It made me lower expectations of the type of relationship my child would have with my mom. So now she’s the fun grandma on FaceTime who sends presents but never shows up, and I’m perfectly okay with that.
#24
“I don’t want to take meds because I don’t want to rely on drugs to feel ok.” “Don’t you already do that?” My therapist in the session before I finally saw a psychiatrist and got officially diagnosed with bipolar 2. I was heavily self medicating at the time but of course didn’t see it that way because it wasn’t a prescription.
David Paterson 2 years ago
"I don't want to rely on medication for the rest of my life" is a common one. Change the word "medication" to "food" and see how ridiculous it looks.
Sonja 2 years ago
I told my therapist that I didn't want medication. I wanted to make it on my own. He laughed and said: if you lost your leg, would you say that about the prosthetic and instead hop around on one leg? I'm still on medication till today.
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Paul Brown 1 year ago
I take medications for my mental well being. I complained to my dr that I didn't want to take them forever or take something everyday and that if didn't take it I would get sick. He said if I was a diabetic would I take insulin everyday? And, would I get sick if I didn't take it? That really changed my outlook on taking my medications.
Donna Sempek 1 year ago
I have bipolar 1 now in remission. I think of my medication like any other necessary thing needed to be healthy, like vitamin D , blood pressure medication.
Tanya Venter 1 year ago
Got my meds today, if I have to drink it for the rest of my life I am ok with it.
liam newton-harding 2 years ago
“I don’t like the way I am, and who I am on medications.”….All your friends, “Because the way you are now is so wonderful, and mentally healthy?”
Haywood Jablome 2 years ago
I got my bipolar diagnosis and meds at age 27. It was life changing as soon as my doctor and I found the right cocktail
#25
Emotions are not bad, even the unpleasant ones. They all have an appropriate place.
David Paterson 2 years ago
Good! I had one therapist who couldn't handle the emotion "anger". Not at all. I'd been suppressing it for many decades and needed to release it safely in order to move on. Changed therapists.
#26
It was so simple, yet something I hadn't heard before.
"You didn't deserve that."
Auntriarch 1 year ago
I had a golden childhood, was talking to a friend who had a neglected/abusive childhood. She suddenly yelled at me, what did you do to deserve that! I said, nothing, and you didn't do anything to deserve yours either.
#27
That my job/career is just a way to make money, it's not my life or identity. Took a lot of pressure off me.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
True for most jobs. Buit if you're a doctor, clergyman, teacher, social worker, etc. and your profession is not at least a part of your life or identity, then something needs to be reconsidered.
#28
“Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable”
When talking about people pleasing and fawning
#29
“There’s nothing wrong with you, you are just picking the wrong people to be friends with” I got some new friends and my life changed pretty dramatically after that.
#30
I have a few! "If one of your loved-ones had this problem, what would you tell them?" Boom! Self-compassion unlocked! Another one is regarding buried traumatic memories. "If you buried some s**t in the yard, then later thought 'oh I wonder what that was' and dig it up, all you're going to find is some s**t."
#31
"they literally do not give a s**t about you, so why do you care about them". Letting me know it was time to move forward from some hurt that I held onto for a long time. And understand vindication and atonement doesn't always come.
#32
At the time I was into getting tarot card readings and seeing psychics. My therapist told me he has psychic clients who come to him ashamed about the excessive amount of lying they do every day. Haven’t been to a psychic or tarot card reader since.
Floeckchen 2 years ago
Sounds like a white lie to me. Why would a psychic go see a psychologist. Either they can quit if they have a problem beeing a scammer or they decide actively to scam people. Or are they looking for some kind of absolution?
Michael Largey 2 years ago
Psychics can have emotional problems unrelated to their profession.
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#33
When you use the words “I should…”, you’re silently finishing the sentence with “…in order to be worthy of love and respect.”
“Should” is a much smaller part of my vocabulary now.
#34
"Wow." I was talking about my mother's behaviour through my life and my upbringing in general. I often use it as a joke that I made my therapist say this. However she followed it up by telling me that, considering all that had happened and the stuff I had been through, I was doing really well in life. I shouldn't be so hard on myself and needed to focus more on my positive achievements rather than letting my remaining flaws hold my focus. It's a moment I keep coming back to. It was also very cathartic to have a professional pretty much agree that my past life was nuts.
David Paterson 2 years ago (edited)
Every patient should see a therapist lose their cool, just once. As for "my life was nuts". I knew a woman who was being treated for paranoia. Suddenly she was no longer being treated for paranoia and asked why. The psychiatrist replied "In a (family) situation like yours, a little paranoia is perfectly normal". Her life was nuts.
Haywood Jablome 2 years ago
The best therapist I ever had called my mom a b***h, and immediately turned beet red. "I'm not supposed to say that!" She cried, over my laughter
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Lynette Vella 1 year ago
Yes, this happened to me twice. It was really an odd sensation - that someone else realized that what others were doing to me was horrible? That the people in my life who were supposed to love me were actually doing really hateful things.
#35
“If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?”
#36
I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died...like there was a a marked difference between before and after her death. But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression. She was like "Wow, you seem very passionate". And I just sat there like, well I mean I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do. And its like she knew when to take a step back, cause it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away. IDK, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track.
Funderthuck 2 years ago
I get this OP. My therapist has to remind me on occasion what I'm passionate about to get myself out of the depression hole. I really hope you are doing better now. I'm sorry to hear about your mom.
My “in my head” Voice 2 years ago
Sometimes you just need to get permission to be who you already are. I get it.
#37
I was having nonstop panic attacks and derealization that lasted a month. It was like my brain was stuck in panic mode. I decided to find a therapist. In our first session she said “You know you don’t HAVE to suffer, right?” Meaning I should schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist and get on medication. I scheduled one ASAP and it truly saved my life. I don’t know what I had been waiting for or delaying.
#38
I used to say a lot of things I wanted to do and then follow up with "but it's hard." My therapist asked me one time how it would feel to say what I wanted to do and then say, "And it's hard." I can't believe I hadn't considered that myself in four decades, but man, did it change my mindset on certain things.
#39
"It's sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult." At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said "the earth is flat." I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually I started to realize I was trying to change myself in order to stay with this person rather than just being who I am. It took me 3 more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me.
#40
“Anxiety lives really well in the past and in the future. But has no place in the present. Bring yourself back to the present.”
TheAnimalGoddess 2 years ago
They are saying to live in this present, as your anxiety can't do anything about what is in the past, & the future isn't today, so keep your mind & energy on what is happening now, as that's really all we can do anything about . You can't relive the past & the future can change in an instant, so what is truly important in now & how you react/grow with it.
Load More Replies... Jenn White 2 years ago
Living in the moment allows you to enjoy the moment. Worrying about the past is useless; can't change it. Worrying about the future is useless; there's nothing to be one about it because it's not 'now'. I actually love this.
M Calad 1 year ago
It's a good advice, but needs to be expanded. I'll give an example: imagine you are anxious about a future situation. Stop for a moment and realize that at this right moment that situation is not happening. Right now you are sitting on your desk chair, sofa, bed, car. Right now you are safe. Right now everything is calm. If it was not, you wouldn't be scrolling through Bored Panda.
#41
Anger is the brain reacting to fear. If you’re feeling anger, take a quick pause to ask what you’re afraid of.
Corvus 2 years ago
Not always. In many cases, anger is a reaction to an injustice, or someone being a jerk - both of these have nothing to do with fear.
Last Curiosity 2 years ago
I would go farther. All anger is the human responce to injustice, percieved or otherwise.
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Linden 2 years ago
Anger can also be a natural reaction to having our boundaries crossed or witnessing/experiencing injustice. It's a useful emotion, we don't always have to see it as a secondary emotion. Righteous anger has its place, can be empowering and motivating (as long as it's channeled into appropriate response instead of reaction).
Momo Skarsgård 2 years ago
Oh yes!! Jealousy ofcourse!! Dude you're clueless. Lmaoooo
Load More Replies... #42
“You may just be graduating highschool and you’re going to be a legal ‘adult’, but you’re just a kid. It’s not your responsibility to take care of everyone. It was never your responsibility. Because at the end of the day, you were just a kid wondering why you had to be the marriage councillor and shielding your brother from everything.” I didn’t know how much I needed to be reminded how I was a kid until that moment. It made sense though on why I often feel like time went by too fast and i didn’t get to enjoy being a teen in highschool, because I was too busy being an adult when it was never my responsibility.
#43
First session, going over history, talking about how sad I am and how it affects my marriage and after describing our relationship the counselor said "wow, you're really going through a lot of mental and emotional abuse." w a t ??? Honestly I didn't know it was a thing. She was right. It took me a few years but I was able to get out.
Lynette Vella 1 year ago
It is incredible when a professional tells you what you know in your heart.
Christina Born 2 years ago
This could've been me with my ex. Stayed for 18yr. About 16 too many.
#44
"You don't feel your feelings, you intellectualize them." I now try to feel stuff in real time which makes me much lighter.
#45
"Why do you think you're lazy?" Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life. It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example. She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water. Made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath.
#46
When I started to realize I was transgender, I was really afraid of taking hormones. A lot of people had tried to scare me into not medically transitioning, claiming it was "dangerous" or would "ruin my body." My therapist asked me to make a pros and cons list about taking hormones, and also do the pros and cons of not taking hormones "because not medically transitioning is also a choice that will affect you." It helped me realize that all the things I was afraid of were fear mongering and not actual side effects. I started HRT a few months later and it literally saved my life.
Noyfb noyfb 2 years ago
Anyone reading this who does not understand or believe “it literally saved my life” does not know or care enough about the trans experience. Please, meet a trans person. Listen to their story. Try to understand that it is a life-or-death struggle, and try to see how that person may at last feel whole and happy.
Ross “Sarcastic Dad” 2 years ago
And to add to that, don't forget that someone else's personal choices have absolutely nothing to f*****g do with you. Nobody's judging that hairdo Sheila, so maybe just sit down.
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#47
I was at a high-stress time and I asked her how people live like this. She replied “often times they have cardiac events.” She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible.
Lynette Vella 1 year ago
Wow. I like professionals because they just lay it on the line. Ask a dietician how to lose weight: for most people, with support, eat fewer calories of healthy foods and increase your activity - no secrets or magic potions. Ask a teacher how to earn a better grade: come to every class and do what's assigned on time to the best of your ability, and if you don't know something, ask.
#48
That being selfish is ok, but being self centered isn't. Being selfish is recognizing your needs and taking care of yourself, but being self centered is ignoring everyone else. Oh another one that a commenter reminded me about. Most men only know two emotions happy and angry because we're told that's all we can feel. That sometimes your body and mind are reacting with anger, but that's not what you're feeling. In those moments you need to take a break and ask what emotion you're feeling. I still struggle with this one.
David Paterson 2 years ago
"What emotion are you feeling?". That was how my fortnightly self-help mens group session always started. Everyone got a turn at answering it.
Jeevesssssss 2 years ago
It isn't always just limited to gender. When I was 15 or so and finally engaging in therapy I only had 3 emotions: fine, okay (they were different), and pissed (off). I am pretty good now with emotions (despite adult-diagnosed Asperger's) except for anxiety, which I have to work out by how I'm behaving.
#49
I had been getting tans, my nails done, and shopping regularly, and I told my therapist that it felt really good, but it’s weird because I’ve never been high maintenance. He said You’ve always been high maintenance, you’ve just never been in a healthy enough position to maintain yourself. Kinda crushed me and completely changed my perspective of myself.
#50
"Anger is a blocked wish." Whenever you're angry, try to find the wish that you can't reach and then try to come up with a plan to reach it.
Bored Retsuko 2 years ago (edited)
Lots of people say that anger is a secondary emotion - the underlying primary emotion can be fear, sadness, shame, etc. (But I still believe there is such a thing as "just anger itself", righteous anger.)
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Cathy 2 years ago
When I'm angry, I want to be angry. Wishing I wasn't angry... It's just a decision
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#51
She asked how I viewed men, and I said untrustworthy and protectors. And she goes, So men should protect you, but you don't trust them.
Lynette Vella 1 year ago
That's how I felt although, I've come to believe almost all men eventually become untrustworthy abusers.
BrownTabby 2 years ago
They should stand up to other men who behave in a manner that makes protection necessary.
#52
How we deal with difficult situations is deeply rooted in our first social relationships which are usually with our parents. Anger has become my default mode that I switch to when reasoning becomes difficult. I think realising that and accepting who I am and being conscious of the progress I've made has helped me a lot in terms of becoming comfortable in my own skin for once.
Lynette Vella 1 year ago
I've had to problem solve my whole life, starting with how to avoid being bullied by my older sister or abused by my parents. There were also bullies at school and work. I'm always on alert, watching for signs of an 'attack'. Even my two husbands eventually became abusers. I feel I can never relax and be myself.
#53
He helped me understand grief in others better. That it was my own anxiety that made me want to fix and improve things for them. Instead I should just follow them on that ride and listen.
#54
Once in college, I was talking about a friend of mine, and the therapist asked me if I thought he would live to adulthood. It completely took me aback. He did not.
#55
I wanted to reach out to my ex. My therapist said, “you’re feeling a loss of security because your family is moving away from your city. Don’t reach out!” Soooooo insightful, I didn’t reach out and I’m better for it
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What do you think ?
Diolla 2 years ago
I have one! Read it on a random Insta post. Instead of saying "sorry", say "thank you". For example when you're late, don't say sorry but say "thank you for waiting". This turns a negative into a positive for both involved. Of course this doesn't apply to all situations but I'm trying it out and it seems to work.
Skye Ragsdale 2 years ago
Oooh yeah we use this in my household & it's great. "Thank you for listening" instead of "sorry for talking so much." Things like that
Load More Replies... Multa Nocte 2 years ago
Wow! As a clinical psychologist myself, I thought most of these were absolutely great! It is always wonderful to hear what people actually take out of their therapy sessions.
GirlFriday 2 years ago
One thing my therapist told me that changed my relationships, "If someone apologizes, you should thank them. Apologies, even insincere ones, take effort." Now, when someone says, "I am sorry this got messed up." I say, "thank you for that, and let's fix it together."
Chelsea Bates 2 years ago
Mine was when my therapist told me "trauma is not a competition." By meaning my experiences of trauma weren't "better or worse" then others and I could feel the way I needed and it would be just fine to do so.
Susan Bosse 2 years ago
My therapist validated how I felt about things the way that I experienced them. Just because you didn't mean it that way does not mean I didn't experience it that way. Saved my life.
Birgit Sommer 1 year ago
My contribution: Don't cry because it's over; Smile because it happened....
nana theater 1 year ago
I love this list. Heard (or thought) most of it sometime in my life, but it's so important to be remembered once in a while. Thank you. With all of my heart. Thank you!
Isaac Nemo 1 year ago
I was explaining to my then-therapist that I have a hard time taking complements and praise because "people are just being nice." He said "But if they said something bad about you, you'd probably believe it immediately?" My brain Blue Screened and I think my eyes spun like a slot machine for two seconds.
BarkingSpider 1 year ago
My therapist told me to let our appointments be a place where I didn't apologize for crying. I always got in trouble or belittled for crying as a kid, so it was a big deal for me to just have someone tell me that it was normal to cry, especially in regard to our conversations, and that my feelings were valid.
Diolla 2 years ago
I have one! Read it on a random Insta post. Instead of saying "sorry", say "thank you". For example when you're late, don't say sorry but say "thank you for waiting". This turns a negative into a positive for both involved. Of course this doesn't apply to all situations but I'm trying it out and it seems to work.
Skye Ragsdale 2 years ago
Oooh yeah we use this in my household & it's great. "Thank you for listening" instead of "sorry for talking so much." Things like that
Load More Replies... Multa Nocte 2 years ago
Wow! As a clinical psychologist myself, I thought most of these were absolutely great! It is always wonderful to hear what people actually take out of their therapy sessions.
GirlFriday 2 years ago
One thing my therapist told me that changed my relationships, "If someone apologizes, you should thank them. Apologies, even insincere ones, take effort." Now, when someone says, "I am sorry this got messed up." I say, "thank you for that, and let's fix it together."
Chelsea Bates 2 years ago
Mine was when my therapist told me "trauma is not a competition." By meaning my experiences of trauma weren't "better or worse" then others and I could feel the way I needed and it would be just fine to do so.
Susan Bosse 2 years ago
My therapist validated how I felt about things the way that I experienced them. Just because you didn't mean it that way does not mean I didn't experience it that way. Saved my life.
Birgit Sommer 1 year ago
My contribution: Don't cry because it's over; Smile because it happened....
nana theater 1 year ago
I love this list. Heard (or thought) most of it sometime in my life, but it's so important to be remembered once in a while. Thank you. With all of my heart. Thank you!
Isaac Nemo 1 year ago
I was explaining to my then-therapist that I have a hard time taking complements and praise because "people are just being nice." He said "But if they said something bad about you, you'd probably believe it immediately?" My brain Blue Screened and I think my eyes spun like a slot machine for two seconds.
BarkingSpider 1 year ago
My therapist told me to let our appointments be a place where I didn't apologize for crying. I always got in trouble or belittled for crying as a kid, so it was a big deal for me to just have someone tell me that it was normal to cry, especially in regard to our conversations, and that my feelings were valid.
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