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47 Stories That Reveal The Emotional Toll Of Growing Up With A Narcissistic Mom
Interview With Expert
Mothers are supposed to be the caregivers and nurturers. Their affection and support are foundational to a person’s self-esteem, emotional intelligence, and attachment style.
However, you have narcissistic mothers who do the exact opposite. They withhold love and prioritize exerting control while constantly devaluing and belittling their children. Anyone who has endured such treatment typically carries trauma that may transcend generations.
These stories are just some examples of how damaging a narcissistic mother can be. If you’ve gone through a similar situation, feel free to share your experiences in the comments.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My 12 year old niece picked up on how toxic nmom (her grandma) actually is
We had an incident where our nmom called my sister's depression stupid and told her indirectly to kill herself. She did it in a subtle way she didn't expect my niece (who is my sister's child) to pick up on and made an off color joke about making sure she has a will and songs picked out for her services for when she commits suicide. All of this in front of her child...
My niece understood the "joke" our nmom was making about her mom and called her out on it. She told her how messed up and toxic she is. How nobody deserves to be talked to that way. Told her she doesn't want to see her again. She was so brave to call her out. I never would have had the nerve to do that as a kid! I'm actually proud of her for not tolerating her BS.
When it was time to leave, nmom tried to force my niece to hug her. It was weird because they had finished arguing a few minutes prior and nmom was trying to hug her and kiss her head like nothing happened. Weird.
My niece said "Don't touch me." without even looking up and left with my sister.
This new generation is something else. I'm so proud of her!
RELATED:
#2
For 35 years she told me I was stupid, just like my drug-addled father. I believed it my entire 20s. When I turned 30, I vowed to stop believing her and pursue my dreams. Last year, at 35, I went No Contact. Just found out I was accepted into my dream PhD program.
#3
I wish people would stop saying “she still loves you,” and “she’s still your mom,” and “you’ll regret not talking to her one day.” Even if it’s inadvertent, I wish people would stop guilting me for the choices they could never possibly understand.
We spoke with a few experts who shared their insights on how narcissistic mothers affect their children as they grow into adulthood. According to licensed psychologist Dr. Amy Kincaid Todey, some invisible wounds include the feeling that love must be earned rather than felt.
“They grow up hyper-attuned to others’ emotions while silencing their own, carrying that imbalance into every relationship that follows,” she told Bored Panda.
#4
Mom, have you ever heard of gaslighting?
We were having a discussion and she was pissing me off. I was feeling courageous.
"Mom have you ever heard of gaslighting?"
"I've never gaslighted you, it's all in your head."
The irony. Somebody. The irony.
#5
I told my best friends a while ago that I’m NC with my Nmom and gave minimal details as to why. Yesterday, they told me they’ve all blocked her on Facebook so she can’t find out anything about me. 😢♥️ I feel so happy and safe
#6
My daughter is almost four and I was making something for her for school (a bag) and I said something along the line “Oh no, I think I screwed up. The bag doesn’t look as nice as I wanted” to my husband and my daughter was there to. She looked at me and looked at the bag and said “It’s okay to screw up sometimes, mom. The bag doesn’t have to be perfect, it looks very good.” I was so stunned. I was the golden child and perfection was expected of me all the time. I would have been certainly punished for messing up. I thanked her but I cried in my bath afterwards. I know she is just saying something I told her in the past, but gosh I feel my kid is healing me sometimes.
EMDR consultant Christy Doering, MSSW, LCSW, who specializes in depression, anxiety, grief, and family conflict, explained that daughters, in particular, tend to worry too much about what other people think of them.
“Narcissistic parents often use their kids’ accomplishments as their own, so there is immense pressure to perform or be ‘perfect.’”
#7
It pisses me off that we are expected to understand their point of view, understand that they had a bad childhood, understand that they did the best with what they knew while they don't have to do a fucking ounce of self reflection or understanding of us.
We are supposed to empathise that they are deep, troubled individuals but did anyone ever tell them to understand our point of view and pain? No! Why is it only abusers get all these excuses, but when you stand up for yourself no one is rushing to make excuses for you.
#8
The bowl shattered and I stained the rug. I started sobbing, because I expected to be yelled at, or even hit, because I'd broken a bowl from a set, and had stained the carpet. My step-mum told me to stop crying and said she'd serve me more ice cream. I was confused. I broke a bowl, that's a bad thing, why am I still getting my treat? She told me she knew I didn't mean it, and the bowl was less important than my own safety. That was the first time any woman my father had dated, (including my Nmum) that had ever treated me kindly. It was the first time I realised not all women are like that, and I wasn't necessarily destined to grow up to be a woman like my mother, or my father's ex's
#9
I just realised WHY I was so overweight as a kid
I'm spending time with my parents during lockdown.
I'm currently sitting beside my nMom who is sniffling as if she is crying, for attention.
She asked me if I wanted a cookie. I replied "no thank you". She said "just one". I politely said I was full and couldn't eat one. She then put two in my lap. I left them alone. Didn't move them.
That set her off: Why do I always refuse her kindness? Why am I ungrateful?
It just clicked that she did this to me all the time as a child and I was so scared of these kinds of reactions that I would eat everything she gave me. My nMom made me an overweight child. On purpose.
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
That's really sad. And glad you have now seen it. Expect a torrent of crocodile tears and emotional a***e and blackmail now. But with a new understanding of what is happening and as an adult you can start to push back and call it out.
Children of narcissistic mothers may also develop apprehensions about showing their authentic selves. As licensed clinical psychologist Zita Chriszto notes, their constant fear of disapproval or abandonment leads to identity diffusion.
As a result, they constantly shape their own identity in accordance with what other people need them to be.
#10
I bought myself jewelry, a bunch of houseplants, and a really cool graphic hoodie for myself for Mother’s Day. Why? Because I raised myself, that’s why. Boom
#11
When I was young, adults would always commend me with how mature I was. Don't people realize that "really mature" kids are often the products of shitty parents? I wish I could have been a kid but my nmom abused and neglected me so I had to be "really mature" and raise myself.
#12
My brother has started ending phone calls with "I love you"
I was on the phone with my brother a few weeks ago. He talked about his new job and I talked about school. Usually phone calls between my siblings and I end with a "Well, gotta go. Talk to you later" and that's it. Growing up we didn't get told I love you at all from our parents, and never got shown any physical affection. It was just normal for us to reflect that in the relationship on each other because we didn't know anything else.
So we get to the end of our phone call and I go for the classic "talk to you later" and he responds "ok, I love you". It caught me so off guard that I had trouble even processing those words before he hung up. "L-love... you too...".
These last few weeks I've tried my hardest to end all of the phone calls I have with him and my sisters with "I love you". Its such a small thing, but I can always hear the smiles on their faces in their response.
Kristiina Männiste 1 month ago
I think this one used to be fairly common in Estonia. Cultural thing I guess? I never imagined parents showing affection to their children as a kid. I thought you get held as a baby to feed you and thats all. The rest of the parenting is just keeping the kid fed and ordering it around. Still feels so weird seeing people proclaim that they love their family members. Like in these stories- "I love my nieces but..." Im always like - Whoa! Love is such a strong word for this kind of relationship.
Mothers and fathers play different roles in a child’s life. But when narcissistic parenting becomes the central theme, the former tends to inflict more damaging effects.
“Narcissistic maternal influence is typically more severe. There is a powerful mother-child emotional enmeshment that isn’t typically found in father-child dynamics,” Chriszto says, adding that this is mainly because the mother is the principal emotional mirror.
The child then experiences a “vacuum” in terms of their self-worth and personal limits because they have no reflection in which to see themselves.
#13
I thought I was just always a night owl who liked to stay up till 4am. I now realized I stay up late because that is the only time I can truly relax because no one will barge into my room at 4am.
KnightOwl 1 month ago
Yes, I've always said this, night time is the best because it feels so peaceful, everyone else is asleep and noone expects anything from you. I grew up in 3 bed flat with 7 siblings, I never had any privacy or alone time so I'd intentionally stay up later than everyone else just to have some quiet time to myself. I'm almost 40 now and I've lived alone since I was 18 but I still stay up way too late all the time because night time is the only time I can truly feel relaxed
#14
I work in senior care. Here's what happens to aging parents who were mean to their kids.
These seniors face all of their most daunting moments of the end of their life alone. They may get fleeting sympathy from senior care professionals, but it's superficial and *paid for*. No one shows up to be their POA. No one is advocating for them in the hospital. All of their household valuables are sold or donated.
These parents who were cruel / neglectful / narcissists / abusive / who abandoned their kids are usually all alone.
And I don't judge the kids. Not for a nanosecond
Katarzyna Drozd 1 month ago (edited)
Can't wait to put there my narcissist, a.b.u.s.i.v.e, psycho mother.
#15
When I was little, I told my parents once I turned 18 they'd never see me again.
They laughed and didn't believe me. They refused to accept that I could survive without them. Which is ironic because they didn't even provide food, clothes, or hygiene products most of the time.
Well, I didn't exactly live up to my word and saw them three times after I moved out at 17. The last time I saw them I was 18. It's been almost three years now.
Some say it's sad I could just cut my parents out of my life like that. What I think is sad is that cutting them out made such a positive impact on my life.
Life is good. I'm healing. I'm even happy.
Marriage and family therapist Lexi Michaud shared a similar explanation, stating that mothers are a child’s first relational connection and experiences from birth. Simply put, they are our first and most formative relationship, preceding all others.
For those reasons alone, Michaud says the rejection, pain, shame, and fear from a narcissistic mother are more impactful.
#16
When I was a kid I handmade a card for my mom for BDay. She told me to stop handmaking her cards cause cards bought at the store mean more. Broke my little kid heart.
#17
I made my wife cry at the pizza parlor
My wife is a heck of a strong lady. She doesn't break down. We were having a date night at our favorite pizza place and we were talking about how things had been going. She's been making a ton of progress since we got together years ago and I only said one thing and it put her in tears:
"I'm so proud of you."
It wasn't until later that I thought about it and realized that probably not many people had said that to her before, if any. She's doing so well, and I am so very proud of her.
#18
Being raised by Narcissists is like that one terrible dish that is both frozen on the inside and burnt on the outside at the same time - you feel both neglected and ignored, and overwhelmed at the same time, all the time.
Healing from a narcissistic mother can be a long road for many people. Some may not even know how to begin. According to Chriszto, allowing yourself to grieve the mother you needed but didn’t get is a good place to start.
“Healing from narcissistic toxicity in part means disconnecting from the internalized voice of the narcissist and, in its place, finding your utterance,” she said, advising imagining yourself with a lifetime of self-compassion as your foundation.
#19
If you want to know what emotional abuse is like: Imagine Gordon Ramsay yelling at you except your seven and it's because you spilled a glass of water, and also he might hit you.
Black Cat 1 month ago
Or because you got in the way, or because your narcissistic parent woke up angry, or because ....
Birgit M 1 month ago
... because you dropped a single hair on the floor, didn't find a joke that funny, or accidentally brushed against the rear view mirror in his car, so he had to readjust it, or....
Load More Replies... Kristiina Männiste 1 month ago
It was literarily my whole childhood. But I never spilled water - I was an exceptionally careful and well behaved kid. It was just "Dad is in a bad mood and sees or hears you" or "Dad is trying to do something and sees or hears you" in my family. I usually would try to hide in my room, but then he would get pissed, that I was not in his line of sight to scream at. He is still like that, but now Im an adult and can just drop everything and leave once the yelling starts. I still cant handle loud noises
Kristiina Männiste 1 month ago
Oh I forgot the "your younger sister did something and dad found out, but its your fault because you are the eldest and are responsible for her". I found that one really unfair as a kid, because I had 2 younger sisters and was usually busy watching one while the other got into trouble.
Load More Replies... Leeds Lass 1 month ago
Or you said a man in the chip shop had the 'same slippers' (was 5 and did not know the word identicle) - led to a 20 minute rant about how stupid & thick you were and should never have been born
Stannous Flouride 1 month ago
I was that age when I spilled a pitcher of milk into a bowl of green olives and my father made me eat the olives until I threw up and then sent me to bed w/o dessert. The worst part? He absolutely ruined martinis for me!
T'Mar of Vulcan 1 month ago
My mother would scream at you, but not for spilling, she didn't want you walking on glass with your bare feet! One day my cousin skilled something and was crying and apologising and my mother and I were like, "It's fine, it was just an accident. Just don't walk there without shoes." She was clearly confused as to why we weren't shouting at her for spilling. Because accidents happen?
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
Or because apparently at 8 mths old it was my fault my mother died !! When reality it was his ! But yup I got blamed all my life till I found out the truth !,
Stardust she/her 1 month ago (edited)
Or when you tell them that you’re süicidal thrice at different times of your life but each time you’re told to do it with increased seriousness in his voice
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
Or being told by your own mother that she can't hug you because it makes your sister jealous, even though this was the first you are living together since you were 5 (was 17 at the time)
#20
Mentioned to my husband how loudly he walks. He said, "Yes, I was never punished for reminding my parents that I exist."
Jeremy James 1 month ago
I never got out of the childhood habit of moving silently, my heels never really touching the floor, turning the doorknob so the latch is already retracted when gently closing doors. It spooks my roommates sometimes when they think they're alone. They've threatened to put a bell around my neck.
#21
Having my own children made me understand my parents LESS, not more.
I distinctly remember my parents telling me as a kid that I would “see when I was a parent” and (I guess) understand them more. Well, I’ve been one for over 14 years (twice) and I don’t “see” anything except they were not in a good place to parent anyone. And I am happy to report I have no inclination to abuse, control, or diminish my own children. You don’t have to become them.
Child of the Stars 1 month ago
My parents weren't great but I'd hardly call them narcissists. But I relate to this post hard. There's very little of my parents' way of doing things that I do with my kids, and they're both far healthier emotionally than I was.
Michaud’s advice focuses on self-sustenance. She urges seeking professional support for healing as a first step, as it can empower a person to explore what they didn’t get and what it would look like to reparent themselves as a capable adult.
“Experiencing that kind of therapeutic relationship can have positive effects on self-esteem and decrease a sense of loneliness and isolation that often occurs for survivors of narcissistic childhood abuse,” Michaud said.
#22
They’ll never change. They’ll never see your point of view. They’ll never apologize. You’ll never “show them.” Don’t waste your energy.
Katarzyna Drozd 1 month ago (edited)
I agree. I regret it took me so many years to realize that.
#23
My covert narcissistic mother LOVES to do this. She’ll bait you into an argument and you’ll stay calm for awhile but she’ll push and push until you finally lose your temper, and then she’ll get this sh*t eating sly little grin on her face and calmly and quietly say “look how crazy you’re acting.” Or “why are you yelling at me?” Makes me sick.
Christine Walker 1 month ago
The day I realised what my ex-husband was doing (exactly what you describe above) was the day I reclaimed a little bit of power back in our relationship, and cooincidentally enough, shortly after my ex asked for a divorce. I had been living a rollercoaster life where every 4 to 6 weeks our lives would be blown up by his anger, for years. One day I said enough. It takes two to tango, I'm not going to engage, I'm not going to ignore, and I'm just going to carry on acting and speaking as though he wasn't angry. It was an interesting week watching his attempts to project his anger onto me getting increasingly less subtle.
#24
Good news, everyone! My nmom was actually just saying she’s never talking to me again because she wanted me to beg for her to take me back. Now she’s panicking because I’m taking her up on that offer and cutting contact on my terms. I feel fantastic
Holding on to pain is never helpful for anyone. As Dr. Todey reminds, healing does not come from blaming the past.
“It’s about reclaiming your right to be loved without performing, apologizing, or disappearing to keep the peace.”
#25
Me: “That thing you said before was hurtful.”
My mom: “I was joking!” “I never said that!” “I didn’t mean it like that!” “You’re misinterpreting what I said.” “You’re just being sensitive.” “You’re twisting my words.” “You must be remembering wrong.”
#26
“If you tell a child that an abusive parent ‘really loves them’ then how are you going to tell a teenager that abuse isn’t love”
Black Cat 1 month ago
Its a bitter pill to swallow to learn that your parent(s) dont love you, or care about you and maybe only want a relationship with you so they have someone they can ridicule, scapegoat or insult. But once you realize you're not loved by them, it makes going no contact a lot easier as you're not giving anything positive up. Its actually quite liberating.
#27
My mom is a classic narcissist. Everything is about her. If she doesn’t feel special or paid attention to she gets ugly.
My mother LOST her shit on my six year old for not wanting to kiss her goodbye when she was leaving Thanksgiving dinner. She asked my daughter to give her a kiss. My daughter says “no thank you grandma” and gives her a hug. It’s a rule in our house that their body is THEIRS and we never force hugs/kisses if they don’t want them. My mom badly bullied me about giving hugs and kisses to adult’s because “it’s polite”. I won’t do that to my girls.
Well when my daughter said no my mother became angry and kissed her anyways. My little one started crying and saying “I said NO grandma” I immediately tell my mom it’s time to leave. Unfortunately for me I was her ride home. She proceeded to tell me she was NEVER going to try to hug or kiss my daughter again because of how she “acted”. I asked her “who do you think you are?” She looked surprised as i rarely stand up to her. I told her she had NO RIGHT to upset my children. They’re SIX!!! You’re the adult. She says to me “I won’t bother you again” (this is her way of manipulating me into apologizing and groveling) I simply said “ok” and didn’t speak the re
Jeremy James 1 month ago (edited)
Oh, God, that's familiar. "FINE! I'll just never say or do anything ever again!" I mean, you could try listening, introspection, and making a small adjustment to your behavior for the sake of someone else. But, sure, take your ball and go home.
#28
I spilled a full plate of spaghetti and meatballs on the carpet
My husband asked mildly, “how’d that happen?” followed by “are you ok babe?”
I cleaned up the pile of food.
My FIL volunteered to steam clean the spot.
The dog got 3 whole meatballs.
Nobody yelled or cursed. The only person who was mad at me was me.
Nichole Harris 1 month ago
I'm nearly 40 and still afraid of getting in 😵💫 trouble..... Like wth is my hubby gonna do? Ground me 😂
#29
Someone just said “if it takes a village to raise a child, then it also takes a village to abuse them.”
My nmom didn’t abuse me alone. She had her army circling me at all times, making sure I stayed obedient and alone. I never knew what it was to have a single adult have my back. Every time they’d try to “keep the peace” it was always at my expense. And for those brave enough to stand up for me, she made sure they knew that I’d now get it worst, and then eventually they would fall in line and stop.
I’m really glad I found all of you, I can’t express how much it has meant to be able to hear your stories and the sense of validation after all of these years of being told I was imagining every single moment of my life.
#30
Dear nParents: When I was a young child and you would yell at me for replying "I don't know" to your questions, I wasn't necessarily being dishonest. I could probably have answered the question easily, but I truly didn't know what response would save me from your unpredictable rage and shaming
Stardust she/her 1 month ago
And if I truly don’t know anything once again I’m yelled at and made to feel a failure. God I wish I wasn’t born but somehow my mom’s spiritual beliefs make it so that it’s entirely my fault I was born to her the way I am.
#31
One of the most deflating moments is being home alone and enjoying the peace then feeling the tension in the air as your NParent comes home
#32
Saw this on Twitter and made me laugh because how true it is: “My parents always said, “I give you food and shelter” like did ya’ll read the term and conditions of producing a child? What were you gonna do, leave me on the street?”
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
Apparently food was optional when we were really small. Alcoholic mothers FTMFL.
#33
This morning I was up early. New housemate, from his bedroom, ”you don’t have to try to be quiet.” Made me cry.
I grew up used to having to be quiet and afraid of bothering my parents. Literally every noise I made seemed to bother them. This morning was a big revelation. Maybe I‘ll even try to speak up and not expect to get shut down and told I’m stupid!
#34
Does anyone find it hard to finish sentences because they were always talked over?
I find I can almost never finish a full sentence when I am having conversations with people because I am expecting to be cut off. I often get part way through and sentence and start to jumble my words and I need the other person to complete the sentence for me.
#35
Someone just said “I didn’t have role models growing up, just ppl I never wanted to turn into.”
Nichole Harris 1 month ago
Yup!!!! I may not have known how to be, but I def wasn't gonna be that
#36
I was asked to testify and tell my side of the story on how she drugged and tattooed her name on my arm. The judge took all the information into account and she made a deal by pleading guilty. I guess her lawyer convinced her somehow. I expected her to claim innocence and blame others like a narcissist would.
I am glad she is facing justice. My brother and I are living in a nice foster home. Everything is good and I'm happy.
#37
It’s not your job as ‘obedient child’ to regulate your parent’s emotions. It’s a *parent’s* job to help their kids learn to regulate their emotions. If your parents haven’t grown up yet, it’s not your fault.
Roxy222uk 1 month ago
Importantly, my mother is not a narcissist nor manipulative. She was and is a very, very difficult mother, but at the root she can’t help it and cannot see it. I don’t feel a molecule of love for her (but thinking that this was what love is, I have not sought love for all the work that came with it). Those of us that grew up learning to read the tiniest change in tone of voice or movement or the slightest sigh, and instantly worked out what it could lead to if we didn’t carefully, skilfully, and imperceptibly intervene at the earliest stage - none of us can help it. You didn’t ask for this situation. You didn’t ask for the type of brain that responded in this way (rather than, for example, feeling angry and responding in that way:- they didn’t ask for that kind of brain either). Even when you’ve worked out it isn’t actually your fault that doesn’t turn off these thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. They will still turn up. The difference is that you can spot them and think:
#38
Nobody WANTS to hate their parents. If they do then there's almost always a reason. Don't just assume they're "ungrateful" or being a brat. It takes a hell of a lot for someone to truly dislike their parents, take the time to think about why rather than make it their job to fix it.
#39
Despite what thinkpieces and ignorant people say, it's 100% okay not to love your family. Your parents destroyed any chance of you loving them and it's not your fault you can't turn those feelings on magically.
#40
“I shouldn’t HAVE to ask, you should just do it”
My mother used to love to use that comeback. When she had company coming over and was too lazy to clean up her/my dads mess herself, she’d get mad at me because I “didn’t clean up the obvious mess.” And that she “shouldn’t have had to ask me because everything was always left to her.” (That was a Texas size lie, she’d always get me to clean up her messes for her). If I had the nerve to step out of my room without a broom in one hand and a dustpan in the other, it was a guaranteed guilt trip and hearing the poor men’s from my mother all day.
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
My housemates realising that us two wimmin weren't joking a few weeks ago when we said we were tired of doing all the cleaning and went on strike. Turns out that the bins don't empty themselves, the recycling doesn't walk across the road for collection, the bathmats and towels I provided don't wash themselves and the kitchen table certainly doesn't clean itself. I have to say it was really hard for both of us - we like clean. But the point was made. It's still not great, but it's heading in the right direction. We shouldn't have had to ask, they should have just done it, reversed.
#41
When I was growing up, “I need to talk to you” quite literally meant impending doom. It quite literally meant that I was going to walk into a room, have a screaming battle for 30 minutes, cry, and want to commit suicide, over and over again. I have PTSD from it all.
My boyfriends mom, every other day, comes to us and says “I need to talk to you guys later” and it makes me live in anxiety now. And it’s almost always something trivial that could have been said in passing.
God, please just say it in passing. Don’t say that we need to talk later and then have it be something that you could’ve just said right then in there. I really hate going through the whole day in anxiety like that.
#42
My mom used to make me sit up for hours at night while she braided my hair painfully tight and when I started to fall asleep or tried to wipe my tears she'd yell at me and pull me up straight by a fistful of my hair. I now tense up or flinch when anyone tries to touch my hair or even compliment it.
Nichole Harris 1 month ago
At 30, my new beau had to teach me to properly brush my hair.....I just yanked it like my momma did.... I'm white with real fine hair, she went to beauty school🤣😭
#43
Mom is calling me selfish for not using my Make-A-Wish on Disney World.
My mom is going on a rant and calling me selfish because I won’t use my wish on something that will “benefit the whole family”. I want to visit Japan but since my parents don’t have a passport and are constantly working, I decided to go with my aunt and older sibling because they’re the only adult supervision that my parents would approve of
#44
My NMom recently found out I’m pregnant and wants me to pay her from living with her as a child.
For context I moved out of my NMoms house as a child because I was taken away by CPS too many times. I have been with my amazing boyfriend for over a year and we are expecting a baby. I have been no contact with my NMom for several years, but she found out through my sister. She called me from a blocked number yesterday and demanded I back pay her a “living fee” from the age of 0-11. Her reasoning being that “If I can afford to have a kid, I can afford to pay her back for all those years she took care of me when she didn’t want to”. I immediately hung up. She did try calling back, but I am not longer picking up “Blocked Caller ID” calls. This just goes to show that NParents never really change, and can never be happy for you. I’m an adult and she still has the ability to make me feel like crap.
#45
My mother: *constantly says mean, damanging things to her children* /Also my mother: *cries the second anyone calmly calls her out on her toxic behavior*
Theora Fifty-five Johnson 5 days ago
OMG, this. An inability to see the effects of their own behavior. Only able to have sympathy for themselves.
#46
My mum: "When you have kids you'll understand". All having a child has taught me is the type of abusive monsters my parents are.
#47
The longer I'm a parent the deeper I believe that child abuse is a choice.
It doesn't stem from stress.
It doesn't stem from tiredness.
It doesn't stem from pushed buttons.
Child abuse is a choice our parent
#48
Therapist started crying when I told her about Nmom's abuse
I've been going to pretty intensive therapy to help unlearn everything my Nmom had told me or gaslighted to me. I almost died when I was three days old due to dehydration and an inability to breastfeed. My Nmom has always told me, "well it's your fault you almost died. You were too re****** to breastfeed (not sure if the "r" word is appropriate here). I was having anxiety as I told my therapist this, and I looked up to see she was crying. She looked at me and said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry it's not professional for me to cry, but that is psychological abuse. The abuse your mother has caused you is insidious. Please know it's not your fault. That is not your fault at all." I've never had someone pinpoint the trauma I have endured, nor have I really ever opened up to how bad it has been my whole life. It makes me devastated to know that everything I've thought was "normal" or my fault growing up, was in itself abuse.
#49
My therapist said the above phrase this morning at 10:46am. I haven't stopped thinking about it.
"Normal" is NOT yelling, slamming doors, punching holes in the wall, throwing things, breaking car windows.
These things were violent and scary for me as a kid. They are not okay. And they are as serious as 9 year-old me felt like they were.
No, they didn't hit me. But they didn't need to control me.
Emotional abuse is abuse. Violence and threatening with violence is abuse. Period.
Never again. This cycle stops now.
Bartlet for world domination 1 month ago
"A judge removed my adopted daughter from her biological parents for exact thing you're describing as 'normal'" - my therapist
#50
I hate how nobody believes you were abused if your parents gave you material things or supported you financially.
It doesn’t fucking work like that... just because my struggle isn’t visible doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
And trust me, I feel incredibly guilty every day that I complain about my mom when I have everything I need right in front of me.
Nichole Harris 1 month ago
Yeah, I had what I needed, it usually wasn't because of my mom but hers and her dad and my great uncle...... Momma was bad with money
#51
I think I've started staying up late when I was about 12 years old...and since then I've kept doing so.
The night feels different from the day. No one can come in to suddenly complain about something...or to make a comment about how much I eat....or to whine about how hard their life is as an adult and how unthankful I am for being "well taken care of".
I love the night.
I wish I could stay up all night and sleep in all day...
#52
When I was younger and a teenager I had big dreams of big careers that would take me far away and ensure I'd never rely on my parents. Now, I just crave peace and stillness. I take so much joy in my quiet weekends with my partner. Or my easy-going job that I enjoy and have a chill work atmosphere. Anything that is peaceful.
#53
I graduated and my family made it all about themselves...but I stopped caring. I worked hard. I paid my own studies. It is my achievement not theirs
#54
Mom stole my college trust and used it to buy land/build a house; never paid taxes and lost it all, had to declare bankruptcy
What do you think ?
Papa 1 month ago
It may change, but currently the title of this article refers to establishing boundaries with a parent. It reminded me of when my mother texted me inviting me, my wife, our grown children, and my sister to her house for Mother's Day. I replied back that we'd rather meet her at a restaurant. She said she wanted us to come to her house instead. After going back and forth a time or two I replied with "When we were at your house for Easter, you had me and my son busy doing projects in your house while the others sat in the living room. You were rude and unappreciative, I was upset about it for a long time after, and I'm not going to do that again. Now, this is your last chance. What restaurant would you like to meet us at?" She picked a restaurant with no further discussion.
Stardust she/her 1 month ago
If I score less than 45% on my next test i will terminate myself because I can’t stand being reminded of all my failure since even back when I was a good kid they still used to critique every little thing from my handwriting to the fact that I had my own opinions. Was nice meeting you guys and relating
JB 1 month ago
Please tell us this is a cry for help! I can’t bear to think you’re putting your life on the line against a test result. I know the feeling of not being able to take one more thing. Please, please, please find someone to talk to. It isn’t at all the same but I lost two 16+ cats in ‘22; told my closest friend, “when the youngest goes, that’s it, I’m going too”. It was my CPTSD and depression talking. All I could see was losing the last creature who loves me unconditionally, an unending future existence of loneliness and despair. Why would I put myself through that? Not trying to belittle, trying to relate.
Load More Replies...
walkabout 1 month ago
If your parents put their lives and friends and wants, needs and desires ahead of yours you probably grew up with no self respect or any idea of your value. You may have told yourself that they did their best; they did not. With therapy I learned that some parents really don’t want their kids to do better than them. I broke that mold and have bright, successful children.
Vinnie 1 month ago (edited)
My mother wasn't a narcissist, but she had other issues. With therapy, I let go of bitterness, but remained critical. After she went to a residence (dementia), my dad turned out to be a narcissist. Oh dear... It made my mother look d**n good. F#ck am I glad he's gone. I've told people, "No condolences, please."
Mari 1 month ago
I think there is a big difference between narcissistic behaviour because they are meanand evil or narcissistic behaviour because they are mentally ill. Both they destroy their kids but the parents who are mentally ill you can forgive/understand/accept but the patents who are just evil human beings, you can't forgive.
Earonn - 1 month ago
Only if the parents behave like that to everyone, even those who can retaliate. Because if not, it proves that they can stop themselves doing it. And so far I've never heard of parents who treated their boss like their children....
Load More Replies...
Sylvia Baker 1 month ago
These were so tough to read.... there are far too many children being raised by awful people and it breaks my heart.
Papa 1 month ago
It may change, but currently the title of this article refers to establishing boundaries with a parent. It reminded me of when my mother texted me inviting me, my wife, our grown children, and my sister to her house for Mother's Day. I replied back that we'd rather meet her at a restaurant. She said she wanted us to come to her house instead. After going back and forth a time or two I replied with "When we were at your house for Easter, you had me and my son busy doing projects in your house while the others sat in the living room. You were rude and unappreciative, I was upset about it for a long time after, and I'm not going to do that again. Now, this is your last chance. What restaurant would you like to meet us at?" She picked a restaurant with no further discussion.
Stardust she/her 1 month ago
If I score less than 45% on my next test i will terminate myself because I can’t stand being reminded of all my failure since even back when I was a good kid they still used to critique every little thing from my handwriting to the fact that I had my own opinions. Was nice meeting you guys and relating
JB 1 month ago
Please tell us this is a cry for help! I can’t bear to think you’re putting your life on the line against a test result. I know the feeling of not being able to take one more thing. Please, please, please find someone to talk to. It isn’t at all the same but I lost two 16+ cats in ‘22; told my closest friend, “when the youngest goes, that’s it, I’m going too”. It was my CPTSD and depression talking. All I could see was losing the last creature who loves me unconditionally, an unending future existence of loneliness and despair. Why would I put myself through that? Not trying to belittle, trying to relate.
Load More Replies... walkabout 1 month ago
If your parents put their lives and friends and wants, needs and desires ahead of yours you probably grew up with no self respect or any idea of your value. You may have told yourself that they did their best; they did not. With therapy I learned that some parents really don’t want their kids to do better than them. I broke that mold and have bright, successful children.
Vinnie 1 month ago (edited)
My mother wasn't a narcissist, but she had other issues. With therapy, I let go of bitterness, but remained critical. After she went to a residence (dementia), my dad turned out to be a narcissist. Oh dear... It made my mother look d**n good. F#ck am I glad he's gone. I've told people, "No condolences, please."
Mari 1 month ago
I think there is a big difference between narcissistic behaviour because they are meanand evil or narcissistic behaviour because they are mentally ill. Both they destroy their kids but the parents who are mentally ill you can forgive/understand/accept but the patents who are just evil human beings, you can't forgive.
Earonn - 1 month ago
Only if the parents behave like that to everyone, even those who can retaliate. Because if not, it proves that they can stop themselves doing it. And so far I've never heard of parents who treated their boss like their children....
Load More Replies... Sylvia Baker 1 month ago
These were so tough to read.... there are far too many children being raised by awful people and it breaks my heart.
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