Guy Found Out That Dad Is Planning To Pay For His Brother’s Wedding, Said He Won’t Talk To Him Because He Refused To Fund His
Society seems to sternly advise young adults to wait to marry until they’ve finished their education, kickstarted their career and had a couple of carefree adventures that helped them connect with their true, authentic selves.
It’s believed that tying the knot young makes a couple prone to a rocky journey and is essentially bound to end in divorce – however, many folks seem to argue that age has nothing to do with the stability of one’s marriage.
Whether a couple decides to legalize their relationship young or not is up to them, yet the question of maturity still stands, as sometimes, you can find yourself looking back at your parents’ warnings when it’s already too late.
More info: Reddit
Family conflicts are inevitable – however, it’s crucial to be certain in your opinions
Image source: Wonderlane (not the actual photo)
“AITA for paying for my son’s wedding when I made my other son elope?” – this online user turned to one of Reddit’s most popular communities to seek advice from the members and, perhaps, find out whether he’s indeed the bad guy in this situation. The post has managed to receive 11K upvotes and over 2K worth of comments debating the man’s decision.
Father refused to fund son’s wedding because he didn’t approve of it, got accused of showing favoritism because he decided to pay for his other son’s
Image source: throwawaywedding267
The man began his post by revealing that he has two sons: a 38-year-old, Carl, and a 36-year-old, Jacob. Jacob got married pretty young when he was only 18; he asked his father to pay for his wedding, but the man refused because he didn’t approve of his marriage.
Image source: throwawaywedding267
The man mentioned that there were a few reasons why he was so against this relationship; he thought that Jacob was too young and he wasn’t a fan of his fiancée because they’d only been together for a year. Jacob didn’t have enough money to cover the expenses, so the couple had to elope.
A year later, the spouses had their first boy, and a year after that, they gave birth to a girl who they named Jade. Sadly, the partners decided they couldn’t handle two children and told their families that they were giving the girl up for adoption.
The author was extremely angry with his son, as he had warned him that they were too young to have a kid, let alone two kids – however, he did convince his offspring to let him and his mother adopt Jade.
Image source: throwawaywedding267
The author and his family moved away to another city and Carl, the oldest son, also tagged along, leaving them in low contact with Jacob.
It was also revealed that despite the OP adopting Jade, Carl was the one who raised her and the girl considers him her father.
Moreover, a year ago, Carl got engaged to his fiancée, Maya. According to the author, she’s an amazing woman and is like a mother to Jade.
Image source: throwawaywedding267
Once Jade found out that she was adopted, she had a very hard time; however, a few weeks ago, the family went back to the city where Jacob lives, as the girl was ready to meet her aunt and uncle.
Carl and Maya are getting married soon and to thank them for being such amazing parents to Jade, the OP told the couple that he’ll cover all their wedding expenses.
When everyone was at Jacob’s place, he wondered about his brother’s wedding and, without a second thought, Carl told his sibling that their father will be paying for everything, which infuriated Jacob and his wife.
The spouses argued that it’s not fair for the man to be paying for his older son’s wedding when he made them elope; Jacob’s now not talking to his father unless he “makes it up to him”.
Image source: throwawaywedding267
Image source: mahalie stackpole (not the actual photo)
The OP then edited the post to clarify some bits and pieces. He said that Carl didn’t raise Jade all alone. The family lived in the same home and co-parented, but he was eager to be her dad. Jade has been calling him “dad” from the moment she started talking – however, the author was responsible for all the financial aspects.
When Jacob brought up the adoption, the family offered their help, though the spouses didn’t accept, and the reason why the OP never mentioned his grandson is simply that he had no part in this situation.
Fellow Reddit users shared their thoughts regarding this uneasy event
97Kviews
Share on FacebookYTA.... not because you chose not to fund his wedding, but because you basically decided to pick the winner between your two children, showering one with emotional and financial support, while largely washing your hands of the other. If it was an issue of substance abuse or criminal behaviour, I could understand using "tough love", but this isn't that. You simply decided you disagreed with your son's choices and cut him off. My sister made some bad choices in her youth, and if you were her father she would have likely ended up on welfare, but because my parents raised her she was given love and support and assistance when she needed it... and now she has raised 4 wonderful kids and works as a teacher for special needs children. You don't take away love over a difference of opinion. YTA.
In my opinion NTA , I wouldn’t pay for a wedding that didn’t look like it wasn’t going to work out. Also don’t have kids just to have kids. In my opinion Jacob seems to be the one playing favorite. The Op said that the didn’t want jade so they could focus on their son. You should be happy that your own child got an amazing family. Beside that Carl took in and raised a child that wasn’t it’s own. Raising a child is an easy 123 and for him to do that I would definitely pay for his wedding.
May I ask - what other reason is there to have a kid than wanting to have kids???
Load More Replies...Am I the only one who thinks Jacob giving up his second child like that is all kinds of messed up. The Dad says the issues they had weren't financial, they just didn't want to deal with two kids? WTF, that's just absurd to me and nobody is pointing that out and seems to be ok with it. it's like, "oh, parenting is kinda hard and we have another on the way...meh, lets just give that one away" ...WTF people?!?!
Very true, give up your new born and everyone's OK with it, do the same to your 20 year old and everyone loses their mind.
Load More Replies...Everyone's focusing on the fact that he didn't pay for the first son's wedding (including the OP), without really acknowledging the fact that that didn't become an issue until 18 years later when he decided to pay for son number 2's wedding. The dad sounds like a pretty big jerk, cutting off his son because he didn't like the decisions his son was making about his own life. Also, to the commenter that said he "abandoned" his daughter by giving her up for adoption: you can eff all the way off. Adoption isn't abandonment. It's not shameful. He did the best thing he could for both of his kids when he realized he couldn't provide for both.
"Decisions his son was making about his own life"? Which the dad ended up having to carry the responsibility for the next 16 years. How is cutting off your adult son bad while Adoption isn't?
Load More Replies...What is it about weddings that bring out the worst in people? Why on earth would anyone spend thousands of dollars for one day's worth of entertainment? The anxiety, the trouble, the competition for attention, it's all a waste!
Am I the only one who think’s it’s not the parents business who their child decides to love/marry? If you don’t approve it shouldn’t be your prerogative in life to stop then by withholding support. Your son is old enough to make his own decisions in life and it’s your job as a parent to support their choices. If it doesn’t work out that’s a lesson for your son to learn and nothing to do with you. Now that being said I’d say your the AH because you set your son up for failure simply because you wanted him to fail so you can say you were right about the relationship. Which is petty. And the fact that he hasn’t failed and is still married well I guess that must make you mad. Sounds like you’ve been rubbing salt in his wounds your whole life and he’s right to feel that way. Maybe stop trying to control people and you will do better in the future?
I feel like I'd need to hear both sides of this story to decide whose in the wrong. It feels very one sided without jacobs point of view
Yeah you're such a ginormous AH. Our kids do stupid stuff. But we don 't abandon them in the middle of the desert with no water because of it. The least you could have done was thrown a backyard wedding for Jacob and offered some support when they were drowning. Was Jacob dumb for getting married at 18? yes. Was he dumb for having 2 kids right away? yes. Did you do ANYTHING to give them a little bit of help so they wouldn't feel like they had to give one of their kids up for adoption? no you didn't. And that is the hallmark of a *hit parent.
The comment about their adopted kid knowing since birth is just silly...also when the right time is, is up to those involved, you can't say 7 is too long. The son was giving her up, if the Dad hadn't stepped in that was not changing. The only wrong thing IMO was going back to where they used to live.
Definitely not the a-hole. You gave their child a home, the money that you have spent over the years on her more than eclipses whatever money would have gone on their wedding. They could have waited if they were serious.
No, they adopted a child and she then became their own child. He did not give "someone else's child" a home. They gave their third child a home while cutting off contact with their second. And to say that should be held over the head of the person who gave up a child for adoption is gross. You're making the OP's adopted daughter into a transaction.
Load More Replies...This father was definitely in the wrong. If you have children, you may actually have a favorite but as a parent you shouldn't show any form of favoritism. You do not have to approve if your children's choice in a significant other but that isn't reason not to help out. The father doesn't have to pay for his children's wedding however, to pay for one and not the other is wrong.
I disagree. It's his money and he shouldn't have to spend it on something he is against. There is nothing here to indicate that the father wouldn't support his younger son over the years, in fact he says that he offered him and his wife the support so that they could keep raising their daughter. He just didn't want to support something that he disagreed with.
Load More Replies...Straight up NTA. if you want to start a family, then you build your house come hell or high water. Your old man has nothing to do with it. For a person that needs daddy to pay for a wedding, that son has no business making babies.
NTA I bet he paid a lot more for Jacob's daughter and they did all the effort to raise her.
The OP paid for his own daughter's upbringing (he adopted her) while cutting off contact with his second child.
Load More Replies...So they thought the older brother was too young to raise a baby, but gave the younger one the responsibility? Imagine what the older brother and his wife could have accomplished with the same level of support! This isn't even about the wedding expenses.
YTA.... not because you chose not to fund his wedding, but because you basically decided to pick the winner between your two children, showering one with emotional and financial support, while largely washing your hands of the other. If it was an issue of substance abuse or criminal behaviour, I could understand using "tough love", but this isn't that. You simply decided you disagreed with your son's choices and cut him off. My sister made some bad choices in her youth, and if you were her father she would have likely ended up on welfare, but because my parents raised her she was given love and support and assistance when she needed it... and now she has raised 4 wonderful kids and works as a teacher for special needs children. You don't take away love over a difference of opinion. YTA.
In my opinion NTA , I wouldn’t pay for a wedding that didn’t look like it wasn’t going to work out. Also don’t have kids just to have kids. In my opinion Jacob seems to be the one playing favorite. The Op said that the didn’t want jade so they could focus on their son. You should be happy that your own child got an amazing family. Beside that Carl took in and raised a child that wasn’t it’s own. Raising a child is an easy 123 and for him to do that I would definitely pay for his wedding.
May I ask - what other reason is there to have a kid than wanting to have kids???
Load More Replies...Am I the only one who thinks Jacob giving up his second child like that is all kinds of messed up. The Dad says the issues they had weren't financial, they just didn't want to deal with two kids? WTF, that's just absurd to me and nobody is pointing that out and seems to be ok with it. it's like, "oh, parenting is kinda hard and we have another on the way...meh, lets just give that one away" ...WTF people?!?!
Very true, give up your new born and everyone's OK with it, do the same to your 20 year old and everyone loses their mind.
Load More Replies...Everyone's focusing on the fact that he didn't pay for the first son's wedding (including the OP), without really acknowledging the fact that that didn't become an issue until 18 years later when he decided to pay for son number 2's wedding. The dad sounds like a pretty big jerk, cutting off his son because he didn't like the decisions his son was making about his own life. Also, to the commenter that said he "abandoned" his daughter by giving her up for adoption: you can eff all the way off. Adoption isn't abandonment. It's not shameful. He did the best thing he could for both of his kids when he realized he couldn't provide for both.
"Decisions his son was making about his own life"? Which the dad ended up having to carry the responsibility for the next 16 years. How is cutting off your adult son bad while Adoption isn't?
Load More Replies...What is it about weddings that bring out the worst in people? Why on earth would anyone spend thousands of dollars for one day's worth of entertainment? The anxiety, the trouble, the competition for attention, it's all a waste!
Am I the only one who think’s it’s not the parents business who their child decides to love/marry? If you don’t approve it shouldn’t be your prerogative in life to stop then by withholding support. Your son is old enough to make his own decisions in life and it’s your job as a parent to support their choices. If it doesn’t work out that’s a lesson for your son to learn and nothing to do with you. Now that being said I’d say your the AH because you set your son up for failure simply because you wanted him to fail so you can say you were right about the relationship. Which is petty. And the fact that he hasn’t failed and is still married well I guess that must make you mad. Sounds like you’ve been rubbing salt in his wounds your whole life and he’s right to feel that way. Maybe stop trying to control people and you will do better in the future?
I feel like I'd need to hear both sides of this story to decide whose in the wrong. It feels very one sided without jacobs point of view
Yeah you're such a ginormous AH. Our kids do stupid stuff. But we don 't abandon them in the middle of the desert with no water because of it. The least you could have done was thrown a backyard wedding for Jacob and offered some support when they were drowning. Was Jacob dumb for getting married at 18? yes. Was he dumb for having 2 kids right away? yes. Did you do ANYTHING to give them a little bit of help so they wouldn't feel like they had to give one of their kids up for adoption? no you didn't. And that is the hallmark of a *hit parent.
The comment about their adopted kid knowing since birth is just silly...also when the right time is, is up to those involved, you can't say 7 is too long. The son was giving her up, if the Dad hadn't stepped in that was not changing. The only wrong thing IMO was going back to where they used to live.
Definitely not the a-hole. You gave their child a home, the money that you have spent over the years on her more than eclipses whatever money would have gone on their wedding. They could have waited if they were serious.
No, they adopted a child and she then became their own child. He did not give "someone else's child" a home. They gave their third child a home while cutting off contact with their second. And to say that should be held over the head of the person who gave up a child for adoption is gross. You're making the OP's adopted daughter into a transaction.
Load More Replies...This father was definitely in the wrong. If you have children, you may actually have a favorite but as a parent you shouldn't show any form of favoritism. You do not have to approve if your children's choice in a significant other but that isn't reason not to help out. The father doesn't have to pay for his children's wedding however, to pay for one and not the other is wrong.
I disagree. It's his money and he shouldn't have to spend it on something he is against. There is nothing here to indicate that the father wouldn't support his younger son over the years, in fact he says that he offered him and his wife the support so that they could keep raising their daughter. He just didn't want to support something that he disagreed with.
Load More Replies...Straight up NTA. if you want to start a family, then you build your house come hell or high water. Your old man has nothing to do with it. For a person that needs daddy to pay for a wedding, that son has no business making babies.
NTA I bet he paid a lot more for Jacob's daughter and they did all the effort to raise her.
The OP paid for his own daughter's upbringing (he adopted her) while cutting off contact with his second child.
Load More Replies...So they thought the older brother was too young to raise a baby, but gave the younger one the responsibility? Imagine what the older brother and his wife could have accomplished with the same level of support! This isn't even about the wedding expenses.
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