Parents Won’t Acknowledge Son’s Marriage, Daughter Bans Them From Her Kid’s Birthday
Some of us dream of having a family where everybody likes each other, spends time together, and welcomes the kids’ partners. However, I am not even sure if families like that exist, but even if they do – we hear quite the opposite stories much more often. Constant family dramas, where somebody doesn’t like each other and can’t stand being together.
Well, for one more family drama story, there is no need to look much further. A Reddit user posted her story sharing how she banned her parents from her son’s birthday party because they don’t like her brother’s wife and refuse to include her.
More info: Reddit
Nobody wants to have guests at a birthday party that you need to fear are going to cause a scene and make everybody around uncomfortable
Image credits: Craig Adderley (not the actual photo)
Woman shares that a few months ago, her little brother eloped with his girlfriend and their parents were livid
Image credits: Ryan Hiebendahl (not the actual photo)
Woman emphasized that while it may have been a silly idea to go to Vegas and elope, they love each other and don’t understand what all the fuss is about
Image credits: Emma Bauso (not the actual photo)
However, the woman’s parents made a point to not invite the brother’s girlfriend to any family event ever since
Image credits: u/Icy-Lingonberry-8128
Now, the woman invited her brother along with his wife and also her parents to her son’s birthday, but after their demand to not invite the wife, she decided to do the opposite and ban the parents from attending instead
One Reddit user recently went online asking to hear people’s opinions on whether she was indeed being a jerk for banning her parents from her son’s birthday so she can invite her brother’s wife whom the parents don’t like. She added that banning them from their grandkid’s birthday is a nuclear option. The post caught a lot of attention online, collecting over 8.2K upvotes.
The original poster (OP) started her story by explaining that her brother who is 23 years old made the rash decision to elope in Vegas with his 19-year-old girlfriend. However, after breaking the news to the family a couple months later, it wasn’t taken well – OP’s parents and sisters were livid. She noted that she’s a little confused about all this fuss.
This woman emphasized that her brother and his girlfriend are wholesome, love each other a lot, and live together. However, ever since the news broke, the parents made a point to not invite the brother’s wife to any family gathering. However, the OP shared that she’s planning her son’s birthday to which she invited her parents and brother with his wife.
Well, that was when the drama ensued – the parents saw that the wife was invited and insisted that she’s taken off the guest list. The woman obviously refused but had a feeling that her parents were going to make a scene so she did quite the opposite – banned her parents from attending the birthday party and seeing their grandkid.
The community members stood on OP’s side and gave her the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge. “I think you’re doing the right thing. Your parents are being awful, obviously. And by reacting that way about Shay being at the party you are hosting,” one user wrote. “It might be interesting to just straight up tell them, ‘Until you can give me a convincing reason to do otherwise, I will continue to invite her to stuff’,” another added.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
I think it’s safe to say that for many of us it is important that our partners would be accepted in our family and friends’ groups. When we get into a relationship, we want to spend as much time together as possible and show them off to everybody. And well, knowing that your family and friends welcome and love your partner just as much as you makes everything much better.
However, let’s talk a little bit more about parents and their kids’ partners. We often see or read about dramas where parents don’t approve of the person that their kid is dating as they feel that they are not good enough for them, they don’t trust them or any other reason. However, according to The Hope Line, if you find out that your parents disapprove of your partner, your initial instinct will be to distance yourself from them but this doesn’t do any good.
The Hope Line pointed out to never secretly date someone your parents don’t approve of. Lying and keeping secrets from your parents destroys trust and adds unnecessary stress and drama. And while your parents’ expectations for who you should date might be too high, a partner who treats you with honesty and respect will be valued by most parents.
However, looking at the bright side – Milan Bouchet-Valat and Sébastien Grobon’s research on parents’ role in their children’s choice of partner has evolved since the early 20th century in France and shows that young adults who, in the first period (1919–1970), married for love despite the wishes of their parents, would have been more understanding of the wishes of their own children when they became parents themselves in the second period (1970–2014).
So while there are still quite a lot of drama stories of parents not approving of their kids’ partners for various reasons, they are becoming more and more understandable. But what is your take on this story? Was the woman too harsh? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors assured the woman that she was not being a jerk in this situation and that she did a good job
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There is some great research & several articles on “families as mini-cults” and it’s almost always due to a narcissistic or BPD family leader, usually the “matron of the family.” In these situations, any milestone activity (or decision; such as marrying) must be approved & overseen (even tangentially) by the leader. Violating this unspoken tenet usually comes with extreme retraction and harsh consequences, to the point the leader will “sacrifice” their own child at the “altar of adherence/submission” whilst enlisting other family members as their “flying monkeys.” The possible ironic connection in these types of family dynamics are that the leader has made the same errors or mistakes in the their own lives. If one googles they’ll have a better understanding of this phenomenon & see why everything OP says about each family members’ behavior complete tracks. Sociologically, cultural norms have less influence than personality disorders in determining the behaviors in a cult-family.
You just described my family. I appreciate that you brought this up. I’ll be doing some research!
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I just can't stop laughing at the idea of not recognising a legal marriage. Can't tell if it's more medieval church wanting to get a witness to consummation or 'if you didn't say it, you didn't do it' from the Princess Bride.
Witness to consummation was really only royalty and immensely powerful families - ie where a marriage and heirs being legitimate or not could literally change history. All that was needed legally to be married (in England, which is the country I have studied most) is that you declare yourself married in front of a witness. No priest or church necessary even. That was one of the issues with Catherine Howard. Not only had she had sex with her tutor (and Henry prided himself on knowing if someone was a virgin so he was humiliated) but they may have referred to one another as husband and wife, which would have made them married and thus his marriage to her illegitimate. He went with adultery (because she was also having an affair) in the end because that was simpler but had she been 100% above reproach he could have gone the not free to marry route that he used with Anne of Cleves.
Load More Replies...
There is some great research & several articles on “families as mini-cults” and it’s almost always due to a narcissistic or BPD family leader, usually the “matron of the family.” In these situations, any milestone activity (or decision; such as marrying) must be approved & overseen (even tangentially) by the leader. Violating this unspoken tenet usually comes with extreme retraction and harsh consequences, to the point the leader will “sacrifice” their own child at the “altar of adherence/submission” whilst enlisting other family members as their “flying monkeys.” The possible ironic connection in these types of family dynamics are that the leader has made the same errors or mistakes in the their own lives. If one googles they’ll have a better understanding of this phenomenon & see why everything OP says about each family members’ behavior complete tracks. Sociologically, cultural norms have less influence than personality disorders in determining the behaviors in a cult-family.
You just described my family. I appreciate that you brought this up. I’ll be doing some research!
Load More Replies... I just can't stop laughing at the idea of not recognising a legal marriage. Can't tell if it's more medieval church wanting to get a witness to consummation or 'if you didn't say it, you didn't do it' from the Princess Bride.
Witness to consummation was really only royalty and immensely powerful families - ie where a marriage and heirs being legitimate or not could literally change history. All that was needed legally to be married (in England, which is the country I have studied most) is that you declare yourself married in front of a witness. No priest or church necessary even. That was one of the issues with Catherine Howard. Not only had she had sex with her tutor (and Henry prided himself on knowing if someone was a virgin so he was humiliated) but they may have referred to one another as husband and wife, which would have made them married and thus his marriage to her illegitimate. He went with adultery (because she was also having an affair) in the end because that was simpler but had she been 100% above reproach he could have gone the not free to marry route that he used with Anne of Cleves.
Load More Replies... 
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