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“Her Toes Fell Off Into My Hand”: 50 Moments That Changed Healthcare Workers Forever
When we go through traumatic events, our brain can shut out feelings and thoughts as a way to protect us from emotional or physical damage. This can make people go numb in stressful situations, so our bodies have time to figure out the best course of survival. Healthcare workers are frequently exposed to traumatic experiences, so when they were asked what event made them go permanently numb, they shared many devastating stories. Scroll down to find them below, and don’t forget to share similar ones if you have any.
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#1
Putting multiple people in body bags each shift one weekend as a Covid nurse and then having my own family tell me Covid wasn’t real in the days after.
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#2
Having to tell my patient we had no ventilators left during Covid so he really had to be strong and focus on his breathing all night just to stay alive. He did.
#3
Carrying a stillborn infant to the morgue in my arms so that her mother did not have to see her on the cold morgue cart. This was against policy, it was night shift and I didn’t care. The look on her face and the pain in her voice asking me to carry her will stay with me forever.
Nicole hought 3 weeks ago
When my son died at 5 months old from SIDS, The coroner carried him out wrapped in his blanket. Like a sleeping baby. I died that day.
It’s not uncommon to dissociate or numb feelings when going through traumatic or stressful events. Even though it might provide temporary relief, coping this way with difficult emotions can have an unwanted, long-lasting impact.
Prolonged emotional numbness can lead to an inability to respond to positive situations and relationships, too. They appear detached and unfeeling and lack energy. Essentially, a person can’t feel anything anymore.
#4
A mother holding her stillborn said “I wish I could sit here and stare at her until we both turn into dust.”
#5
I had a patient my age (23) with severe Chron’s disease in the ICU after surgery. He started bleeding more than 1L through the drainage. Called the emergency surgeons and while they arrived I held his hand while he told me “I’m very scared”. He was extremely pale and shaking. I went home after that shift, couldn’t sleep thinking about it, and the next day my coworker said “take a look at him”. He was intubated and sedated. He made it, and after a few days he woke up and thanked me for everything.
#6
Holding a patient by his gait belt with another nurse so he could dance with his wife one last time. He passed that night. Her cries haunt me.
Roni Stone 3 weeks ago
Thank you so much for giving them that moment. Somewhere in the universe, it will always be remembered.
However, without the help of professional guidance, emotional numbing can be hard to overcome. Mental health professionals provide various treatments that can help with accepting the inner feelings and focusing one’s attention on living a meaningful life.
That said, there are several lifestyle changes that doctors or therapists can recommend to help relieve the symptoms of emotional numbness.
#7
Sitting with a 5 yo who was there for a su*cide attempt and his mom just dropped him off and gave his info and left. He than ran out the ER into oncoming traffic and when I caught him, he grabbed onto me and said “I just want my mommy to love me”.
#8
The fire department holding a motorcyclists brain in his head with a towel while I checked all over the patient for a pulse, watching his dead eyes hoping he blinks. Looking for maybe a bubble in the blood pouring out of his mouth. Attempting CPR and feeling every bone crush that I had to look away. Standing up covered in blood, blood soaked through my pants, socks, shirt. And then had to work the rest of my shift covered in his blood. I still see his eyes clear as day in my mind. I would count compressions in my head for months over and over, reminding myself I did them at the right pace. This all happened on a major highway while drivers video recorded me yelling at a lifeless man to blink. We covered him with a sheet, and had to go to the next call. I wish people saw EMS from our point of view. We don’t have doctors on scene. There’s two of us. We call the shots. And we pray to god the shots are correct. That’s all. Traumatic as hell.
grotesqueer 3 weeks ago
Recording that is so indescribably disgusting. How can people be so disrespectful??
#9
Having a cancer patient's wife sob in my arms after her husband told the Dr he was tired of fighting and wanted to go home on hospice, sit on the porch, listen to the birds, and drink coffee with his wife.
Roni Stone 3 weeks ago
Such simple wishes and such a momentous moment. Life isn't about winning an award; life is about coffee with one's spouse while the birds are singing.
The first one is learning to reach out to your friends and family for support when you need it. Trusted persons in your life can provide a safe space to express your emotions. Another great thing to do is to focus on improving your physical health. Getting plenty of exercise and rest is important, as it makes your body more equipped to face probable stressors.
#10
Sane exam on a 8-month-old baby…I never went home and cried so much. I held my daughter when I got home.
#11
Praying with an older couple before surgery to go well, she didn’t make it. Watching him leave alone with his cane and hat in hand.
Tabitha 3 weeks ago (edited)
At least they tried, and didn’t refuse to do it, saying it wasn’t worth trying because she was old. Had it been successful, she could’ve recovered and had several extra years. But sometimes it’s just your time to go, and nothing you or anyone can do will change that. But oh the poor husband. As my husband and I grow older, that very scenario stays in the back of my mind, and I don’t look forward to it happening, regardless of which one of us is the one to outlive the other (I think I will be the one to outlive my husband, because of genetics, habits, and stuff he did when he was younger, but then again, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, so…).
#12
I sat with a postpartum mom after she told me she was planning on shooting herself that night. I sat with her while she sobbed and we admitted her that day. I think about her and what would’ve happened if she hadn’t spoken up that day. I held her and we cried together.
Minimizing stress is an additional coping strategy that can help minimize emotional numbness. This means avoiding overcrowded schedules and instead finding time to do things you enjoy. Lastly, relaxing breathing and physical exercises can increase emotional strength and to manage stressful experiences, minimizing the need to resort to emotional numbing.
#13
During an honor walk hearing the scream of a mother and watching her fall to her knees as her teenage son was being wheeled down to the OR to be an organ donor.
#14
The amount of children and young people that die because they have no health insurance while we keep people in nursing homes that have no mind body or soul left.
The Cute Cat 3 weeks ago
It is time to choose politician that support universal health care. That is not expensive.. Many developing country have it
#15
When an old lady was sick and i hugged her and she started crying and said all she wants is her mommy.
#16
Doing compressions on a man still in his wedding tuxedo while his brand new wife stood outside the room still in her dress. They were t-boned leaving their wedding, he didn’t make it.
#17
My pedi psych patient asking me “Is this what it’s like to have a mom?” When I cut his food up for him.
#18
Hearing the screams of a mom bc her dad gave her daughter a std .. she was 6.. having to hold a mom while she watched her son almost die in her arms due to gun violence .. I can keep going …
#19
SANE exam on a newborn. I left.
Littlemiss 3 weeks ago
Omfg on a newborn? I hope the person responsible is buried in someone's back yard. It's a s*xual as*sault examination for those wondering.
#20
Seeing a man in his 30s watch outside the glass door as his wife passed away during COVID days after she birthed their baby who also didn’t make it.
#21
Caring for a baby in the same NICU bed my daughter died in. They had the same diagnosis. The baby’s last name was my daughter’s first name.
Kali Chaos 3 weeks ago
Whoa. I am so sorry. But that kinda seems like your daughter letting you know she's still around you.
#22
Losing my 8 week old daughter and my boss calling me the next day asking when I'd be returning to work, on the pediatric floor…
#23
18 yr old, engaged, with brain cancer signing on to hospice. Our chaplain married her and her fiance after she held on for 4 days. She passed right after.
#24
Being a nurse in ICU. Caring for a 25 yo woman who got H1N1 and was on life support for over a month. Pressors, vent, the whole 9. Family was never there but wouldn’t take her off life support. I took her sock off and her toes fell off into my hand. She was rotting. Had to call ethics committee.
Al Gehbruh 3 weeks ago
I was working as a nurse in a hospital. One time I had a diabetic patient with very poor circulation in his feet. He had a badly infected wound on one foot. The patient really needed surgery, but was stubbornly refusing it. He actually said "I'll get surgery when my toes start falling off!" So we were treating him with IV antibiotics in a desperate attempt to get the infection under control. One night I went to his room to do a scheduled dressing change on his foot wound. As I removed the dressing material off his foot, one of his toes came off with it. He went to surgery the next morning and ended up getting a BKA (below knee amputation).
#25
Doing CPR on two babies who where siblings.. while the shooter was alive and a few rooms down.. he lived. They didn’t.
SheamusFanFrom1987 3 weeks ago (edited)
Sorry not sorry, but someone better call the 5-0 on me because I'd be administering a lethal dose of slow death on a certain child shooter >:-(
#26
Doing compressions on someone my age who was assaulted beyond the point of recognition by her ab**er. Haven’t really been the same since that call.
#27
My favorite patient; I work in memory care and she knew EVERYTHING about me. I layed in bed with her during her final days. She told me she’ll always be rooting and watching over me. She told me to stay on earth for as long as I can.
#28
The scream of a father finding out his 3yo son was ran over and didn’t make it…
#29
Doing post mortem care on a young mom while her toddler was asleep in the cot set up beside the bed.
#30
I once saw a NICU nurse rocking a dead baby back and forth in her arms as if it were alive. Did that all the way to the morgue.
#31
Post mortem SANE exam on a 16 yo.
#32
i work in a pharmacy and watching elders have to leave a medication they need because it’s $2k+ makes me feel the lump in my throat everytime.
#33
I sat with a patient who told me “I don’t know if my baby is my dad's or step dad's.”
Littlemiss 3 weeks ago
Special place in hell for those guys, that poor girl deserves better than them.
#34
I had a patient that wasn’t doing great after a stroke but he said he was saving up his strength to watch his granddaughters wedding on zoom… he had so much energy and then an hour before the wedding he died and I sobbed so hard.
#35
When a family had to put secret cameras in their mother’s room at an assisted living facility bc of suspicion that the staff was ab**ing her…….and unfortunately they were. She had bruising all over her body.
BrownEyedPanda 3 weeks ago
I've seen way too many of these stories on YouTube and the news. The only time anything is done about it is when the story goes viral. Suddenly, all of that "lack of funds" and "staff shortage" no longer exists. Same thing happens regarding child abuse and teacher misconduct.
#36
Seeing a man in his 80s being dropped off (old folks home) and his daughter saying she'd pick him up later for his grandbaby's soccer game. He sat by a windows waiting everyday. They never even came to get his belongings when he passed.
#37
My patient asked me for a pen and paper to make his wife a Valentine’s day card. He made the card and then coded that night.
#38
The screams of a mom who came in expecting to deliver a healthy baby and found out it was stillborn.
Partypants 3 weeks ago
This happened to my cousin, the umbilical cord had strangled her baby girl, it was horrific and heartbreaking. Not sure you can ever get over that.
#39
Trying to draw blood an 8 month old neglected baby that weighed the same as my baby at 2 months. (11lbs, he couldn’t even hold up his head).
Tabitha 3 weeks ago
You know, if you don’t want them, don’t have them (yes, I know in some places that’s not possible). If you have to have them, then out them up for adoption. Please. There are people out there, good people who will be good parents, who would be overjoyed to love and raise your baby and give them a wonderful life. Don’t just have them and abuse and/or neglect them to death. FFS.
#40
Holding the hand of a 16y.o being put to sleep for surgery to take out his voice box(cancer) and his last words being “please make sure I wake up.”
#41
I had a 19 y/o patient that got in a car accident. He’s brain dead but his parents have been keeping him ventilated for almost 2 years now.
Lil Nitemare 3 weeks ago
My sister had a patient that had been stuck by a drunk driver as she crossed the street to her highschool prom. She was 17 at the time, and was 23 when she became my sister's patient. Brain dead. Father wouldn't let her go. He visited everyday so there's that, but he was just unable to accept she was gone. We both got living wills after that.
#42
Compressions on a man who was vomiting his own stool who told me right before he coded to tell his family to sell his clothes for rent money that month.
#43
Little baby not even 1. Back in forth between parents losing custody. Chronically sick w/ heart condition. Picked that baby up she didn’t want to let me go. She just needed to be held. I think about her everyday I hope she is loved.
#44
Hearing a grown man cry and scream as he’s getting brought down to surgery saying that all he wants is his babies back after getting into a car accident and was the only one that survived.
#45
A missing female patient dumped on the side of the road after days of the unthinkable. She was badly injured and had been Sa’d and given unk substances. She was altered and thought I was her best friend. Kept eye contact with me the entire ride. Pleaded me to help her. She screamed for me as I left her in the trauma room. Thought her bff was ditching her. I still wish I could’ve stayed for her.
#46
CNA for 7 years, ED RN for 2, thought i had been numb…i didn’t know what numb was until i drove up on my little brothers wreck and just screaming at everyone for not doing anything…while he had a fence post through his heart.
SheamusFanFrom1987 3 weeks ago (edited)
D*a*m*n, condolences doesn't seem sufficient enough... May he Rest In Peace T_T
#47
I’m a paramedic. It was watching my partner die.
#48
I discharged a patient with no previous psych hx who came in for anxiety. No SI/HI/AVH just really bad trauma but good support system. Family had no concerns. She k**led herself the next morning. I will live with the guilt of not being able to identify someone who truly needed saved for the rest of my life.
The Other Guest 3 weeks ago
Had to look up the abbreviations. Hx is history; SI/HI/AVH is suicidal ideation, homicidal ideation, & auditory/visual hallucinations.
#49
Doing compressions on a 3 weeks old baby and holding them until the coroner arrived since no family was allowed back due to suspected neglect/abuse.
#50
A 10 week old with SDH, SAH, terrible case of shaken baby syndrome, apparently was found in between the wall and his crib and was severely malnourished.
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Al Gehbruh 3 weeks ago
I started my healthcare career as an EMT with a city ambulance service. One of the first calls I went on after finishing training was for a 3-year-old boy who had be beaten to death by his mother's boyfriend. (The mother was at work). A couple days later I went on a call for a 12-year-old boy who had hung himself and then was cut down when a family member found him. We were able to restart his heart, but he died a few hours later at the hospital.
Lost Panda 3 weeks ago
Seen a bit, but the one that truly broke me was not when I was actively medical, but doing security in a hospital after leaving the military. There was a ward for dementia/alzheimer's/etc. elderly patients. One man would talk to me every night when I went through the ward, best twenty minutes of the shift. His family never visited, the staff were frustrated with him (thought he was about 7 or 8, so rambuncious). I'll never forget the way he looked at me beaming, holding up a chicken leg saying "Mr. Panda! I got fried chicken!"
Gaius214 3 weeks ago
Once I started this thread I knew I had to read the whole lot. Didn't want to, however all of these people & moments deserve their due.
Lizabeth 2 weeks ago
I agree whole heartedly. They were all really heart wrenching in their own way. Especially the ones about the babies being SAd. How anyone can do that is so beyond comprehension to me. They have to be mentally disturbed people for sure. No one normal can do something like that.
Load More Replies... Al Gehbruh 3 weeks ago
I started my healthcare career as an EMT with a city ambulance service. One of the first calls I went on after finishing training was for a 3-year-old boy who had be beaten to death by his mother's boyfriend. (The mother was at work). A couple days later I went on a call for a 12-year-old boy who had hung himself and then was cut down when a family member found him. We were able to restart his heart, but he died a few hours later at the hospital.
Lost Panda 3 weeks ago
Seen a bit, but the one that truly broke me was not when I was actively medical, but doing security in a hospital after leaving the military. There was a ward for dementia/alzheimer's/etc. elderly patients. One man would talk to me every night when I went through the ward, best twenty minutes of the shift. His family never visited, the staff were frustrated with him (thought he was about 7 or 8, so rambuncious). I'll never forget the way he looked at me beaming, holding up a chicken leg saying "Mr. Panda! I got fried chicken!"
Gaius214 3 weeks ago
Once I started this thread I knew I had to read the whole lot. Didn't want to, however all of these people & moments deserve their due.
Lizabeth 2 weeks ago
I agree whole heartedly. They were all really heart wrenching in their own way. Especially the ones about the babies being SAd. How anyone can do that is so beyond comprehension to me. They have to be mentally disturbed people for sure. No one normal can do something like that.
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