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30 Not-That-Obvious Signs That Show That Someone Isn’t A Good Person, As Shared In This Online Group
How could we recognize a bad person? Culture and, in particular, cinema, give us a lot of advice, but they often turn out to be absolutely unusable in real life. After all, stereotyped scoundrels, with a look from under their brows and an ominous laugh, exuding evil with their whole appearance, practically do not occur in reality.
On the contrary, a really bad person, rather, will be incredibly pleasant in communication, will do everything to ingratiate themselves with you - and then, when they reach their goal, they will definitely do something harmful to you. But there is a wonderful science of psychology, and it helps, by the smallest, seemingly invisible at first glance, signs, to determine that you are dealing with someone who is not as good as they seem.
A thread starter appeared on the AskReddit community just one day ago, asking the question: "What is a subtle sign someone isn't a good person?" The result is over 15.4K upvotes and approximately 9.2K various comments. Now it will definitely be much more difficult for the villains to ingratiate themselves with us!
Bored Panda has compiled for you a selection of the most popular and useful tips from the original thread. Therefore, feel free to read, scroll to the very end, leave your own comments - and may bad people never cross your life path!
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Littering. It's not a violent act or anything, but it does indicate a lack of respect that usually carries into other aspects of the person's life.
I think I posted this here a while back. I once threw a cup outside the car window when I was a really young kid and it haunted me for years. I have never littered since that day. It was so culturally accepted I never questioned it as a kid.
How they treat people in the service industry. When they act like they are better than waiters, fast food employees, or retail workers.
Their treatment of the weakest members of society including defenceless animals, the homeless and those in low service positions.
Not owning up to their mistakes and always attributing it to someone or something else.
They don’t put the shopping cart in the designated area and leave it randomly in the parking lot.
They have a habit of talking bad about other people behind their backs and spreading gossip and rumor. You can tell a lot about a person by observing how they talk about their peers behind their back.
When a person occasionally vents by talking bad about someone (like their boss, or classmate) because of some unpleasant experience, that's okay. We all do it. But when a person habitually talks s**t about people behind their back, that's a big red flag.
My mama always taught me if they gossip to you behind others' backs, they'll gossip about you behind your back.
When they talk about themselves then stop listening when u talk about yourself
They believe that respect is earned but demand it immediately from you.
Those who say that are power trippers and place themselves so high up on a pedestal they think they're royalty. A lot of gangster wannabes and drug dealers act like that.
When they see someone else's progress or success as a threat.
I found a quote in my native language that means 'Happy with someone's trouble and annoyed with someone's success.'
I've learned that when someone is claiming to be really "direct" or "blunt" or "honest" it is often a self justification for being controlling and rude.
Those who claim to be brutally honest are usually more interested in the 'brutal' than the 'honest'. It is entirely possible to be honest without being brutal.
All their exes are crazy and nothing negative is ever their fault.
If all their exes are crazy, you have wonder why they kept choosing to date crazy people.
When they don't say things like thank you or please.
I just automatically assume people are a**holes when they can't do these basic, easy acts of kindness.
Passively aggressively insulting you in front of a group of people in such a way that you can’t say anything back without looking like you’re the emotional one even though you know that they intentionally insulted you to disrespect you.
It's sad our emotions are policed like this. F**k it. Get upset. Cry if you want to. Don't laugh. Our emotions are ours. Own them. The only reason people hate seeing you emote your true feelings is because it makes them uncomfortable. It makes them uncomfortable because they don't feel they're allowed to express their feelings outwardly, and don't believe anyone else should either. That's their problem. Don't allow them to make their problem your problem. They can leave any time.
The common denominator. They fall out with people all the time but it’s always the other persons fault or family members don’t talk to them but that’s not their fault because they’ve done nothing wrong.
It’s never them, it’s always everyone else is out to get them or is unreasonable, yet they’re the only common denominator in all the situations with all these supposedly shitty people
Yup. Much of these are someone I know to a 'T'. I'm beginning to think she's not a very good person.
You got your hints. Distance yourself asap
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I was called the Common Denominator by my family. I was always the problem. Always the issue. ------------I thought this was true. I removed myself. -------Come to find out, they did not like the boundaries, I put up in my life. They did not like my boundaries. Made me seem like I was the problem and the crazy one. ----Maybe I am the Common Dominator. Yet I never blamed anyone for my faults in life. I understand when I am in the wrong, I try to correct my wrongs in life. oh well.
To truly be a "common denominator" situation you would have the same issues with friends, co-workers, and dates. This is why a diverse friend-group is important. I'm sorry your family gaslit you. Families usually have common qualities, they are a denominator in themselves (not necessarily bad common qualities though).
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My uncle! He made my Mom cry on the eve of my grandmother's funeral. In his head, it wasn't his fault but my Mom's "mental illness" that she doesn't even have! I'm sure he is still bitter about how 'he' was treated even though he was in the wrong.
People like this love labeling others as mentally ill to discredit their feelings. Even if someone is mentally ill, their emotions can still be validated.
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FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT. My narcissiatic momster causes all the drama in the family.
It is possible that the person finds themselves with the *devil they know* and the devil they know ARE bad people, and it isn't that person's fault.
They aren't at fault, but a lot of personal growth can happen by recognizing what contributing factors oneself brings. For example, my first two serious relationships violated my boundaries a lot. Before I moved on to a 3rd relationship I went to therapy and learned how to better set, and enforce boundaries. I didn't feel like I was allowed or good enough to enforce that before and both those relationships turned abusive and enforced that harmful self-thought. It wasn't my fault that I attracted controlling men, but I was the person who needed to learn those subtle signs sooner in a person (lots on this list) and love myself enough to walk away.
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And if they say "every time I go somewhere (movies, restaurant, shopping, etc) the staff is always mean to me." Yeah, then it's you, sweetums.
I knew a guy who was exactly like this. Needless to say he eventually pulled it on me as well, and I cut him off.
Sometimes the common denominator is toxicity. I have 2 sisters that are completely toxic & I finally got fed up with them constantly disrespecting my boundaries. Sometimes it's just a decent person standing up for ourselves.
This is my mom. 100% she talks bad about everybody including family members and she often tells me that her brother is trying to steal certain family members from her and she told me that she felt that my bf was stealing me away from her when I first got together with him. She is so demanding in all her relationships and she blames everybody else for pulling away from her leaving her lonely. She treats me like a stupid teenager and I am honestly very very close to stop being in contact with her. At least for a while. I need a break from her negativity. Have had to deal with it for nearly 40 years now.... I need a break. *sigh*
Talk like this can also create imposter syndrome in people who really do try their best, as gaslighting is a thing and looks like this. Yes, we can gaslight ourselves. The thing to listen for is, "I know I'm not perfect, I know I did wrong, but I don't know what I did."
Either that or they are a poor judge of character and genuinely pick rotten people to befriend or fall in love with. My Grandmother is a wonderful example: she married a man who later cheated on her with 8 different women and left her for the 8th woman while she had 4 kids in a time where being a single mother was taboo and frowned upon.
I have no contact with my siblings, and no, it's not me. They have drug issues. Sometimes it is the other person.
This is iffy. I don't speak to nearly all of my family. My dad's side...I had the audacity to not follow the family dysfunction and allow my dad to be abusive and childish. My mom's side...I never really existed. I guess overall, it's my fault for existing.
My dad; it’s a shame because he could do better and I do believe he does know that in his heart. I pity him because he became the very thing he swore he would never be: just like his abusive and controlling father.
Perfect description of my father to whom I haven't spoken in over 30 years
They demand forgiveness instead of asking for it.
"I said I was sorry, it's done now. Get over it."
They share private information about others with you
Oh yes, That's private for a reason. The only people I confide in are my closest friends.
Regular putdowns that are disguised as "jokes"
EDIT: I think I need to be more clear here. I'm talking about "jokes" that they either carry on long after everyone else has stopped, or alternatively legit insults that they will *only* claim is a joke if you get upset.
That is desgusting, and this comming from a guy with a pitch black sence of humor, many Times a put myself down to promote a laugh ( fell free to check my comenta if in doubt ) i Mock myself before mocking someone else.
If they’re dismissive of what you have to say or want to share.
A lot of these are kind of blatant. To me a really subtle clue is when people are unable to be happy for others the moment things go wrong with their own life. Less obvious than people who fail to empathize with pain, and also less obvious than people who dismiss or minimize accomplishments, but ultimately indicative of the same empathy deficiency. Specifically in acquaintanceships and close friendships.
“I don’t want to hear about your fiancé proposing to you when my boyfriend just dumped me” sucks, and so does “Your fiancé proposed after 3 years and you’re going on a Hawaii honeymoon? That’s so nice for you sweetie, mine proposed after 2 years and we went on a tour around Europe for 3 months”
“I don’t care about your divorce because I’ve been through 3 divorces” is obviously a s**tty attitude, and “I care about your feelings about this divorce even though I’m also divorced” is basic decency.
What I look for (and try very hard to be) sounds like:
“I’m happy that you are experiencing career success even though I am unhappy at my job”
-I’m able to hear your joy without my eyes glazing over + my mind wandering to my apartment’s ant issue.
“If I compare myself to you this is painful to hear, but really what that means is you’re experiencing wonderful things, which I want for you”
“Even though I’m cold and hangry, I’m not going to bring anyone else’s mood down.”
Wait, “I don’t want to hear about your fiancé proposing to you when my boyfriend just dumped me” ... So, we're putting all of the "suck it up and be nice" on the person experiencing a hardship? Shouldn't the happy person who wants to share maybe also take some responsibility in sharing in appropriate avenues? I wouldn't insist on showing pictures of my new puppy to someone whose dog just died, for example
“Only God can judge me” tattooed anywhere on their body. I should’ve known…….
I think "Only Dog can judge me" is better, and dogs are good judges of ppl
When you’re going out and they judge or make a rude comment about a random person passing by.
someone who is incapable of reflecting. They are the centre of their own universe. They are unable to grasp the big picture or how they fit within it. Everyone has a place in the larger picture, which is their small view of the world.
And everyone/everything else exists only to serve their purpose or to oppose them.
Always blaming others for things that happen to them, and not putting the trolley back after they are done with it.
Yea lol, funny thing, trolleys here are "paid" all the trolleys are chained toguether and you have to depósit a 1€ coin in order to release the chain, só 95%of people take their trolleys back, and if they don't lol, theres always kids looking for " Lost " trolleys in the parking lot.
When you think they are really great people, responsible/kind/good, but then after a while you look back on situations and realise you had been duped and they are incredibly manipulative.
I think it's incredibly subtle with some people, where it's not immediately obvious they are terrible but then suddenly it hits you.
People who have never done anything wrong. If you’ve known a person for any amount of time and you’ve never heard them say “I’m an a*****e, i f****d up..” they are probably a terrible person and will victimize you in ways you can’t imagine
You get a bad gut feeling when interacting with them.
Pay attention to the way your pet reacts to them. Animals are seldom wrong about people.
Having zero accountability and saying anything they can to get out of their bad actions.
“I’m not wrong, you’re misinformed” — avoid this person if they are clearly wrong. Just, run!
I remember hearing something about my narcissistic sociopath daughter. Her previous boyfriend was a work colleague and so she didn't want her new boyfriend to carry on working with her (that's where she met him) so made him quit and find a job elsewhere. Her boss heard what had happened and called her in for a meeting. Asked her why and of course she said that it was because he wasn't happy (he was and good at his job) and wanted to try out a summer job and apparently would be offered a full-time position after the summer. Nope none of that was true. She just didn't want to work with another boyfriend
They are nice to a few people and an a*****e to the rest. I've noticed that a lot of people find it easy to ignore someone being rude, mean or a general a*****e to others just as long as that person is nice to them. Personally I think it's a matter of time until they also are on the receiving end of the bad behaviour.
I've known people like this to me, where they're good with me but not other people. When you're young it makes you feel like your the special one, and are doing things right. So it's like you feel part of this elite club. But the moment you do anything the "friend" doesn't like, or when they meet someone fresh, that's when they start treating you as if you're the worst person in the world. They make you feel like you're in the wrong.
Yhe confusion. When the stories don't add up, they smirk at the wrong times and try to present themselves as a hero.
Heros don't explain to you why they are heros. It's a subtle sign that they are actually not.
micro expressions that are off can give you that sense too. Your subconscious sees it, hence the 'gut feeling'
Borrowing money and forgetting to / claims he already paid it back. Borrowing tools / clothing and breaking or ruining them.
By this time you should cut all ties.
People who prominently boast about how much activity they cram into their free time to be "fun", just before making snide comments about how they drove by your house and saw you "sitting on your couch watching TV", as if enjoying some down time and watching something educational means your "boring".
documentaries can be so fascinating and I like staying in. those people are just trying too hard, they need external validation. Cheers to the documentaries!
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People who brag about how much they go to church (especially the ones who imply that the only reason they're not out there doing bad things to other people is because they're afraid of god's judgment).
There are basically 3 things on this list. Most if the posts are about the same thing.
If they are a billionaire or close to it.... They've definitely f***** some people over
If theyre 1% they where either born into it or got lucky to be able to exploit something to get that rich. A decent human being usually cant be thay rich because theyll give most of it to people who need it more. Some content creators might be the acception to the rule like Mr Beast who actually does help a lot of people with the money he makes.
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It is a sign, but doesnt mean if somebody falls in the category that they are bad person. Or do we all believe that people are born bad?
I hear you to an extent. Some, not all, of these are not so much "bad person" as they are "person who annoys the heck out of me and no one wants to be around you."
Load More Replies... People that try and 'one-up' anyone else. Nobody is ever sicker, works more or gets less sleep than my husband. Everything is a contest with him. (He works 4 days a week, from home)
people who wear obscene clothing. Like the guy in my town who lies to walk around with a ballcap that says "FU*K YOU" on it
Why? Why do politics need to be dragged into everything? What is the purpose of it? Election happened. It's fine and over with. We're supposed to get a 4 year grace period before we have to listen to people bicker and bullsh*t about this c**p again and instead no one can seem to just let it go. Obviously the guy you wanted won, so what are you still so p*ssed about?
Load More Replies... Men who walk around in public without a shirt on is a big one for me. As well as people who drive with their music super loud and their windows down, and people who unnecessarily rev their motorcycles and their tuned cars. I've never seen any of these above being good people. Always douchey behaviour.
Well folks. I am a moderately bad person. Which I had always suspected. There are like 3 of these I'm guilty of.
We all are in our own ways. Don't sweat it if you feel like a moderately bad person. Just don't be a full on bad person. I could and should be a nicer person to people socially but I am a good person in many other ways. Others are very nice to people but in other ways do bad.
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The way the treat their mother. If they treat them badly specifically. I had a friend once who treated his mother so poorly with such disrespect. She would send him money everyday and he would be impatient and rude and complain that it wasnt enough and how he needed more always. But God, on the off chance she said no though, he would turn into this tantrum throwing man child calling her names, hanging up on her, complaining to others about how awful she was and why should couldn't just do what he said. and on and on. He is 47 years old. And his mom is losing her health quickly. It's very sad. But glad we're no longer friends.
me and my mom have problems but God gave my mom a son and what she feels about it is between God and her I have a life to live
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A lot of these are traits of narcissists. Anyone who actually thinks they're above others, or who are so insecure that they have to put others down in an attempt to feel better about themselves. Anyone who manipulates situations so that they won't be put out - they act as though their wants and needs trump the wants and needs of others. Exploit the weaknesses of others. In my family, all my siblings have a very difficult time with confrontation, and I have seen how others exploit that - make it so there is a constant threat of an angry outburst, so you tend to go out of your way to placate them. On the other hand, specific to this, it's important and learn good communication skills so that confrontation can be dealt with in a healthy way, and boundaries can be set - you don't want to disallow others to ever show anger
The passive aggressive "jokes" were my family's favorite way to put me down. If I said anything they would act quite affronted. That's gaslighting. Call them on it. Eventually they will get the idea you aren't their punching bag. I avoided a lot of contact felt relieved. Sorry for those being put through it.
"I'm not here to make friends" aka. I made it to level 1 manager and f with anyone trying to do the right thing.
Blaming family members for how their life turned out because they made choices that NEVER benefited their future.
Of course, there's also the classic "I'm not ____, but..." Also, the ones who are sickly sweet to the point of being poisonous. You find this particularly in the southern US. I've seen people who'll smile while they stab you in the back. Literally, if they thought they could get away with it.
Is it my imagination, or is every single one of these a description of trump?
#31 When they make every f*****g thing political
Load More Replies... People who prominently boast about how much activity they cram into their free time to be "fun", just before making snide comments about how they drove by your house and saw you "sitting on your couch watching TV", as if enjoying some down time and watching something educational means your "boring".
documentaries can be so fascinating and I like staying in. those people are just trying too hard, they need external validation. Cheers to the documentaries!
Load More Replies... People who brag about how much they go to church (especially the ones who imply that the only reason they're not out there doing bad things to other people is because they're afraid of god's judgment).
There are basically 3 things on this list. Most if the posts are about the same thing.
If they are a billionaire or close to it.... They've definitely f***** some people over
If theyre 1% they where either born into it or got lucky to be able to exploit something to get that rich. A decent human being usually cant be thay rich because theyll give most of it to people who need it more. Some content creators might be the acception to the rule like Mr Beast who actually does help a lot of people with the money he makes.
Load More Replies... It is a sign, but doesnt mean if somebody falls in the category that they are bad person. Or do we all believe that people are born bad?
I hear you to an extent. Some, not all, of these are not so much "bad person" as they are "person who annoys the heck out of me and no one wants to be around you."
Load More Replies... People that try and 'one-up' anyone else. Nobody is ever sicker, works more or gets less sleep than my husband. Everything is a contest with him. (He works 4 days a week, from home)
people who wear obscene clothing. Like the guy in my town who lies to walk around with a ballcap that says "FU*K YOU" on it
Why? Why do politics need to be dragged into everything? What is the purpose of it? Election happened. It's fine and over with. We're supposed to get a 4 year grace period before we have to listen to people bicker and bullsh*t about this c**p again and instead no one can seem to just let it go. Obviously the guy you wanted won, so what are you still so p*ssed about?
Load More Replies... Men who walk around in public without a shirt on is a big one for me. As well as people who drive with their music super loud and their windows down, and people who unnecessarily rev their motorcycles and their tuned cars. I've never seen any of these above being good people. Always douchey behaviour.
Well folks. I am a moderately bad person. Which I had always suspected. There are like 3 of these I'm guilty of.
We all are in our own ways. Don't sweat it if you feel like a moderately bad person. Just don't be a full on bad person. I could and should be a nicer person to people socially but I am a good person in many other ways. Others are very nice to people but in other ways do bad.
Load More Replies... The way the treat their mother. If they treat them badly specifically. I had a friend once who treated his mother so poorly with such disrespect. She would send him money everyday and he would be impatient and rude and complain that it wasnt enough and how he needed more always. But God, on the off chance she said no though, he would turn into this tantrum throwing man child calling her names, hanging up on her, complaining to others about how awful she was and why should couldn't just do what he said. and on and on. He is 47 years old. And his mom is losing her health quickly. It's very sad. But glad we're no longer friends.
me and my mom have problems but God gave my mom a son and what she feels about it is between God and her I have a life to live
Load More Replies... A lot of these are traits of narcissists. Anyone who actually thinks they're above others, or who are so insecure that they have to put others down in an attempt to feel better about themselves. Anyone who manipulates situations so that they won't be put out - they act as though their wants and needs trump the wants and needs of others. Exploit the weaknesses of others. In my family, all my siblings have a very difficult time with confrontation, and I have seen how others exploit that - make it so there is a constant threat of an angry outburst, so you tend to go out of your way to placate them. On the other hand, specific to this, it's important and learn good communication skills so that confrontation can be dealt with in a healthy way, and boundaries can be set - you don't want to disallow others to ever show anger
The passive aggressive "jokes" were my family's favorite way to put me down. If I said anything they would act quite affronted. That's gaslighting. Call them on it. Eventually they will get the idea you aren't their punching bag. I avoided a lot of contact felt relieved. Sorry for those being put through it.
"I'm not here to make friends" aka. I made it to level 1 manager and f with anyone trying to do the right thing.
Blaming family members for how their life turned out because they made choices that NEVER benefited their future.
Of course, there's also the classic "I'm not ____, but..." Also, the ones who are sickly sweet to the point of being poisonous. You find this particularly in the southern US. I've seen people who'll smile while they stab you in the back. Literally, if they thought they could get away with it.
Is it my imagination, or is every single one of these a description of trump?
#31 When they make every f*****g thing political
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