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“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”
57points
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Occasions, Parenting2 weeks ago

“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”

Everything in this world, good or bad, unfortunately sooner or later comes to an end. Work, relationships, friendships, feuds, and even life itself. And how it all ends will largely determine what exactly other people will say about us later. And since we all are social beings, this will still be important, no matter how much we convince ourselves otherwise.

Therefore, for example, when you part with your significant others, it is extremely important to do this without holding grudges toward each other and to try to remain, if not good friends, at least maintaining normal human relations. Especially if you have children.

This story first surfaced a few days ago on the AITA Reddit community, with over 10.5K upvotes and almost 1.9K different comments as of today. Despite the rather sad occasion, the discussion turned out to be very intense, and netizens basically came to the conclusion that the author of the original post was not to blame for anything. However, let’s just talk about everything in order…

More info: Reddit

The author of the post divorced his ex wife over a decade ago as she left him for another man

Image credits: Jeremy Wong (not the actual image)

So, the author of the original post says that he and his wife broke up when their two children were still young. The man admits that his wife preferred to be with another man, and for him it became a very difficult mental experience. However, over the years, the original poster, as he said, did everything to remain a good dad for his children.

Image credits: u/AdSuch5527

The man, however, did his best to be a good dad for their two kids

The man did not miss a single payment for his alimony and child support, he always attended his kids’ creative or sports performances, and he was as open as possible for communication. When the OP’s ex-wife remarried, his alimony ended, but the man kept on paying child support regularly. Over time, the OP’s ex-wife had another child, and he himself began a new relationship as well.

Image credits: u/AdSuch5527

Everything changed when, quite recently, the mother of the OP’s children was diagnosed with cancer, and it was very aggressive. It required expensive treatment, and this, apparently, destroyed their marriage. That guy was not able to pay all the bills, and when the debts piled up, he just left her. However, the OP admits that he knows too little about this ugly story to tell in detail.

Image credits: u/AdSuch5527

Several months ago, the author’s ex-wife got diagnosed with cancer. Her husband left her and she passed away recently

As a result, the OP’s ex-wife passed away a few months ago, and for his children, now 17 and 18 years old, it was a big shock. Of course, the man was present at the funeral, and at Thanksgiving they met together and talked for a long time, mourning the deceased. As the man himself says, from the moment he found out about the illness of his ex-wife, there was not a day that he did not communicate with the children – either calls or texts, because now the OP lives in another city.

Image credits: Anna- Louise (not the actual image)

Now let’s go back four months to when the OP’s ex-wife was still alive and not yet in hospice care. Around that time, the author of the post and his girlfriend decided to get married. They weren’t planning a big wedding, just a small backyard ceremony. The wedding was planned for the beginning of the new year – so that the OP’s children, as well as his fiancée’s, who are also in college, could come during the holidays.

Image credits: u/AdSuch5527

Months before the funeral, the author and his girlfriend decided to tie the knot, but the man’s children both RSVP’d no

The original poster sent out invitations a long time ago, but his children both RSVP’d no – literally days before their mother’s death. Be that as it may, the man did not postpone the ceremony – after all, he had nothing to do with the woman with whom he had divorced over a decade ago. The father did not send repeated invitations to the children, but, according to him, there was always a room for them at the ceremony.

Image credits: u/AdSuch5527

The ceremony took place without the groom’s children – but they told the dad off for not re-inviting them and for being ‘heartless’ as well

However, the children never arrived – and when they found out that the wedding did take place, they told their dad off for, firstly, disinviting them, and secondly, for allegedly disrespecting the memory of their late mother. An argument arose, but the original poster is still pretty sure he didn’t actually do anything wrong.

Image credits: u/AdSuch5527

People in the comments, however, mostly sided with the man, stating that he did nothing wrong

We must now say that the opinions of people in the comments were divided, but the majority still supported the original poster. Understanding and sharing his children’s grief for their mother, commenters still note that the teens are behaving as if their parents were married quite recently. Or as if their father cheated on his ex with his new wife straight after she got the cancer diagnosis. The situation is certainly very sad, but life goes on, and this was one of the moments to show that, people in the comments are convinced.

Image credits: DISTRUPTIVO (not the actual image)

Some commenters specifically point out that the invitations were sent out long before their mother’s death, and that they formally declined themselves. If the children wanted their father to literally beg them to come to his wedding, then it looks rather weird, people wrote. In any case, according to some of the commenters, we are talking more about the fact that they regret missing their dad’s wedding and are still raw from their mother’s death. “So blaming you is the only logical thing they can think of,” commenters opine.

If you have already made up your mind about this tale and its characters, then please welcome to the comments below this post. And if you also happened to witness a similar, albeit very sad story, then please share it with us and we’ll try to discuss it too.

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lenka
Community Member
2 weeks ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dont think anyone is an A hole here. It was unfortunate timing mixed with raw grief.

Caro Caro
Community Member
2 weeks ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Except the mother's 2nd husband, he is definitely the A hole.

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Sonja
Community Member
2 weeks ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP said he never talked badly about his ex. I wonder if she was also that considerate. Did they ever tell their children why they separated? Or did the ex-wife spin a tale that omitted her faults trying to make it a tragic happening with no ones fault or even hinted it was somehow OPs fault? That would explain the animosity and standoffishness. And it happens so often! If anyone of you ever comes to this situation, tell your children the truth. You don't have to slander you ex or blow it up, but definitely talk to your children and explain to them honestly why the marriage broke. If you're sugarcoating you risk leaving the impression that it was your fault and you left just because you didn't want them anymore. Then they first blame themselves and later they blame you since it's very unlikely that the dishonest person will suddenly own up and tell them it was them.

Lee-Ann
Community Member
2 weeks ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The 'kids' were 17 and 18 when they found out that their mother had cancer and she lived for 5 years. They aren't children they are young adults, which means that they are 23 and 22 year old. I think that changes things to the folks calling him the ahole.

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lenka
Community Member
2 weeks ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dont think anyone is an A hole here. It was unfortunate timing mixed with raw grief.

Caro Caro
Community Member
2 weeks ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Except the mother's 2nd husband, he is definitely the A hole.

Load More Replies...
Sonja
Community Member
2 weeks ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP said he never talked badly about his ex. I wonder if she was also that considerate. Did they ever tell their children why they separated? Or did the ex-wife spin a tale that omitted her faults trying to make it a tragic happening with no ones fault or even hinted it was somehow OPs fault? That would explain the animosity and standoffishness. And it happens so often! If anyone of you ever comes to this situation, tell your children the truth. You don't have to slander you ex or blow it up, but definitely talk to your children and explain to them honestly why the marriage broke. If you're sugarcoating you risk leaving the impression that it was your fault and you left just because you didn't want them anymore. Then they first blame themselves and later they blame you since it's very unlikely that the dishonest person will suddenly own up and tell them it was them.

Lee-Ann
Community Member
2 weeks ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The 'kids' were 17 and 18 when they found out that their mother had cancer and she lived for 5 years. They aren't children they are young adults, which means that they are 23 and 22 year old. I think that changes things to the folks calling him the ahole.

Load More Comments
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