Wife Asks For Divorce After 15 Years, Expects Partner To Continue Living With Her
It’s never fun when a marriage ends. Whether on good terms or not so amicably, there now are a lot of decisions to make. In cases where the idea of divorce is not mutual, it can be harder to reach a compromise.
People can have different ideas of what life should look like after splitting up. Some may find it painful to maintain contact, others might think there shouldn’t be any major changes at all.
This woman’s wife made an unusual demand after asking for a divorce. To get some advice on what to do, the woman went to Reddit and asked the internet’s opinion.
There are a lot of things couples need to consider after they decide to get a divorce
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
A woman asked the internet whether she’d be an AH for moving out of the house after her wife asked for a divorce
Image credits: Brett Sayles (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Image credits: InColour-0331
There are two main reasons why divorced couples might decide to continue living together. One of them is children
Parents may wish to minimize the disruption of their kids’ lives during the process of divorce. But the situation is a little different when one person in the marriage is a stepparent.
Legally, in the US, while the divorce is ongoing, the stepparent has the same obligations as during the marriage. These obligations vary from state to state, but in general, they don’t include much. “Once a stepparent is divorced from a biological parent, the stepparent is typically expected to sever ties,” Hello Divorce writes.
If a stepparent wishes to secure their right as a caregiver, they should consider adoption. Then, in the face of a divorce, they may demand visitation rights and custody, or become their guardian in the event of the biological parent’s death.
Yet, a child cannot have three parents. Adoption is viable in instances where one of the parents is no longer alive. Another possibility is if the court sees the biological parent as unfit or a dangerous influence.
Stepparents who wish to maintain a relationship with their stepchildren are legally called “persons with a legitimate interest.” They may seek to secure custody or visitation rights. In most cases, these rights will most likely come with financial obligations for securing a future for the child.
Family finances are another pressing issue while the divorce is being finalized
Financial security can be a big factor for couples who decide to live together after a divorce. Even if the split is amicable and there are no divorce attorney fees. A two-income household is especially beneficial when one partner earns more than the other.
In these cases, living together becomes even trickier. Marriage counselors recommend setting very clear boundaries with your ex-partner. “Agreeing on how, when, and why the resources should be redistributed is a crucial issue,” writes Ph.D. and clinical psychologist Randi Gunther for Psychology Today.
Although that’s easier said and done. These conversations can be very stressful and result in arguments and hurt feelings. Gunther advises separating the earnings made by each individual. After all, the family unit is no longer there.
“What was once a common chest of available resources now morphs into two separate, private stashes, often withheld from the other,” she writes. “The couple has to put together a common budget for the expenses they continue to share while relinquishing access to anything beyond that.”
It’s not uncommon for divorced couples to remain in the same living arrangement
Co-parenting and financial stability aside, there can be other reasons to stay together after divorce. It’s possible one (or both) parties still have some unresolved feelings. Statistically, 10-15% of divorced couples get back together.
If exes get married again, there’s only a 30% chance they’ll get divorced. Compared to the 60% rate of regular second marriages, that suggests a renewed marriage might be stronger than it was before the divorce.
Some couples wish to live together because of religious or cultural beliefs. Divorce is still a stigma in some circles, so couples choose to stay together to avoid embarrassment and judgment.
Living together after divorce can also be a temporary solution. Whether until one of the exes finds a new home, or until the divorce goes through. If it’s a mutual decision, it might work even for a longer time than expected, writes Gunther.
The OP also clarified some things in the comments
Commenters assured her she is NTA and suggested she move out as quickly as possible
Staying friends after you break up is the biggest lie there is. Break up, go no contact for at least three months and after that most people realise they can live without them. Best thing I learned from my ex.
I know several people who are still good friends with their exes... this amazed me over years. Especially one guy, now married, always invites some of his exes to parties or whatever. They are also good friends with his now wife. This dude is just a good man, always nice and respectful. But it's fascinating
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OP, move out. Force your ex and her moochers to get jobs and pay their own bills. If you have any pets, take the pets with you.
The step kids - 22yo, no job, no school? WTF? What are they doing? Both their mother and the OP should kick them out. My worry for OP is that in the divorce, the wife could claim alimony, since OP has been supporting her for so long. But this is a pretty screwed up relationship. OP should get out of there ASAP. One thing that I LOLed about - people were worried that SSM was "unnatural". This situation seems pretty damned normal of a breakup story to me. I didn't even notice that it was two women until I re-read it.
Get an attorney. Prepare the divorce on the best option to you. And after the papers are signed tell her that you already have a place... Not before!!!
Holy mackerel. Hon, please listen, you have been generous enough. You’ve given so very much during the marriage. Now, how about this. Sure, I’ll stay, as long as you pay all the bills so I can save up, and then find a new place to live. I’ll bet she sours on the idea real quick. That should do it, She’s sure good at convincing you to do what she wants. Now you do what’s best for you. Find a new home. And get your own attorney, do not make the mistake of sharing one.
NTA - You need to protect yourself. 1. Mentally start preparing yourself to leave. 2.But don’t do or say anything until you speak to an attorney Follow the attorney’s advice. Good Luck!
Lol in what word are you the arsehole? She does not get to freeload after leaving you. Move out, move on <3
Some of these stories are unreal. You have to be pretty dense to even ask if AITHA in situations like this. You are dense if you stay with her. Use whatever brains you have and get the heck out.
All thanks to ADU Solution Temple a great reunion spell caster who restored my relationship within 72hours after months of breakup, I am one of the people who has received miracle from his temple Once again thanks for your help.
Staying friends after you break up is the biggest lie there is. Break up, go no contact for at least three months and after that most people realise they can live without them. Best thing I learned from my ex.
I know several people who are still good friends with their exes... this amazed me over years. Especially one guy, now married, always invites some of his exes to parties or whatever. They are also good friends with his now wife. This dude is just a good man, always nice and respectful. But it's fascinating
Load More Replies... OP, move out. Force your ex and her moochers to get jobs and pay their own bills. If you have any pets, take the pets with you.
The step kids - 22yo, no job, no school? WTF? What are they doing? Both their mother and the OP should kick them out. My worry for OP is that in the divorce, the wife could claim alimony, since OP has been supporting her for so long. But this is a pretty screwed up relationship. OP should get out of there ASAP. One thing that I LOLed about - people were worried that SSM was "unnatural". This situation seems pretty damned normal of a breakup story to me. I didn't even notice that it was two women until I re-read it.
Get an attorney. Prepare the divorce on the best option to you. And after the papers are signed tell her that you already have a place... Not before!!!
Holy mackerel. Hon, please listen, you have been generous enough. You’ve given so very much during the marriage. Now, how about this. Sure, I’ll stay, as long as you pay all the bills so I can save up, and then find a new place to live. I’ll bet she sours on the idea real quick. That should do it, She’s sure good at convincing you to do what she wants. Now you do what’s best for you. Find a new home. And get your own attorney, do not make the mistake of sharing one.
NTA - You need to protect yourself. 1. Mentally start preparing yourself to leave. 2.But don’t do or say anything until you speak to an attorney Follow the attorney’s advice. Good Luck!
Lol in what word are you the arsehole? She does not get to freeload after leaving you. Move out, move on <3
Some of these stories are unreal. You have to be pretty dense to even ask if AITHA in situations like this. You are dense if you stay with her. Use whatever brains you have and get the heck out.
All thanks to ADU Solution Temple a great reunion spell caster who restored my relationship within 72hours after months of breakup, I am one of the people who has received miracle from his temple Once again thanks for your help.
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