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40YO, Overwhelmed By Nostalgia After Spending Morning At College, Laments His Wife Leaving Him
Interview With Expert
Life is full of surprises; no doubt about it. During my mid-20s I wanted to play soccer professionally and represent my country. Alas, things never go as planned, and here I am writing an article about how unfair or, even miserable, things can be at times!
Even Reddit user EA827 is going through something similar after visiting a college and looking at the hope young people have about their lives. Thinking back about his college days, he feels really sad about how his life turned out at 40—he’s a single dad whose wife cheated and ran away!
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
One fact about being human that we have to come to terms with is that life never goes as we plan
Image credits: aleksandarlittlewolf / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The 40-year-old poster’s wife cheated on him and ran away, while he was left to be a single dad to his 6-year-old daughter
Image credits: EA827
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When he took her to an art program at a local college, he saw all the young people who had so much hope in their life and he felt sad
Image credits: EA827
He expressed that his life didn’t turn out the way he wanted it to when he was in college, and now he wanted to have that hope back in his life
Today, we dive into a sad tale of the original poster (OP) who is quite disappointed by the way his life turned out. For a little background info, he tells us that his wife cheated on him and ran away, leaving him to be a single dad to his 6-year-old daughter.
Recently, he took his kid, along with her Girl Scout troops, to an art program at a local college. He narrated that he loves his daughter, earns well, and has a good job, but when he saw all the young people in the college, hopeful about their futures, it triggered something within him.
He felt like this was not how he pictured his life would be when he was in college and really wished he could go back to that time. Basically, the poor fellow wanted to do other things like be happy, have friends, or go out on dates, something that was different than his regular life with a monotonous schedule.
He was also hesitant to go out on dates as he was scared about how badly his past hurt him. Besides, he also wanted to prioritize his daughter. Well, probably feeling distraught, he vented online and folks couldn’t help but empathize with him.
Some tried to comfort him by saying that even if life didn’t turn out the way he wanted, it was ok, and he could always bring some change if he wanted some respite from a monotonous routine. Others suggested that he could also go out on dates, and there was no such rule where he had to stop living his life just because he was a single dad.
Image credits: Inzmam Khan / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When the fellow mentioned that he cried after going home from college, we could understand all the emotional turmoil that was raging within him. To get a deeper perspective on the matter, Bored Panda reached out to Eden Lobo, a counselor and psychology professor.
She said that navigating feelings of sadness and longing for a past phase of life, like being in college, while balancing single parenthood is actually quite challenging. However, she believes that it can be achievable with intentional strategies.
“Recognize that it’s normal to feel nostalgia for a simpler, freer time. Acknowledge these emotions without judgment. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of that phase, understanding it’s part of personal growth. Reflect on what aspects of college life you long for: freedom, social connections, a sense of purpose, or learning.”
“Determine if there are ways to incorporate those elements into your current life. Embrace your current phase of life by focusing on the unique joys of parenthood and the milestones you share with your child. Recognize the growth and strength you’ve developed through your experiences. But most importantly, find time for yourself and seek support if needed,” Prof. Lobo added.
While speaking about overcoming fear and insecurity about dating again as a single parent, especially after experiencing emotional trauma, Prof. Lobo gave some wise advice. She claimed that it requires a blend of self-reflection, gradual steps, and prioritizing both personal healing and parental responsibilities.
Our expert stressed that it’s important to focus on healing first by addressing any unresolved feelings from past relationships, such as betrayal or abandonment. She also noted how important it is to see dating as an opportunity to meet people and grow, not as a test of your value.
Lastly, she said that you should recognize that your child’s needs come first, but your happiness is also important. “Plan dates around your parenting schedule to avoid feeling torn between responsibilities,” Prof. Lobo concluded.
Well, we truly hope that the poster finds the happiness and optimism that he’s looking for. What about you? Let us know in the comments!
Folks online empathized with him, and some even encouraged him to go out with people as it was possible to do that along with being a dad
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
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What do you think ?
Surly Scot 10 months ago
I envy him. When my family tossed me out at 16 from their abusive home and I got my first apartment, I'd have new friends come by on a daily basis, for the first time I had people who liked me and seemingly cared for me, I belonged somewhere and to a mini-community, I'd never had that before, I was always a mistake in my family no one wanted. Realized everyone was using me for the adult-free space and my money cus I worked 3 jobs to keep that roof over my head. I'm approaching 40, and even though it wasn't real, that 6months is the only happiness/feeling like I belong that i've ever experienced. I'd give anything to feel that again, even for a day. Felt like an unwanted old plastic bag just floating around in the wind my whole life. Of all the stuff they tell us about life when we're kids, they don't mention how lonely and sad it all is.
Lee Gilliland 10 months ago
It's called a midlife crisis, and it happens to everyone eventually.
Grenelda Thurber 10 months ago
It sounds like this person is unhappy with his life and the grass is looking greener on the other side of the fence. Those beautiful buildings and manicured lawns are just a facade on an institution. The students don't live in the beautiful buildings. They live in cramped dormitories or cramped apartments with multiple roommates. Many struggle to find the money to eat and put gas in their cars. They work c**p jobs for c**p pay. Depending on what they're studying, they live with an astonishing amount of stress. I realize there are some students who have great lives at universities, but I'll never forget how free I felt after I started my first professional job. Suddenly, I had real free time. Work stayed at work. There was nothing that I "ought" to be doing when I was home, no papers I should be writing, no studying I should be doing, no projects I should be working on. I have great sympathy for the OP. I've been there and it sucks, suggest he find a therapist and/or see a doctor.
zububonsai 10 months ago (edited)
Yes, especially your last sentence is true. It looks to me like a mix of (1) sudden nostalgia (funny how many answers took "I want to go back to college" literally), (2) aging (welcome to midlife crisis) and (3) the realization he feels too lonely (aftermaths of divorce). He sounds like he will be single in 10 years ("I have to put my daughter first) and really needs a network of friends, not only romantically. I learnt that if you want to have fun and joy as an adult, YOU HAVE TO CREATE THE FUN YOURSELF, like, actively putting stuff on your schedule like "2 hours ice skating", "10 minutes pillow fight with kid", "enjoy (!)15 minutes of deep cleaning", ... There's no mommy around baking a cake on your birthday? Bake your own!
Load More Replies...
Binky Melnik 10 months ago
I don’t understand why sooo many people seem to have misinterpreted what he CLEARLY STATED in black and white: he misses feeling full of hope, that the world is his oyster, and that good things are about to happen for him. He said it clearly, and I don’t understand why so many people are instead guessing at what he’s saying. There’s no guessing! He said exactly what’s bothering him. I know how he feels; I’ve had the same feelings myself before, but I push them out of my mind because that way lies death. I couldn’t live if I didn’t have at least a little hope. I’m glad he’s got a terrific kid and life that ideally take his mind off this most of the time.
Load More Replies...
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
I can understand the feeling of wanting to "go back", though my path was a little different - my dad had an accident when I was 18 and sustained catastrophic brain damage. My mom made the decision to keep him on life support (something he had never wanted) and eventually he came out of the initial coma. We took care of him at home. He was completely disabled, bedridden, in diapers, had a feeding tube, the whole shebang, and needed 24hr care. I quit college (I'd started at 14) and became his primary caregiver, and also worked at the family business as well. Then suddenly 21 years passed, and my dad got sick and died soon after (staph and pneumonia in both lungs.) I suddenly looked around myself at 39 years old, with no spouse, no career, no job, no friends, no purpose in life at all. I felt a lot like OP - I want to have friends again. I want to feel optimistic. But it's incredibly difficult to take the first step to do so, after you've been hurt by something.
Kelly hinds 10 months ago
Life for many of us, doesnt follow the path we dreamed of. Wether our relationship breaks down, we lose a loved one, or like myself became chronically ill. Our life path splits and travels in another direction. And it can be devastating and depressing. Accepting your new reality can be a massive struggle. And even if you do accept your new course, there are often down times.
Surly Scot 10 months ago
I envy him. When my family tossed me out at 16 from their abusive home and I got my first apartment, I'd have new friends come by on a daily basis, for the first time I had people who liked me and seemingly cared for me, I belonged somewhere and to a mini-community, I'd never had that before, I was always a mistake in my family no one wanted. Realized everyone was using me for the adult-free space and my money cus I worked 3 jobs to keep that roof over my head. I'm approaching 40, and even though it wasn't real, that 6months is the only happiness/feeling like I belong that i've ever experienced. I'd give anything to feel that again, even for a day. Felt like an unwanted old plastic bag just floating around in the wind my whole life. Of all the stuff they tell us about life when we're kids, they don't mention how lonely and sad it all is.
Lee Gilliland 10 months ago
It's called a midlife crisis, and it happens to everyone eventually.
Grenelda Thurber 10 months ago
It sounds like this person is unhappy with his life and the grass is looking greener on the other side of the fence. Those beautiful buildings and manicured lawns are just a facade on an institution. The students don't live in the beautiful buildings. They live in cramped dormitories or cramped apartments with multiple roommates. Many struggle to find the money to eat and put gas in their cars. They work c**p jobs for c**p pay. Depending on what they're studying, they live with an astonishing amount of stress. I realize there are some students who have great lives at universities, but I'll never forget how free I felt after I started my first professional job. Suddenly, I had real free time. Work stayed at work. There was nothing that I "ought" to be doing when I was home, no papers I should be writing, no studying I should be doing, no projects I should be working on. I have great sympathy for the OP. I've been there and it sucks, suggest he find a therapist and/or see a doctor.
zububonsai 10 months ago (edited)
Yes, especially your last sentence is true. It looks to me like a mix of (1) sudden nostalgia (funny how many answers took "I want to go back to college" literally), (2) aging (welcome to midlife crisis) and (3) the realization he feels too lonely (aftermaths of divorce). He sounds like he will be single in 10 years ("I have to put my daughter first) and really needs a network of friends, not only romantically. I learnt that if you want to have fun and joy as an adult, YOU HAVE TO CREATE THE FUN YOURSELF, like, actively putting stuff on your schedule like "2 hours ice skating", "10 minutes pillow fight with kid", "enjoy (!)15 minutes of deep cleaning", ... There's no mommy around baking a cake on your birthday? Bake your own!
Load More Replies... Binky Melnik 10 months ago
I don’t understand why sooo many people seem to have misinterpreted what he CLEARLY STATED in black and white: he misses feeling full of hope, that the world is his oyster, and that good things are about to happen for him. He said it clearly, and I don’t understand why so many people are instead guessing at what he’s saying. There’s no guessing! He said exactly what’s bothering him. I know how he feels; I’ve had the same feelings myself before, but I push them out of my mind because that way lies death. I couldn’t live if I didn’t have at least a little hope. I’m glad he’s got a terrific kid and life that ideally take his mind off this most of the time.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
I can understand the feeling of wanting to "go back", though my path was a little different - my dad had an accident when I was 18 and sustained catastrophic brain damage. My mom made the decision to keep him on life support (something he had never wanted) and eventually he came out of the initial coma. We took care of him at home. He was completely disabled, bedridden, in diapers, had a feeding tube, the whole shebang, and needed 24hr care. I quit college (I'd started at 14) and became his primary caregiver, and also worked at the family business as well. Then suddenly 21 years passed, and my dad got sick and died soon after (staph and pneumonia in both lungs.) I suddenly looked around myself at 39 years old, with no spouse, no career, no job, no friends, no purpose in life at all. I felt a lot like OP - I want to have friends again. I want to feel optimistic. But it's incredibly difficult to take the first step to do so, after you've been hurt by something.
Kelly hinds 10 months ago
Life for many of us, doesnt follow the path we dreamed of. Wether our relationship breaks down, we lose a loved one, or like myself became chronically ill. Our life path splits and travels in another direction. And it can be devastating and depressing. Accepting your new reality can be a massive struggle. And even if you do accept your new course, there are often down times.
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