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17 Women Share The Moment They Realized They’d Like To Remain Childfree
Article created by: Indrė Lukošiūtė
Not everyone is meant to be a parent and not everyone wants to be a parent. That’s the simple (some would say uncomfortable) truth. However, not everyone agrees with this. Some folks believe that everyone should be a parent, no matter how much the idea of having kids might scare or push others away. However, being ‘childfree’ is always a choice.
Redditor u/KindlyYam6687 started up a thread on r/AskWomen, asking internet users around the globe about the “defining moment” that made them decide not to have children. Scroll down for their candid answers and stories.
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#1
Literally EVERY person I know my age who has kids do nothing but complain
They look tired
They look sick
They look hungry
They say they haven't had fun in months
Meanwhile I'm just chillin', plus I like having money :D Kids are expensive.
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#2
Realizing that having children was more of a societal pressure in order to have "a fulfilling life" but in fact the things in my life that bring me fulfillment don't include children
#3
When row vs. Wade got overturned and it was my final straw. I decided that I would rather die than have to be forced if I ever did get pregnant.
#4
I was like 6. Playing with my barbies, and my dad made some remark about how I'll be a good mother one day. I looked up at him and said "I don't want kids." then went right back to my dolls
Fast forward~17 yaers, fallopian tubes are removed and I'm involved with a volunteer team to help people worldwide find resources to get elective sterilization
#5
As the oldest of five children, our household was chaotic and I believe I helped my mom raise my siblings. I also spent most of my teens babysitting and nannying as a main source of income.
One day in college while on a trip with my family, my brother got lost and we thought he was gone. Thankfully he returned, but I cried for days about almost losing him. If I felt that way about a sibling, I knew I would be an overbearing, stressed out, overprotective, anxious mother, which isn’t necessarily a good thing.
By the time I was a young adult, I was exhausted from taking care of others, I was riddled with anxiety and had lived through traumatic experiences, and started to get a glimpse of life as an independent woman. Ironically I am good with kids, being an older sister. I love my friends’ babies, and I’ll be the best fun aunt one day, but children just aren’t conducive with my mental state and I prefer my freedom and lifestyle.
#6
Watching a bunch of my friends have kids and turn into zombies who complain about having no life, no sleep, and everything that their kids do in general. No one is making parenting look like any fun.
Also, I’ve never liked kids.
#7
When I found out that there were only 2 ways the baby could come out, and both sounded awful.
#8
I felt like a burden as a child, like I was unloved and unwanted, and I decided when I was pretty young that I would never have kids because I would never want them to worry about if they were lovable enough
#9
A boyfriend (ex now, of course) mentioned that he wanted a kid one day.
I realized in that moment that I had never thought that someone would expect me to have a kid for them, and I'd never wanted a kid for me. I put a bunch more thought into the decision and got my tubes removed at 25.
#10
When I was a kid and my mom screamed at me that I'd understand why she was so tired, stressed and miserable once I'd have my own kids.
After that? Listening moms complain all the time about their life, kids and husbands. No kid deserves that.
#11
I’m not sure there was a defining moment. I think I just kind of had a sense from fairly early on that I wasn’t interested. And it’s strengthened as I’ve gotten older so I’m feeling at peace about it.
Not having kids is so much easier than having kids. Like I don’t have to find a partner in time, or live near good schools, or budget money for childcare. I just do whatever. Other than choosing partners and birth control, I don’t have to make any decisions around NOT having kids.
#12
So I'm 30 now and I honestly just never felt the urge? 🤷 When my girlfriends started having babies and saying things like "oh I've wanted to be a mother since I was a little girl!" I never experienced that. And then my husband and I discussed it and felt yeah, we really just don't care 🤷 I love my friends and families children dearly but will remain intentionally child free ✌️
#13
Realizing that every time I imagined having a child, I instantly began also daydreaming about how I could get a break from it. Imagining who would watch it while I went out for some adult time, thinking of how I could still go on big adventurous trips away from home, wondering how I could not be tied to the school schedule.
My husband and I always talked and dreamed about having one kid, and we began trying for one right around when the pandemic started. Of course, I had zero desire to be pregnant during a pandemic so we paused for a while. Every time we talked about trying again, we always found some excuse to wait a little more. Eventually we realized we didn't have to have a kid at all, and honestly we're so much happier now that we've admitted that to ourselves!
#14
I honestly don’t understand why so many people want them. It’s like renouncing to your freedom, money and life for someone else; I really don’t get why people would want them at all.
#15
Honestly? Hearing stories about folks’ bodies being effectively ruined by childbirth. Episiotomies that go wrong, that kind of thing.
And then also just thinking about climate change and how I don’t feel like it’s right for me to bring a new life into all this.
#16
Watching my mom get a 3rd degree tear in real time giving birth to my youngest sister. I was 11. Also Im the oldest of 5. I’ve already spent over a decade being a parent and I don’t want to do it anymore.
#17
One of the less complicated reasons is simply that it took me so long to feel comfortable in my body (and I still don’t most of time) I just don’t want to face that experience in my body after finally feeling better about it.
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