Woman Cancels Her Ticket And Leaves Family Vacation After Learning MIL Excluded Her Kids Only
Family holidays can bring out the worst in people, and Reddit user thatMomma79 learned this the hard way.
After the woman mourned her husband, who tragically succumbed to cancer, she met Jack. The two fell in love and started spending more and more time with each other, but Jack’s mother didn’t approve of her son’s new girlfriend.
This caused serious tension between them, and even the couple’s engagement didn’t help the situation, which eventually culminated during what was supposed to be a fun trip together.
This mom-of-two got engaged to her boyfriend, but her future mother-in-law wasn’t happy about it
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
And put it on full display during one of their family trips
Image credits: garetsworkshop (not the actual photo)
Image credits: thatmomma79
Creating a “blended” family is hard work, but many people are doing it
The Pew Research Institute estimates that over 40 percent of Americans have at least one step-relative in their family.
More specifically, among adults ages 51 and older who are grandparents, nearly 22 percent of grandfathers and 20 percent of grandmothers have at least one step-grandchild, according to 2018 research published in the Journals of Gerontology Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences.
Patricia Papernow, a Boston-based psychologist and author of Surviving and Thriving in Stepfamily Relationships, is a stepparent, parent, grandmother, and step-grandmother, and takes issue with language that oversimplifies the bonding process.
“People go into this expecting blending,” she said. “I always put it in quotes because it captures the longing but not the reality, often, of the stepfamily.”
She and many other experts highlight that it’s the responsibility of the adults in the family to put the children’s interests first and not make them feel like go-betweens or caught in the middle. Something that Jack’s mom needs to be reminded of.
“Anything that you do that ups the tension between the adults is hard on kids,” Papernow added.
Stepparents are generally advised to begin by trying to be friends with their stepchildren as opposed to immediately taking on a parenting role, and step-grandparents can do the same, allowing their relationships to change and deepen over the years. Papernow calls it “connection, not correction.”
If there’s a big change in the family, like, in this case, a remarriage, it’s a perfect opportunity for the step-grandparent to start bonding with the children. “Very few people ever talk to the kids about this,” Papernow said. “To have someone say out loud, ‘This is a lot of change,’ can be very helpful. And oftentimes the grandparent is in a place to do that.”
Hopefully, this family finds a way to make it work for the sake of the little ones.
Image credits: Jeniffer Araújo (not the actual photo)
People supported the author of the post, saying that her future mother-in-law’s disapproval was unjustified and insensitive
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Jack was in on it. He made sure they arrived late at the airport to try and get on the plane before she realised that other children were coming. BIL saw it plain as day and maybe even arranged their own late arrival to conflict with Jack and FMILs failed plot. When Jack proposed, he knew she was a mother and that proposal should absolutely not have happened if he was not 100% ready to be a parent to those girls. He and FMIL are manipulative a.holes and she needs to leave them in her dust. Jack outted himself by not supporting her. How could any of them expect her not to spend the entire holiday resentful and fuming at their blatant lies while watching 3 other kids having fun that her kids should have had with their mum too?
2-year-old story. No follow-up. In any case, the future MIL made it plain that she has no interest in a relationship with step-grandchildren. For eff's sake, their father passed away! I hope the OP found a better father for them.
Stories like this make me miss my mom so much. Whenever one of my brothers was seeing a single mom, my mom ALWAYS made sure the kid felt included in our family gathering. She'd literally run to Target or thrift shop and pick up a couple toys or games in case they were shy. My mom was the best "grandma" around.
On top of everything, he actually came home and bitched at her about how SHE ruined the vacation? Not the MIL?
My same reaction. How dare he! He has the audacity to pit the blame on her.
Load More Replies... What did FMIL expect to happen? Jeez. I mean i can get behind the "family" thing where Mom wanted her immediate family with her but the way she lied is inappropriate. Also, you're already a family if you live together, married or no.
Ok forget the MIL...... her fiance still went on the trip? He let her go home? Yeah the fact he went on the trip still speaks volumes
Hopefully OP will at least postponing her wedding! Sure, future MIL is entitled to her feelings, but she did show herself to be a liar, a deceiver and dishonest with a son whose first priority is obviously not OP and the children. Don't wait for the next red flag but go, go now!
NTA I Married a man who pretended he liked my kids. I wasted several years on that man... Jack put his mother before his new family to be. That's cold and insensitive and a deal breaker unless he can see he was wrong. OP was tricked and lied to and expected to play along with FMIL's wishes. FMiL is manipulative.
Kiss the Mama's boy goodbye. She is getting what she wants and that is to break you two up. Out there somewhere is someone who will love the whole package deal. If you stay with him you are asking for and inviting heart ache and constant battle. You and your girls are better than that. To marry him is lowering your standards. Hold your head high and know that you deserve better.
Why did such obvious common sense end up in AITA subreddit? Do people really need to ask other people opinion about stuff like that? Do people really that oblivious to such common sense? Or is the OP just karma farming? Ugh.. Why do these kind of low quality AITA posts keep ended up here.. It sparks no debate whatsoever..
Some people are so manipulated by the gaslighting that they're unsure what's real or not. If their feelings are legitimate or not.
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That MIL is the woman from hell. She has “issues” with single moms and doesn’t approve of OP’s relationship with her son? I guess being widowed doesn’t mean anything, then? Of course, it shouldn’t really matter either way. But the fact that OP lost her husband at such a young age and was left with two small children to raise is bad enough, she doesn’t need to be treated as “less than” by her FMIL. Her children certainly don’t deserve it either, and her fiancé not only tolerating it, but DEFENDING it, isn’t OK. I hope OP left that relationship behind and hasn’t looked back. Nobody deserves to be treated that way.
I hope OP drops the jackhammer on her fiance and leaves with her beautiful daughters. Jack-o*f*f there and his monster mum can go trip on caltrops. Obviously they cannot accept that OP is a mother before marrying in and deserve to get called out hard. Kudos to BIL though, seems like he is a diamond in a sea of sludge.
OP, do you really need help w/ this one? FMIL & Co. are a pack of hyenas. If this happened to me there would've been no fight upon Fiance's homecoming bcuz I would've been long gone. Stop, Drop, & Roll Kid- marrying into this will be the mistake of your life. You've worked hard to manage life as a widowed mother & care for your children. Years ago my mum tried to exclude my then bf ( now hubs of 14 yrs) from a family function & I chose not to go, kids & all. I would've done exactly what you did. Do not make this sh*t show official. NTA
I actually read it as Former MIL through the whole story.
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I'd rather someone just tell me they don't like my kids than lie to me
... FMIL-TA of course. Set boundaries. They decided to lie to you, to exclude your daughters on, if any, bilogistic grounds only, and these grounds simply do not carry - end of. See if your future husband will take her side, your side or - preferably - doesn't take any persons' side, but the side of reason. In this case, there's not much of a diffence anyway, ... anyway, ...
With those red flags in the beginning, personally, I'd be done. I don't think much will change in the future.They've already shown their true colors.This man will always make excuses for his mother or he would have never gotten on the plane and went without you.
Bin him and find someone whose family will treat you as part of the family and not just an extra ... oh and he knew what was going on, hence the late arrival at the airport.
I think Jack is single for a reason.... Sounds like he's married to his mother already.
Exclude my children? Deal breaker. OP needs to run like hell, because the gaslighting will become something more. I wonder how he treats his patients....since he's a "doctor."
Lady, please RUN! Not just for your sake but ESPECIALLY for your daughters' sakes. Excluding BIL, that family is a DANGEROUSLY TOXIC one! Please stop addressing him as a fiance or his mother as a Fmil. In my country, we would say, "God forbid them". That is, God forbid a situation where you have such toxins in your lives. The fact that jackass even went on that trip without you should let you know he already made his choice. He is only pretending to love your daughters. Mail his ring back to him and please get rid of such garbage quickly.
NTA, but not very smart either. FMIL got her way because neither you OR your kids went on the trip! How could someone NOT love 2 little girls who lost their daddy? If you think Jack REALLY loves your girls, then y'all need some counseling before saying I DO. I DAMN sure wouldn't just walk away & let that b!tch win. Even if he doesn't act right after you're married, you'll still be set. My bff divorced a doctor and gets over $100,000 a year in alimony! If y'all have any kids together , I would limit their time with MIL. Then you'll TRULY have the upper hand. I'd make her regret effing with my kids, but I'll admit I'm petty af!!!
Ever marry a mommas boy. He will always side with his hateful mother over his wife.
Guess how bad those lil girls would feel if they saw the pics from the trip, they are just kids, why would you punish them. I guess that’s why many people will stay single parents when they have kids to take care.
Holy crāp … the crimson flags in this story couldn’t be more in the red if they were drenched in blood!! Please don’t marry into this family, because if they don’t value your little ones now, they never will; & you can bet they’re going to try & gaslight you into believing otherwise, just like this guy Jack (or “Jāck-OFF” as he should be dubbed) tried to gaslight you into the idea that YOU were the one who crossed the line by cancelling your ticket to be with your daughters … you are 100% RIGHT, hon. You have every right to be angry with them & you are totally free to choose whether you want to go somewhere or not, regardless of what they think, as you aren’t in their debt & they have no power over your life choices whatsoever. If your “fiancé” is that possessive, you need to take your girls & GTFO, because they’re only going to get worse if you marry him. 🫢🙅♀️🧳🏃🏻♀️
I would never be in a blended family relationship. I've seen first hand all kinds of problems. High 5 to those who can make it work but I would never.
Could have SAID that though. Instead of lying and then getting mad that she noticed about the lie.
Load More Replies...
B******t that was an innocent mistake. Sometimes it's so easy to tell when some toxic male got "done over" by his ex, like right here.
Load More Replies... Jack was in on it. He made sure they arrived late at the airport to try and get on the plane before she realised that other children were coming. BIL saw it plain as day and maybe even arranged their own late arrival to conflict with Jack and FMILs failed plot. When Jack proposed, he knew she was a mother and that proposal should absolutely not have happened if he was not 100% ready to be a parent to those girls. He and FMIL are manipulative a.holes and she needs to leave them in her dust. Jack outted himself by not supporting her. How could any of them expect her not to spend the entire holiday resentful and fuming at their blatant lies while watching 3 other kids having fun that her kids should have had with their mum too?
2-year-old story. No follow-up. In any case, the future MIL made it plain that she has no interest in a relationship with step-grandchildren. For eff's sake, their father passed away! I hope the OP found a better father for them.
Stories like this make me miss my mom so much. Whenever one of my brothers was seeing a single mom, my mom ALWAYS made sure the kid felt included in our family gathering. She'd literally run to Target or thrift shop and pick up a couple toys or games in case they were shy. My mom was the best "grandma" around.
On top of everything, he actually came home and bitched at her about how SHE ruined the vacation? Not the MIL?
My same reaction. How dare he! He has the audacity to pit the blame on her.
Load More Replies... What did FMIL expect to happen? Jeez. I mean i can get behind the "family" thing where Mom wanted her immediate family with her but the way she lied is inappropriate. Also, you're already a family if you live together, married or no.
Ok forget the MIL...... her fiance still went on the trip? He let her go home? Yeah the fact he went on the trip still speaks volumes
Hopefully OP will at least postponing her wedding! Sure, future MIL is entitled to her feelings, but she did show herself to be a liar, a deceiver and dishonest with a son whose first priority is obviously not OP and the children. Don't wait for the next red flag but go, go now!
NTA I Married a man who pretended he liked my kids. I wasted several years on that man... Jack put his mother before his new family to be. That's cold and insensitive and a deal breaker unless he can see he was wrong. OP was tricked and lied to and expected to play along with FMIL's wishes. FMiL is manipulative.
Kiss the Mama's boy goodbye. She is getting what she wants and that is to break you two up. Out there somewhere is someone who will love the whole package deal. If you stay with him you are asking for and inviting heart ache and constant battle. You and your girls are better than that. To marry him is lowering your standards. Hold your head high and know that you deserve better.
Why did such obvious common sense end up in AITA subreddit? Do people really need to ask other people opinion about stuff like that? Do people really that oblivious to such common sense? Or is the OP just karma farming? Ugh.. Why do these kind of low quality AITA posts keep ended up here.. It sparks no debate whatsoever..
Some people are so manipulated by the gaslighting that they're unsure what's real or not. If their feelings are legitimate or not.
Load More Replies... That MIL is the woman from hell. She has “issues” with single moms and doesn’t approve of OP’s relationship with her son? I guess being widowed doesn’t mean anything, then? Of course, it shouldn’t really matter either way. But the fact that OP lost her husband at such a young age and was left with two small children to raise is bad enough, she doesn’t need to be treated as “less than” by her FMIL. Her children certainly don’t deserve it either, and her fiancé not only tolerating it, but DEFENDING it, isn’t OK. I hope OP left that relationship behind and hasn’t looked back. Nobody deserves to be treated that way.
I hope OP drops the jackhammer on her fiance and leaves with her beautiful daughters. Jack-o*f*f there and his monster mum can go trip on caltrops. Obviously they cannot accept that OP is a mother before marrying in and deserve to get called out hard. Kudos to BIL though, seems like he is a diamond in a sea of sludge.
OP, do you really need help w/ this one? FMIL & Co. are a pack of hyenas. If this happened to me there would've been no fight upon Fiance's homecoming bcuz I would've been long gone. Stop, Drop, & Roll Kid- marrying into this will be the mistake of your life. You've worked hard to manage life as a widowed mother & care for your children. Years ago my mum tried to exclude my then bf ( now hubs of 14 yrs) from a family function & I chose not to go, kids & all. I would've done exactly what you did. Do not make this sh*t show official. NTA
I actually read it as Former MIL through the whole story.
Load More Replies... I'd rather someone just tell me they don't like my kids than lie to me
... FMIL-TA of course. Set boundaries. They decided to lie to you, to exclude your daughters on, if any, bilogistic grounds only, and these grounds simply do not carry - end of. See if your future husband will take her side, your side or - preferably - doesn't take any persons' side, but the side of reason. In this case, there's not much of a diffence anyway, ... anyway, ...
With those red flags in the beginning, personally, I'd be done. I don't think much will change in the future.They've already shown their true colors.This man will always make excuses for his mother or he would have never gotten on the plane and went without you.
Bin him and find someone whose family will treat you as part of the family and not just an extra ... oh and he knew what was going on, hence the late arrival at the airport.
I think Jack is single for a reason.... Sounds like he's married to his mother already.
Exclude my children? Deal breaker. OP needs to run like hell, because the gaslighting will become something more. I wonder how he treats his patients....since he's a "doctor."
Lady, please RUN! Not just for your sake but ESPECIALLY for your daughters' sakes. Excluding BIL, that family is a DANGEROUSLY TOXIC one! Please stop addressing him as a fiance or his mother as a Fmil. In my country, we would say, "God forbid them". That is, God forbid a situation where you have such toxins in your lives. The fact that jackass even went on that trip without you should let you know he already made his choice. He is only pretending to love your daughters. Mail his ring back to him and please get rid of such garbage quickly.
NTA, but not very smart either. FMIL got her way because neither you OR your kids went on the trip! How could someone NOT love 2 little girls who lost their daddy? If you think Jack REALLY loves your girls, then y'all need some counseling before saying I DO. I DAMN sure wouldn't just walk away & let that b!tch win. Even if he doesn't act right after you're married, you'll still be set. My bff divorced a doctor and gets over $100,000 a year in alimony! If y'all have any kids together , I would limit their time with MIL. Then you'll TRULY have the upper hand. I'd make her regret effing with my kids, but I'll admit I'm petty af!!!
Ever marry a mommas boy. He will always side with his hateful mother over his wife.
Guess how bad those lil girls would feel if they saw the pics from the trip, they are just kids, why would you punish them. I guess that’s why many people will stay single parents when they have kids to take care.
Holy crāp … the crimson flags in this story couldn’t be more in the red if they were drenched in blood!! Please don’t marry into this family, because if they don’t value your little ones now, they never will; & you can bet they’re going to try & gaslight you into believing otherwise, just like this guy Jack (or “Jāck-OFF” as he should be dubbed) tried to gaslight you into the idea that YOU were the one who crossed the line by cancelling your ticket to be with your daughters … you are 100% RIGHT, hon. You have every right to be angry with them & you are totally free to choose whether you want to go somewhere or not, regardless of what they think, as you aren’t in their debt & they have no power over your life choices whatsoever. If your “fiancé” is that possessive, you need to take your girls & GTFO, because they’re only going to get worse if you marry him. 🫢🙅♀️🧳🏃🏻♀️
I would never be in a blended family relationship. I've seen first hand all kinds of problems. High 5 to those who can make it work but I would never.
Could have SAID that though. Instead of lying and then getting mad that she noticed about the lie.
Load More Replies... B******t that was an innocent mistake. Sometimes it's so easy to tell when some toxic male got "done over" by his ex, like right here.
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