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30 Men Who Have Cheated On Partners Get Brutally Honest In Discussing Why They Did It
Interview
It’s many people’s worst nightmare. You happen to glance at your partner’s phone and see a flirty message from a name you don’t recognize, or you notice they’ve been “working late” a few too many times recently. Betraying a partner's trust by cheating is one of the quickest ways to destroy a relationship, yet somehow, nearly a quarter of men admit to having been unfaithful.
To get to the bottom of why people commit infidelity, one curious Reddit user asked men who have cheated to share their reasoning. Hundreds of men weighed in with brutally honest answers, so below, you can find some insight into what makes a cheater, as well as conversations with the person who started this conversation and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Shane Birkel.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I’m seeing a whole lot of excuses. “Our relationship was sexless” “it was boring” “we didn’t really connect anymore” “I met someone who was the opposite and got excited I miss her everyday” “I was young” s**t excuse after s**t excuse. Just break up. That’s deada*s all what you needed to do.
FakeOptimist 2 years ago
Totally agree. I'm a man, so sometimes as thick as 2 wooden planks. Have some issues with self-esteem (hence the nickname) , but as soon as I realized I was attractive (someone I knew kissed me full on the mouth, unexpected to me ) I did some soul-searching and broke up. No : I did not respond to that kiss.
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VirtualJess 2 years ago
Nothing is black and white. You can be in love with someone who is ill, you can fall out of love but still be best friends, I've never cheated but I used to think it was easy like that....it never is tho.
Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago
But it is. It really is. If your SO is I'll you need to have an honest conversation, same if you fail out of love ..l'm middle age,l've had my fair share of partners. Things are as complicated as you want to make them.. And it's usually never a good idea.
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Steve Robert 2 years ago
People who cheat on their SOs should be avoided like the plague. Yet the so called religious right still supports the lying, theiving, adulterer tRump like he's the second coming of Christ. Fuucking immoral hippocrites!
Isaac Harvey 2 years ago (edited)
If you’re only in a relationship for personal gain, it’s probably not going to work out in the end.
RELATED:
#2
My bf of 10 years cheated, the excuse......it's my fault. I have terminal cancer and it's my fault. He didn't ask to have a gf with cancer, so.......I am leaving and living what's left of my life without his lieing, cheating, alcoholic a*s! They broke the mold when they made him....he's a real winner!
Megalodon Meg 2 years ago
To OP-you are so strong and radiant and he can stfu. You're worthy, you're loved, you matter.
Wreathy 2 years ago
If you want to reply to the OP with your lovely message, click on the reddit link and reply there. That way they'll see it. :)
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similarly 2 years ago
I knew a woman who was in an accident and was paralyzed. Her husband left her because he didn't want to be with a woman in a wheelchair. When I met her, she was very confident and independent, and took care of herself. She's been married for many years now to a very supportive man who really studied about how to be a good partner. He helps her when she needs it, and gives her independence when she needs it. A really good guy.
Old Roadie 2 years ago
That man set a standard the ex will never understand, much less reach.
Load More Replies... Alexandra Davis 2 years ago
My ex dumped me when he found out I had been diagnosed with some chronic long term degenerative medical conditions as he "didn't sign up to be with a cripple" then I found out he had been gambling our money and not paid any bills for 6 months. As he worked from home, he had hidden the letters and I was just transferring my half of the bills into our joint account none the wiser. Obviously it fell to me to pay it off as he went MIA and as we were joint names on the bills, I wouldn't risk my credit score being ruined by him. Still bitter nearly 10 years on, but glad I escaped the relationship.
Tamra 2 years ago
You're well rid of him. You certainly deserve much better!
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Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago
Not to start a gender war or anything, but numbers are numbers: men leave their female partners when they're diagnosed with cancer or during the development of it in a proportion of 5:1 compared to women when the roles are reversed. And then they ask why I prefer dogs.
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
A family friend of mine wanted to leave her husband for years, but stayed for the kids. Her youngest was turning 18 so she was getting ready to finally leave him and he was diagnosed with multiple terminal tumours, so now she is staying until he passes away. While I think it is good for her kids to see that she cares enough to look after him, and spare them from coping on their own, I think I would struggle with it.
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Moezzzz 2 years ago
My god. I've been with my husband for almost 10 yrs. We're both second timers (married once before). I have a bone disease along my spine. I was told I should've already been in a wheelchair, but I'm not there yet. I can still walk and have good days most of the time AND I still work full time. But there are really bad days. Admittedly, we don't make love as often as we used to. My literal angel of a husband blames himself (he says he's an "old man" and he's "fat" etc. he's 52). He's a little overweight, but by no means fat. He's gorgeous. We're in another state right now, just watched my future daughter in law graduate college and my ex husband was there with my sons and ex in laws, and I couldn't help but draw the parallel between the two of them; one thought I was "making up the back pain" and the other worries if I'm in pain all the time. One never went to the doctors with me and the other actually research's everything from effective pain meds to treatments. I'm incredibly blessed
Moezzzz 2 years ago
Crazy thing is- when I was with my ex, I had cervical cancer and we went through all that and treatments and surgeries just to have our two amazing sons. I thought nothing could come between us after that. But, I guess there's something about blondes and tan skin that did something for him. I'll never be that girl, never was. I can't tan (freckles). I look stupid with blond hair (literally- it's like watching pipi long stocking with blond hair.... or Annie), and nails? Can't wear them. I've tried. And it's too much maintenance to go to the nail salon all the time. My ex thinks the WORLD of my husband- he tells me all the time that he's such a great guy. I KNOW! He's amazing. And every day he shows me how much he loves me. I think we both had to have awful marriages or relationships to understand what we want and now that we have it, we're not letting go.
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Negatoris Wrecks 2 years ago
The statistics of male partners leaving female partners when they get terminally ill compared to the genders reverse is truly disturbing
Old Roadie 2 years ago
I met an Australian sailor on deployment when I was stationed in Hawaii. Like me, he was a body builder. He asked me out to dinner. Didn't take long to realize he was a conceited, shallow oaf but then ...THEN he showed me a picture of his newborn twins. This lousy piece of jetsam just ditched his gorgeous body builder wife because their twins left stretch marks on her body. Stretch marks repulsed him. I cannot repeat what I said to that POS as I stood up and walked out.
Load More Replies...To learn more about how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Aggravating-Angel217, who posed the question, "Men that have cheated, why did you do it?" Lucky for us, the OP was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and explain what inspired her to spark this discussion. "Personally, I’ve never cheated, but I’ve been cheated on in every relationship," she shared.
"I feel as though people that get cheated on never truly have an answer as to why it happened: was it something we did, were our partners not satisfied with us, are we lacking something, ect.," she explained. "So I was looking to see if anyone had a reason they were willing to share behind the anonymity of a screen name."
#3
We were fighting a lot and I thought the relationship was gonna end inevitably regardless of whether or not I cheated. So the opportunity came up on its own and I took it, zero hesitation.
I didn't know cheating would kill any small possibility of us getting better and growing together. By cheating, I essentially admitted through my actions that I had no respect for her. We tried to patch things up and make it work afterwards, but it couldn't work because I've already proven to her and myself that I'm not gonna be faithful when times get tough. I wasn't loyal or committed to anyone but myself.
Since then I've had to really be honest with myself and learn how immature, irresponsible and disgusting that was for me to do. It's easily my biggest regret in life. I lost a really good girl who was smart, beautiful, funny and caring, all because I wanted a quick nut. I think she easily could've been the one if I just put in the effort to make things work. But I didn't, and I lost her and now she's gone forever. And if God ever gives me a second chance at love, I'll never make the same mistake.
Deborah B 2 years ago
This is a man understanding why women can't forgive cheating, when the man thinks it was "meaningless". It's because the man valued that meaningless encounter over the entire relationship with his partner. It's an act of profound disrespect.
Doodles1983 2 years ago
Please don’t group all men and all women. I could forgive the cheating, he even had my blessing to find sex elsewhere. (My drive and health affect the physical). I couldn’t take being lied to about it. To this day, I don’t care what he did or with whom. I hate that he could lie so well.
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The Starsong Princess 2 years ago
I hope this guy does some work on himself before he dates again. He has no respect for women - he treated his gf badly and he considers the woman he cheated with - a real person- just a quick nut.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
I was thinking the same. If they're fighting a lot then there are serious problems. Without a lot more information it's impossible to say whether it's something that could be overcome at all. His second last line about putting in an effort to make things work... Well that implies he's solely at fault and it's rarely entirely one person's fault. Even if he was and changed a bunch of behaviour, chances are he'd have ended up resenting her because he was no longer doing whatever it was (eg: drinking with the boys, smoking pot or whatever). Meaning there was a good chance they'd have just broken up anyway it would have just taken longer to get there.
Load More Replies... MissyKrissy 2 years ago
I truly believe you deserve another chance. Good luck finding that love and I wish you the absolute best.
Dean Lawrence 2 years ago
it is better to know and to be very sure that your spouse is cheating than to have the thought that your spouse is cheating, says by a proffessor of psychology named Dr Leo, he said having the thought that your spouse is cheating can cause sudden illness and depression because the mind will not be stable...this was one of the research he made which made him to go as far as acquiring skill on social media hacking and spying to be able track down cheating spouse, i am saying all this because he has helped me in spying on several occassions, he is an expect in spying social media such as facebook,instagram, skype,whatsapp,telegram,icloud and even email accounts, you can reach him via his gmail account on leoglobalconsult
#4
I’m gay. Was with a woman to try and tell myself I wasn’t. Wanted to make my family happy.
I feel terrible for doing it and I still kick myself for not being honest about who I am because I hurt people.
I did it more than once. I feel bad for lying to her and everyone and causing a lot more drama than was necessary.
So yeah. I wasn’t able to be honest with myself which in turn made me a cheater. I’m good now but I still feel bad about what I did. Wasn’t right.
similarly 2 years ago
This happens so often, and it would be a LOT easier to avoid if we make progress on being supportive of people so that they don't feel like they can't be themselves.
M Bow 2 years ago
Perhaps unpopular, but this is just as bad as any other reason. It is a shame that he felt trapped within himself, but hurting someone else in the process doesn't excuse that.
Wax0nWax0ff 2 years ago
It’s interesting to see how different the reactions in the comments are for this poster compared to the others
Violet1854 2 years ago
That must have been so frustrating. Sorry that you had to go through that OP
Paul Mitchell 2 years ago
It's not easy for gay people, even today. I can understand why you did this. Don't be hard on yourself. We all have done things we wish we hadn't.
Doodles1983 2 years ago
Common theme amongst the LGBTQIA2+ trying to “fit” societal norms. The tide is changing. In some places.
We were also curious what the OP's thoughts were on the responses to her post. "I mean, half the answers were a joke, which was fine as it kind of cheered me up from my depressed state after finding out I had once again been cheated on, but it also made me feel better knowing some people did have regrets and wished they had gone about things differently," she shared.
We then asked Aggravating-Angel217 if she thinks cheating must always signify the end of a relationship, or if there are times when couples can work through it. "I feel as though cheating should mean an end to a relationship because your partner was out seeking others after they made a commitment," she noted. "However, I went and did the opposite of my opinion and stayed with my partner because well... Sometimes love makes you blind to the red flags."
#5
Because my wife would get drunk and beat me
Lauren S 2 years ago
Yikes. Cheating isn’t okay but hitting someone else is completely unacceptable. I hope OP got out of that relationship.
starsailor (they/he) 2 years ago
exactly. whether male on female violence or vice versa or anything in between, any kind of abuse is unacceptable.
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PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago
Somebody here on BP cited facts that, in cases of one sided physical abuse, females beating males is slightly but notably higher. Scary.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago (edited)
similar story. horrible. You feel like you can just make this work if you comply, etc., and the abuse continues, and you keep eroding what you are till the abuse maybe stops, till you are a shadow of yourself, and they still keep on at it. Then you meet someone who is really nice to you, obviously you would choose that person. But because of the fear and abuse, you are too chicken to break up. I had this as well. It was a nightmare.
Dddad 2 years ago
That sad thing is that other people tend to think its funny when it's the husband that getting abused which makes it soo much harder to come out and find help
starsailor (they/he) 2 years ago
yeah. woman slaps her boyfriend/husband? go, girl! haha! look at you, putting him in his place! man slaps his girlfriend/wife? horrible! unacceptable! abuser! it's awful for any gender to hit their partner.
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§• Råinbow Påndå •§ 2 years ago
‘ Hahaha he flinched when a woman was about to hit him’ - some idiot stranger on youtube when a man said what their wives did to them
Paul Mitchell 2 years ago
Finding another decent human being to be your partner when being abused like this is not cheating, it's getting your life back on track.
#6
Because I was trying to find value and my self-worth in sleeping with women. Growing up, I was far from being a ladies' man. In college, I worked on myself to improve my self-confidence as all my life I had been longing to have someone who liked me back. All I ever wanted was to have a girlfriend. As my self-esteem grew, so did my luck with the ladies.
Eventually, I was able to get a girlfriend, someone who was good to me, but I wasn't satisfied. I continued to look for validation from other women, which turned into cheating on her. I thought that I had discovered self-confidence because I could be more social and was more outgoing, but I realized that on the inside, I was still insecure.
Growing up in my family, there were no good examples of healthy relationships either. All my uncles were womanizers. This probably had an impact on me as well.
Megalodon Meg 2 years ago
Totally good that you realized that but also you're a grown adult, you make your own choices and you can't blame others.
Paul Gerrard 2 years ago
Its all about you. What you want or need. They are so better off now.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
This sounds like my story in my 20s and 30s. Glad to have this neurosis behind me and finally be able to actually connect with people.
Sue Denham 2 years ago
One way of getting self-confidence is being able to look at your behaviours and thinking "yes, I like the person I am".
Nonesuch 2 years ago
I detect some truth here. I was married to a man with low self confidence. He never graduated high school. Quit in 9th grade. When I went back to school and graduated college this seemed to really trigger the low self esteem in him. The cheating got worse, multiple partners to the point that I walked out.
Finally, the OP had some wise words for anyone out there who's in a relationship but still has a wandering eye. "If [you're] considering cheating, don’t. Either leave the relationship or communicate with your partner on things that are lacking. Heck, you might find your partner is willing to open the relationship and didn’t know how to bring it up first. But don’t hurt and possibly damage someone’s mentality for the rest of their life just for a little side action."
#7
I'll fall on the sword here. You want an honest answer, so here goes:
My wife and I started dating when I was 18. Things were good for a long while, and we had a pretty active sex life. One day, after over 2 years of dating, she felt convicted over us having sex before we were married. I asked, "is our not being married the only thing holding things back from being what they were", and she said yes. I loved her, so I figured why not take the next step, and I proposed to her that Christmas.
Fast forward to the fall when we finally got married, and nothing changed. On our wedding night, nothing. I figured we were both tired from the wedding and reception, so no big deal. For the first month afterward, nothing. I asked what was wrong and why weren't we connecting, and she couldn't give me an answer. This went on for months, and I started looking at p**n more frequently to get a release.
One day she checked my browser history and confronted me on my p**n use. This turned into a confrontation about our lack of a sex life, and her inability to communicate with me what the block was. I tried candles and music. I tried nice dates. I tried massages. Anything my young mind could muster. It all just ended up with her just going to bed. I remember asking her what she expected me to do, since she didn't want to have sex with me and she didn't want me looking at p**n (Not trying to justify p**n, but I was getting nowhere with her). In the first 6 months of our young marriage, I think we had sex maybe 1-2 times.
We tried doing counseling at the church we were going to, and we got nowhere with that as well. At this point, I think it was maybe 7-8 months of being married and things still weren't changing. There was a woman I worked with that I ended up getting closer to because we worked in the same department. I was venting one day out of frustration and she expressed interest (it was a long time ago, so I don't remember exactly what she said, but it caught my attention). A month or so later, she "jokingly" invited me to her house. I went, and we had sex. I remember feeling bad immediately after. I took the time to muster up the courage and confessed it to my wife.
Naturally, she was devastated, and we took some time apart, but she didn't want to leave me. We did counseling again, but nothing changed. At that point, I was ready to call it quits, and I told her as such. She ended up having a conversation with a lady at church that changed her mind in a way I couldn't. We apologized to each other, and she acknowledged how her rejection on a consistent basis almost destroyed our marriage, and I apologized for doing something I knew would hurt her. I truly did love her, but I felt neglected, and because of that, I acted out.
We've had a lot of ups and downs, but we're still married to this day. I'm really grateful to the woman she talked to at church, because whatever she said to my wife made the lightbulb go off. Now that I'm older, sex isn't nearly the issue it once was, but it almost killed our marriage.
TL:DR: Wife wouldn't have sex after getting married, and I met someone that would. I tried to get her to come around, but she wouldn't until I cheated. She chose to stay with me and we worked it out. It's been 15 years now.
Paul Neff 2 years ago
Clearly, it had been a broken relationship at the beginning. We cannot judge the quality of the repair, since it was never clarified, so we are obliged to accept OP's summary of it. It could well be a happy relationship at this point.
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Libstak 2 years ago
Guys I'm just gonna put this out there cos it will change your sex life. Find out what brings your SO to orgasm and get good at that before going all the way. Sex is about mutual joy in intimacy, knowing each other's happy spots means you have actually been intimate not just in lust.
Bobby 2 years ago
Even better, active communication. Don't be embarrassed to tell your partner what you want, and ask them what they want. Getting over being embarrassed to talk to my partner about sex was the single best thing that happened to my sex life
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M Calad 2 years ago
I have a friend in a similar situation: some months after she and her husband got married, her husband lost total interest in having sex. She tried everything, but he insists it's all due to stress and tiredness. He is not willing to see a doctor or therapist or even try to work it out. It's been 4 years and still nothing. I wonder why some folks are in either denial or resistance to do something about a problem they are causing...
Bobby 2 years ago
I had a medicine that killed my libido once. If his feelings toward it are like mine were, the lack of a sex drive didn't feel abnormal. I knew I used to want it, but didn't really care that the desire was gone now, so I didn't feel like it was something I needed to have checked out
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Katie A. 2 years ago
My early 20s marriage to my first husband was asexual on his part. I acted out, tried everything, eventually cheated, felt horrible, nothing changed, especially him just not being able to communicate. Divorced, remarried, happy 17 years with a much more compatible man. Love isn't enough. You need money, communication, things in common.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
If it's not prying, did you know this before marriage, or did he become that way after marriage?
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Garry Cowan 2 years ago
We are here for but a short time you are basically using the only time you have on this planet unhappy that's the biggest crime here
Molly Whuppie 2 years ago
People need to recognise that sometimes people have low sex drives and don't want to have sex all the time or even at all. Sometimes this is a medical or psychological issue but sometimes it's just the way people are. You need to have a discussion with your partner about it of course, but just complaining and trying to make your partner feel bad for not being interested isn't helpful at all.
#8
I was young and immature enough to be susceptible to all the pop culture messaging that says being a player makes you “cool”. One night when I was out getting super drunk with my buddy, I met a girl and decided I wanted to be cool.
Woke up the next day feeling awful. Came clean to my girlfriend. I was so impressed by her not leaving me, I decided to propose a few months later.
After several s****y years and a divorce, I’ve learned 2 important lessons: (1) just because someone says the words “I forgive you” doesn’t mean that they actually mean it, and they could still bring up your mistakes years later every time you get in an argument, and (2) just because someone does one really amazing thing (like forgiving you), doesn’t mean you should ignore all the other unrelated problems in your relationship.
Lauren S 2 years ago
Forgiveness doesn’t mean it’s forgotten and sometimes forgiveness isn’t a stable concept. One day you can whole heartedly forgive someone and be in a really good space but the next you can find yourself feeling differently. Especially if something happened to make them less secure in the relationship. I imagine the woman did forgive but she definitely never forgot or moved on.
SkyBlueandBlack 2 years ago
Forgiveness isn't a one-time thing, it's something you have to commit to. Maybe for a few months, maybe years, maybe the rest of your life. It's not just words, and the person doing the forgiving might decide at some point that it isn't worth the effort.
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Jp@nda 2 years ago
And just because she said she forgave you and you threw a ring at her doesn't mean that it's gone forever. YOU have to work on that, she didn't make the mistake so it's not on her to sit there and have nothing to say. Men really think that saying sorry equals the conversation is over
Tara Raay 2 years ago
Just because he says sorry and gives you a ring doesn’t mean you have to forgive or pretend to and hold it against them for the rest of their lives.
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To gain more insight on this topic, we also reached out to Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and host of the Couples Therapist Couch podcast, Shane Birkel, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions. First, we wanted to know how common he believes cheating is. "By the time people go to Couples Therapy, they're usually feeling stress in their relationship. One of the most common reasons they are feeling stress is because of infidelity," Shane explained. "For that reason, I'd say my practice isn't a good sample size compared to the general population."
#9
Honest answer is that it was all about me and my insecurities. Had nothing to do with her. I wasn’t very attractive to anyone in high school or even college. Huge nerd and all. Barely lost my virginity at the end of college and nobody was into me. Later on in life, I had some professional success and made a bit of money. Obviously it wasn’t real and I should’ve been stronger and smarter, but very attractive women were into me and competing with each other for my attention for the first time in my life. I’d never had the experience of being the cool one at the party, and I didn’t know how to handle it. Yes, I cheated. No, nothing she did brought it on. It wasn’t her fault, and she couldn’t have prevented it in any way. I just had to learn the hard way what really mattered in life. The good news is, she’s my true love, and she stuck by me through it. Now, I’m so devoted to her I couldn’t imagine even considering another woman.
similarly 2 years ago
Here's the truth: if a person cheats, it is NEVER the partner's fault. The person who cheats had a choice. They made a choice. No one tricked them (actually, that's called "assault"). Now they may have excuses and justifications, and some of those may be understandable and reasonable, but it doesn't change the fact that a choice was made.
Alexandra 2 years ago
Exactly. Even if "it just happened" or "I couldn't help myself" you still have a CHOICE. Make it, and accept the consequences.
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Jp@nda 2 years ago
My father told me something once about cheating. He said that even if you were really drunk, or having a bad day, or whatever that you would never put your hand on a hot stove top. Why? Because you know better. So all of the people that say they only cheated because they were drunk,etc... It's bulls**t. You know better and there's no excuse
#10
Immaturity, and self centeredness. My wife and I were almost “forced” to be together at the beginning because I got her pregnant while we were broken up. So the first couple years was really tough as I was about 18 and she was 17 when it all happened. We decided to try and make things work, which resulted in incredible toxicity for the first 3-4 years of my kids life. I made many mistakes and one day she got fed up and left me. I had never been closer to suicide in my life, losing my kid, my girl, my Pets. I’ll never forget walking into my once lively and energetic apartment to nothing but quietness and darkness. I screamed into my pillow for hours crying and beating myself up. It caused me to stand up, and do my best to become a better man. After a year of fighting to get her back, We have now been married for 4 years going on 5 and have accomplished so much together. I don’t even get the urge to cheat because the pain of losing my family is far greater than any temptation of pleasure could make worth it. I was blessed that my wife decided to give me a chance and let me show her I will grow. Now I am a multi-business owner, she owns multiple businesses, we have two kids now, and an incredible life to share together. I was very lucky to have that happy ending when many others, rightfully so, will cut it off and never look back.
ginny weasley 2 years ago
Whatever idiot adults forced them to be together because she got pregnant made this mess. And I don't believe they are happy just because they are more financially stable
Spocks's Mom 2 years ago
I don't see the situation of cheating. Just that they were married young and arguing. Did I read this wrong?
similarly 2 years ago
I think they didn't directly say it, but it's implied.
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Tetelestai 2 years ago
Everyone will hurt you. You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for. In this case, it’s the children, not you sorry-
Bobby 2 years ago
I would hope someone with a sex drive that high, or that much desire for different partners, would find a partner of similar appetite. Be that poly, open, whatever else works for both people. Unfortunately most people I know are too embarrassed or scared to even broach the topic with their partners
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And when it comes to some of the most common reasons men choose to cheat, Shane shared that they may be seeking "a sense of excitement, to feel connection, to feel desired, or as an escape from the stresses of family life."
"Making the choice to cheat is breaking a contract. Men are socialized to not be connected to their emotions or be able to express their emotions very easily," the expert went on to explain. "Because of this emotional immaturity, they often have a hard time communicating their true feelings in a relationship, so they might have an affair to subconsciously bring things to a head or even end the relationship."
"This also explains why even good men sometimes cheat," Shane added. "They just don't have the skills to be able to communicate with their partner and instead, seek to get needs met elsewhere."
#11
Because I was young and self centered and didn’t really love her.
Btw these don’t excuse cheating but they do describe the reality of my situation as a weak man.
Spocks's Mom 2 years ago (edited)
This isn't EXACTLY what the post says. It says this: "Because I was young and self centered and didn’t really love her and also on meth. Btw these don’t excuse cheating but they do describe the reality of my situation as a weak man." Bored Panda really didn't have to leave out the meth part. It helps us understand the total reason this guy was a cheater.
#12
I have because after not being touched in a sexual or non-sexual way for 6months, the attention from another person is intoxicating and wanted to be honest. I think I'm just used for money and quality time as long as any of that time does not involve sex in any way anymore. I didn't cheat for sex. I wanted to connect with another human who did want to actually touch me
Maebe Maeve 2 years ago
If you're not fulfilled in your current relationship and feel used, leave it and find someone else.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
While that's true the post lacks info. Like how old they are, how long they've been together, whether they have kids whether there are other reasons for lack of intimacy (like illness). I feel like they should have started with talking about the problem with their partner before moving to cheating and definitely before moving to breaking up.
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Shane also shared that relationships can absolutely be saved after one partner cheats, but it's going to take hard work. "There has to be a true desire by both partners to make the relationship work," he explained. "One of the first things couples need to do is cut off contact with the affair partner. The affair is a huge trauma, which in itself is a very difficult thing to recover from, but to make matters more complicated, the very person who traumatized you is the one who you are depending on for support and love and healing."
"Affairs can easily take 2-3 years to recover from," the therapist added. "Usually, the person who was betrayed has a lot of hurt and anger and sadness and they are looking for their partner to lean into the discomfort and give them acceptance and compassion. The partner who had the affair often just wants to be trusted and for things to go back to normal. This creates a dynamic where every time the betrayed partner tries to talk about their feelings, the partner involved in the affair is dismissive or minimizing, or tries to fix the emotions which is invalidating."
#13
Out of anger, frustration, and stupidity. I miss her every day.
It's just me 2 years ago (edited)
Good. I hope you do! I'm going through this heartbreaking crushing feeling right this second so... that's how I feel.
#14
My ex had untreated, undiagnosed ADHD. Every day was a crisis from day #1. We had a crisis every day for six years. I was a doormat and sacrificed every single need I had, the very essence of my personality and self esteem. One day she asked to open up the relationship. Everything went downhill from there. We are currently in the process of a divorce. I’m working out how to be a better man out of this mess. I don’t wish her ill, and hope we both find peace.
CatLady 2 years ago
I get why you are divorcing. I lived a long time with undiagnosed ADHD and it's hell on wheels. You honestly don't see what you're doing to others. Looks to me like you did your best. She's going to need some years and work to learn to live with her diagnosis and manage it. I'd suggest you get some therapy if possible, learn what you can, and remind yourself that you were in a brutal situation.
Bobby 2 years ago
If you'venever been in an open relationship and you and your partner want to try it, I can't recommend talking it to death enough. Get deep into what you both want to try. Make sure you both understand what the rules are and where the lines are. First time I tried it my gf at the time and I just said let's try an open relationship and we treated it like we were single. Hurt feelings in all sides there. Next time I tried was with my current wife and we actually defined what "open" meant to us and it worked better
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
If they were in an open relationship then surely it's not cheating? Or is he implying that he was cheating before his girlfriend asked to open up the relationship?
We also asked Shane if he had any advice for individuals out there who may be considering cheating on their partner. "I have seen so many situations, where someone decided to have an affair and then it completely ruined their life, and they almost always wish they could go back," he told Bored Panda. "A good question to ask yourself if you're thinking about having an affair is, 'Why do I need to act impulsively?' If you have an affair, it will either lead to the end of your relationship or 2-3 years of misery and hard work to recover. Why not just face the problems in your relationship first, live within your own integrity, and talk to your partner? If you feel a need to rush it, that's probably not a good sign."
#15
It's very addictive being wanted. Especially if you aren't often. The shame makes it worse strangely enough. You can't really talk to anyone about being tempted or even crossing the line. There's no support system from your friends or family that tell you you're an idiot. And being addicted it's very thought telling yourself.
Maebe Maeve 2 years ago
Sure, that's a universal human desire. But if a person doesn't feel wanted in their current relationship, they should leave it and seek a new one.
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jovis 2 years ago
I think this is why most people cheat. Feeling a lack of appreciation or want from their partner and seeking it elsewere. Not that it makes it okay though
K W 2 years ago
According to a self report study of straight cis men who cheat the majority were neither dissatisfied with their sex life or their relationship. Not sure on other demographics because I haven't seen the studies specifically asking that question but I've found that many studies on infidelity contradict commonly held assumptions. Of course majority doesn't mean all.
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Chexmy Licks🇯🇵 2 years ago
i once felt wanted before, he was my first love. Im still in love with the same person even tho hes no longer with me
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
Sounds like they don't really have good friends. If you can't talk to your best/oldest friend about relationship problems then you're not that close.
Susie Elle 2 years ago
I've never cheated, but I very much feel what is described here after years and years of practically not existing for the opposite sex. Now that I'm older, more confident and worked on my outward appearance, getting attention from someone still has a strangely intoxicating effect on me.
#16
Because I was 6 months into a sex ban, being verbally and emotionally abused, and she had just cheated for the 3rd time, and blamed me for it. So I f****d her best mate, and suddenly I was the bad guy.
Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago
Her best mate wasn't as best either. These three look like the circle of hell.
Mrs. Ginger McSarcasm 2 years ago
Well, yeah. Being cheated on is not an excuse to cheat. Just because she was a bad person doesn't mean you have to be a bad person too
Sara Wilson 2 years ago
Amazing how that always seems to b the case, right?! "Just because I cheated (several times), doesn't give YOU the right to cheat. Mine was a mistake? You r just trying to b mean and spiteful!" Wow! It's like I've heard of this before!
SofiaB 2 years ago
Still not an excellent to cheat! I was married to a man who was abusive, manipulative, cheated on me several times throughout our marriage and he also used sex (or withheld sex) to control me. However, NOT ONCE did it cross my mind to cheat on him! Instead I focused on secretly saving up money to be able to leave and divorce him.
The Starsong Princess 2 years ago
Yep, you are the bad guy. Not the only bad guy but one of three.
Maebe Maeve 2 years ago
"But she did it first!" as an excuse is incredibly childish. Grow up, break up, and move on.
"If you feel like you can't talk to your partner, it's also important to surround yourself with other supportive people like friends, family or even a therapist," Shane added. "Getting other people's perspectives or seeing a therapist can give you a lot more clarity and help you make a more grounded decision."
If you'd like to hear even more words of wisdom from the marriage and relationships expert, be sure to visit Shane's website right here!
#18
I think for me it boiled down to being checked out emotionally but without the spine or backbone to end it
The general excuse I used to make myself feel better about the s****y actions were we weren't compatible anyway.
But that had nothing to do with the damage I caused to the heart. I'm a little more remorseful and try to be considerate these days but I fully expect karma to come throw the egg on my face some day.
#19
It was late and I was groggy, she initiated and I was lonely. Rationalized it out as we hadn't been dating that long and had never actually discussed exclusivity, besides, it was only hand stuff. I was more providing a service.
Older and wiser... for anyone who doesn't know, cheating is not really about what you do. It's about whether or not your partner would be upset if they found out and/or if you're doing something that you've talked about not doing. Basically the problem with cheating is lying and sneaking.
If you feel the urge to cheat it's time to re-evaluate your relationship. At the end of the day you either wanted something bad enough that you were willing to hurt someone you care about or you didn't care about them at all. Either it's time to talk.
Spocks's Mom 2 years ago
I mean, what would the woman have done if she couldn't get finger blasted by an involved man that night? Glad he was a "handy-man" providing a "service". 🙄
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Helen Bennett 2 years ago
"It's about whether or not your partner would be upset if they found out and/or if you're doing something that you've talked about not doing. Basically the problem with cheating is lying and sneaking." So true. Lots of different relationship models work for different people. But if you can't talk to each other, there's a problem somewhere.
Dianne Blair 2 years ago
My ex of 14 yrs cheated after I had stood by him through thick and thin- even a 15 mo prison stint. I kicked him out and he moved in with that chick for all of a month, then crying that he wanted to come home. He even went so far as to even show me a naked photo of the thing he had cheated with-(to which I replied, "So you had a filet mignon at home, but you wanted a White Castle instead???? GTFOH!!!!") It was actually embarrassing that he had thrown away 14 yrs for this gross little troll. He finally said that he had cheated because "I worked too much"- like, THE worst excuse Ever!!
Steve 2 years ago
If it’s only whether your partner would be upset, then I’m guilty of cheating every time I watch a Superhero movie
Bobby 2 years ago
I must cheat every time I open my "smelly" (spicy) salsa too
Load More Replies... #20
I was 18 and it was my freshman year of college and I had recently lost my virginity to my then gf at the time. Went home for thanksgiving and a girl I went to high school with made a move on me and I went along with it.
We didn’t have sex but regardless I felt terrible afterwards and haven’t cheated again since. My ex never found out about it. Lesson learned. Cheating is never worth it.
Lauren S 2 years ago
Some people say once a cheater, always a cheater. I think it’s different when they were really young. They lacked maturity, relationships weren’t necessarily as serious, I get this one. But that’s because I absolutely cheated in my past but not since I was 18. So maybe I’m justifying but I would never cheat now. Freshman year of college and 9 months deep versus married and together for nearly 17 years. They aren’t comparable even though I loved them both.
PeepPeep the duck 2 years ago
I know heaps of people in your situation, they never cheated again and to be honest (I had my first bf after I left school), those school relationships are really just not as serious as an adult relationship for multiple reasons and it’s a learning experience
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#21
Because I was a selfish a*****e
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
yep. It boils down to this plus neglect on the other side. You do not cheat on someone who is amazing to you. I can tell that from my own experience. Once a person becomes s****y and abusive you feel zero loyalty to them.
Maebe Maeve 2 years ago
Then leave the relationship, don't cheat. Cheating is not only selfish, it's abusive and fed by entitlement. It's not "caused" by being neglected. Nothing "causes" cheating except for the selfish and entitled actions of the person who cheats. The victim of abuse is never the cause for the abuse. The cheater made a choice to cheat.
Load More Replies... #22
Because I forgot what a healthy relationship was like.
After 3 years together, my then gf and I kinda ended up in a rut, in hindsight we stayed together longer than we should have. We were living together but had already grown apart too much.
She eventually told me, pretty much in passing, "Hey, btw, just a heads up, *male best friend from college* has expressed that he has feelings for me, but idk if that's mutual or not yet, so I'll keep you posted I guess".
That level of disloyalty and blatant disrespect straight to the face broke something in me. She had managed to shatter every last ounce of self respect I had left after months of dealing with her b******t. Deep down I knew the end was coming and started to pull away.
I went out drinking one night while visiting my parents with some of my high school friends and met a girl I knew vaguely from highschool as well. I didn't even mean for it to happen, I had brushed of every advance whatsoever since I got serious with my girlfriend, like I should've, but after her comment about her friend I just didn't have the energy anymore.
And man, I had just forgotten what that was like. To have someone actually be excited to see you. To not feel talked down to. To have someone be genuinely interested in what you're up to and what you have to say. To not have every conversation you have end in a rant about what you're doing wrong and how you're useless. To have any form of intimacy that doesn't feel like a chore that's just for her benefit.
I'm not proud of what I did, but I won't regret it for a second either. I know for a fact, with 100% positive, willing to bet my house and life savings levels of certainty, my ex gf would've done the exact same, and more, had she been in the same situation.
It felt like a wake up call. We broke up the next day and I honestly felt like I'd been freed. I ended up dating the girl I met that night for 6 months.
I don't condone cheating, ever. I'm not proud of what I did. I've reflected on that time extensively, both by myself and in therapy, and honestly, I did everything I could. I know I wasn't perfect, but she wasn't either, and I know for f*****g sure I tried everything I could to make that relationship work out, and it didn't. I'm not proud of what I did, but I sure as hell don't regret it either.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
THIS. "And man, I had just forgotten what that was like. To have someone actually be excited to see you. To not feel talked down to. To have someone be genuinely interested in what you're up to and what you have to say. To not have every conversation you have end in a rant about what you're doing wrong and how you're useless. To have any form of intimacy that doesn't feel like a chore that's just for her benefit." That is the key reason. Do NOT neglect your partner or s**t on them all the time.
Spocks's Mom 2 years ago
Yeah. I barely consider this as cheating. The relationship was obviously over, if what OP is saying is true. I get it. I have been with the same man for over 25 years and we still talk about our days and tell each other how much we love each other. I let him know that his opinion matters and he treats me like a queen even when I don't feel like I deserve it. We wouldn't cheat on each other, but our lines of communication are open and I really hope we live long happy lives together. Back to the post. This particular relationshit (not a typo) was already doomed by the time he "cheated".
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Heather Menard 2 years ago
I would say that wasn't cheating she told you she liked another guy and wanted to persue it. She was cheating on you.
Maebe Maeve 2 years ago
It's sounds like the girlfriend was open and honest about her possible attraction to another person *before* she got romantically or sexually involved. This was not disrespectful at all, the OP just had his ego bruised and instead of appreciating his girlfriend being forthright with him, decided to throw a tantrum and retaliate. She's well-rid of him.
Jp@nda 2 years ago
She didn't sit down and have a conversation with him ffs. She talked at him in passing saying hey somebody had feelings for me and I might too?! And he broke up with her the next day so I'm not mad at this guy and I can't understand why you're protecting his ex
Load More Replies... #23
Because I’m a piece of s**t. Next question.
#24
I was 18 and kissed another girl while drunk. I felt terrible and made my girlfriend (long distance) feel really s****y but she also understood it was more of a lapse than any sort of emotional or really even sexual violation. She was way too cool about it. I’d never want to do it again.
Sara Wilson 2 years ago
OP is VERY lucky! 1) that they were forgiven and 2) that the partner WAS ACTUALLY ABLE to let it go and move on
#25
She was withholding sex whenever I said something slightly wrong in her eyes. She would do this for months at a time because one time she asked if she should lose weight and I said « you should do what you feel is best
Spocks's Mom 2 years ago
So get a divorce and find someone else? This is not a reason to cheat??? I mean, I know divorces can be messy, but come on. At this point it isn't even about respecting your partner, but respecting yourself.
Featherking 2 years ago (edited)
I have a real problem with people who place social traps like that. Don’t want an honest answer? Don’t fυcking ask. Want a narrow, specific answer which is only obvious in your own internal logic? Provide a written script with exactly what the other person is supposed to say with cues regarding acceptable tone of voice and facial expression. Then take your tiresome issues and fυck off until you can act like an adult.
Maebe Maeve 2 years ago
No one "withholds sex". She didn't want to have sex with you, and that was her right. If that wasn't acceptable to you and you didn't feel that your needs were getting met, you should have had a conversation about it and either come to a resolution or ended the relationship.
#26
Alcohol mixed with being wanted by someone beautiful. I know it’s not a good excuse and sure I’m an a*s, but you wanted an honest answer and I’m sure I’m not the only one
Lauren S 2 years ago
Being wanted by someone you view as attractive can make you feel really good about yourself. I can understand that. I can understand the urge to cheat, wanting to cheat. But the bit you have control over is your actions. Acting on those urges is where people become at fault. There is far more here than the part OP shared, whether it’s about his view of himself and his own attractiveness and worthwhile-ness or something along those lines, or if it’s about his relationship and what the issue is between them. This is a very superficial explanation in my opinion.
Temporary Dork 2 years ago
It doesn't have to be about the relationship - no partner can provide the feeling of being wanted by "someone else", nor should they be expected to provide All The Valuation.
Load More Replies... Spocks's Mom 2 years ago
Wow. I don't know why you were downvoted, because this is a very accurate observation. Misogyny hurts the people exhibiting it, but they just don't seem to realize it.
Load More Replies... #27
At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. Hear me out: my wife had an anxiety disorder which made sex painful. I thought I would get that need met somewhere else to take the pressure off her. I thought I loved her (I did according to what I thought love was at the time) so I didn't want her to be upset for not meeting my "needs". I justified it to myself that way for awhile. I learned in the end that we were just unhappy together. Pro tip: don't get married young or thinking it will solve any problems. We were divorced just under 5 years later. She is remarried and has been for many years. I have had one relationship that lasted 2 months, 12 years ago. I never want to hurt anyone like that ever again, so much so that I've avoided relationships.
Maebe Maeve 2 years ago
Two words: informed consent. Once you remove that, you are being deceptive and abusive.
#28
If I’m going to keep being accused of it might as well do it.
Lulu John 2 years ago
But why even be in that relationship to begin with? You don’t have to be miserable. There’s no rule in life that says you’re not allowed to be happy that you have to stay with one person.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
Sunk cost fallacy. People tend to think "I've spent so much time and effort on this I shouldn't throw it away". Applies to a bunch of stuff in life, relationships are one of them.
Load More Replies... Xenon 2 years ago
Had an insanely jealous ex that accused me daily. Trip to the libràry with a eighth month old? Slept with at least 5 guys in that time according to his accusations.. Got fed up and said since I'm being accused, I may as do it. Silence. Followed by divorce by me.
Spocks's Mom 2 years ago
I hope your ex at least grew as a person later since you might have a little one together. Anyway, I understand. I watched my mom go through it.
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#29
Wanted to try something new. Needless to say, the relationship went bust thereafter.
#30
Honestly, it was the chance of a lifetime. She is the perfect girl, I had loved and chased her on and off since high school, we had been vague acquaintances at best, I doubted she knew my name. One day she messages me out of the blue if I was still living in the city I was living in, that she had some business and that we could meet up. We meet and have an amazing time, there's some alcohol. She comes back to my house and says she's had a crush on me since high school as well, we decide to play a drinking game which becomes a taking of clothes game. I'm laying on my bed drunk in my underwear, she's standing beside the bed naked and says "now what", and then I just couldn't contain myself anymore. I have absolutely zero regrets.
kansasmagic 2 years ago
Having trouble reconciling "I had loved and chased her on and off since high school" with "I doubted she knew my name." "Chasing" someone who doesn't even know your name is a little sus...
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
Maybe he meant "Doubted she remembered his name". And I guess chasing probably didn't mean "I asked her out" more like "mooned over her" or "Stalked her on facebook" ;)
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Xenon 2 years ago
Not cheating unless I missed something, otherwise you go you! Hope you were able to perform.
Amy S 2 years ago
I'm assuming OP was in a relationship with someone else at the time.
Load More Replies... #31
I used to blame the excuse that everyone had cheated on me so it only made sense to do the same first. Later in like I have figured out I didn't know how to experience love. Didn't trust anyone. And was dealing with some narcissist behavior after being raised by one. I don't think it was one thing. I'm sure the conquest and thrill had some to do with it. Thanks reddit it's not even 7 am on my day off and I'm analyzing my past mistakes
#32
Because I was done with the relationship and just hadn’t ended it yet. If a guy cheats, he does not care about you. Plain and simple. That will not change.
Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago
Oh, a matter of bad timing, sir? Just end the relationship before jumping onto someone new, ffs.
#34
Because I didn't have respect for myself and others. Trying to fill a hole inside that could only be filled with loving myself and maturing.
Spocks's Mom 2 years ago
"Trying to fill a hole" is not a good choice of words in this statement.
#35
You deal with sexual frustration, lack of affection, fights for months. Then you click with someone it’s just easy, you are actually having fun with someone, you finally enjoy the feeling of affection one thing leads to another and you find yourself having sex with that another person. Am i proud of what i did? No. But its what it is
Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago
Just... leave? And then find those exact things without betraying anyone's trust.
#36
Because I was dumb. I was drunk and hooked up with a girl that had been flirting with me for years. It was stupid and I 100% regret it. We were at a bad point in our relationship and it was really bad. I’ll always regret it. It’s a s****y thing to do to someone but all I can do is move on. I’ve never done it since then 15 or so years later. I remember the guilt and I could never do that to someone again, let alone the mother of my kids.
#37
I broke up with a gal and she said "no".
Honestly I didn't know that was possible
I started seeing other people.
Deborah B 2 years ago
That's not cheating. If you tell her you're out, you're out, and she is the ex who is now stalking you. As long as you don't lead her on, have sex with her, or otherwise feed her delusions, you're clear. On the other hand, if you say "We're breaking up" and she says "No we're not" and you keep living with her/dating her/sleeping with her, then you are still in the relationship, and need to make a clean break.
#38
I'd always loved her, but she married someone else. One day, she was sad and crying and asked for a hug. I hugged her. Then she kissed me, and, well... But that was a mistake that was not repeated.
#39
I was young( 14-17) and was somewhat a serial cheater, it was more immaturity and a mix of thinking having lots of women at the same time was "cool"(I was really dumb, stilll am but not as before) until I really fell for a chick my longest relationship I didnt cheat on her but she cheated on me with several guys( karma caught up I guess) and the pain made me understand how dumb I was when younger and never did it again
#40
I wasnt getting a physical nor emotional nor verbal connection from my partner. I was giving all I could give and they were giving nothing. After trying for about a month to fix it I realized I was the only one in the ring fighting a losing battle. You know what comes next.
#41
Because we were in a open relationship due to distance (the distance came in the late stages of the relationship) with the only rule being emotional connection. I was a recovering alcoholic, i started a quit in the time they were away and i thiught they knew that but they didnt. Anyway that connection formed faster and stronger than it had any right to, but I was vulnerable and stupid I ended things as soon as I realised. I did it in the wrong way and I was still a mess i realised it shortly after the break up. So I've stayed single since, for everyone's benefit while I sort myself out.
#42
I’ll step up and answer honestly. I was too afraid of hurting my then-girlfriend’s feelings to break up with her, so I cheated. It seemed to justify the behavior in my brain. I realized I was so unhappy with this woman, it drove me to cheat. At times i thought I was going crazy.. it doesn’t justify it but it was me “acting out”.. I eventually dumped her when I couldn’t stand her behavior anymore and yet still felt guilty
#43
Have a friend I’ve known for about 13 years. Nothing ever happened but we always had sexual tension between us even though we live in separate states. We both told each other if the opportunity came we would most likely sleep together after all we both craved it.. any way I flew to her state to visit while I was in a relationship that was on a dead end path and was already on the verge of ending. Everything was fine until I put on a flavored chapstick and she said wanted to try it then leans in a kisses me. I didn’t stop it and of course one thing led to another and we slept together.. looking back I felt bad at first but do I regret it,no. Till this day she was my best sexual experience and she also now engaged so if we didn’t then it never would have happened. Was the first and only time I’ve ever cheated but like I said I don’t regret it
#44
I was really into partying and she wasn’t. We were both science majors and smart, we both loved running, it was great. But we didn’t have fun together the way I thought we would. A girl I was hooking up with the year before came onto me at a party, I went with it. Much regret.
Never told her and a month later she cheated on me so I broke up with her. I was like 19, shameful.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
at 19 your brain hasn't finished maturing. It's ok to make mistakes.
#45
Teenagers are horny and stupid.
#46
I was 25, unhappy in the relationship but didn’t want to leave and neither did she. The neighbor kept hinting that she was into me. One thing led to another and well…. To make matters worse I was good friends with the neighbors husband. I lost a friend and my relationship. So f****d up and I take full blame, there was no excuse. I’m 31 now and told myself I’d never do it again. I’d never put myself in a position to cheat again and I haven’t.
#47
I got a boyfriend and then girls started noticing me. It was an all round confusing time, and I only added to the chaos.
#48
Big reason is I have an addiction to sex I'm sure, I find myself asking my fiancee for sex much more than I probably should, and when denied of sex I found I could easily find people online who are looking for hookups near me. I didn't respect myself or my girlfriend, I was trying to fill an emptiness left by a lack of self worth and motivation in a career or personal relationships with simple sexual satisfaction from random people. This went on for years until just recently I've tried to become a faithful and trustworthy person, so that I can live a happy life with the woman I've known to love for years now. I'll probably always hate myself a little for my entire life for what I've done to her, but I will always live the rest of my life to provide for her. I'll always owe my life to her for accepting me and continuing to love me after I hurt her repeatedly.
Sa Ruuu 2 years ago
Why do people think it's ok that they cheated because "they realized their wrongs and promised themselves they'd never do it again", but don't confess to their partner so the partner can make a decision on whether they want to continue their relationship?
Lauren S 2 years ago
It sounds like this man really grew up and found the reason behind his cheating and worked on it. This one also seemed different because he didn’t blame the woman.
Spocks's Mom 2 years ago
Really? I get insincerity from this post. I don't know what it is, but this person reads like a serious creep. I am glad you see the good in this person, Lauren. You seem like a sweetheart. 💕
Load More Replies... #49
There was no love in the relationship, we were essentially cohabiting and passively hated eachother, but neither of us could afford to move out, and moving in with family wasn’t an option, so when I got the chance to actually feel something and had an opportunity with someone that did want me, I obviously took it, wasn’t like she wasn’t doing s**t behind my back while I was at work, or like she moved in with the first guy that offered.
Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago
This infuriates me more for thx housing situation than anything. Imagine not being able to move out because you can't afford housing separately. It happens way too often. Grrrr.
#50
Selfish, it didn't reflect poorly on her, despite how it seems that it would. It was all about me, not her.
#51
Not me but my closest friend cheated because he had a terrible wife. Terrible conditions of intimacy and love in their relationship. Been taken for granted. And all he did was never enough. So all in all the things many men are going through, unfortunately! And then there was that girl who came to him when we were on a night out together. She was cute and upfront. Was complimenting him. I saw it in his eyes as he was smiling and feeling good. It was the best he could have done to be honest. He got a flair of what life should be like. Of how he could feel. I'm glad he divorced later. It has nothing to do with the ONS but it gave him confidence.
no Adhesivness2020 2 years ago
I have known multiple men friends who were in one sided marriages, where the wife seemed to get off on dominating them. They all stayed in the relationship for many years, being treated like a dog and just crawling along until someone started to show interest in them. I don't know whether any of them cheated, but they all left the shrew and married the kind and generous one, and in every last situation, the shrew was like "wait! hang on, I can be nice!". Too late.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
yep. I had this but after multiple counselling, one case where she stormed out when I said I'd like to have a date night occasionally. Not even kidding. Was basically a punching bag. So obviously when someone comes along who is actually interested in my existence? And then you want to break up but you've been used as a punching bag so you are s**t scared of this person's temper.
Load More Replies... Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago
"so all in all the things many men are going through, unfortunately". Wow. I feel if this post were to go on for just a little longer, he'd justify even more than the cheating.
#52
The biggest mistake ive ever made, but it was a long distance relationship and I was in college. It was a great girl though, my great white buffalo.
#53
Honestly it just kind of happened. I wasn’t getting any attention from her and when I did it was so toxic that I had to leave my apartment. I meet someone exchanged numbers and it just happened. Left her to be with my girl now and never been happier.
#54
They cheated on me, felt like it was only fair.
Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago
I'm petty and vengeful af, but l've never reciprocated cheating, because it would only turn me into someone as despicable.
Spocks's Mom 2 years ago
I have. I am not saying it was right, but I did it. I wouldn't call it a real relationship now, but he was a musician (90's goth band in Nashville) and part of his "image" was to sleep around. I just got to the point that I didn't care anymore, but I still liked him, our friends and my lifestyle at the time. I have really grown and love my husband (not the same guy) and would never hurt him in the way I had been hurt.
Load More Replies... Chexmy Licks🇯🇵 2 years ago
mine cheated by s3xting when we were together at that time, at my birthday and he confessed day after, his reason? drunk. But i forgave him. He broke up with me around dec 1. his cousin told me he kept missing me and still not over me
#55
The first time, I married a girl because I loved her family, not because I loved her. I soon realised my mistake but was too afraid to just up and leave. The second time was totally unexpected. My marriage was ending and I thought I would go and be on my own, and then I met this absolute Unicorn of a woman and I just couldn't stop myself, even though I knew it was wrong.
#58
Boredom.
#59
Because I was egocentric and loved the conquest, but also wanted to have something steady. And because sex.
#60
I had the mentality that if she were to cheat on me at least I cheated on her too. I cheated on all my exs, I didn’t genuinely love them I was young and heartless. Older now I’ve come to realize I was wrong and people don’t deserve it. 3 years strong in my relationship now. I don’t even talk to females as I see no point when my girl is everything I want.
Thee8thsense 2 years ago
Don't talk to females because why? Sounds like a not very evolved man/child.
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What do you think ?
Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago
I don't think people who cheat (let's make this genderless because it is) truly realise how deep trust and self esteem issues they leave behind. It's a literal trail of destruction. So for the love of God, break up before instead of breaking up after with aggravating circumstances. For those who grew out of it together, congratulations. I sure as hell can't forgive, but props to people who can.
similarly 2 years ago
I totally agree. Whether the person is male or female or nonbinary, being cheated on is such a violation of trust and such a crushing blow to the self esteem, it hurts no matter who you are.
Load More Replies...
Mathias 2 years ago
So where is the shocking part? People do cheat, big surprise... it's normal to feel attracted to other people now and then. The difference is how it is handled and I am the opinion it's better to talk open, then you either find a solution that works for both or break up, still tough but at least either way you'd be free of the guilt of secrecy. And yes I absolutely think you can tell your partner if you feel attracted to somebody else, the partner is the person you should be closest to. I know many people who say if my partner just mentioned thinking of it he can go... well don't be surprised if he does lie to you then.
similarly 2 years ago
Sometimes I write stuff, and then later I think: nah. Nobody cares what I think. This was one of those moments. Hey, I love ya, BP! Believe me, it's better if I just keep quiet in the corner over here.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
yeah if you say negative stuff here you get downvoted till your account gets blocked. It's happened to me a few times. People use it as a kind of punishment if they disagree with you. Downvote should only be used against hate speech people and spammers.
Load More Replies...
Doodles1983 2 years ago
What about (cue downvotes) it’s highly improbable out of 8 billion people on the planet, that you find one who can fulfil every emotional and physical need? I'm female (if that matters). I have cheated, and I have been cheated on. I am not proud of it, but I have sat and looked at why. And I have decided that monogamy/ the one, is unlikely. Based on theory of evolution and statistics. Other cultures practice polygamy, and polyamory/polysexuality is rising. A lot of the time, the physical thing becomes the small issue. Lies and deceptions are a bigger problem. Truthfully I’m not built for monogamy. But since being introduced to poly and ethical non-monogamy with like minded people or even monogamous people who accept “me for me” and respect that, it’s possible to have meaningful relationships with multiple people where it isn’t cheating. It takes insight and courage to admit monogamy isn’t for you and societal norms don’t have to apply, provided there is a degree of transparency.
Gavin Johnson 2 years ago
I was brought up to respect other people even when they may behave irresponsibly or try to have a negative impact on my life. That means that even when a relationship is clearly reaching its zero hour the other person is still a human with feelings and a heart, even if it’s difficult to see their value to you, you treat them with respect. To have an affair or whatever you wish to call it is disrespectful to them, be a stand up human being and end your relationship before you decide to start another one (however brief it may be), you are showing the world who YOU are. Your values and beliefs are being eroded when you don’t treat others with respect, you may get a buzz or a one night stand but ultimately you are being disrespectful to yourself and your partner. If they are being disrespectful to you then get out with your head held high, there’s no mileage in ‘getting revenge’, leave the relationship and you’ll suffer less, you’ll move forward quicker.
HarperTheCentaur (they/them) 2 years ago
I've never cheated but I've been the person someone cheated with. S****y of me but she was in an online-only relationship with a guy she hated, and I knew she liked me more than him anyway. Didn't go all the way (I don't do that anyway, like ever) but farther than we should have. I was young and dumb and I justified it to myself by saying that the bond I had with her was way more long-lasting and important than this relationship that she was basically only in for the giggles. I regret it, but what's done is done.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
This a a rough post but it's important for people to read these stories so they can see how commonplace they are. All my cases where I was the victim or the perp are above. I see the same patterns. It boils down to respect. If you disrespect your partner, they will probably end up cheating with someone who respects them. And in turn, that will therefore be disrespectful to you. Disrespect breeds disrespect. Always be kind, loving, and sexual with your partner. If you are not, you WILL lose them.
Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago (edited)
While that might be true sometimes, it's victim blaming in a whole other lot of cases. You'll find caring, loving partners who get cheated on. Like, a lot. It's not always possible to find an explanation that doesn't boil down to a serious personality flaw on the cheater's side. (Edited some grammar)
Load More Replies...
Philip Yancey 1 year ago
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Philip Yancey 1 year ago
If you ever require the services of a hacker, I implore you to try your very best to hire only professionals. tomcyberghost@gmail.com will help you get your job completed. I was able to hire the services of an elite, aside from the fact that he provided a good service, he also gave a very efficient customer experience. He carried me along with every process and didn't leave me in the dark. his contact is as below, am sure he will help you too. Text/Call +1 404 941-6785.
Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago
I don't think people who cheat (let's make this genderless because it is) truly realise how deep trust and self esteem issues they leave behind. It's a literal trail of destruction. So for the love of God, break up before instead of breaking up after with aggravating circumstances. For those who grew out of it together, congratulations. I sure as hell can't forgive, but props to people who can.
similarly 2 years ago
I totally agree. Whether the person is male or female or nonbinary, being cheated on is such a violation of trust and such a crushing blow to the self esteem, it hurts no matter who you are.
Load More Replies... Mathias 2 years ago
So where is the shocking part? People do cheat, big surprise... it's normal to feel attracted to other people now and then. The difference is how it is handled and I am the opinion it's better to talk open, then you either find a solution that works for both or break up, still tough but at least either way you'd be free of the guilt of secrecy. And yes I absolutely think you can tell your partner if you feel attracted to somebody else, the partner is the person you should be closest to. I know many people who say if my partner just mentioned thinking of it he can go... well don't be surprised if he does lie to you then.
similarly 2 years ago
Sometimes I write stuff, and then later I think: nah. Nobody cares what I think. This was one of those moments. Hey, I love ya, BP! Believe me, it's better if I just keep quiet in the corner over here.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
yeah if you say negative stuff here you get downvoted till your account gets blocked. It's happened to me a few times. People use it as a kind of punishment if they disagree with you. Downvote should only be used against hate speech people and spammers.
Load More Replies... Doodles1983 2 years ago
What about (cue downvotes) it’s highly improbable out of 8 billion people on the planet, that you find one who can fulfil every emotional and physical need? I'm female (if that matters). I have cheated, and I have been cheated on. I am not proud of it, but I have sat and looked at why. And I have decided that monogamy/ the one, is unlikely. Based on theory of evolution and statistics. Other cultures practice polygamy, and polyamory/polysexuality is rising. A lot of the time, the physical thing becomes the small issue. Lies and deceptions are a bigger problem. Truthfully I’m not built for monogamy. But since being introduced to poly and ethical non-monogamy with like minded people or even monogamous people who accept “me for me” and respect that, it’s possible to have meaningful relationships with multiple people where it isn’t cheating. It takes insight and courage to admit monogamy isn’t for you and societal norms don’t have to apply, provided there is a degree of transparency.
Gavin Johnson 2 years ago
I was brought up to respect other people even when they may behave irresponsibly or try to have a negative impact on my life. That means that even when a relationship is clearly reaching its zero hour the other person is still a human with feelings and a heart, even if it’s difficult to see their value to you, you treat them with respect. To have an affair or whatever you wish to call it is disrespectful to them, be a stand up human being and end your relationship before you decide to start another one (however brief it may be), you are showing the world who YOU are. Your values and beliefs are being eroded when you don’t treat others with respect, you may get a buzz or a one night stand but ultimately you are being disrespectful to yourself and your partner. If they are being disrespectful to you then get out with your head held high, there’s no mileage in ‘getting revenge’, leave the relationship and you’ll suffer less, you’ll move forward quicker.
HarperTheCentaur (they/them) 2 years ago
I've never cheated but I've been the person someone cheated with. S****y of me but she was in an online-only relationship with a guy she hated, and I knew she liked me more than him anyway. Didn't go all the way (I don't do that anyway, like ever) but farther than we should have. I was young and dumb and I justified it to myself by saying that the bond I had with her was way more long-lasting and important than this relationship that she was basically only in for the giggles. I regret it, but what's done is done.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
This a a rough post but it's important for people to read these stories so they can see how commonplace they are. All my cases where I was the victim or the perp are above. I see the same patterns. It boils down to respect. If you disrespect your partner, they will probably end up cheating with someone who respects them. And in turn, that will therefore be disrespectful to you. Disrespect breeds disrespect. Always be kind, loving, and sexual with your partner. If you are not, you WILL lose them.
Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago (edited)
While that might be true sometimes, it's victim blaming in a whole other lot of cases. You'll find caring, loving partners who get cheated on. Like, a lot. It's not always possible to find an explanation that doesn't boil down to a serious personality flaw on the cheater's side. (Edited some grammar)
Load More Replies... Philip Yancey 1 year ago
If you ever require the services of a hacker, I implore you to try your very best to hire only professionals. tomcyberghost@gmail.com will help you get your job completed. I was able to hire the services of an elite, aside from the fact that he provided a good service, he also gave a very efficient customer experience. He carried me along with every process and didn't leave me in the dark. his contact is as below, am sure he will help you too.
Philip Yancey 1 year ago
If you ever require the services of a hacker, I implore you to try your very best to hire only professionals. tomcyberghost@gmail.com will help you get your job completed. I was able to hire the services of an elite, aside from the fact that he provided a good service, he also gave a very efficient customer experience. He carried me along with every process and didn't leave me in the dark. his contact is as below, am sure he will help you too. Text/Call +1 404 941-6785.
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