A family dinner is a family dinner. By definition, it’s a shared experience that transcends gender roles and responsibilities. In a healthy environment, everyone contributes to creating a warm and inclusive evening.
But when Reddit user Objective_Set4644 and other women from her family asked the men to help, they chose to watch the game instead. So, in an effort to teach them a lesson, the ladies kicked them out.
Now, since she was the one who came up with the idea, Objective_Set4644 is facing backlash from the guys, so she made a post on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ asking if she might’ve actually gone too far.
Family dinners can serve as foundations for strong bonds that last a lifetime
Image credits: Craig Adderley (not the actual photo)
So, this woman was sad that the men from hers refused to help prepare them
Image credits: artemp3 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Objective_Set4644
Gender equality starts with men and women becoming equal at home
This story could be seen as an example of the fact that even though women comprise nearly half of the U.S. workforce, they still fulfill a larger share of household responsibilities.
Married or partnered heterosexual couples in the U.S. continue to divide household chores along largely traditional lines, with the woman in the relationship shouldering primary responsibility for laundry, cleaning, and cooking.
Dr. Anthony Chambers, Chief Academic Officer and Clinical Psychologist, Director of the Center for Applied Psychological and Family Studies at Northwestern University, and Family and Couples Therapist at the Family Institute, thinks that given how busy everyone is, with dual-income families as the norm, becoming middle class or even just surviving requires couples to work together even more and to have much more clarity and communication about their roles.
“Time is no longer people’s friend,” he explained. “You’re always on with work and there’s not as much emotional energy for the kids and the household work. It’s so much more important now to have alignment on this. Family life is difficult in managing all the competing things that are taking people’s time.”
Image credits: On Shot (not the actual photo)
According to Chambers, the two pieces that family meals rely on are connection and cohesion. “It’s an opportunity for everyone in the family to connect, to have accurate temperature readings as to how everyone in the family is doing, which allows for family identity. Family identity and cohesion are important and meals can be the conduit for that. That’s at the heart, for me, of why family meals are important.”
“I would say clinically, I definitely see that the more there is role flexibility, it makes it easier to come to those conversations about cohesion and family identity,” the therapist added. “The more rigid the expectations are, there’s less flexibility when a couple has to negotiate and figure out how to contribute. It’s helpful when people have a more flexible view of what fathers can and should do.”
In interviews researchers David G. Smith and W. Brad Johnson conducted for their book, Good Guys: How Men Can Be Better Allies for Women in the Workplace, women told them that gender equality starts with men becoming equal partners at home. “Real allyship and gender partnership demands that men do their fair share of household chores, childcare, transportation for children’s activities, the emotional labor of planning and tracking activities, and supporting their partner’s career. When men genuinely enact equal partnership at home, it accelerates gender equality at work in three ways,” the authors explained.
So instead of watching the game, the guys in this situation definitely could’ve set an example for the girls and helped the family women with the dinner.
People unanimously said that the women did nothing wrong
For Christmas you should buy them all a copy of the book "The Little Red Hen".
My sister and I decided that our brother is hosting next year. It's our turn to take a nap and ignore his 7 kids.
Take the nap at home before dinner, no way you're getting a nap in with 7 kids running around.
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Why in the world would anyone want to watch sport over making lots of food? It's like prefering hemorrhoids over a spa.
But they were happy to eat the food. So if they don't want to do their share preparing they can watch their sports someplace else. Win win?
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I'm just gonna leave you all with this cringy memory of mine. One Thanksgiving sometime ca. 2015 (can't remember the exact year), my grandfather looked at me and my cousin and happily said "we've got two girls here to clean up this mess". I snapped and said something along the lines of "are we supposed to clean dishes with our vaginal fluids? Why don't you or dad or brother wash them?" Totally ruined the vibes, but it's not like any of the men volunteered to help. Still I'm so sorry for embarrassing you grandpa, RIP :(
I hate watching all the women work in the kitchen while the men sit around watching TV. Creeps me out. Then at the end one man "The head of the household" always comes to the head of the table, puffs himself up, and gives this very long winded prayer. Like it's his accomplishment. And, always, like God gives some sort of extra credit for the more long winded and majestic you make things. God, apparently, is incapable of understanding simple prayer and thanksgiving.
Until a few years ago, my older son always spent Christmas with us. The love of cooking and the talent probably runs in the family... he cooks really well and enjoys it too. If he came early enough, he always helped prepare Christmas dinner... even planned what we were cooking in advance. It wasn't necessarily "faster" or less work... he has ADHD and worked a little chaotically... but we always had a lot of fun and that's the most important thing. It was natural for him to cook with me... and he was always annoyed that I had so much to do on the holidays, while the others did nearly nothing. They (my brothers and my younger son), even dared to make long faces, because after dinner, I expected them to clean up the kitchen, wash the dishes (pots and pans) and put everything else in the dishwasher.
hey, if you don't get stuck in on prep, then you're definitely clearing the table, putting leftovers away and loading the dishwasher.
Load More Replies... in our family, for Christmas (no such thing as Thanksgiving in the UK) EVERYONE prepares dinner. not equally, my stepdad, who makes the BEST roast dinners oversees it and does a lot of it. but we ALL sit around preparing vegetables, peeling and chopping and so on. I do the brussels sprouts, because I am REALLY good at making them delicious (halved and dry fried in butter with loads of garlic and bacon, then adding cooked chestnuts) my husband loves potatoes best, so he peels LOADS of spuds. and he's not got particular cooking skills, so he tends to take the plates out and load the dishwasher afterwards. we all do our bit. and as my parents still provide most of the dinner, I provide a very substantial artisan cheeseboard and crackers/chutneys - being that I'm the one most into cheese, and the Christmas crackers, and I bring all the stuff for my brussels sprouts recipe and prepare it. basically, we know we all have different skills when it comes to cooking and prep. team effort.
NTA. More women need to start standing up to their husbands and speak their minds. This isn't 1950 and you are not a house slave. Take care of your husband but demand respect at the same time.
I can see this in my grandfather and my one living uncle (they could both burn water, best they stay away from the kitchen) but not in any of my cousins or other male relatives. I was always encouraged to help cook and clean up at holiday gatherings and my BIL, cousins, and I are all decent cooks. Its not manly or womanly to cook, its an important life skill that. Not saying its all that important but I've yet to date a woman my age who can cook worth a damn. Ultimately I think it comes down to how your family raised you, if you're raised to be an entitled s**t that's what you'll likely become.
Why is it the woman's job to give her mate tasks? To teach him to basically be a responsible adult and help out? You're just asking the women to take on yet another responsibility for holiday preparations.
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For Christmas you should buy them all a copy of the book "The Little Red Hen".
My sister and I decided that our brother is hosting next year. It's our turn to take a nap and ignore his 7 kids.
Take the nap at home before dinner, no way you're getting a nap in with 7 kids running around.
Load More Replies... Why in the world would anyone want to watch sport over making lots of food? It's like prefering hemorrhoids over a spa.
But they were happy to eat the food. So if they don't want to do their share preparing they can watch their sports someplace else. Win win?
Load More Replies... I'm just gonna leave you all with this cringy memory of mine. One Thanksgiving sometime ca. 2015 (can't remember the exact year), my grandfather looked at me and my cousin and happily said "we've got two girls here to clean up this mess". I snapped and said something along the lines of "are we supposed to clean dishes with our vaginal fluids? Why don't you or dad or brother wash them?" Totally ruined the vibes, but it's not like any of the men volunteered to help. Still I'm so sorry for embarrassing you grandpa, RIP :(
I hate watching all the women work in the kitchen while the men sit around watching TV. Creeps me out. Then at the end one man "The head of the household" always comes to the head of the table, puffs himself up, and gives this very long winded prayer. Like it's his accomplishment. And, always, like God gives some sort of extra credit for the more long winded and majestic you make things. God, apparently, is incapable of understanding simple prayer and thanksgiving.
Until a few years ago, my older son always spent Christmas with us. The love of cooking and the talent probably runs in the family... he cooks really well and enjoys it too. If he came early enough, he always helped prepare Christmas dinner... even planned what we were cooking in advance. It wasn't necessarily "faster" or less work... he has ADHD and worked a little chaotically... but we always had a lot of fun and that's the most important thing. It was natural for him to cook with me... and he was always annoyed that I had so much to do on the holidays, while the others did nearly nothing. They (my brothers and my younger son), even dared to make long faces, because after dinner, I expected them to clean up the kitchen, wash the dishes (pots and pans) and put everything else in the dishwasher.
hey, if you don't get stuck in on prep, then you're definitely clearing the table, putting leftovers away and loading the dishwasher.
Load More Replies... in our family, for Christmas (no such thing as Thanksgiving in the UK) EVERYONE prepares dinner. not equally, my stepdad, who makes the BEST roast dinners oversees it and does a lot of it. but we ALL sit around preparing vegetables, peeling and chopping and so on. I do the brussels sprouts, because I am REALLY good at making them delicious (halved and dry fried in butter with loads of garlic and bacon, then adding cooked chestnuts) my husband loves potatoes best, so he peels LOADS of spuds. and he's not got particular cooking skills, so he tends to take the plates out and load the dishwasher afterwards. we all do our bit. and as my parents still provide most of the dinner, I provide a very substantial artisan cheeseboard and crackers/chutneys - being that I'm the one most into cheese, and the Christmas crackers, and I bring all the stuff for my brussels sprouts recipe and prepare it. basically, we know we all have different skills when it comes to cooking and prep. team effort.
NTA. More women need to start standing up to their husbands and speak their minds. This isn't 1950 and you are not a house slave. Take care of your husband but demand respect at the same time.
I can see this in my grandfather and my one living uncle (they could both burn water, best they stay away from the kitchen) but not in any of my cousins or other male relatives. I was always encouraged to help cook and clean up at holiday gatherings and my BIL, cousins, and I are all decent cooks. Its not manly or womanly to cook, its an important life skill that. Not saying its all that important but I've yet to date a woman my age who can cook worth a damn. Ultimately I think it comes down to how your family raised you, if you're raised to be an entitled s**t that's what you'll likely become.
Why is it the woman's job to give her mate tasks? To teach him to basically be a responsible adult and help out? You're just asking the women to take on yet another responsibility for holiday preparations.
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