Did you grow up dreaming about having your very own fairytale wedding? Or has the idea of saying “I do” always seemed unappealing to you? Marriage certainly isn’t for everyone, especially considering the fact that nearly half of all first marriages end in divorce in the United States.
But if you’re curious about why your son or your beau has no desire to get down on one knee or tie the knot, we’ve got a piece you might be interested in down below. Men on Reddit have been discussing all of the reasons they’ve never wanted to get married, so we've gathered some of their most thoughtful replies.
Keep reading to also find a conversation with marriage therapist Dr. Lee Baucom, and be sure to upvote the replies that make particularly valid points.
This post may include affiliate links.
Can’t I just want to be alone?
I think growing up around miserable married people made me reconsider the idea of marriage for myself. It’s not something I want or need.
Perfectly fine but needs to be upfront about it with everyone from the very beginning and find a partner who definitely thinks and wants the same!
I don't want to get married or have a partner, because I am an introvert and I find peace in solitude, also I don't really get lonely so I don't feel the overwhelming need to find someone. I have nothing against marriage or dating though. When I get old and weak I am taking the first bus home, I never liked the idea of getting old, I think the concept having your body fail you is undignified and I think it is better to not be here at that point, as soon as I am not able to do things and have quality of life, I am done with this planet.
To learn more about why tying the knot might not be for everyone, we reached out to marriage therapist and creator of Save the Marriage, Dr. Lee Baucom. According to Dr. Baucom, sometimes marriage is not right for an individual, but it also might just not be the right time or the right partner for them.
“Here are some pretty good reasons for not marrying right now: You are only doing it because it seems to be the ‘next step’ in a relationship. Not for love, or because you are ready to commit. But because it seems like the time,” the expert shared.
Another reason may be because “you are hoping that your future spouse is going to make you happy. Not their job, not their capacity," Dr. Baucom says.
I love my significant other, but marriage itself has literally no perks in my eyes.
What does it give me that the current relationship status does not?
Legal rights, e.g., if your spouse is incapacitated for whatever reason you have decision making authority, can receive their earned social security benefits if married for at least 7 years, even if divorced, etc, etc and lower taxes.
marriage is an archaic social construct.
Even the arbitrary steps to getting married are ridiculous and all for social acceptance/validation.
1. Expensive engagement ring
2. Engagement
3. Bachelor/Bachelorette parties
4. Wedding Shower
5. Exepensive Wedding & Reception
6. Honeymoon
7. Divorce
You don’t need any of that s**t to simply love your partner.
I remember being told (by the fiancée of my husband's friend) that "unless the ring costs at least 2 months salary, the engagement isn't *real*" as I was excitedly showing her the (very tiny) ring my then-fiance had given me. I was so humiliated, as was he. We were incredibly poor at the time. (Doing only slightly better now lol.) Needless to say, they're no longer our friends. And their marriage didn't last, either, imagine that!
Well, I was married before, and I found out the hard way that you can't necessarily trust anyone to prioritize your interests just because they vowed to.
You married someone you thought should prioritize your decisions and yourself over them? Sounds like you expected to be the only important person in this marriage.
This so depends on how you read this. Trust anyone to prioritize your interests over your spouse or other people all the time - want to be the princess/prince in the relationship and the centre of attention? Not okay... Trust someone to care about you and make room to prioritize your interests and needs too, the same as you meet theirs as well ?... Sure, that is what marriage is about.
My first thought here was all the stories about invasive in-laws and spineless spouses.
Um...yeah that's not how it works. You're not gaining a cheerleading slave, it's supposed to be a partnership in which you BOTH advocate for the betterment of BOTH your lives. And guess what? Sometimes that means you're going to disagree on the best way to do that.....which is why anyone whose been married for more than about 5 minutes bangs on about the importance of communication and compromise.
LOL. Did you prioritize them? Did you prioritize their wishes and needs over yours? A marriage it goes BOTH ways. You are not getting married to have a pet or a slave. Or a new mommy. It’s a TWO way street. Reciprocal.
That's probably what they meant, no reason to get mad
Load More Replies...Dr. Baucom also noted that it’s not wise to marry if you feel pressured into it by that person, family, friends, faith, or some other external reason. “Those ‘pushes’ won’t last past the wedding. They are usually replaced by resentment,” he explained.
And if you’re not ready to commit, don’t jump into a marriage. “It just isn’t fair to another person to step into a lifelong commitment when you aren’t fully ready, for whatever reason,” Dr. Baucom added.
Why does not being married mean that I’m not allowed to have a life long partner?
Never seen a marriage that I've thought of "I'd like me one of those please". I've seen my parents and friends marriages end up in divorce. And the friends that are still married are constantly fighting and arguing over petty things. So I think those are the main contributors to my negative outlook.
It's also that weddings are a massive waste of money. Blowing 20K on a single day? No thanks. If she cheats on me, she still takes half my stuff? It's almost a better financial decision to take half my savings and head off to a casino. Of course, this is a massive generalization, there are a lot of great women out there. But dare I step on this minefield called marriage and potentially lose an arm and a leg? I doubt it.
As for when I'm old and frail. Probably end up in a nursing home and just die eventually.
*small edit*
It's good to make the difference between weddings and marriages. Some of the comments have actually been giving me some positive insights. I was positivly surprised that all women who reacted would be okay with a small wedding or wouldn't mind getting married in city hall. Which I think cuts my reasons against marriage in half 🤭
I guess if your view of relationships in general is people arguing over petty things, you're probably not in a relationship either. Long term, married or not, you will surely start sharing a mortgage or responsibility for a property, maybe kids. Arguments will happen, married or not.
Same reason I don't want to play golf: it just doesn't look very exciting. Also, it has a low success rate. About half of marriages end in divorce, and of the ones that last, many of them are abusive or unhappy. It's a bad idea in every respect. The real question is why would anyone *want to* get married?
If one can't answer that question then absolutely they should not get married.
We also asked Dr. Baucom if some couples might be better off simply staying together but never actually getting married. “There are some psychological shifts that just can’t happen when you are living together,” he noted. “But some don’t want to really step into that. If a couple is happy with the level of commitment and the boundaries of living together, they certainly should not step into a further commitment of marriage.”
“The real issue and conflict is when one wants to move toward marriage and the other does not,” Dr. Baucom says. “The friction that comes from that often destabilizes the relationship. The solution, though, isn’t marriage, but finding out why they feel differently about the future path of their marriage. Getting married should be two enthusiastic ‘Yes’ votes. If they aren’t both at ‘Yes,’ then it is a ‘No, not at this time.’”
Divorced. Never want to go there again. Hoping for a girlfriend but will not ever get married again. I don’t even want to live with my girlfriend. My place is mine.
My brother got married for the first time when he was 70. He and his wife live in separate houses and do weekend sleep overs. They both enjoy living alone too much.
I've (53m, twice married and twice divorced no kids) spent so many years in relationships that drain you emotionally and financially only to ultimately fail that I'm done.
I have trouble coming to compromises in a relationship, and I haven't always chosen the best women either. And I'm not perfect either. Basically relationships are exhausting to me, I'm very introverted and used to being alone for long periods of time.
It's a better experience than being in a relationship. I think I'm supposed to be single and I've accepted the limitations of living this way.
Me too. It was exhausting living with a man would did understand the concept of "private me time". I was used to years and years of living alone. He thought "me time" was because I didn't want to be with HIM. I'm so happy to be alone now. Lost so much money thru that relationship but still managed to rise above.
I'm married but it's completely pointless. I'm no more committed than I would be otherwise. It's totally pointless unless you have a faith
See above comment and faith has absolutely nothing to do with getting married for billions of people who are Atheists, Agnostics, etc. I am an Atheist who chose to get married.
We were also curious if men tend to be more reluctant to get married than women. “I think there is still a stronger cultural pressure on women to see a wedding and marriage as their future,” Dr. Baucom shared. “Familial and cultural expectations for women are about the wedding and life as a married couple. Men don’t have quite the same pressures (not to say they are absent — just less pronounced). We are in something of a historic transition, though, where people are waiting longer and longer to get married. Or they simply don’t see it as their future.”
It never interested me. When I was a kid I would just parrot whatever my peers, relatives and sibling would say as regards marriage but it was only when I was older did I then realise that I had no desire whatsoever.
My parents have been married nearly 40 years, my brother is married but I never saw anything about married life that I genuinely wanted. I always felt I was destined for more in life than just pair-bonding or procreating. I know for certain I **will** die alone and I'm perfectly content with that.
Why would I need to be married because of aging? Weirdest reason I've heard to get married. If someone loves you they'll age with you without a contract that can be revoked by divorce.
I don't think marriage changes much, at least for the positive. If the relationship is great it can be great without marriage and if it's not marriage won't magically make it better.
In Finland there's not that much downside, hence I'm married because I felt like it and the small legal upsides were worth it. Neither of us really cared, most important reason was inheritance and the tax related to it.
Who says the reason to get married is aging??? Marrying too young is often problematic due to low maturation, most people need time to grow into who they are to know what they need and want.
Most of the girls I know seem to view marriage as an opportunity for social media photos rather than a real commitment.
Combine that with the family court's hostility towards men and it's just a recipe for disaster.
Plus, I've heard "forever" from too many women to believe it anymore.
They are the ones with the most sad married life. My colleague used to put happy pictures on social media (I don't have any, other colleagues would show me). Found out from her best friend that things are not going well and the pictures are just a facade. She married against her parents' wishes and wants them to think she is happy with this guy.
But if marriage is something that you and your partner are ready for, you shouldn’t be afraid of it. “Divorce rates are slightly lower than they once were,” Dr. Baucom noted. “This is partly because people are taking the commitment seriously. So, they wait on marriage longer.”
“Others have changed their expectations of marriage, creating new rules and roles within marriage. This is partly due to the fact that many now in the midst of marriage grew up watching the old expectations and the new possibilities of leaving a marriage without shame, lead to broken marriages,” the expert says. “They watched their parents and friends’ parents go through painful marriages. And in their attempts to avoid that pain, they either avoid marriage or take it more seriously and thoughtfully.”
Been with my girlfriend 17 years we have a 12-year-old kid never been married, we've ran into situations where we probably should have split up and being married would have just made It worse.
Pretty simple, as a legal and social institution I think it’s b******t and there’s no real reason to do it. That doesn’t mean I’m opposed to finding a girl I love and staying with her for a long time, I’m just not gonna legally bind myself to her or throw an expensive party for myself
I've seen marriages fail all around me. My mom is not happy in hers but she has her own issues.
My friend, who didn't want to get married or have kids at first, did that. He got married, had a kid, wife cheated on him with 2 different men and they got divorced. He's paying child support and is starting to think his kid isn't his. Hes afraid to take a paternity test but knows he should.
That alone was enough of a reason.
“I believe the next decade will reveal a shift toward how people go into marriage, and what they do when they hit the inevitable tough points of marriage,” the expert added.
If you’d like to hear more wise words from Dr. Lee Baucom about marriage in general or your own relationship, be sure to check out Save the Marriage!
When I get old and weak I guess I'll just soldier on until I die? I mean, what else is there? Expecting some other old person to take care of me? That's just silly.
I dunno if this applies to me. When I was younger, all I wanted was to be a good husband and a good father. Then I got married and had a kid. While I love being a dad to my now grown child and feel like I stuck the landing on the whole "good father" bit, the same cannot be said for the "good husband" portion of my aspirations.
I mean, I wasn't a bad husband by any stretch, but me and the X-Wife were a trainwreck together. Ended after only a few years. I initially assumed I'd eventually remarry. Even came close with my last girlfriend. I poured everything I had into that relationship. Gave her all I had to give, and it still wasn't' enough.
After all that, the idea of being married again, or even sharing time with a woman or being part of a couple again, is the last thing I want. The last thing I plan to ever do again.
I'm currently caring for my elderly mother. Dad passed a bit over a year ago and so now I'm tending to her needs. When God calls her Home to be with dad, I can't see myself spending any time with women anymore. Despite my years of research and dedication to learning how to treat women well, I still understand essentially nothing about them. I don't think you can make a woman happy and I'm too old and too tired to try again. And also don't have any trust left to offer after so much heartbreak. Starting up something new wouldn't be fair because I'd inevitably end up punishing the new woman for the issues created by the last. And I hate the idea of doing that to anyone as much as I hate the fact that my last girlfriend did that to me. Made me constantly feel like I was paying for the sins of lesser men who didn't put in the effort as was I.
So yeah, no more marriage hopes or plans for me. No more relationships or girlfriends. I don't even want to date anymore. After mom is gone, I plan to spend whatever time I have left alone.
Why would i want to is the real question. I gain absolutely nothing from getting married and could potentially lose everything.
I prefer the peace and quiet of solitude, personally. Beyond that, modern marriage is a failing institution. With the ever increasing focus on individual self within society, marriage has basically become extended dating, where anyone can pick up and leave for any reason. No one seems to want to communicate, cooperate, or compromise enough to maintain the bonds of marriage. The days of seeing married couples celebrating their golden anniversaries are over.
If we don't make it to gold, it will only be because we had a late start. My parents have been married for 67 years
I'm going to die anyway being married does nothing to change that, more than 50% marriages fail so not exactly a comforting contract. I don't see marriage as a fun experience, it holds little value as it has less meaning than ones word. Also, my partner would get old with me, so how are they gonna be able to look after me and why would I want to legally bind them into having to do so.
Marriage is the absolute opposite of love, it's a contractual agreement designed to distribute assets and wealth, it is greed and vanity masquerading as faithfulness and love its a well conceived hold over from a time when people did not have as many rights as they do now.
Marriage is a contract and it is expected of spouses to look after each other also in old age, but there are people for which this contractual obligation just doesn't come into play: they just look after each other because that is what they WANT to do, not because it's expected of them.
I *was* married for 15 years. Here's a few reasons I'll never do it again:
- 60% chance of failure, if you had a previous marriage chances are higher still
- In nearly all cases, divorce is more kind to women than men, even if settled amicably/out of court
- In ALL cases where children are involved, harm is done to them, and they are often innocent bystanders
- marriage is expensive, but divorce can be even more so
FWIW I'm not against having close relationships, but after experiencing the grief I have, and seeing it harm my child... I'll always and forever shy away from that level of responsibility in the future. I'll stick to just having good friends.
I did a trial run and she changed personality within days/weeks. Divorced her a few months later after and im not gonna jump the gun next time, at least 5 years minimum with someone before even contemplating it.
People don't change their personalities after marriage. They merely reveal them.
It creates a contractual agreement between two parties that either party can on a can withdrawal from the contract at any time. However, the less well off party can have the state order the more well off party to give a substantial amount of income to them just because they decided to void the contract.
If you did not describe this as marriage any lawyer would tell you to f*****g run. I have no desire to involve the state in my relationship just to hand someone a tool to ruin my life with.
That’s a lot of faith to put into another person. The divorces I’ve seen and the devastation around them remind me such faith is misplaced.
In a sense, no one can be trusted: people change, sometimes because they just get older, sometimes because bad things or good things happen to them. Marriage changes people as well. No one, ever, married or not, stays the same. So to me that is not a reason not to get married. Perhaps the poster has difficulties accepting that life changes people and sometimes in a bad way?
Outdated tradition, very high risk and very low reward. It only makes sense for a religious and traditional man with a similar wife.
Marriage provides no benefits to men that one cannot have by simply living with your long-term girlfriend and being a decent man, a decent human being.
You don't nned to get married to have a child. You don't need to get married to love and be loved. You don't need to be married to be responsible for your women and children, to care for them, to earn money for them and so on. And you can always just give your girlfriend the Power of the Attorney (or however it is called in English) if you are afraid that she won't be able to make decisions for you if you are incapacitated.
The only consequence of the marriage that cannot be achieved by just living together is breaking oaths and costly divorce and even then, civil marriage institute exists and you can be fleeced even if you are just cohabitating.
Don't get me wrong, I am going to marry my long-term girlfriend (when I meet her and find her to be a good woman), but I am not going to do it because *I* want to, but rather because *she* will want it.
Who says "she" will want it? I wanted to have the fairytale wedding, when I was literally a small child. Then I grew up. I now have NO interest thank you, but I've been in a committed relationship for 16 years. Not every "she" wants marriage.
54% of marriages end in divorce. 85% are initiated by women. Not all that beneficial to get married if you're a man.
None of these men sound happy anyway, so would make the worst partners/husbands. Most sound very toxic and misogynistic.
I’m 40 (and never married) and most married people in my life are happy. Very low divorce rates. People seem to be married to their best friend. Have healthy hobbies with and apart from their spouse. Are they perfect marriages, no way. But are they loving and supportive, hell yes! That’s what I’m hoping for.
Exactly! Married to my best friend, sometimes we do what he wants, sometimes what I want, sometimes what we both want. We may have small disagreements, but that's normal as no person is 100% the same as the other person. It all boils down to proper communication, being supportive of eachother and love. Plus my drs listen more to my husband then me when we deal with my illnesses.
Load More Replies...This isn't rocket science. It is about the legal upsides. Who can make life or death decisions for you, what happens with children/possessions when you die. etrc
Exactly. My husband and I would be just as committed without the piece of paper. But the piece of paper *does* make the legal and financial side of things 1000x easier, at least where we live.
Load More Replies...My mom once told me she will never get married again because she will never give a man that much power and control over her life. My dad was not always a good person. But I still got married when I was 30, coming up on 9 years (started dating at 21, been together, gosh… 18 years?). I see my dad in him more and more.
I've often said that government shouldn't have the right to say who can or can't be married. Instead, marriage should be a social thing. Instead, government should have legal contracts that outline rights and responsibilities between two parties, regardless of what their social relationships are.
Load More Replies...I personally have no emotional feelings towards the concept of marriage. I've been in a relationship for 10 years now and a marriage would change absolutely nothing. If I had to, because of legal reasons, I would lived if it could be simply done online. Type in your data boom, married legally. There's no way I will ever be the center of an attention during a wedding. I just don't care about that kind of stuff.
Why grow a tomato? I could find much cheaper in the market. And might turn out to be the type I don't like. Or pests might steal the fruit of my labor. And at the end of season need to find a place to dispose the dead plant . Just negatives, and yet here I am hoping to grow a tomato
My parents marriage did make my brother and me feel that we wanted some of that. Most of the reasons for not getting married sounded like someone wanted to leave the door open for themselves. I didn't want to do that, and neither did my husband.
In NZ, if you live together for 3 years and split, you're in the same boat financially as if you were married. You gotta share. So getting married really is no different that co-habitating long term. It's just a party and a declaration in front of your friends and family (and each other) that you want to be in this long term. Which is nice, but not necessary.
It's interesting that the fear is financial and the focus is on half of marriages failing rather than half succeeding. If I offered you a million dollar lottery ticket with a 50% chance of winning, you'd take it. Do these men only view their partners as financial risks rather than people whose commitment to them provides health and mental health benefits and may like the security of being able to see their partners in the hospital in the event of emergency.
My wife and I are about to celebrate 25 years. Took us 10 years how to navigate a fight not worth fighting and realize you just need to stay quiet as they are just venting at you. Then there are some who manage beyond the 10 years and shouldn't have, just doubling down on pride. One point that gets attention, "you need to communicate", that advice is a cop out. Communication isn't just verbal, its physical, biological and emotional, most do not have that in their tool box. We learned the hard way. Another one, "you have to have trust", we do, we share our main email address, facebook account, etc. Plus have full access to each other phones (helps when one phone starts having a major problem). We still have fun, some people mark their anniversaries going to a chain restaurant, not us. And we take at least two weeks of vacation a year, supplemented with the occasional weekend getaway. Seen many so invested into their career, they think taking a week off is a chore.
I have no issue with people pursuing their personal happiness any way they want, as long as everyone consents and they’re not hurting innocent people. I didn’t necessarily want to get married when I was younger either. Then I met my husband right before I turned 40, and we clicked—-and BOTH wanted to get married. Neither of us had been married before, so it was a first for both. We got married at the courthouse with a couple of friends as witnesses, no frills, no engagement ring just wedding rings we both have never taken off our fingers, and we’ve been happy for the last 22 years.
Some of these guys sound like pathetic, sniveling idiots. They want to wet their willys, maybe pop a bun into the oven then run like hell to go do it again somewhere else. Do everyone a favor, get a vasectomy and take yourselves out of the gene pool.
I guess most if this is US-based and I have to say that that US divorce laws really seem to suck for the richer part of a partnership. In Germany by default your spouse is only entitled to half of net gains you made in the years of the marriage (jointly accrued gains). Everything you owned before and any inheritance you made inbetween is still yours only after a divorce. You only have to pay your ex-spouse alimony if children are under 3yo. You still have to pay child support of course, that's a different matter alltogether.
Divorce laws in the US are not universal. Every state has their own laws. Many of them only count assets acquired during the marriage, although some don't count inheritance. Certain debts acquired in the marriage may or may not count depending on the state. My state does community property meaning the couple splits assets acquired during the marriage. My parents could have decided to sell the house and split the profits or one of them buys the other out (which is what happened).
Load More Replies...In SA it is the same. It falls under civil union.
Load More Replies...I've been married for 30 years. My wife is my best friend. Marriage is built on friendship, respect, trust, communication, and working as a team on everything. If your partner is doing something, jump up and lend a hand (jumping up is important. Nobody wants help from the guy sitting in his chair). Listen when they speak. Speak with kindness and respect. Lift each other up. Make the home a place where people are happy to be. Leave outside problems at the door. People think love and marriage are like the swan boat in the tunnel of love. It's more like a lifeboat in a storm. When you work together, row together, bail together, it makes is easier, and if you sing together while you do it, no storm seems so bad.
Being in a relationship is just about the same as being married. You either make it work or you both get the shaft. Maybe someday men and women will be truly equal and then the entire concept of marriage will disappear.
Most posts here assume marriage is just a thing you do because society culture etc or it’s an expensive party. In fact it is an agreed commitment which can be done in any way you like, it’s a symbol really not much more (ok there’s legal bit to it etc that can be helpful or not depending on a situation). At the end of the day people’s relationships last or not no matter if you’re married or not. Certificate does not make much difference but then for some it is an important symbol , celebration or whatever they want to take out of it. Clearly most ppl here had really bad relationship experience and marriage wasn’t really any significant reason it’s the people that made it bad not the certificate.
One reason I didn't see, but expected to see, is that I don't believe it's tenable to promise to someone that you will be in love with them forever. I think in that "traditional" marriages of the past, they lasted because one or both of the people involved believed it was their duty to remain together, and soldier on even if they weren't happy or no longer had strong feelings for their mate. The reason I won't get married is because I just don't think human beings in general are meant for life long romantic relationships. Wedding vows usually say something like "as long as we both shall live" -- which treats it like a sentence, a la: "Well, you're never gonna be able to get out of this arrangement." I prefer a relationship that puts no such pressure on your future together, but instead focuses on how much you are enjoying each other in the here and now.
You can write your own vows. This is exactly why so many people in the 70s used the Gestalt prayer as vows. One up-side to marriage being harder to dissolve is that it encourages people to try to work it out. But that is also the down-side: it's so hard to dissolve that it makes people stay in unhappy situations.
Load More Replies...Seems more like a list of people’s deep-seated issues and a host of logical fallacies than a bunch of reasons against marriage. Please change the title to: Someone asks toxic little boys why they don't want to get married, gets 30 immature answers.
while my husband and i did intend to get married at some point maybe, we decided to marry after 4 years of dating. the main reason, is bc we would have legal rights like being able to make decisions if either of us were unable to (coma, illness etc) and my bio mother threatened to take our then unborn child from him if i died in childbirth. we consulted a family lawyer who told us we would have a better chance of him retaining custody if we were married. its likely he would get custody as he is the biological father anyways, it just put the odds more in our favor. we had a will setup and everything after that. got married at the court house for a grand total of 65$. 2 days later, we had our girl. 6 years later and we are still NC with my bio mom.
My step father just died. He wasn't married to my mother although they had shared life for 25 years. Legally his brother inherited everything. He also took everything, even things that my mom had bought and were technically hers. My mom had no rights and lost, not only love of her life, but also pretty much everything else. Losing love one is painful enough, marriage brings security to grieving widow.
The more of these types of posts I read, the more of an anomaly my marraige seems. Most of these posts aren't about marriage so much as long term relationships in general, and the ones against marriage hopefully realize that a long term l relationship ending can have the same consequences and struggles regardless of the marriage contract. To each their own though. Hope you all can find happiness whatever that looks like.
I'm a chick and I don't see the point in getting married. You can be together and be happy without getting married!
In my opinion, it’s nothing more than a legal contract that does not guarantee anything based on emotions, just legal repercussions if things go south … it is a big deal when it comes to healthcare, life insurance and estate management … that is why civil unions exist …
Why does everthing have to be so black and white? I have dated. I have dated and been asked to marry-said no. I have married. I have slept around. For me, it all depends on the person and the situation. I like to be "fluid" with life and whatever it throws at me, as opposed to rigid. With some people, just dating is the best solution and sometimes, marriage is an equally good solution. It all depends!
Gotta say...there are downright stupid ideas about marriage and getting married here! Why spend ridiculous amounts of money on a dress, a couple of parties, etc. or even a ring? And I have to say that a majority od guys heard from here seem rather narcissistic. And in this society, it is still by far the best FOR THE KID to have married parents!! If you don't want to get married, fine, don't. But don't inflict that on your kid.
I'm a feminist so I am politically opposed to the concept of marriage, which to me seems to involve a transfer of possesions (the woman) from the father in law to the groom. Dodgy.
In many cultures, its a celebration of families joining together to create a new family. I think that's a lovely concept.
Load More Replies...Funny that they didn't ask women too. More of BP toxicity assuming all women want to get married.
https://www.boredpanda.com/unmarried-childfree-women-life-stories/
Load More Replies...Overwhelmingly, women are the gatekeepers of attraction and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. That’s why BP has posts “women tell how creepy guys try to hook up with them,” and guys scream “unfair!” In the comments. Here we have the (rare for BP) example of the other side of the coin. Here’s a novel thought: Civilization consists of two activities: people helping each other when they need help, and people leaving each other alone when it’s no skin off your own a*s.
Let's unpack your comment, shall we? Mutual attraction, or, at the very least, mutual consent is required for both the female and the male. Research, for decades, has repeatedly proven that males are overwhelmingly more unfaithful than females. Easily verifiable fact. There has been an increase in females being unfaithful over time but, still, lesser than males which is attributable to numerous factors. However, males overwhelmingly desire to be in a commi
Load More Replies...None of these men sound happy anyway, so would make the worst partners/husbands. Most sound very toxic and misogynistic.
I’m 40 (and never married) and most married people in my life are happy. Very low divorce rates. People seem to be married to their best friend. Have healthy hobbies with and apart from their spouse. Are they perfect marriages, no way. But are they loving and supportive, hell yes! That’s what I’m hoping for.
Exactly! Married to my best friend, sometimes we do what he wants, sometimes what I want, sometimes what we both want. We may have small disagreements, but that's normal as no person is 100% the same as the other person. It all boils down to proper communication, being supportive of eachother and love. Plus my drs listen more to my husband then me when we deal with my illnesses.
Load More Replies...This isn't rocket science. It is about the legal upsides. Who can make life or death decisions for you, what happens with children/possessions when you die. etrc
Exactly. My husband and I would be just as committed without the piece of paper. But the piece of paper *does* make the legal and financial side of things 1000x easier, at least where we live.
Load More Replies...My mom once told me she will never get married again because she will never give a man that much power and control over her life. My dad was not always a good person. But I still got married when I was 30, coming up on 9 years (started dating at 21, been together, gosh… 18 years?). I see my dad in him more and more.
I've often said that government shouldn't have the right to say who can or can't be married. Instead, marriage should be a social thing. Instead, government should have legal contracts that outline rights and responsibilities between two parties, regardless of what their social relationships are.
Load More Replies...I personally have no emotional feelings towards the concept of marriage. I've been in a relationship for 10 years now and a marriage would change absolutely nothing. If I had to, because of legal reasons, I would lived if it could be simply done online. Type in your data boom, married legally. There's no way I will ever be the center of an attention during a wedding. I just don't care about that kind of stuff.
Why grow a tomato? I could find much cheaper in the market. And might turn out to be the type I don't like. Or pests might steal the fruit of my labor. And at the end of season need to find a place to dispose the dead plant . Just negatives, and yet here I am hoping to grow a tomato
My parents marriage did make my brother and me feel that we wanted some of that. Most of the reasons for not getting married sounded like someone wanted to leave the door open for themselves. I didn't want to do that, and neither did my husband.
In NZ, if you live together for 3 years and split, you're in the same boat financially as if you were married. You gotta share. So getting married really is no different that co-habitating long term. It's just a party and a declaration in front of your friends and family (and each other) that you want to be in this long term. Which is nice, but not necessary.
It's interesting that the fear is financial and the focus is on half of marriages failing rather than half succeeding. If I offered you a million dollar lottery ticket with a 50% chance of winning, you'd take it. Do these men only view their partners as financial risks rather than people whose commitment to them provides health and mental health benefits and may like the security of being able to see their partners in the hospital in the event of emergency.
My wife and I are about to celebrate 25 years. Took us 10 years how to navigate a fight not worth fighting and realize you just need to stay quiet as they are just venting at you. Then there are some who manage beyond the 10 years and shouldn't have, just doubling down on pride. One point that gets attention, "you need to communicate", that advice is a cop out. Communication isn't just verbal, its physical, biological and emotional, most do not have that in their tool box. We learned the hard way. Another one, "you have to have trust", we do, we share our main email address, facebook account, etc. Plus have full access to each other phones (helps when one phone starts having a major problem). We still have fun, some people mark their anniversaries going to a chain restaurant, not us. And we take at least two weeks of vacation a year, supplemented with the occasional weekend getaway. Seen many so invested into their career, they think taking a week off is a chore.
I have no issue with people pursuing their personal happiness any way they want, as long as everyone consents and they’re not hurting innocent people. I didn’t necessarily want to get married when I was younger either. Then I met my husband right before I turned 40, and we clicked—-and BOTH wanted to get married. Neither of us had been married before, so it was a first for both. We got married at the courthouse with a couple of friends as witnesses, no frills, no engagement ring just wedding rings we both have never taken off our fingers, and we’ve been happy for the last 22 years.
Some of these guys sound like pathetic, sniveling idiots. They want to wet their willys, maybe pop a bun into the oven then run like hell to go do it again somewhere else. Do everyone a favor, get a vasectomy and take yourselves out of the gene pool.
I guess most if this is US-based and I have to say that that US divorce laws really seem to suck for the richer part of a partnership. In Germany by default your spouse is only entitled to half of net gains you made in the years of the marriage (jointly accrued gains). Everything you owned before and any inheritance you made inbetween is still yours only after a divorce. You only have to pay your ex-spouse alimony if children are under 3yo. You still have to pay child support of course, that's a different matter alltogether.
Divorce laws in the US are not universal. Every state has their own laws. Many of them only count assets acquired during the marriage, although some don't count inheritance. Certain debts acquired in the marriage may or may not count depending on the state. My state does community property meaning the couple splits assets acquired during the marriage. My parents could have decided to sell the house and split the profits or one of them buys the other out (which is what happened).
Load More Replies...In SA it is the same. It falls under civil union.
Load More Replies...I've been married for 30 years. My wife is my best friend. Marriage is built on friendship, respect, trust, communication, and working as a team on everything. If your partner is doing something, jump up and lend a hand (jumping up is important. Nobody wants help from the guy sitting in his chair). Listen when they speak. Speak with kindness and respect. Lift each other up. Make the home a place where people are happy to be. Leave outside problems at the door. People think love and marriage are like the swan boat in the tunnel of love. It's more like a lifeboat in a storm. When you work together, row together, bail together, it makes is easier, and if you sing together while you do it, no storm seems so bad.
Being in a relationship is just about the same as being married. You either make it work or you both get the shaft. Maybe someday men and women will be truly equal and then the entire concept of marriage will disappear.
Most posts here assume marriage is just a thing you do because society culture etc or it’s an expensive party. In fact it is an agreed commitment which can be done in any way you like, it’s a symbol really not much more (ok there’s legal bit to it etc that can be helpful or not depending on a situation). At the end of the day people’s relationships last or not no matter if you’re married or not. Certificate does not make much difference but then for some it is an important symbol , celebration or whatever they want to take out of it. Clearly most ppl here had really bad relationship experience and marriage wasn’t really any significant reason it’s the people that made it bad not the certificate.
One reason I didn't see, but expected to see, is that I don't believe it's tenable to promise to someone that you will be in love with them forever. I think in that "traditional" marriages of the past, they lasted because one or both of the people involved believed it was their duty to remain together, and soldier on even if they weren't happy or no longer had strong feelings for their mate. The reason I won't get married is because I just don't think human beings in general are meant for life long romantic relationships. Wedding vows usually say something like "as long as we both shall live" -- which treats it like a sentence, a la: "Well, you're never gonna be able to get out of this arrangement." I prefer a relationship that puts no such pressure on your future together, but instead focuses on how much you are enjoying each other in the here and now.
You can write your own vows. This is exactly why so many people in the 70s used the Gestalt prayer as vows. One up-side to marriage being harder to dissolve is that it encourages people to try to work it out. But that is also the down-side: it's so hard to dissolve that it makes people stay in unhappy situations.
Load More Replies...Seems more like a list of people’s deep-seated issues and a host of logical fallacies than a bunch of reasons against marriage. Please change the title to: Someone asks toxic little boys why they don't want to get married, gets 30 immature answers.
while my husband and i did intend to get married at some point maybe, we decided to marry after 4 years of dating. the main reason, is bc we would have legal rights like being able to make decisions if either of us were unable to (coma, illness etc) and my bio mother threatened to take our then unborn child from him if i died in childbirth. we consulted a family lawyer who told us we would have a better chance of him retaining custody if we were married. its likely he would get custody as he is the biological father anyways, it just put the odds more in our favor. we had a will setup and everything after that. got married at the court house for a grand total of 65$. 2 days later, we had our girl. 6 years later and we are still NC with my bio mom.
My step father just died. He wasn't married to my mother although they had shared life for 25 years. Legally his brother inherited everything. He also took everything, even things that my mom had bought and were technically hers. My mom had no rights and lost, not only love of her life, but also pretty much everything else. Losing love one is painful enough, marriage brings security to grieving widow.
The more of these types of posts I read, the more of an anomaly my marraige seems. Most of these posts aren't about marriage so much as long term relationships in general, and the ones against marriage hopefully realize that a long term l relationship ending can have the same consequences and struggles regardless of the marriage contract. To each their own though. Hope you all can find happiness whatever that looks like.
I'm a chick and I don't see the point in getting married. You can be together and be happy without getting married!
In my opinion, it’s nothing more than a legal contract that does not guarantee anything based on emotions, just legal repercussions if things go south … it is a big deal when it comes to healthcare, life insurance and estate management … that is why civil unions exist …
Why does everthing have to be so black and white? I have dated. I have dated and been asked to marry-said no. I have married. I have slept around. For me, it all depends on the person and the situation. I like to be "fluid" with life and whatever it throws at me, as opposed to rigid. With some people, just dating is the best solution and sometimes, marriage is an equally good solution. It all depends!
Gotta say...there are downright stupid ideas about marriage and getting married here! Why spend ridiculous amounts of money on a dress, a couple of parties, etc. or even a ring? And I have to say that a majority od guys heard from here seem rather narcissistic. And in this society, it is still by far the best FOR THE KID to have married parents!! If you don't want to get married, fine, don't. But don't inflict that on your kid.
I'm a feminist so I am politically opposed to the concept of marriage, which to me seems to involve a transfer of possesions (the woman) from the father in law to the groom. Dodgy.
In many cultures, its a celebration of families joining together to create a new family. I think that's a lovely concept.
Load More Replies...Funny that they didn't ask women too. More of BP toxicity assuming all women want to get married.
https://www.boredpanda.com/unmarried-childfree-women-life-stories/
Load More Replies...Overwhelmingly, women are the gatekeepers of attraction and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. That’s why BP has posts “women tell how creepy guys try to hook up with them,” and guys scream “unfair!” In the comments. Here we have the (rare for BP) example of the other side of the coin. Here’s a novel thought: Civilization consists of two activities: people helping each other when they need help, and people leaving each other alone when it’s no skin off your own a*s.
Let's unpack your comment, shall we? Mutual attraction, or, at the very least, mutual consent is required for both the female and the male. Research, for decades, has repeatedly proven that males are overwhelmingly more unfaithful than females. Easily verifiable fact. There has been an increase in females being unfaithful over time but, still, lesser than males which is attributable to numerous factors. However, males overwhelmingly desire to be in a commi
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