Me And My Lonliness

My name is Vexacus and in addition to depression, I also suffer from loneliness. With the power of hindsight, I have been able to figure out that I have been suffering from loneliness since my boarding school was closed down at the ass end of the 90s. This did not really bother me to much to begin with as I would often busy myself with one of my assorted hobbies.

But in the age of social media, I have now begun to realise just how bad my loneliness has become. This first became noticeable when I had my breakdown and was briefly detained under the mental health act, or to be precise it happened AFTER my breakdown. Shortly after I was detained at the mental health facility, I asked my mother to update my FB/Twitter status, thinking that I would have friends who would have “missed” having me around; boy was I wrong.

It turns out that people had celebrated my absence, and those very same people blocked me upon my return to Twitter. Before I was blocked by them, I found out that they were cosplayers and owe that support them. I know that I had problems with them in the past but actively celebrating my breakdown and absence from Twitter went to far in my opinion. Thankfully Facebook was not as bad with people celebrating my breakdown and absence.

As time went on and I made more friends on Facebook, I had hoped that my lonliness would abate, and for a time it did. But as my conflict with Cosplayers grew, so did the exodous of those that I had once called my ‘Friends’. For some time, I did not notice the drop in my FB friend count and so I was not to concered, but that did not last.

My loneliness soon began to reassert itself when I noticed my FB friend count starting to drop noticeably. At first it was just the odd person or two, but that soon changed. I managed to ask one of the people who had unfriended me just as to WHY they had unfriended me, and their answer would soon become almost a universal answer; my actions towards cosplayers.

Now I know what you are all thinking, that I deserved to loose my FB friends; a lot of people would agree with you on that. But even people I had known from childhood started to desert me; and that actually hurt. So for the next few weeks I could do nothng but sit and watch as my FB friends list began to get smaller and smaller with each passing day.

To combat this, I began sending out multiple friend requests on a daily basis and as you can probably guess, I got no accepted requests, nor did I recieve any friend requests. And it was the latter that caused my lonliness to get even worse than it already was.

Now I understand that a few people might unfriend me because of my beef with cosplayers but I did not expect people I had known for many years to drop me like a hot turd. I began posting updates on Facebook tagged with the ‘Depresion’ feeling, stating that the loss of friends was making me feel depressed; all this got me was sarcastic ‘laughing’ and ‘crying’ emojis.

Despite blocking those people, they were the only ones who reacted to my posts. I am now down to 12 FB friends and I expect they will soon desert me; and I am resigned to that. Given the negative comments and downvoting my confessions got, I’m not holding out for anything different with this post.