“[Am I The Jerk] For Going On A Motorcycle Trip With My Friends Instead Of My Daughter’s Wedding?”

It’s a matter of fact that you support your loved ones when they need it. However, there is one big caveat: there needs to be healthy boundaries, mutual respect, and good communication. Without them, you might find yourself in a situation where the folks who are dearest to you might (un)intentionally take advantage of your generosity and time.

Dad u/wayland12 opened up on the AITA subreddit about an incredibly sensitive situation in his family. He shared how he shelled out an absolutely massive amount of money for his daughter’s wedding that turned into a breakup photoshoot. Now, when she’s suddenly demanding that he attend her real wedding, he refused because he already had plans with his friends, causing her to get mad.

Scroll down for the full story and to read the internet’s reactions. Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from him.

Family is family. But you and your loved ones must respect each other’s time, resources, and boundaries

Man riding a motorcycle on an open road, wearing a helmet and leather jacket, enjoying time with pals outdoors.

Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)

One dad explained why he decided to skip out on his daughter’s wedding to go on a trip with his pals. Here’s what happened

Man shares story about daughter’s failed wedding and choosing a motorcycle trip with friends over the event.

Man discussing costs and challenges of paying $22,500 for daughter’s failed wedding and skipping own event.

Man managing wedding expenses after daughter’s failed wedding, choosing to skip event and relax with friends instead.

Man spending $22,500 on daughter’s failed wedding while skipping his real wedding to hang out with friends.

Man with gray hair and glasses looking stressed while reviewing documents at home, representing wedding expense concerns.

Image credits: Wavebreak Media (not the actual image)

Man calculates $22,500 expense for daughter’s failed wedding, choosing to skip his own ceremony to hang out with friends.

Text about man shelling out money for daughter’s failed wedding and skipping real one to hang out with friends.

Text on white background reading My buddies and I planned for this September, illustrating man shelling out money for daughter’s wedding and social plans.

Text excerpt from a man explaining his daughter’s failed wedding and his decision to skip the real one to hang out with pals.

Bride sitting on bed looking upset with wedding bouquet on floor, reflecting a failed wedding moment.

Image credits: Jomkwan (not the actual image)

Text message excerpt about missing daughter’s failed wedding after shelling out $22,500 and choosing to hang out with friends.

Image credits: wayland12

Wedding costs are nothing to sneeze at in this day and age

It’s up to you and your partner to decide what kind of wedding you want to have (and can afford). The point of your wedding is to celebrate your love for your soulmate in the presence of your loved ones. Lavish, expensive events aren’t up everyone’s alley, but there are people who want the luxurious, fairytale experience.

Weddings are often a mind-bogglingly expensive thing to organize. It’s a nightmare if you’re on a tight budget. However, if you’re lucky enough to have a well-paying job, lots of savings, or your and your spouse-to-be’s families’ financial support, your options open up a lot. It’s important to remember that gratitude and humility go a long way when someone else is funding the happiest day of your life.

According to research conducted by Zola, the average wedding in the United States in 2025 costs a whopping $36,000. This is a few thousand more than back in 2024 (when a wedding cost roughly $33,000) and 2023 (an average of $29,000).

The most expensive US state to get married in is New Jersey. If you plan on getting hitched there, you’re expected to pay an average of $57,706.

Close on the heels of New Jersey in terms of pricing is New York, with an average wedding cost of $53,873.

Things get even more astounding if you want to have your Big Day in Washington, D.C.: the average wedding there costs around $70,625.

If you’re having your wedding in Puerto Rico (like the author of the viral AITA story financed for his daughter), the average cost comes around to $42,500.

Meanwhile, if you happen to live in Alaska or Nebraska, then good for you (and your wallet) because the average cost is ‘just’ $12,500 and $17,727, respectively.

Image credits: dapor2560 (not the actual image)

Every single decision that you make, large or small, is going to eat into your budget for your Big Day

Of course, these are all just ballparks. The exact numbers are going to vary a ton based on a wide range of factors.

Is it a local or a destination wedding? What is the venue? How many guests are you inviting? Do you want planners and a host? Who do you want to play music at your Big Day? What’s the catering situation going to be like?

How much are you willing to spend on decor and ambience? What flowers and cake do you want? What about the dress/suit? Who are you hiring to photograph and/or film the wedding? How lavish do you want your bachelor/bachelorette party to be?

The list is practically endless. And every choice you make can increase or reduce your expenses.

Zola notes that the average wedding list in 2025 has 136 guests, compared to 145 people in 2024. Around three-quarters of your invited wedding guests RSVP ‘yes.’

These days, the majority of couples contribute to their wedding expenses in some way. Just under a third (31%) use credit cards to finance their Big Day, 49% save up for years to prepare for their wedding, and 32% include cash funds on their registries to cover the costs.

Image credits: senivpetro (not the actual image)

Good communication is the foundation for healthy relationships. You have to be willing to follow through and enforce your boundaries when they get ignored

It can feel disheartening to realize that your loved ones might not appreciate the sacrifices you make for them. It’s also frustrating if they demand that you drop all of your important plans to suit their schedule. However, a lack of planning on someone’s part does not constitute an emergency on yours. If someone fails to communicate basic information about their wants and needs, that’s on them.

According to Time magazine, it’s important that you communicate your boundaries calmly and clearly. Licensed marriage and family therapist Laurie Carmichael suggests articulating the consequences of their actions very transparently. For instance, you might want to tell the other person, “If you say or do X again, I will need to do Y.”

Essentially, you’re clarifying what you’re (un)willing to tolerate. You’re not making a request. You’re being direct and enforcing boundaries. This isn’t the time for vagueness.

Of course, we’re all human and all of us make mistakes. So, if someone ignores your boundaries, give them the opportunity to correct themselves. Remind them of your boundaries and the consequences that will follow. Then, it’s very important to follow through with those consequences if the other person continues overstepping your boundaries.

How would you have handled the situation if you were in the dad’s shoes, dear Pandas? Would you have gone to the (new) wedding or stuck to your plans? Let us know in the comments below.

Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual image)

The dad gave more context in the comments of his post. Here’s what he told the internet

Screenshot of a discussion about a man spending $22,500 on daughter's failed wedding and skipping the real one to hang out with friends.

Reddit conversation about a man spending $22,500 on daughter’s failed wedding and skipping his own to hang out with friends.

Commenters discuss a man spending 22,500 on daughter’s failed wedding and skipping real one to hang out with pals.

Screenshot of an online comment discussing a man spending $22,500 on a failed wedding and skipping the real one to hang out with friends.

Text excerpt discussing a man’s relationship with his daughter and wedding planning issues after spending $22,500.

Man spending $22,500 on daughter's failed wedding and skipping his own to hang out with friends, feeling hurt and frustrated.

Most readers fully took the dad’s side. Here’s their perspective on the tough situation he found himself in

Comment discussing daughter's wedding planning issues and concerns about the chosen date being a poor midweek choice.

Screenshot of a social media comment advising to keep an eye on tire inflation during a trip.

Man shares story about shelling out $22,500 for daughter’s failed wedding while skipping his own to hang out with pals.

Screenshot of an online comment discussing a man covering wedding costs and skipping the real wedding to hang out with friends.

Screenshot of a social media comment discussing a man paying for daughter’s failed wedding and skipping the real one to hang out with friends.

Man spending $22,500 on daughter’s failed wedding while skipping his own celebration to hang out with friends.

Man spends $22,500 on daughter’s failed wedding and skips real wedding to hang out with friends.

Screenshot of an online comment calling someone selfish and manipulative, advising to stay away like an ATM, not a parent.

Comment discussing a man shelling out money for his daughter’s failed wedding and dealing with unexpected plans afterward.

Screenshot of an online comment discussing a man spending $22,500 on daughter’s failed wedding and skipping the real one.

Man discussing paying $22,500 for daughter’s failed wedding while choosing to skip real wedding to hang out with friends.

Reddit comment discussing a man’s experience with his daughter’s failed wedding and financial impact.

Reddit comment about a man shelling out money for his daughter’s failed wedding and skipping the real one to hang out with friends.

Screenshot of online comment discussing a man shelling out $22,500 for daughter’s failed wedding and skipping the real one.

Screenshot of a comment discussing a man spending $22,500 on daughter’s failed wedding and choosing to hang out with friends instead.

Comment discussing man shelling out money for daughter’s failed wedding and skipping real one to hang out with friends.

Comment discussing man shelling out $22,500 for daughter’s failed wedding and skipping his own event to hang out with friends.

Comment discussing a man shelling out $22,500 for daughter’s failed wedding and skipping the real one to hang out with pals.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment saying the user wouldn't want to be around someone petty and indecisive online.

Reddit comment discussing a man shelling out money for daughter’s failed wedding and skipping his own plans to hang out with pals.

Screenshot of an online comment discussing a man spending $22,500 on daughter's failed wedding and skipping his own event.

Reddit user shares perspective on regret after man shells out $22,500 for daughter’s failed wedding and skips his own event.

Screenshot of a forum comment discussing a man shelling out money for his daughter’s failed wedding and skipping the real one to hang out with friends.

Screenshot of a social media comment predicting a prophetic wedding date in a discussion about a failed wedding and spending.

Comment discussing a man who spent $22,500 on daughter’s failed wedding and skipped his own to hang out with friends.

Screenshot of an online comment discussing a man's choice to spend $22,500 on daughter's failed wedding and skip his own event.

Man discusses daughter’s failed wedding costs and skips own event to spend time with friends in casual setting.

Comment text from user Clairebugg1 reacting to a man spending $22,500 on daughter’s failed wedding while skipping his own.

Comment discussing man shelling out $22,500 for daughter's failed wedding and skipping real one to hang out with pals.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment where a user offers to buy a beer while running a bar in Whitefish.

Not everyone was on the same page. After reading what happened, some folks shared a different take

Man spends $22,500 on daughter's failed wedding and skips real wedding to hang out with friends.

Reddit comment expressing opinion on a man shelling out money for daughter’s failed wedding and skipping his own.

Man spends $22,500 on daughter’s failed wedding while skipping his own wedding to hang out with friends.

Comment discussing a man’s regret over the daughter’s failed wedding and financial impact on his bank account.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a man spending money on daughter’s failed wedding and skipping his own event.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment criticizing someone for raising an ungrateful child after spending money on a failed wedding.

Comment on Reddit stating YTA for acting like they own 9/11, posted 2 days ago by user Brilliant-Reindeer93.

Comment discussing a man spending $22,500 on daughter’s failed wedding and skipping her real one to hang out with friends.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment saying YTA and urging to attend her wedding, related to man shelling out for daughter’s failed wedding.

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