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“He Won’t Propose To Me”: Woman Tells BF She’d Keep Her Last Name, He Says ‘No’
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“He Won’t Propose To Me”: Woman Tells BF She’d Keep Her Last Name, He Says ‘No’

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The symbols around marriage can be a funny thing, mostly old practicalities that many of us still use out of tradition. While rings are a pretty common and visible symbol of matrimony, taking your spouse’s surname might still be the most distinctive part of getting married.

Internet celebrity Ethan Payne recently had a heated discussion with his girlfriend Faith Kelly about taking his surname after marriage that caused some debate online. As it turns out, she did not want to use his last name, something he found incomprehensible.
More info: TikTok

E-celeb Ethan Payne and his girlfriend Faith Kelly had a disagreement about her taking his surname

Image credits: paynesclips

Faith Kelly: Ethan says he won’t propose to me because I want to be Kelly-Payne.
Ethan Payne: Faith doesn’t want to take my name. And that irks me.
– No…
– Yes.
– I want to take your name.
– You don’t want to.

Image credits: paynesclips

– I just want to take mine as well. I’m not saying, no, ’cause otherwise then I would just wouldn’t change my name. I’m saying, I want to put mine there, but Kelly-Payne. So if anyone goes, ‘Oh, what’s your name over there? Oh, Faith Payne.
– So what’s the point in this?
– ‘Cause I don’t want to lose my association with my family.
– You’re not.

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Image credits: paynesclips

– Yeah? Okay, great. So let me keep it.
– No.
– It’s a personal thing. I’ve grown up with the name my whole life. I like it. I wanna keep it.
– No. Take it.
– No. You take mine.
– No, take it. Encompass it.

Image credits: paynesclips

– No, you take mine. Well, then?
– No, that’s not what this.. No, no. I am… I just believe that that’s how it should be done.
– When you make the first move, when the sun’s shinning on my finger, I think about it. Until then, no.
– I’m not having this ‘I’ll think about it’ and then bottling it 50/50. No way. I need 100% die for the badge, ride or die.
– I’ll be in there..
– No, I need…

Image credits: paynesclips

– It’ll be so not in it.
– No, I need a full kit.
– I just want to keep it because I like my association with my family.
– No.

Image credits: paynesclips

You can watch the full video here

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@paynesclips FAITH DOESN’T WANT ETHANS NAME! #behzinga #growingpaynes ♬ original sound – Growing Paynes Clips

These days, people have strong opinions about the names others chose

If you watched this clip and wondered who exactly these two people are, here is a quick refresher. The man is Ethan Payne, who is part of the Sidemen, a group of, you guessed it, men who have a YouTube channel together. The woman, Faith Kelly, is his girlfriend of two years, with whom he has a daughter.

They have a podcast together, somewhat cleverly named Growing Paynes, after Ethan’s surname, the cause of all this drama. In the clip above, the two were discussing their names post-marriage, and Faith is quite adamant that she doesn’t want to exclusively take his surname, but have a double, hyphenated last name. Ethan is quite resistant to this idea, which ended up sparking considerable debate online.

The traditional method would be for the woman to take the man’s last name, although this has not actually been a “rule” for quite some time, and, indeed, was never the tradition in many places. For example, even in Ancient China, women would not take their husband’s family name, a tradition that is still in effect.

Image credits: HONG SON (not the actual photo)

There are practical reasons why one might want to keep their name

Indeed, the origin of changing one’s name after marriage isn’t even as old as some might make it out to be. It comes from a law passed by King Henry VIII of England in the 16th century, which dictated that new births be recorded under the surname of the father. This created a new norm, which even at the time wasn’t followed to the letter, as some members of the aristocracy would still keep their surname post-marriage.

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The practice is still quite common in the English-speaking world, with one study finding that roughly 80% of women change their surname after marriage, while an even larger portion of men retain their surname. Besides the family connection mentioned in the video, there are a number of other reasons why someone might want to keep their surname.

Personal preference is an underrated one, but just as important. In the same way that most people don’t let their spouses dress them, it’s a bit strange and insecure to demand a partner also take on your name. But the more “practical” answer comes from necessity. If a person’s name is attached to their work, it would be somewhat foolish to suddenly change their name.

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Image credits: Ivan Samkov (not the actual photo)

Demanding a name change in 2023 seems deeply old-fashioned

This applies to creatives, writers, painters, and poets, but also academics, journalists, public figures, and really anyone who has a “brand” that they are interested in maintaining. So alongside her preference to maintain a family connection, Faith Kelly, as an internet personality, has a very legitimate and rational reason to want to keep her surname.

The real issue is why the man in this relationship is so insistent on a very symbolic gesture from his future wife. There is nothing wrong with expressing a preference, but at a certain point, one has to acknowledge that one can’t just make other people do things they don’t want to do, from the color of their socks, to, yes, their literal name.

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Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)

Commenters had mixed opinions on the norms around who takes whose surname

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tamrastiffler avatar
Tamra
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the midst of this ridiculously worded conversation between two wanna-be "internet celebrities" is probably a decent point of conversation. My two cents: this woman is not your possession and owes you nothing in the way of changing her name for you. Taking a man's name after marriage is an archaic hold over from being one man's property (the father's) to becoming another man's property (the husband's). If a woman chooses to change her name, cool. If she chooses not to, also cool. This guy, however, is a douchebag for insisting upon it.

rdennis avatar
R Dennis
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When my wife wanted to get married, she didn't want to change it because she didn't want her kids to have a different last name. I said no. She then suggested a hyphenated name. I said no. My issue was that the last name was her ex-husband's last name. If she wanted to change back to her original last name, I wouldn't have had a problem with it. But I refused to have his last name involved. It's her choice, but it's also my choice to refuse to marry under those circumstances.

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swearihavesense avatar
BTDubs
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Relationships are all about compromise and she's doing a helluva lot of compromising to no avail... Being forced to take your husbands name is in it's self a misogynistic act, as it denotes a kind of ownership.

duik78 avatar
c-edink avatar
Nemo
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I care. Not about these people but about the subject. Ethan wants her to take his name "because that's how it's done". He doesn't want a compromise and he doesn't care about what she wants. That's not okay. People see this and apply that to their own life. Why are things like they are, is that a good thing or not, what is your own opinion about the subject. Apart from that it's very refreshing to hear a woman say no. To see that she doesn't give in because she knows what she wants and doesn't want.

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tamrastiffler avatar
Tamra
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the midst of this ridiculously worded conversation between two wanna-be "internet celebrities" is probably a decent point of conversation. My two cents: this woman is not your possession and owes you nothing in the way of changing her name for you. Taking a man's name after marriage is an archaic hold over from being one man's property (the father's) to becoming another man's property (the husband's). If a woman chooses to change her name, cool. If she chooses not to, also cool. This guy, however, is a douchebag for insisting upon it.

rdennis avatar
R Dennis
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When my wife wanted to get married, she didn't want to change it because she didn't want her kids to have a different last name. I said no. She then suggested a hyphenated name. I said no. My issue was that the last name was her ex-husband's last name. If she wanted to change back to her original last name, I wouldn't have had a problem with it. But I refused to have his last name involved. It's her choice, but it's also my choice to refuse to marry under those circumstances.

Load More Replies...
swearihavesense avatar
BTDubs
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Relationships are all about compromise and she's doing a helluva lot of compromising to no avail... Being forced to take your husbands name is in it's self a misogynistic act, as it denotes a kind of ownership.

duik78 avatar
c-edink avatar
Nemo
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I care. Not about these people but about the subject. Ethan wants her to take his name "because that's how it's done". He doesn't want a compromise and he doesn't care about what she wants. That's not okay. People see this and apply that to their own life. Why are things like they are, is that a good thing or not, what is your own opinion about the subject. Apart from that it's very refreshing to hear a woman say no. To see that she doesn't give in because she knows what she wants and doesn't want.

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
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