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Grandparents Spank 3YO To Teach Her A Lesson, Parents Ban Them From Seeing Her Ever Again
When it comes to parenting, there is a clear generational divide. What parents deem appropriate differs from what is normal for grandparents. A 2018 AARP survey revealed that 77% of grandparents think parents today are too lax with their children. As a result, some may resort to parenting techniques that parents may be against.
This son disagreed with his parents about corporal punishment. After his mother spanked his 3-year-old daughter, he refused to let them see her until they admitted their mistake and apologized. But, because the rest of the family ganged up on him and called his reaction unreasonable, he asked people on the internet to weigh in.
RELATED:
Many parents and grandparents today disagree about the effectiveness of corporal punishment
Image credits: zinkevych (not the actual photo)
One father even debated going no contact with his parents after they spanked his 3-year-old daughter
Image credits: KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA (not the actual photo)
Image credits: LeonCrvl
Spanking is illegal in more than 60 countries, including Brazil
For ages, parents used spanking as a form of discipline and punishment. Although modern parents are perhaps less likely to do it, it’s still quite a contentious topic. Even more so when grandparents or extended family members come into the picture.
We often think of older generations as old-fashioned; perhaps that’s why we’re more understanding of their reasoning. Many grandparents believe that spanking is an appropriate form of punishment, with 54% of American grandparents saying it is effective.
As far as parents go, most people would probably assume that hitting children is not something many parents nowadays resort to. However, a 2021 study shows that 59% of American parents believe it’s a parent’s right to spank their child. 42% say that spanking is sometimes the best way to get a child to listen, and 35% think that spanking is necessary to teach children about proper social and moral conduct.
However, child development experts almost unanimously disagree with these claims. Legal experts agree, as spanking children is outlawed in many countries, such as Germany, France, Sweden, Chile, South Africa, Thailand, Japan, Kenya, etc.
That is especially worth mentioning in the context of this story, as physical punishment of any kind is illegal in Brazil. In 2014, Brazil approved the “Slap Law,” which forbids parents and guardians from spanking or hitting children or adolescents in any manner. While experts disagree on whether the law is effective, it still sends a message that physical punishment is not a viable method of discipline.
Image credits: EyeEm (not the actual photo)
Spanking can only have short-term effects and only leads to behavioral problems in the future
The reasoning behind spanking children is that it teaches them a lesson not to misbehave and to respect authority, i.e., the person who is doing the spanking. However, the expert consensus on spanking and other physical punishments is that they are not acceptable.
And there is heaps of scientific evidence to back this up. A 2018 study, for example, observes that “all forms of corporal punishment and yelling at or shaming children, are minimally effective in the short-term and not effective in the long-term.” In fact, it has the opposite effect: spanking is linked with “negative behavioral, cognitive, psychosocial, and emotional outcomes.”
Individuals who have been spanked as children are more likely to develop anxiety, depression, substance use disorders, and other mental health issues. In essence, spanking doesn’t teach kids much, except to fear their parents, think that hitting others is okay, and drive them toward anti-social behavior.
Some research even suggests that kids who were spanked tend to have lower IQs. “How often parents spanked made a difference,” Murray Straus, professor of sociology at the University of New Hampshire, said. “The more spanking, the slower the development of the child’s mental ability. But even small amounts of spanking made a difference.”
A 2021 study by researchers at Harvard also found that children’s brains respond to spanking almost identically to how they do to more extreme forms of violence. “While we might not conceptualize corporal punishment to be a form of violence, in terms of how a child’s brain responds, it’s not all that different than [severe violence],” senior researcher of the study, Katie A. McLaughlin, explained.
Only 6% of U.S. pediatricians have a positive attitude toward spanking. At this point, experts are sure that spanking should not be a form of discipline for children. Professionals say that parents should learn other non-violent approaches to discipline.
Image credits: fromkazanwithlove (not the actual photo)
The dad elaborated more on his relationship with his parents in the comments: “They don’t know much about developing healthy relationships”
Most commenters sided with the father and agreed that physical punishments are off-limits
Others also thought the dad was to blame for leaving his child with the grandparents unsupervised
And some folks even sided with the grandparents: “Kids need to be spanked”
In an update, the father revealed what he planned to do moving forward
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What do you think ?
WindySwede 2 hours ago
should be screenshotted and send to protective services of their kids/grandkids..
Load More Replies...
murmelinpaiva 4 hours ago
My mother broke a hairbrush while spanking me with it. This is something a person will remember for a lifetime.
Dirk Daring 2 hours ago
If she was anything like my mother, I'm guessing you also got in trouble for the broken hairbrush.
Load More Replies...
winterwidow87 4 hours ago (edited)
His whole family defending the grandparents is disgusting, he did the right thing by blocking all of them. The "kids need to be spanked" crowd in the replies are a bunch of child abûsers.
Don't listen to me 4 hours ago
I could just about understand disciplining a child for being very wild & naughty, but never for having a different opinion about a cartoon to watch!
Pittsburgh rare 2 hours ago
Spanking or any form of physical punishment is unacceptable. As someone who works on education, tho, your "opinionated" child should also be taught some respect to adults, like I am expected to show them respect. Encouraging critical thinking and autonomy is not the same as condoning disrespect, and way too many parents can't tell the difference.
Dirk Daring 2 hours ago
"We spanked you, and you turned out fine." NO I DID NOT. First of all, if I turned out so fine, and spanking me was supposed to teach me to obey you, then why am I still defying you by telling you that what you did was wrong?
Tabitha 2 hours ago (edited)
Spanking shouldn’t happen at all, period. I’m 65, and was raised by old school parents who spanked my brothers and I. BUT the spankings were ONLY for extreme misbehavior that went on way too long, AND were basically just a pop on the b**t, over our clothing, to shock and not hurt. We were never put over anyone’s knees and shanked until our butts were red, ffs. That pop on the b**t pretty much reminded us that we were being very very bad and needed to stop before we got worse—-which never happened, btw. Still, my brothers and I have been against even the pop on the b**t first our own kids. Authoritarian parenting doesn’t work and should be relegated to the past where it belongs. Authoritative parenting, where punishments are fair, equitable, and fit the “crime”, NOT physical and OTT, is the way to go. Authoritative parenting isn’t the same as permissive (ie non-existing) parenting. Authoritarian parenting doesn’t teach good behavior, it only teaches a child how to lie, keep secrets, and cover their tracks to evade punishment. Authoritative parenting teaches good behavior in such a way that the child actually wants to behave (weird, I know, but that’s the result of being a parent who punishes fairly while explaining why it’s happening and following through by teaching better behavior—-by example).
seagull (she/her) 1 hour ago
i was spanked when i was younger just moderately, but being that it was for things out of my control (undiagnosed adhd and autism), and one of my uncles would actually flick my ear really hard if i did something "wrong" while visiting my cousins. it's still left an impact - that kind of punishment leaves a mark on someone no matter the circumstances. no child should fear being struck by their OWN FAMILY if they mess up. i believe in loving (no physical harm) discipline, but ONLY. ONLY if its the PARENTS disciplining THEIR CHILD.
KatSaidThat 1 hour ago
As someone who got spanked and only learned fear and withdrawal, don't spank your kids. I will however say sometimes a very small smack on a hand that is about to touch a hot stove or fire can work so long as you very clearly explain the consequences of that hot stove and fire without shouting - don't be bending a kid over and spanking them.
Lady Eowyn 1 hour ago
My dad would hit me a few times with his hand and then say, look what you've made me do, you hurt my hand, and then grab his belt or my hairbrush. You don't forget things like that. Mom was kind of afraid of him when he was in one of his moods.
M M 1 hour ago
I've read somewhere that it also teaches the kid to mislead such behavior in adult life because this explanation says "I spank you because I love you". Do you think it was the case for you as well?
Load More Replies...
Bobby 3 hours ago
Anyone who agrees with spanking, show me one peer reviewed study that shows why it isn't a***e. And if you tell me science, with repeatable experiments listed in the study to confirm, is mumbo jumbo paid for by the company that hired scientists, I'll know you aren't smart enough to have this conversation with
M M 1 hour ago
You know that logical arguments never win with people in general. To change your mind you first need to want to change.
Load More Replies... 
Sarah Ellison 16 minutes ago
The debate of spanking notwithstanding, grandparents don't have a say in how grandchildren are parented unless a***e is involved. The INSTANT OP said "we do not spank our child, this is our rule" the grandparents should have apologized and promised not to do it again. They can think what they link but they don't get to decide how to punish the child.
kissmychakram 1 hour ago (edited)
Corporal punishment should be applied (*if* applied at all) as a very, very last resort. Hitting someone else's kids - even if you are related to them - can only ever be considered a*****t as far as I am concerned.
DC 4 hours ago
NTA. They don't get to see her often already, due to distance ... how dumb of them is it to risk that little contact they have over something so irrelevant as choice of cartoons? This is on them, only on them and not on you. Plus, of course, physical violence is not a method of raising kids, it's a method of destroying kids. You're absolutely right in cutting them out! Some comments seem to assume it was to be expected of them ... well, yeah maybe, I can't be certain about this either way, so I can't judge. I don't think they can either.
Crystalwitch60 3 hours ago
To all those inhuman s c um on the vile grandparents side please don’t have kids 🤬 I was bought up by my grandparents from 8 mths old 1966 , and not once did they ever resort to beating me , which spanking essentially is ,and gran was 50 when I was born , so of the era where it was acceptable in uk, n neither her parents or in-laws ever did this either ! I in turn as an older mum never hit my kids in any way shape or form, ,and for the last decade spanking kids in uk has been banned !!rightly so IT IS CHILD A B US E ,so the daughters opinionated what off it , nothing wrong with that whatSo ever. I not give a rats a s s about different countries ways beating a kid IS WRONG END OFF .If anyone had spanked /hit my kids ,when they were 3. ICU would have been their home for the foreseeable trust me ,i ain’t all mouth either ,someone tried it once when they were a bit older , boy did they regret it , !! never came near them again n yup they were adult to , 100% NTA but his parents are !!
WindySwede 2 hours ago
should be screenshotted and send to protective services of their kids/grandkids..
Load More Replies... murmelinpaiva 4 hours ago
My mother broke a hairbrush while spanking me with it. This is something a person will remember for a lifetime.
Dirk Daring 2 hours ago
If she was anything like my mother, I'm guessing you also got in trouble for the broken hairbrush.
Load More Replies... winterwidow87 4 hours ago (edited)
His whole family defending the grandparents is disgusting, he did the right thing by blocking all of them. The "kids need to be spanked" crowd in the replies are a bunch of child abûsers.
Don't listen to me 4 hours ago
I could just about understand disciplining a child for being very wild & naughty, but never for having a different opinion about a cartoon to watch!
Pittsburgh rare 2 hours ago
Spanking or any form of physical punishment is unacceptable. As someone who works on education, tho, your "opinionated" child should also be taught some respect to adults, like I am expected to show them respect. Encouraging critical thinking and autonomy is not the same as condoning disrespect, and way too many parents can't tell the difference.
Dirk Daring 2 hours ago
"We spanked you, and you turned out fine." NO I DID NOT. First of all, if I turned out so fine, and spanking me was supposed to teach me to obey you, then why am I still defying you by telling you that what you did was wrong?
Tabitha 2 hours ago (edited)
Spanking shouldn’t happen at all, period. I’m 65, and was raised by old school parents who spanked my brothers and I. BUT the spankings were ONLY for extreme misbehavior that went on way too long, AND were basically just a pop on the b**t, over our clothing, to shock and not hurt. We were never put over anyone’s knees and shanked until our butts were red, ffs. That pop on the b**t pretty much reminded us that we were being very very bad and needed to stop before we got worse—-which never happened, btw. Still, my brothers and I have been against even the pop on the b**t first our own kids. Authoritarian parenting doesn’t work and should be relegated to the past where it belongs. Authoritative parenting, where punishments are fair, equitable, and fit the “crime”, NOT physical and OTT, is the way to go. Authoritative parenting isn’t the same as permissive (ie non-existing) parenting. Authoritarian parenting doesn’t teach good behavior, it only teaches a child how to lie, keep secrets, and cover their tracks to evade punishment. Authoritative parenting teaches good behavior in such a way that the child actually wants to behave (weird, I know, but that’s the result of being a parent who punishes fairly while explaining why it’s happening and following through by teaching better behavior—-by example).
seagull (she/her) 1 hour ago
i was spanked when i was younger just moderately, but being that it was for things out of my control (undiagnosed adhd and autism), and one of my uncles would actually flick my ear really hard if i did something "wrong" while visiting my cousins. it's still left an impact - that kind of punishment leaves a mark on someone no matter the circumstances. no child should fear being struck by their OWN FAMILY if they mess up. i believe in loving (no physical harm) discipline, but ONLY. ONLY if its the PARENTS disciplining THEIR CHILD.
KatSaidThat 1 hour ago
As someone who got spanked and only learned fear and withdrawal, don't spank your kids. I will however say sometimes a very small smack on a hand that is about to touch a hot stove or fire can work so long as you very clearly explain the consequences of that hot stove and fire without shouting - don't be bending a kid over and spanking them.
Lady Eowyn 1 hour ago
My dad would hit me a few times with his hand and then say, look what you've made me do, you hurt my hand, and then grab his belt or my hairbrush. You don't forget things like that. Mom was kind of afraid of him when he was in one of his moods.
M M 1 hour ago
I've read somewhere that it also teaches the kid to mislead such behavior in adult life because this explanation says "I spank you because I love you". Do you think it was the case for you as well?
Load More Replies... Bobby 3 hours ago
Anyone who agrees with spanking, show me one peer reviewed study that shows why it isn't a***e. And if you tell me science, with repeatable experiments listed in the study to confirm, is mumbo jumbo paid for by the company that hired scientists, I'll know you aren't smart enough to have this conversation with
M M 1 hour ago
You know that logical arguments never win with people in general. To change your mind you first need to want to change.
Load More Replies... Sarah Ellison 16 minutes ago
The debate of spanking notwithstanding, grandparents don't have a say in how grandchildren are parented unless a***e is involved. The INSTANT OP said "we do not spank our child, this is our rule" the grandparents should have apologized and promised not to do it again. They can think what they link but they don't get to decide how to punish the child.
kissmychakram 1 hour ago (edited)
Corporal punishment should be applied (*if* applied at all) as a very, very last resort. Hitting someone else's kids - even if you are related to them - can only ever be considered a*****t as far as I am concerned.
DC 4 hours ago
NTA. They don't get to see her often already, due to distance ... how dumb of them is it to risk that little contact they have over something so irrelevant as choice of cartoons? This is on them, only on them and not on you. Plus, of course, physical violence is not a method of raising kids, it's a method of destroying kids. You're absolutely right in cutting them out! Some comments seem to assume it was to be expected of them ... well, yeah maybe, I can't be certain about this either way, so I can't judge. I don't think they can either.
Crystalwitch60 3 hours ago
To all those inhuman s c um on the vile grandparents side please don’t have kids 🤬 I was bought up by my grandparents from 8 mths old 1966 , and not once did they ever resort to beating me , which spanking essentially is ,and gran was 50 when I was born , so of the era where it was acceptable in uk, n neither her parents or in-laws ever did this either ! I in turn as an older mum never hit my kids in any way shape or form, ,and for the last decade spanking kids in uk has been banned !!rightly so IT IS CHILD A B US E ,so the daughters opinionated what off it , nothing wrong with that whatSo ever. I not give a rats a s s about different countries ways beating a kid IS WRONG END OFF .If anyone had spanked /hit my kids ,when they were 3. ICU would have been their home for the foreseeable trust me ,i ain’t all mouth either ,someone tried it once when they were a bit older , boy did they regret it , !! never came near them again n yup they were adult to , 100% NTA but his parents are !!
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