Employee Struggles With Infertility, Gets Upset When Manager Ignores Her Demand To Make Another Coworker Put Away Her Mother’s Day Flowers
Say whatever you want, motherhood is sexy.
Sure, it is a challenge to grow a human being from practically nothing, making sure they don’t make intellectually questionable decisions in life all while sacrificing every bit of your own existence as a free person. But when your kid’s daycare teacher tells you that he or she prefers a book over a toy, or you find a toy car lodged in your shoe one morning, you understand you’ve done well in life.
Sadly, it is never without nuance.
More Info: Reddit
There is a fine line between asking coworkers to be respectful and straight up demanding that the world revolves around you
Image credits: yosoynuts (not the actual photo)
A bakery manager approached netizens with a dilemma of having to make a decision that would in any case hurt someone
Image credits: maydaymothersday
The manager ultimately decided to say no to the woman who demanded another employee get rid of her flowers
Image credits: Inga Munsinger Cotton (not the actual photo)
This one Redditor, a manager of a bakery with several employees in their team, recently approached the r/AITA community for some perspective.
The story goes that one employee recently placed some flowers on her desk. She got them for Mother’s Day.
However, there is another employee who has been having great difficulty in conceiving. And the display of motherly sentimentalism wasn’t all that pleasant for her.
So, she in turn asked OP if they could do something about it, i.e. make the mother chuck the flowers into a volcano so that they wouldn’t trigger her.
The manager was sympathetic, but otherwise didn’t comply. The mother employee enjoyed the flowers quite a bit, and there was no legal or hygienic reason for them to ask to dispose of the flowers. Also, it kinda sorta is a whose liberty is more important kind of situation, and those are never easy.
OP did nothing, the employee got upset, and so the manager is now asking netizens if she’s really the bad guy.
Image credits: Dmitry Zvolskiy (not the actual photo)
And, no, people online ruled NTA on this one. While many sympathized with the woman—infertility is a very hard thing to get over on many levels—it would also not be right to expect all mothers to now suddenly start changing their own very normal ways and habits to compensate for someone else. The world does not revolve around one individual’s fertility problems.
That pretty much set the tone for the entire community. The manager did nothing wrong here, and the employee just has to learn to deal with it. If anything, for her own mental well being.
And speaking of dealing with it, there are a number of ways to do so, both with treatment and with personal coping mechanisms. The National Health Service (NHS) in the United Kingdom explains that treatment depends on the situation concerning infertility. Sometimes it can be as easy as taking some medicine, while in other cases, it might require surgery. In any case, there is always assisted conception.
Image credits: George Dolgikh (not the actual photo)
On the other end of the spectrum, there’s the mental side of things. Resolve: The National Infertility Association stresses the need for learning and understanding about normal reactions to infertility first, and then moving on to other options. These include not isolating yourself but finding “your tribe”, allowing yourself to cry or be angry, communicating this with your partner, and, last but not least, learning more about what it is that you’re dealing with. Because knowing is half the battle.
According to the CDC, almost 1 in 5 women in the United States, ages 15 to 49, with no prior births, fail to get pregnant within a year. And about a quarter of these women have difficulty getting pregnant or carrying a pregnancy to term.
So, consider yourself informed and consider yourself also done with this article, meaning that you should also consider leaving a considerate comment in the comment section below! Oh, and here’s the original post if you need the source.
Folks online backed the manager, explaining that the world doesn’t revolve around the woman who was upset, though they did empathize with her
I would have a hard time keeping on an employee that acts in such an immature unrealistic way. She left early and then called in sick. This put extra work on your other employees. All because of PERSONAL issues in her PRIVATE life. She is acting like a teenager throwing a tantrum at her place of employment. If her parent passed away and another employee had a parent visit would she run crying from her job. What about customers that are pregnant or with a baby ? Honestly this is pathetic. Be A PROFESSIONAL.
I think if she had just excused herself, saying she wasn't feeling well, then called in sick it would be fine. But demanding someone's joy be squished bc you're miserable-no. And now this leaving seems more like a tantrum and being punitive than self-care.
As someone who has sensitivities around motherhood, I feel for Iris. But after I lost my pregnancy (will never be able to have another), I got right into counselling to manage my grief and deal with what triggers may arise. If Iris wants to live in the world and have a professional job, she needs to behave like a professional, and that means finding ways to cope with her grief and still do her job. Flowers are everywhere, for lots of reasons. If those were really such an emotional trigger, Iris wouldn't be able to function in public. I don't think Iris was as triggered by the flowers as she was upset that the manager wouldn't bend to her will and that's why she walked off and called in sick. Covert narcissism.
Do pregnant women have to hide their pregnancy bumps, too? And hide their babies in public? Geez, some people.
Read other stories on Reddit and here. Some women do demand that. I lost my only chance at motherhood in a traumatic miscarriage. It was awful. For the first few little while afterward, I was such a traumatized mess that the world revolved only around me. But I put on my big-girl pants and got into therapy and I learned coping skills and reasonable expectations. My cousins and friends invite me to baby showers; they understand if I choose not to go. I usually make and send a gift. I pray for safe deliveries and send messages of congratulations upon the birth. Sometimes I can handle cuddling the baby, sometimes (usually around my own due date... in a few days I should have a four-year-old) I can't. But I deal with it myself and I don't ever step on anyone else's joy.
Omg this! Yes! You're so right! Part of being a grown up is learning that A) s**t sucks sometimes B)the world ain't stopping for you
1. Thank goodness she's not a mother. She doesn't even sound like an adult. This level of reactivity and selfishness is not compatible with being a good parent. 2. Fertility issues arent a barrier to having a child, they are just a barrier to passing on your DNA. If you'd love a child more or less based on DNA, you're unfit to be a parent. I'm fine with people leaving it up to chance, but then you'v 3. If it's going to be a hard day emotionally, don't go to work. Mental health is health and it's ok to not go in. It isn't ok to make a scene and sabotage other people's presents.
you present some very important points! to be a good parent, you have to sacrifice a lot about who you used to be. you can't be selfish if you're providing care for someone that can't thrive without your support. you have to understand that your child isn't an extension of yourself, that they're their own individual person. I can't help but wonder if this woman would insist that others hide their children's athletic achievements if her own hypothetical child was disabled
I would have a hard time keeping on an employee that acts in such an immature unrealistic way. She left early and then called in sick. This put extra work on your other employees. All because of PERSONAL issues in her PRIVATE life. She is acting like a teenager throwing a tantrum at her place of employment. If her parent passed away and another employee had a parent visit would she run crying from her job. What about customers that are pregnant or with a baby ? Honestly this is pathetic. Be A PROFESSIONAL.
I think if she had just excused herself, saying she wasn't feeling well, then called in sick it would be fine. But demanding someone's joy be squished bc you're miserable-no. And now this leaving seems more like a tantrum and being punitive than self-care.
As someone who has sensitivities around motherhood, I feel for Iris. But after I lost my pregnancy (will never be able to have another), I got right into counselling to manage my grief and deal with what triggers may arise. If Iris wants to live in the world and have a professional job, she needs to behave like a professional, and that means finding ways to cope with her grief and still do her job. Flowers are everywhere, for lots of reasons. If those were really such an emotional trigger, Iris wouldn't be able to function in public. I don't think Iris was as triggered by the flowers as she was upset that the manager wouldn't bend to her will and that's why she walked off and called in sick. Covert narcissism.
Do pregnant women have to hide their pregnancy bumps, too? And hide their babies in public? Geez, some people.
Read other stories on Reddit and here. Some women do demand that. I lost my only chance at motherhood in a traumatic miscarriage. It was awful. For the first few little while afterward, I was such a traumatized mess that the world revolved only around me. But I put on my big-girl pants and got into therapy and I learned coping skills and reasonable expectations. My cousins and friends invite me to baby showers; they understand if I choose not to go. I usually make and send a gift. I pray for safe deliveries and send messages of congratulations upon the birth. Sometimes I can handle cuddling the baby, sometimes (usually around my own due date... in a few days I should have a four-year-old) I can't. But I deal with it myself and I don't ever step on anyone else's joy.
Omg this! Yes! You're so right! Part of being a grown up is learning that A) s**t sucks sometimes B)the world ain't stopping for you
1. Thank goodness she's not a mother. She doesn't even sound like an adult. This level of reactivity and selfishness is not compatible with being a good parent. 2. Fertility issues arent a barrier to having a child, they are just a barrier to passing on your DNA. If you'd love a child more or less based on DNA, you're unfit to be a parent. I'm fine with people leaving it up to chance, but then you'v 3. If it's going to be a hard day emotionally, don't go to work. Mental health is health and it's ok to not go in. It isn't ok to make a scene and sabotage other people's presents.
you present some very important points! to be a good parent, you have to sacrifice a lot about who you used to be. you can't be selfish if you're providing care for someone that can't thrive without your support. you have to understand that your child isn't an extension of yourself, that they're their own individual person. I can't help but wonder if this woman would insist that others hide their children's athletic achievements if her own hypothetical child was disabled